Living your gift

Living our Gift

    Now that you know your giftedness you can follow the commands found in 1 Peter 4:10 and Romans 12:6 to use it. You will discover what a joy it is to function in your gifts. Even if you've realized that you have been doing so naturally and spontaneously in the past, you will be more delighted as you consciously observe your gift in action in the future. 

    You will be able to make wise choices and decisions. You will be able to live life to the fullest, to deliberately be a blessing to others, and to accept and appreciate others as they operate in their giftedness. Truly, you will be able to know experientially the fulfillment of Jesus' prayer in the seventeenth chapter of John. 

    In any given situation you will be able to recognize the motivational gifts in action—in conversations, in groups, in preachers, in leaders, and in those who work quietly behind the scenes. You'll spot a person's gift as he speaks or teaches, even as he appears on television or radio. Biographies will make more sense. Even newspaper reports, if enough details are given, will reveal a person's giftedness. 

    We'd like to share the following example that shows how naturally the motivational gifts go into action. 

    Suppose that you have seven people over for dinner and each just happens to have a different motivational gift. You are bringing three salad plates to the table when one slips from your grip and crashes to the floor, scattering bits of glass and salad in one big mess. How will each person react? 

    Perceiver: "That's what happens when you try to carry too many plates." 

    Server: "I'll  clean it up."

    Teacher: "The reason you dropped that plate was that it was not balanced properly." 

    Exhorter: "Next time, let someone help you carry the plates."

    Giver: I'll be glad to help you make another salad." 

    Cornpalmion person:  "Don't feel embarrassed, it could have happened to someone."

    Administrator: "John, get the broom and dustpan Sally bring mop. Marie, help me fix another saled."

MARRIAGE CHAT CHALLENGES 

    We have found that opposites usually attract in marriage. Usually one will have a speaking-type gift and the other will have a serving type gift. A perceiver may be attracted to a compassion person, or a teacher to an exhorter, or a server to an administrator seemingly contrary gifts. 

    We could write a whole book on this subject (and we may!) but we'd like to say here that many marriage conflicts and stresses can be eliminated simply by coming to know and accept the motivational gifts of the mate. 

    Take a Tim and Darlene, for instance. Tim is the quiet type who likes to work with his hands, a boat builder by trade. He is easily moved to tears, easily swayed in the stands he takes. Darlene is more outgoing, highly opinionated, unmovable in her standards, and drawn to a ministry of prayer.   

    There were many conflicts at first for them. Darlene would get irritated at Tim's "wishy-washiness" and changeability. He was upset with her dogmatic and unbending ways and easily hurt by her outspokenness.  

    Then the motivational gift test revealed that she was a perceiver and he was a compassion person. Almost immediately their relationship improved. Darlene realized that she needed to pray more and comment less. She began to appreciate her husband's sensitivity and gentleness as a beautiful gift from the Lord, and understood that he could hear from God, too.  

    Tim realized that Darlene's giftedness was from the Lord and that he could value, rather than be threatened by, her strong standards. He saw that it was okay for her to be the more verbal of the two. 

    They began to encourage each other's giftedness instead of resisting it. Differences were seen as an asset, and they  have since become one of the most loving and spiritually mature couples we know. Darlene said, "I realized if both of us were just alike, one of us wouldn't be needed." 

    Then there's Gill and Gloria. He's a dynamic speaker type who for years tried to push his quiet, reserved wife into public ministry with him, accusing her of stubbornness and rebellion for not complying. Her attempts to talk in front of groups left her drained, embarrassed, and devastated. She, on the other hand, accused Gill of being dominating, controlling, and prideful for wanting such a visible public ministry. 

    After taking the motivational gift test they both repented for their judgments of each other. They discovered he was an administrator/perceiver combination and she was a server with a secondary gift of compassion. Gill released Gloria to be a behind-the-scenes support person and she accepted the fact that Gill's giftedness, not pride, was the reason he enjoyed a high-profile ministry. They are getting along just fine now. 

    We recommend that every married couple, and every couple considering marriage, get to know their motivational gifts. 

    All types of relationships, not just husband/wife, can benefit from a heightened aware_ ness of giftedness. Use the following chart to gain insight into the people with whom you tend to have problems or conflicts. Write the names and the relationship to you in the first column. Then in the second column briefly define the problems in that relationship. In the third column list what you think their gifts might be (you may even want to give them the test if they'd be open to that) and how these relate to the frictions between you. The fourth column is for possible solutions. Indicate what you can do to help reduce the stresses. It may be that just seeing how different your gifts are (or in some cases, how similar) will relieve much of the pressure. 

    Others you might list include your employer, fellow worker, pastor, leader, teacher, in-law, child, friend, roommate or neighbor.     Ask the Lord to guide you as you seek solutions. Remember, you cannot change anyone else, but you can change yourself, both your attitudes and your actions. 

COUNSELING CLUES 

    We find that knowing a person's motivational gift is invaluable in the counseling we do. A polluted gift may well be responsible for the difficulty he is having. Or he may simply be in conflict with someone who has an opposite gift or in competition with someone who has the same gift. The counsel we give to one type of gift is different from that which we give another type of gift. Sometimes the very nature of the problem is an indicator of the gift. A wife who feels constantly crushed by her husband may be a compassion person. A father who expects too high a level of academic performance from his son may be a teacher parent with a server child  

    Often we can discern a person's gift by interviewing him or asking a few pointed questions. We asked a man who expected unquestioning obedience from his wife if he believed he was always right about everything. His "yes" answer was a clue to his perceiver gift.  

    Other times we give the motivational' gift test to the counselee to s bring back to the next counseling session, core at home and bring back to the next counseling session. 

    Here are some problems we encounter repeatedly:     

    Perceiver: Judgmental, intolerant, critical, prideful, domineering, controlling, unforgiving, poor self-image. 

    Server: Perfectionist, critical, interfering, over dependent on appreciation, won't cut apron strings. 

    Teacher: Prideful, intolerant, legalistic, dogmatic, opinionated, aloof, unromantic, know-it-all attitude. 

    Exhorter: Opinionated, interruptive, compromising, over talkative, pushy, stretches the truth. 

    Giver: Stingy, manipulative, too focused on money, workaholic, too frugal, spoils children, steals. Administrator: Bossy, domineering, insensitive, callous, over-zealous, procrastinates, neglects routine work. 

    Compassion person: Easily wounded, over-emotional, compromising, indecisive, undependable, tardy, illogical, overly empathetic. 

    We can't imagine being able to counsel constructively without such clues and an understanding of the counselees motivational gifts. 

WITNESSING STYLES 

    Most classes and seminars on witnessing assume there is a basic formula that works for everyone. We have not found this to be so. Rather, the most effective witnessing approach will be different with each of the seven motivational gifts. Therefore we see great value in knowing something about the person's giftedness before sharing our faith. The buckshot method may win some to Christ, but how much better it is to target our witnessing. 

    I can remember at age fifteen being accosted by a group of well-meaning but overzealous Christian young people who confronted me in a public place with, "Are you saved?" They succeeded only in making me mad. 

    First of all, they were brash and abrupt. They made no effort to strike up a conversation first or give any opportunity for me to relate to them. 

    Secondly, the statement was threatening and judgmental. It implied that if I didn't answer yes I was by implication "lost." They were using "Christianese," which does not communicate with unbelievers—or even believers from more traditional backgrounds. 

    Thirdly, they knew nothing of my individual approach to new ideas, and so I automatically rejected what they said. I answered, Of course I am!" even though I had no real idea of what they were asking. I only knew it got them off my back and I walked away thinking, "I'm glad I'm not like them!" 

    That encounter, far from being an effective witness, prompted me to ignore future witnessing attempts for the next eleven years. It had done more harm than good. 

    Here are some observations on witnessing within the framework of a person's gift that will at least earnyou the right to be heard. In all cases strive to build a bridge first. Let the person know you are genuinely interested in him, his needs, and his opinions. 

    Perceivers will respond best to questions about right and wrong, good. versus evil, God's justice, or other ultimate things: "Why do you think there is so much evil in the world?" or "How can God be both loving and just?" or "Do you know what happens to people when they die?" Depending on their answers you can lead into what you believe about these things and why. 

    Servers will respond to a Gospel that is practical and useful. Questions like "What is a man's greatest need?" or "Do you think 'good works' will help a person get into heaven?" or "Have you ever considered how much Jesus focused on the importance of having a servant's heart?" will arouse interest and response. 

    Teachers will want to know facts and the reliable basis or proof for what you share. Ask something like "Why do you think God sent Jesus to live on this earth?" or "Look at this verse. Isn't that compelling proof that Jesus really was the unique Son of God?" or "Have you ever considered the claims of Christ? Do you think they are valid?" 

    Exhorters are concerned with people and their problems and what they can do to help. Questions like "What's the best way to help people overcome their problems?" or "What do you consider to be of greatest importance for having a fulfilled life?" or "Would you like to hear how I dealt with the same problem you are facing now?" will bring responses. 

    Givers have an inborn eager responsiveness to the Gospel. Your approach can be more direct: "Do you know what it means to be born again?" or "What do you think the word salvation means in the Bible?" or "What is the greatest gift you can give to God?" 

    Administrators are interested in the overall view of life and the universe. Catch their interest with "Why do you think God created people?" or "What is the most important thing that the Bible teaches?" or "What do you think will happen to the human race?" 

    Compassion people will relate best on a feeling level; logic leaves them cold. Try "How do you feel God wants us to treat each other?" or "If Jesus were here today, what do you feel He'd want to spend His time doing?" or "Do you feel there is any hope for the suffering people in the world?" 

    You'll develop your own questions, of course. Just remember that the focal point for each gift is different. After you've attracted the interest of a person,you will find that each comes to Jesus with a different emphasis: 

    The perceiver will likely feel the need to repent and make salvation a deliberate choice of the will. 

    The server will be attracted by the good works of Jesus and receive Him because he wants to do good works, too. 

    The teacher may want to read through the New Testament to gain the facts needed to make an intellectual decision. 

    The exhorter will be glad to learn about Jesus' methods of helping people and want to be joined together with Him. 

    The giver will be excited when the Gospel suddenly makes sense and will want to witness to others right away. 

     The administrator will examine the whole story from creation to the Millennium before deciding Jesus is the Son of God. 

    The compassion person will be moved to tears of joy over the greatness of God's love for him personally.