Compassion

Characteristics of the Compassion Person

    Of all the gifts, that of compassion is by far the most frequently bestowed. How wonderful that this is so! "What this world needs now is love, sweet love," as the song tells us. Maybe it's because so many people are hurting that God has created such a vast number of compassionate people. On our survey they made up thirty percent of the primary gifts. That's almost one-third of the population. 

    "To have mercy" in Greek is eleeo. Strong's defines it: "to compassionate (by word or deed, specifically by divine grace): have compassion, (pity on), have (obtain, receive, skew) mercy (on)." (We have elected to use the word "compassion," rather than "mercy," be-cause the latter can carry negative connotation of weakness.) 

    The compassion person is to show his compassion with cheerfulness, hilarotes in the Greek, according to Vine, signifying "that readiness of mind, that joyousness, which is prompt to do anything; hence, cheerful." bluest notes that our word hilarity comes from this Greek word. Vincent defines it "the joyfulness, the amiable grace, the affability going the length of gaiety, which make the visitor a sunbeam penetrating into the sick-chamber, and to the heart of the afflicted." The Amplified Bible states that our acts of mercy or corn-passion are to be done "with genuine cheerfulness and joyful eagerness." 

    Remember there is no eighth gift type. This is the final gift in the list. So, complete this adventure in discovering your giftedness. When you've transferred your compassion total to your profile sheet, you'll see the whole picture of your giftedness. In the chapter that closes this section we'll take a look at what your profile sheet indicates and how to evaluate it. 

    I. Has tremendous capacity to show love. 

    Of all the motivational gifts, this is the one with the greatest capacity and ability to show love to others. Reflecting the nature of their heavenly Father, compassion people seem to be an unending source of agape love. The more opportunity they have to give love, the more joyful and fulfilled they are. 

    I was teaching the motivational gift seminar at a women's retreat in western Pennsylvanian some years ago when I noticed a woman on the first row with tears rolling down her cheeks. I wondered if I had said something to upset her. At the next break she came up to me. 

    "I just wanted you to know those were tears of joy you saw," she told me. "I've been sitting through all the sessions saying, 'This doesn't fit me, nor does this,' and getting pretty discouraged. I said, 'Lord, am I going to fit into any of these gifts?' 

    "Then as you started to share about the gift of compassion the Lord spoke to me and said, 'This is the gift I've given you and now I'm going to enlarge your heart so that you can give more of my love to others.' 

    "Katie, I felt a sensation in my physical heart, just as if it were being stretched, and then I felt the love of God pour into my heart and I could see how He truly loves and cares for everyone in the world. I was overwhelmed with the greatness of His love and with the fact that He had gifted me in such a way that I could be a channel for His love. I couldn't help crying for joy." 

    2. Always looks for good in people. 

    Compassion people are non-critical. It's almost as if they have built-in blinders that keep them from seeing bad things in others. Their focus remains on the good, both real and potential. Neither do they want to hear others talk about the negatives in people.        Barbara Ann Chase who served as an international officer of Aglow for several years was an excellent example of this characteristic. Whenever she would hear any of us talking about someone's negative traits she would interject with, "But that person has so many good qualities. Why just the other day I saw her . ." and she would go on to list all the positive things she knew about the person. 

    Her beautiful focus on the good qualities of others was an important check on the rest o us, for we can always find bad points in anyone if we look hard enough. 

    Dixie Choyce, a lovely senior citizen in our church with a spontaneously flowing gift of compassion, shared this memory with us: "I decided at about age eighteen that there had to be something good about everyone no matter how unpleasant the person was to get along with. So I tried to find that positive quality and value it." She's spent a lifetime looking for, and finding, the good in people. 

    3. Senses the spiritual and emotional atmosphere of a group or individual. 

    One can almost visualize invisible feelers or antennae on the heads of those with the motivational gift of compassion. They are incredibly sensitive to the emotional status of others. They know if people are up or down, elated or blue, confident or fearful.             Jeanette told us she's always been sensitive to the spiritual needs of people. "God has gifted me with the ability to see when people are intimidated or hurt by other people in conversation. I'm automatically drawn to help them." 

    Compassion people are also good at reading body language. Some experts in communication have proposed that seventy-five to eighty-five percent of human communication is nonverbal. The way we stand, sit, or even hold our arms, can say, "I'm open to you" or, "I won't receive a thing you say" or, "I'm hanging loose today." On top of this our facial expressions are often a dead giveaway of feelings even when we don't say a thing. Or if we do, the tone of our voice can reveal far more than the words we use.     All of us can "read" this type of communication to some degree, but the compassion person is the expert. And since he functions in this area constantly he is more or less al-ways in tune with the deepest feelings of others. 

    4. Is attracted to people who are hurting or in distress. 

    This is an always-present, ready-to-function characteristic of compassion people. It starts in early childhood and continues all through their lives. 

    They are the ones as children who brought home the lost dogs and the stray cats. They also brought home the lonely kids no one else cared for. 

    Our daughter Linda was that way. We remember how in her older grade school days she started to bring home some unusual new girlfriends. One was such a social misfit that we asked, "Linda, why do you want to play with her?" 

    She replied, "This girl doesn't have a single friend at school. So I'm going to be her friend!" 

    Not everyone understands the compassion person's attraction to the hurting, nor can everyone handle it. 

    Arlene tells how—when she was ten years old—she found out that a little Mexican girl in her small town had never had or even seen a Christmas tree. So she invited her over for Christmas dinner. "When Maria arrived in her ragged clothes my mother was horrified," Arlene recalled. "Mother had been raised with a lot of racial and class prejudice, and she just couldn't understand why I'd invite such a person to our home. When Mother said she'd have to leave I cried my heart out. Marie got to stay for dinner, and see our tree, but Mother was far from comfortable about it." 

    5. Takes action to remove hurts and relieve distress in others. 

    Compassion people are not only drawn to the hurting, they also do something about it. 

    A woman with this gift gave us a capsule definition of the difference between sympathy, empathy, and compassion: 

    Sympathy says: "I'm sorry you hurt!" 

    Empathy says: "I'm sorry you hurt, and I hurt with you!" 

    Compassion says: "I'm sorry you hurt, and I hurt with you, and I'm going to stay right here with you until the hurt is gone." 

    Mollie, a nurse who loves ministering to others, told us, "Working with the American Indians in the field of public health and midwifery has given me the opportunity to share my gift and help others in a very practical way." 

    Bonnie, who today works with Parents in Crisis, a support organization for those dealing with child abuse and drug addiction, tells how she wanted to help the hurting from the time she was a child. 

    "When I was six years old," she relates, "I used to rush home from school and go over to a neighbor's to share what I had learned that day with their little girl who was five years old and still confined to a baby buggy. She had an enormous head, the body of a baby, and a large growth on her back. I felt so bad for her, and wanted to help, and this was the only way I knew how." 

    6. Is more concerned for mental and emotional distress than physical distress. 

    Suppose you have to go to the hospital. Guess who's going to be the first to come and visit you? The compassion person will inquire about your comfort and the medical prognosis. But he will then move on to find out how you are feeling about being in the hospital. Are you worried about things getting taken care of at home? Are you battling fear? Do you sense the Lord's presence in this time of need? Do you need prayer? 

    He may just sit by your bed and hold your hand. He will literally weep with those who weep. 

    Sharon was so concerned about people in distress that she started a group in her church called Caring & Sharing, where people can come together and talk about their hurts and find others in similar situations. 

    Jacquie, who heads up the prayer chain at her church, has found herself drawn to informal counseling. "I always seem to have someone in my life who needs my emotional sup-port. As soon as I'm able to help one work through her problems, the Lord sends me another." 

    7. Is motivated to help people have right relationships with one another. 

    Compassion people grieve over broken relationships. They are builders of bridges and menders of breaches. They are the peacemakers. They want to see the Body of Christ united and functioning in love. They love Jesus' prayer in John 17, and work to that end. 

    Robin Adams, now a missionary in Japan, exemplifies this characteristic constantly in her life. While she was still living in the United States we watched her arrange gatherings in her home, bringing together people from different churches and different backgrounds so that they could get to know and love one another. 

    When we visited her in Japan we saw that she was continuing to do the same thing. She would invite Japanese people she had met in different settings to come to her residence for dinner. "It gives them a chance to get to know Christians outside their own church," she said. "The Japanese tend to limit their Christian fellowship to their own small group. They need to know there are many more who love the Lord, too. I love to see friendships spark and develop from these encounters. I'm delighted if I can expand anyone's vision of the Body of Christ." 

    We've seen Barbara Ann Chase try to bring whole Christian organizations together to work for common causes. 

    And David DuPlessis with his outstanding compassion gift used to visit the heads of every denomination to foster understanding, love, and fellowship among churches. 

    8. Loves opportunities to give preference or place to others. 

    These are the people who will open the door for you, let you step in line in front of them, give you the best chair. 

    Lynn Koontz had a 9:30 A.M. doctor's appointment for back pain. The doctor was running late when about 10:30 an elderly woman came into the waiting room, obviously very ill. The receptionist said that they were already overbooked but that they would try to work her in as soon as possible. 

    Lynn couldn't stand it. She got up and went over to the receptionist. "Please, let that woman have my appointment. I'll wait to be worked in." 

    Lynn had to wait until noon to see the doctor, but sat there with a hurting back and a rejoicing heart. 

    9. Takes care with words and actions to avoid hurting others. 

    The last thing a compassion person wants is to be the cause of hurt to another person. Therefore they are careful of their own actions and speech. We've seen them stop in the middle of a sentence in order to choose just the right word, lest they say something that might offend. 

    Dixie shared with us, "When I was just five years old I refused to choose between my parents when my father would ask, 'Which of us do you love the most?' Though I loved Mother more, I'd always answer, 'I love you both the same.' 

    "Then at age nine, when I had to be sent into isolation with a contagious disease, my father asked, 'Who do you want to go with you, Mother or me?' I knew I was again being asked which I loved more. So I said, 'I can go by myself. I don't want either of you to catch it"

    Henry tells how this characteristic affected his job. "I was working in the complaint department of a department store and when customers would come in 'hoppin' mad,' instead of arguing I immediately empathized with them, and spoke to them with such genuine concern that they sometimes forgot what they were mad about. Often they would drop their complaint altogether. My boss was so pleased I got a nice raise in pay!" 

    10. Easily detects insincerity or wrong motives. 

    The compassion person's "built-in radar system" helps him to detect ulterior motives or insincerity of any kind. He will back off from a person or a group when he senses this. 

    Virginia had gone to a prayer group upon the recommendation of a friend. At first she was impressed. The leader seemed to be committed to praying for the world and the nation as well as individual needs. "But something bothered me about her," Virginia said. "At first I couldn't put my finger on it—it was just a little 'warning signal' going off inside me." 

    Virginia returned to the group the next week. "About halfway through the morning I suddenly realized what had been bothering me," she declared. "The leader had mixed motives. I think she really believed in the power of prayer, but she was also controlling the women in the group. It was not just firm leadership, she was dominating the direction of the meeting and relishing her power. I never went back again." 

    Jill, a woman with a compassion gift who as a child spent most of her time with animals "because they loved me so much," explained to us: "Insincerity in people bothered me as a little girl. It still does." 

    Shelly said, "I sense insincerity quickly and have learned to trust my impressions. Even when people come for prayer I can tell if their motives are right. I've learned to minister as the Lord directs, not necessarily as people request." 

    11. Is drawn to others with the gift of compassion. 

    Those with the motivational gift of compassion are naturally drawn to each other. They enjoy sharing with each other, praying together, just being together. It isn't that they think alike, but that they feel alike. They have the same emotional reactions to people and situations. They share the same concerns. 

    It's amazing how many compassion people have confided in us that their best friend is another compassion person. This is especially true while growing up. They often cannot relate well to those with the speaking gifts—the perceiver, the teacher, the exhorter, and the administrator—feeling rather overwhelmed by them. But they can relate well to the server, the giver, and especially to fellow compassion people. 

    While fewer than one percent of people marry someone with the same gift, about half of those who do are compassion people. Our daughter is married to a compassion person. Her Don (Simms) is gentle, loving, and caring. "That's why I was drawn to him," Linda tells us. "He's so good to me!" 

    When a person marries someone with the same gift, and the couple is immature, the negative characteristics tend to be amplified in the relationship. But we've run across several mature "compassion couples" who have what they describe as a marriage made in heaven. They are so loving and caring for each other that it's a beautiful thing to behold. Even some of these admit, though, that it was not always so, and that they had to work through a variety of problems in the early years of their marriage. 

    12. Loves to do thoughtful things for others. 

    These are the people who remember birthdays, anniversaries, Mother's and Father's Day, Valentine's Day, and find a host of other occasions on which to send cards or notes just to say they care. 

    If you're married to one of these, you're fortunate. A compassion husband will whisk his wife off to a dinner rendezvous more often than a man with any other type of gift. A compassion wife will serve an intimate candlelight meal more often than those with other gift types would ever think to do. 

    The thoughtfulness extends to every relationship. Compassion daughters and sons will be more affectionate to their parents, and vice versa. Compassion friends tend to put a lot more of themselves into friendships. 

    Gail was a single woman in our home group for many years. Her compassion gift prompted her to bless many of us with her kindnesses. Sometimes she would single out people just to tell them how special they were to her. How often the rest of us forget to do things like that! 

    We would get beautiful cards from her on Father's Day and Mother's Day, saying that she loved us just like another dad and mom. Sometimes we'd get unbirthday cards, or just a note for "no reason at all except to tell you how much you mean to me." 

    13. Is trusting and trustworthy. 

    It's because they are trustworthy that compassion people expect others to be so too. They assume that everyone is honest and reliable, until absolutely proven otherwise. They can be so trusting, in fact, that they become gullible. 

    They are greatly disappointed when someone proves not to be reliable. But you know what? They will continue to expect the best from that person anyway. They believe in people's capacity to change for the better. Often this very expectation brings out the best in those around them. But it can also work to the compassion person's harm. 

    From compassion people who have taken our seminar we've heard these comments: 

    Doug: "I am trusting sometimes to the point of being stupid. I always expect people to treat me in the same way I would treat them. And even if I'm burnt, I will continue to trust. 

    Donna: "My attitude has always been that every person I meet is a good person. I still experience a feeling of shock when occasionally I find out that's not true. I'm crushed when someone is dishonest." 

    Cathy: "When someone I have trusted has taken advantage of me I get angry—mostly at myself for being so easily fooled." 

    14. Avoids conflicts and confrontations. 

    Even small children with the compassion gift find it very difficult to cope with conflict. They long for peace and harmony in the home and when parents quarrel or split up, the compassionate youngster assumes it is his fault: "If I had just been a better child my mom and dad would still be together." Here's how two of them expressed it: 

    Ben: "When my parents fought, I found myself crying and begging them to make up. I kept telling them how much I loved them and asking them to love each other." 

    Ruth: "I always disliked conflict, but I seemed to be the 'middleman' in strained relationships, including my parents'. I was always trying to repair relationships and at the same time keep people from being hurt." 

    Compassion people are not confronters. They may hint that they are unhappy about something, but will seldom unlike the perceiver or exhorter—address a problem straight on. 

    The effect of this characteristic on young boys can be a problem  since they usually avoid fighting, and may be labeled sissies by their classmates. 

    Michael recalls, "I never fought back when bullies picked on me because I never believed fighting was worthwhile. Most of my friends were the quiet type, like me. We were the ones who played on the fringes of the playground to stay clear of the more aggressive kids." 

    15. Doesn't like to be rushed in a job or activity. 

  Compassion people have one speed, and it's slow forward. As children, these were the kids who had to be pushed out the door so they'd get to school on time. They just didn't pay much attention to clocks. 

    How often we used to say to Linda, "Hurry up or you'll miss the school bus!" I wish I had the proverbial nickel for every time I had to drive her to school. 

    Punctuality remains a problem as they grow older. Given a job to do, they will finish it, but not necessarily on schedule. Somehow time just isn't that important to them. They are now people. They live for the moment. They figure the future will take care of itself, as long as they are about their Father's business in the present. 

    One compassion woman we worked with was always late to meetings. She'd show up fifteen minutes after we'd started, always with a "good excuse." She'd say something like, 

    "I ran into a friend who needed prayer." Or, "I was so caught up in my devotions that the time slipped by before I realized how late it was." 

    We really needed her to be with us from the beginning of the meeting but we couldn't afford to waste everyone else's time. So, we decided to schedule the actual starting time fifteen minutes later, without informing her. Unsuspectingly, she made the start of every meeting! 

    16. Is typically cheerful and joyful. 

    Compassion people are positive people. The Amplified Bible says they are to show mercy and compassion "with . . . genuine cheerfulness and joyful eagerness" (Romans 12:8). They love showing love. It gives them joy to do so. 

    One person said, "I love being around compassion people. Their cheerfulness buoys me up. 

    Since they yearn to relieve hurts and encourage relationships, they are constantly working to bring the level of happiness in others up to their own and beyond. How often we all need that kind of help! 

    One compassionate man had the responsibility of caring for his elderly parents. Both were somewhat senile and their care demanded much of Bart's time. As a result there were many events he and his wife were unable to participate in. Yet each time we did see him he would assure us that things were going "just great" for him. No complaints. He considered it a joy to help his parents. 

    Robert has the reputation of being especially loving to his wife, both in public and at home. Other women say they wish their husbands treated them as well. But we notice that Robert treats everyone lovingly. His voice and manner are so gentle, and his face glows with an inner joy. It's hard to feel "down" around Robert. 

    17. Is ruled by the heart rather than head. 

    The heart plays the major role in the compassion person's life. His heart is the channel through which he shares God's wonderful love with others. 

    Compassion people are not what are normally tagged thinkers, intellectuals, or analyz-ers. Rather, they are the feelers. They rely on emotions rather than mental processes to guide their lives. They're the ones who could say, "Don't confuse me with the facts, my feelings are already made up." This is not to say that they do not use their minds. They do, but always in relationship to what they feel. 

    We'd shared our testimony at an Anglican church in Timaru, on the South Island of New Zealand, when a man came to talk with us. "What you said touched me deeply," he said, "but I wish I didn't cry so easily when I feel that way. It seems unmanly. I try to hold back the tears but they come anyway." 

    We asked him several questions about himself and determined quickly that he had a compassion gift. "Don't hold back the tears," we advised. "God has given you a sensitive and caring heart and He expects you to respond with deep feelings. The world needs more men who are free to care and to cry." 

    "You mean it's okay to be this way?" he asked. 

    "Of course," we replied, briefly describing the gift of compassion. 

    "What a relief," he said, looking as though a weight had been taken off his shoulders. "All my life I've condemned myself for being this way." 

    It is obviously more difficult for a man to have this gift than for a woman. Society allows a woman to be led by her heart and easily moved to tears. Not so a man. The social expectations of most cultures tend to pressure a man into a macho mold, but the compassion gift is just not going to fit. Our hope is that wider understanding of the motivational gifts will allow compassion people of both sexes to be the beautiful, tenderhearted people they were created to be. 

    18. Rejoices to see others blessed and grieves to see others hurt. 

    The person with the compassion gift has an immense capacity to identify with what others are going through. He will literally rejoice with those who rejoice, and weep with those who weep. There are times in all of our lives when we need someone to do just that with us. 

    Have you ever shared some great happiness with someone only to have him reply indifferently, "Oh, that's happened to me many times, it's no big deal." You wish you'd never brought it up. 

    But share the good news with a compassion person and he's apt to jump for joy, saying, "I'm so happy for you," or, "Praise God. I'm so glad you told me." And you are too. 

    Earl admits his gift just spills out. "I can just put my arms around a hurting person and feel his pain. And if someone's joyous, I share that joy as if it were my own." 

    There are times in our lives when we need someone to empathize with our sorrow or hurt. We don't need advice, or exhortation, or evaluation, but just someone who can sit and feel for and with us. We need someone who cares. 

    When Jane was in the hospital after a serious automobile accident and knew that if she did survive she would never look the same, the visitor who meant the most to her was a compassionate friend who would just sit by her bedside, hold her hand, and weep. "Very few words were said," Jane told us, "but my friend's tears spoke volumes." 

    19. Is a crusader for good causes. 

    In the eyes of the compassion person, right needs to prevail. If there is evil at work in society he strives to overcome it, usually in "silent witness" fashion, like sit-ins, picketing, peace marches, or mail-outs. Those who have more extroverted personalities or a strong secondary "speaking gift" may also address political rallies or appear on TV. But all work to bring about change. 

    They tend to be altruistic, not wanting any special benefit for themselves, but for others. 

    Shannon shared how her gift went into action when her first husband's mother died leaving his brother, eighteen, and sister, thirteen, orphaned. "My husband, who has a secondary gift of compassion, and I went to court to fight an uncle who wanted the kids separated. We brought them to live with us. The boy finished high school and eventually got a good job and went out on his own. The girl stayed with me, even after my husband died, until she married. I still like to champion a good cause." 

    Stan tells how he lost his job one time (in 1974) because he went on strike, not for more wages for himself, but for equal benefits for the women in his office. 

    We suspect that a high percentage of the "flower children" of the sixties were compassion people who could not cope with an "unjust war." The subculture they formed enabled them to venture out to champion causes in society as a whole, while withdrawing from time to time into the security of their group. 

    20. Intercedes for the hurts and problems of others. 

    This is the third of the seven motivational gifts that is called to and anointed for intercessory prayer. They intercede primarily for the hurts and problems they have become aware of in other people's lives. 

    Theirs are deep, heartfelt prayers. If you've heard a compassion gift in action at a prayer meeting you may have thought, "Oh, how beautiful. I wish I could pray like that." 

    They are so expressive because they feel what they are praying so deeply. It is not unusual for them to be moved to tears as they intercede. They pray with abandonment, almost forgetting there are others present, unashamed of their tears or other expressions of emotion. 

    Those who are drawn to become regular members of an intercessory prayer group are the perceiver, the giver, and the compassion person. Each will bring his own special approach to the gathering. 

    The perceiver will pray for the will of God to be done in nations, in churches and other groups, and in individual lives. 

    The giver will pray for the salvation of lost souls, specifically and generally. 

    The compassion person will pray for the problems and hurts of people and for unity in the Body of Christ. 

    It is a beautiful thing to behold such a group in action. We believe it is the actualization of Jesus' declaration: 

    "Again I tell you, if two of you on earth agree (harmonize together, together make a symphony) about—anything and everything—whatever they shall ask, it will come to pass and be done for them by My Father in heaven. For wherever two or three are gathered (drawn together as My followers) in (into) My name, there I AM in the midst of them" (Matthew 18:19-20, TAB). 

    Notice that "agree" (the Greek word is sumphoneo) means to "harmonize together, or make a symphony," a beautiful picture of what happens when these three gifts pray together. Just as a chord is richer and lovelier than a single note, so when each gifted person prays wholeheartedly from his unique perspective, the resulting harmony is exquisite. It touches the heart of God and produces results. 

    We encourage churches not to pressure everyone to come to intercessory prayer meetings, but to let the Holy Spirit draw those who are called. Three or four people from the three gift groups mentioned above will accomplish more in intercession than dozens of people from the other four. 

    This does not mean that we are not all to pray. We are all called to pray. But not all are called to intercession. 

The Gift of Compassion