I thought my Black Friday shopping was going well, personally. I got my hands on very many good deals that most people would kill for, and I had my eyes on one of those fancy ultra HD televisions. My first thought was obviously "What the hell is this?" I can't even turn the radio in my car unless if I focus really hard, the thought of having whatever an "ultra HD television" was intimidated me, yet filled me with excitement. How unfortunate I was immediately stopped by some ignoramus who blocked the television with their shopping cart, they were even on their phone! The store closed in twenty minutes and I was not going to let this woman just a few years short of having her midlife crisis stop me. I jammed my cart into hers to move her away, but that beast retaliated! I bet she didn't even want that television, but she turned her phone off and bashed her cart into mine. I watched with an insurmountable rage flowing through my body as that twelve dollar blender I planned on gifting to the mailman wobbled around in my cart, about to fall off of the reasonably priced video game console I bought for my nephew. Any woman brave enough to wrong me on such a personal level would inevitably feel the hot wrath of one thousand suns...