All My Past Behind

“Pom”, “Pom”, “Pom” Doris Schwartz woke up with a start to the sound of what seemed like marching band music. Her eyes were still trying to adjust to waking up suddenly and in her dazed state she couldn’t actually make out where she was. Everything around her seemed vaguely familiar but she couldn’t quite put her finger on where it was.

Aged 46 with two grown children and two failed marriages, she had resorted back to using her maiden name of Schwartz, in a bid to try and forget the mistakes she’d made in the past and move on with her future. Hopefully it would be a better future!

As she’d got older a failing memory seemed to be an integral part of the ageing process and she often found herself walking into a room, looking for something but when she go there she couldn't remember what it was she was looking for. So she wasn’t too alarmed by her current situation as she believed her memory would kick in at any moment.

The music continues and a young girl dressed in a red outfit is twirling a baton on the stage. Doris is sat in the audience of what she assumes to be a theatre but there are only a couple of other people there, who are sat together nearer the front and have now started talking to the young woman on stage.

Doris still isn’t sure where she is, how she got there or why she is there in the first place. She tries in vain to remember what she was doing before she found herself in this place but her memory lets her down once more.

A familiar voice from one of the other people in the audience calls out:

“Miss Julie Miller.”

Doris can’t quite place the voice but knows Julie’s name and instantly thinks to herself that she is there for some kind of audition or recital to support Julie. She chastises herself forgetting what she was doing and for falling asleep.

Doris and Julie had lost touch after Julie left school but had reconnected on Facebook a couple of years back when both of them found themselves divorced and single parents. Julie had become a minor celebrity in the classical World and was well known for her cello playing.

Doris watches, as Julie walks out on the stage, however her eyes become wide and her mouth falls open in amazement at what she sees.

Doris mutters to herself: “My, Julie, have you had some work done?”

Julie looks as young as the first day Doris had met her all those years ago when they were both teenagers at school.

Suddenly there is a noise behind her and she quickly turns to see what it is. To her surprise she sees Bruno and Montgomery entering the theatre carrying boxes. Again her mouth falls open as she notices how young they look.

Doris is confused by the situation. She’d only seen both Bruno and Montgomery last week and now middle aged, Montgomery’s hair is going thin on top and Bruno had gained weight but here they are looking like they are 16 again.

She quickly reaches into her purse and pulls out a compact, opening it she stares into the mirror. Her heart sinks a little when the familiar lines and greying hairs of her own face greet her. Whatever has happened to Julie, Bruno and Montgomery hasn’t happened to her. Returning her compact to her purse her attention moves back to the conversation going on between Julie and the other audience members:

“Miss Miller these auditions are for new arrivals to New York City and maybe, you could tell us a little bit about what brings you here?”

Julie feels awkward and pauses monetarily before saying:

“My Mom and Dad got divorced.”

Doris is now even more confused “Auditions?”, “Divorced?” “What the hell is happening here?"

Julie had started to play her cello when suddenly Doris realises who the familiar voices of the other audience members belong to; Miss Grant and Mr Shorofsky! Doris puts her head in her hands and thinks to herself: “Mr Shorofsky died about 8 years ago, I went to his funeral so how could he be here?”

Lifting up her head again she stares over and watches the older, white haired man as he listens happily to Julie play. Doris smiles and feels emotional at seeing her old music teacher one more time.

However, realisation sweeps over Doris that this situation can’t be real. She closes her eyes and shakes her head thinking it must all be a dream. Maybe it’s just like the time all those years ago when she fell and hit her head and imagined she, her friends and the teachers were all characters from the “Wizard of Oz”.

Slowly she opens her eyes again and looks around the room, Bruno, Lydia, Montgomery, Shorofsky and Julie are all still there, exactly the way they were a few moments ago. Doris pinches herself to try and wake herself up. After all that’s what they always do in the movies. She gives the skin on her arm a good twist but it has no effect apart from to leave a red mark and cause a slight feeling of pain.

It dawns on Doris that this must be Julie’s audition to get into the School of the Arts. However this realisation only adds to the confusion because Doris knows that she was never at Julie’s audition so how can she possibly be remembering it?

At that moment Doris notices a young woman walking cautiously over to Bruno and is surprised to see that its Coco. Bruno and Coco had kept in touch but Doris hadn’t seen her since Alumni Week in 1987 when there was a big reunion at the school.

Suddenly a shiver goes down Doris’ spine. Her mouth wide open she looks around the room again, this time finally taking in her full surroundings as she thinks to herself:

“The School, I’m in the auditorium of the school, my School.”

A huge smile spreads across Doris’ face because the School of the Arts had always been such a magical place to her. It had given her a belief in herself and her abilities as a singer and as an actress and a knowledge that Doris Schwartz could hold her own with the best of them. She hadn’t had those feelings and that self belief in such a long time now, as the toll of her broken relationships and the way life had turned out for her, had been taken out on her self esteem.

However, here and now she suddenly felt like a teenager again and those feelings of belonging and family suddenly came back to her again, just like they did when she attended the school.

It was a bitter sweet moment, happiness and excitement tinged with the confusion that was surfacing again. As great as this seemed to be, how could she have gone back to the school with no memory of how she got there and how could someone who was dead be there too? How could everyone look exactly the same as they did in 1982, yet she was still middle aged?

Doris shakes her head feeling totally overwhelmed.

To be Continued…….