Cut in America

By Peter Neilson

Summary

During the 1980's, American medicine circumcised almost 90% of her infant males without question. Circumcision is a ritual cutting of the genitals and customs vary among primitive cultures. American circumcisers remove most of the foreskin, a functional and important part of male genital anatomy, in the name of "health." Without choice, the majority of American males were left to experience life without their foreskin, and both men and women of her society know very little about its natural function.

Over 85% of the world's men know what the foreskin is and why it is there. For America the foreskin is a forgotten organ and few know what a normal penis feels like. A combination of ignorance, conformity, sexism, pseudoscience, dogma, social acceptability and denial has led to rationalized gender-based child abuse. Many boys are traumatized upon learning about their circumcision and a growing number of circumcised men envy nothing more than the normal human body, a body these men had before their society inflicted its American "birth defect."

Introduction

The foreskin is normal and does not present a problem for the rest of the world that enjoys having one. The U.S.A. just happens to be the last industrialized nation to continue the practice of routine infant male circumcision, for non-religious reasons.(1) All other English speaking countries that once practiced it gave it up and some recommend that it not be practiced. Cutting off an arm, a nose, or any body part, is an extreme measure to solve a problem when alternatives are almost always available.

Parents in Europe and non-Muslim Asia have never forced their boys to be circumcised. To them, cutting off a part of their boy's penis would be like cutting off parts of their ears.(2)

A growing number of men in the United States, Austraila, Canada and other nations are begining to speak about what it means to be missing this sensitive, useful, protective body part. One of the greatest injuries is that they were never given a choice when it was taken from them. Wicked Envy strives to come to terms with what our society has done, that continues to do to our sons, and hopes that wisdom, truth, and common sense will prevail to end this very strange and very personal violation for all genders.

Rationalism

• The belief that all knowledge and truth consist in what is ascertainable by rational processes of thought. The doctrine that true and absolute knowledge is found only in reason. (What do we call rationalism when its thought processes are based in dogma and ignorance?)

Most boys are never even told that they are circumcised until they ask why they look different. We are not told outright it was done or why, by the adults that had it done to us! When boys do ask, they are given certain rationalized reasons as a matter of fact. The strangest thing to an innocent boy is why one would do such a thing to the PENIS... something about it seems perverse, like the penis is bad... and had to be punished.

The rationalized explainations don't even make sense.

(boy)

• Because all boys are...
• To keep you clean...
• To help prevent infection...
• Women's preference
• ...(something you hear when older)

Dr. Kopelman of The AAP's Bioethics committee on Female Genital Mutilation (FGM) has summarized four reasons cultures use to "explain" the custom of female circumcision.

(girl)

• (1) To preserve group identity.
• (2) To help maintain cleanliness and health.
• (3) To prevent immorality.
• (4) To further marriage goals. (Men's preference)

When coming to terms with the loss of a body part we want to understand how and why it happened. To see if there was a way to prevent it and to find a better safer way of doing being to make sure it doesn't happen again. Personally I believe an amputation by accident would be easier to accept than an intentional one, such as a mutilating crime.

If a person was to forcibly cut off a man's foreskin without his consent, let's say while he is asleep, would our American laws protect his person and allow him justice?

How different is this crime from that of an infant strapped to a board who has his genitals "circumsised" (mutilated) for life? The only difference is America has rationalized it. They tell him that it is okay, that it was done FOR him not TO him, that they did it for his "benefit," and that is only after he starts asking questions. Where will he find justice when his society says "don't complain!" ??

Today, newborn foreskins supply an multi-million-dollar-a-year industry of skin manufacturers and biotech researchers who say their product is produced from "medical waste" and purport the benefits of this new procedure that grows skin (for burn victims) and interferons (anti-virus protiens) from, in all truth, a stolen body part.(5) That anyone, especially science, can rationalize and justify taking a healthy body part from a baby in the name of rightous medicine, disgusts and infuriates me. This practice is NOT Robin Hood morality, it is rationalized insanity!

Rationalism based on truth of ignorance.

One of the saddest lessons of history is this: If we have been bamboozled long enough, we tend to reject any evidence of the bamboozle. We're no longer interested in finding out the truth... It's simply to painful to acknowledge, even to ourselves, that we've been taken. - Carl Sagan - Demon Haunted World

Science and Medicine Today

The American Academy of Pediatrics (AAP) says from their study of female genital mutilation (FGM) that it is has been characterized as a practice that violates the rights of infants and children to good health and well-being, saying that it is part of a universal standard of basic human rights. (11)

The AAP stated that routine male "circumcision" is purely elective and has no conclusive benefits, but did not suggest that there were any negative aspects to the practice. (12)

There is a clear discrepancy here concerning our American "ethical" issues toward female circumcision (aka.,FGM) and male genital mutilation (aka.,circumcision).

(see "hypocrisy" below)

In 1996 the Canadian Pediatric Society says "Circumcision of newborns should not be routinely performed"

"To circumcise... would be unethical and inappropriate" says the British Medical Association

Male circumcision is now purely a matter of personal choice, which means it is not a societal one or a parental one.(5) Most intact men when they arrive at adulthood value their wholeness, and those that had the "procedure" performed after they reached adulthood found that sexual pleasure was utterly gone. Here's a little insight from a 26 year old, who had himself circumcised on the advice of his doctor.(8)

"I had ample sexual experience, and I was quite happy as an intact male. After my circumcision, that pleasure was utterly gone. On a scale of 1 to 10, the uncircumcised penis experiences pleasure of at least 11 or 12; the circumcised penis is lucky to get a 3. If circumcised men knew the loss of pleasure they would experience, they would storm the hospitals and not allow their sons to undergo this." ---Rick Thomas

Dogma

• Asserting views as if they were facts especially in an arrogant way. || To believe in something as if it were fact || (What good is Belief if you don't challenge it?)

No one likes to think that their doctor could be giving wrong advice, but that is why people seek second opinions. Unfortunately most doctors practicing circumcision don't have all the facts or don't want to think that what they have been doing may, in fact, have been harmful. Denial, in this case, is a dangerous thing and your son will be its victim. If you are unsure about the facts surrounding circumcision become better informed about it and visit the Circumcision Resource Pages and the National Organization of Circumcision Resource Centers at www.NOCIRC.org for more information.

For decades doctors have promoted the benefits of circumcision to "prevent" urinary tract infections (UTI), yet UTIs are uncommon for men according to the National Institutes of Health. "UTI's may occur in infants who are born with abnormalities of the urinary tract, which sometimes need to be corrected with surgery. UTI's are rarely seen in boys and young men. In women, though, the rate of UTI's gradually increases with age. Scientists are not sure why women have more urinary infections than men. One factor may be that a woman's urethra is short, allowing bacteria quick access to the bladder. Also, a woman's urethral opening is near sources of bacteria from the anus and vagina."(9)

UTIs can be treated with antibiotics, the amputation of a boy's foreskin is permanent and more damaging than the UTI itself. It is more likely that a boy will get a UTI due to an abnormality of his urinary tract than his foreskin. The Canadian Pediatric Society suggests that breast feeding may play an important part in reducing UTIs in boys and girls.(10)

Which method is less invasive and more conservative? Breastfeeding or amputation? What about sexually transmitted diseases? Condom use or amputation? A real scientist would never propose to conduct an irreversible, non-therapeutic surgical procedure unless he is of the pseudoscientist type that promotes contraceptive sterilization. A male with his foreskin (most of the world) should think carefully before disfiguring his body for the benefit of his partner and his partner should know who she is sleeping with.

Dogma is a facisinating human attribute. Notably, a most profound defense mechanism used by those who have their belief system challenged. Dogma also occures to those who don't have a sound belief system based on their own inner sense of authority or conscience. when science became the authority in medicine, something unfortunate happened. People stopped asking questions of conscience and deffered to those who they believed knew what was right and what was wrong. These people gave up something most dear and may never have the ability to believe in themseleves again. They, too, were circumcised that day.

Medicine now uses dogma to perpetute circumcision, looking as hard as they can to find a reason to keep doing it, and asserts their views, their "medical opinions," as if they were facts. They ignore the history, ignore the deaths, ignore the amputations, ignore the pain they have caused in body and spirit, ignore the cultural influences that perpetuate it, ignore the similarities to female genital mutilation, ignore the human rights issue, ignore the baby that bleeds, ignores the beauty of the intact male body, and ignores the screams for humanity.

Dogma has no belief, it has no truth, for something cannot be true if it has not a false. Dogma is the loudest silence ever heard and the greatest silencer. Dogma says to its followers "do not question me or my authority. Do not look beyond, for you may not like what you see." Dogma uses fear to control its followers, limiting their potential. It claims to keep people safe in the pretend harmony they seek. All they will find is stagnation and a false god.

There is no place for dogma in science and there is no place for dogma in religion. Morality is not just for religion and science cannot claim that it is not one for it is. Just because science is based on the provable does not mean it will not function like a religion. The beauty of morality and conscience is that one bases his beliefs on an inner awareness of what is right and wrong. Now science, through self-evident truths will be able to show that it has helped perpetuate a most serious crime against its god.

Leo Tolstoy

"An event took place opposed to human reason and to human nature. Millions of men perpetrated against one another such innumerable crimes, frauds, treacheries, thefts, forgeries, issues of false money, burglaries, incendiarisms, and murders as in whole centuries are not recorded in the annals of all the law courts of the world, but which those who committed them did not at the time regard as being crimes."

"Each man lives for himself, using his freedom to attain his personal aims, and feels with his whole being that he can do or abstain from doing this or that action; but as soon as he has done it, that action performed at a certain moment in time becomes irrevocable and belongs to history, in which it has not a free but a predestined significance."

Hypocrisy

• Pretense of virtue, benevolence, or religious devotion.
• Saying one thing while behaving otherwise.

Such is the case of current law that protects the female of our society from Female Genital Mutilation (FGM) euphemistically called "circumcision" by the countries that practice it. Why is this law only protecting the female of our society? Is it because Male Genital Mutilation (MGM) or "circumcision" is over six times more frequent worldwide (4) and has been for such a long time that we have forgotten why it is even done or how it was started by medicine?

Our society recoils when we hear cases of female circumcision but hardly flinch when we do it to our baby boys. When will we realize that this practice of circumcision violates basic human rights and that all genders should have a right to keep their bodies protected?

The American Academy of Pediatrics (AAP), Committee on Bioethics provides a policy statement for "Female Genital Mutilation" (FGM) and one for routine male infant circumcision titled "Circumcision Policy Statement." In the Bioethics policy they state that FGM is the ritual cutting and alteration of female genitals on infants and older individuals. They recommend that physicians oppose all forms of FGM, which according to their definitions, Type I female circumcision is identical to male circumcision (while the severity of the mutilation for the male is closer to Type II). Why then is female circumcision called FGM while male genital mutilation is called "circumcision?" Are they only wearing the hat that is in style?

The difference between the two Policy Statements is so staggering, it speaks nothing but with hypocrisy. They say that protection of the girls physical and mental health should be the overriding concern and suggest that performing a lesser procedure to satisfy cultural demands, such as pricking the skin of the clitoris, would just perpetuate the practice. The only reason the AAP presents themselves this way is because male circumcision is pandemic here in the USA. To perpetuate this practice requires that society deny the reality of what is happening.

The AAP's task force on circumcision, mentions nothing about the physical or mental well being of the male. Only that there are "anecdotal reports" that penile sensation and sexual satisfaction is decreased for circumcised males. They turn around from their position on FGM and say that it is legitimate for the parents to take into account cultural, religious, and ethnic traditions and to perform circumcision based on parent demands, this time with procedural analgesia. (12)

Doctors have an obligation to educate parents on circumcision and say no to circumcision, and state that it should be the boy's choice not ours. (see www.doctorsopposingcircumcision.org) If the father has problems with normal male anatomy, compassionate psychological counseling would help. (2) He, as I did, may need to come to terms with his loss, and be allowed to want a normal body for himself without fear of ridicule or accusation. A woman who had just lost a breast would receive the greatest the medical community can give and is allowed the right to grieve over her loss.(5) Why not so for a man?

When a person has grief that is not openly acknowledged or socially sanctioned this grief is called disenfranchised grief and it is a very real condition.

Whose body, whose rights?

Forced female and male genital cutting is a human rights violation according to "The Declaration of Human Rights." However, scientific dogma, myth, and "pandemic ignorance"(2) has lead to social acceptability of gender-based abuse in America.

On December 10, 1948, after decades of war and atrocities, the General Assembly of the United Nations adopted and proclaimed the Universal Declaration of Human Rights. In it they state that "common understanding of these rights and freedoms is of the greatest importance," and that all schools should teach it.

In the U.S.A, basic human rights are violated everyday. Baby boys are welcomed into our country by strapping him to a board, lovingly called a "circumstraint", and amputating a NORMAL healthy part of his body WITHOUT HIS consent!

Imagine this...

Simply change the age of the baby, imagine a 20 year old. Now strap him down and with or without anesthesia remove a normal part of his penis while he screams for the doctor to stop. You can "put a pacifier dipped in sucrose"(12) to reduce his cries if they bother you. Also, "a more physiologic positioning"(12) of the adult male in a padded environment may decrease distress while he observes you cutting his penis without his permission.

You don't even need the Declaration of Human Rights to tell you what is wrong with this image! And it's done to over 3000 baby boys a day, whom will someday realize no one asked their permission.

What is the difference other than age? The baby may not remember it completely but a 20 year old might do the same thing being subjected to such trauma. An infant can't speak to say "NO, thanks" but his screams mean the same thing. That's it. I guess America is not so outstanding or progressive in human rights as one would like to think.

Whose penis is it?

I have heard it stated that some women "prefer" the circumcised due to various reasons such as "her" stimulation or "her" attraction. That a man should commit himself to a mutilating ritual to make his partner happy is the same as the attitudes held in parts of Africa where women are circumcised for the preference of men!(5) Are we such hypocrites as to say that one is any less worse based on gender?

Some fathers will say "I want my son to look like me." Come on dad, let your son decide that for himself when he's old enough. How often do you obsess about your penis not looking like your dad's? Do you feel the same way about your eyes your feet or your lips? You will both be happy that you gave him the choice.

Ignorance and Education

Unfortunately, most male doctors in America are circumcised and have little experience or knowledge about foreskin function. We need education in this country about normal male anatomy, even for doctors, so they may adequately explain to the questioning parents why circumcision is unnecessary. Then explain to the parents how to care for the newborn male's intact anatomy, which is really easy.

For those who need to know how to care for child male anatomy (i.e., most of us in America...). It's simple, never force retraction of the foreskin on the individual. The first person to retract a boy's foreskin should be the child himself. In early years the tissues are connected by a common membrane called synchnia and will separate naturally.(3)

Forcing the foreskin back will damage the tissue and cause complication to the individual in future. (This type of damage can be seen on circumcised men). Care for the boy is just as it is for a girl. LEAVE IT ALONE! Give his body the respect it deserves and he'll grow up a happy, healthy boy, with ALL his parts. Find out more childcare info at NOCIRC's website.

Circumcise and forget about it?

Here in America I feel that men and women are not only expected to "act like" a man or a woman, we are expected to like it. I always got the impression that I was supposed to like having been circumcised; to complain was to disrespect those who "knew best". It was part of being a man and I should like being a man (A man as defined and accepted by my society). Well guess what, I'm tired of playing that game.

In my pro-feminist society, who is pro-circ, anything that has to do with male is to be ridiculed and denigrated; man is heathen, man is brute, man is disgusting like his penis, man defiles, man is impure, man has no right to feel hurt for he has been the oppressor and now must pay his price. So goes the theory obviously, because why else would a virgin pure become otherwise.

American men frequently internalize their cultures attitudes towards male genital cutting, which is sexist in nature but made not to seem that way. He may not feel that his experience, while painful, "qualifies" as painful. However, just because a man doesn't call it rape doesn't mean he doesn't feel violated. He may not have the language, or he may never even have been asked. The culture he lives in forces a gender conditioning on boys that does not allow feelings like these to be expressed by men.

We will never have equal rights until we have equal rights for what it means to be human. There is no difference between man and woman or intersex, heterosexual and homosexual or bisexual, we are one complementary whole. Color is equal unto itself for all colors are in the same spectrum. There is no god too small to teach, for he may be so humble as dirt that we crush him with our feet.

And so in an effort to bring about wholeness and healing I now ask...

Do you have any negative feelings about being circumcised?

Denial

I'm not missing anything by being circumcised.

- or am I?

My parents did what was best for me.

- they love me

I'm glad I'm circumcised, I think it would feel weird to have a foreskin.

- I wish I knew what it felt like...

It helps keep me clean...those uncircumcised guys better be careful.

- I feel awkward when I see a man with his foreskin, he doesn't seem that dirty to me...

I am glad it was done when I was a baby, that way I don't remember anything.

- I don't remember it right? why do I feel so sad?

I don't feel self-conscious about my penis! Guys don't do that.

- well I have wondered what that dark line was and why the skin is connected to the glans like that...

It's the thought that counts...

- did my parents or my society even think about what I wanted?!!!! MY BODY

I don't have any negative feelings about my circumcision, My son is circumcised; what's good for me is good for him.

- if I do it to him then it proves that it was good for me, right?

I'm not mad; I'm fine with it. If I was mad then that would show I'm weak and that my feelings were hurt. Guys don't do that...

- but the little boy inside really wants to cry now, it really, really hurts

MEN don't cry!

- why not?

I have to be strong, to prove I'm a man.

- I'm not asking you to prove you are a man, that much is obvious. Would a victim of female genital mutilation have any negative feelings? What I'm asking is, do you have any negative feelings about being circumcised? It takes courage to face your feelings. Hiding from them or pushing them away only makes it worse. Face your fear, face your sadness, or you will never truly feel joy.

I had many of these thoughts and more. The hard part was trying to hide from them. When I admitted they were there, trying to express them was just as difficult, or even more so. I had become an expert at hiding from my feelings and hiding them from others. This website is part of my expression.

Impartiality

I don't care if the baby boy is circumcised, it's the parents choice.

(It's unnecessary, abusive and painful. It goes against human rights...)

I'm circumcised, why shouldn't he be?

(It's not fair! I don't want him to have more than me...)

I'm a woman, I've been oppressed for years.

(Does that mean I should also oppress? How can we be equals when either half of the population is made to suffer?)

It doesn't affect me why should I care?

(Knowing about a violation and choosing not to do anything about it is worse than ignorance itself.)

Disbelief

I'm circumcised? They cut off part of my what? My penis??

Why my penis? Wait, wouldn't that hurt? Why my penis? This is really weird. But they told me it was to help keep me clean... how hard is it to clean? Why my penis? Why would doctors get rid of an organ just because they can? (They are not doctors they are circumcisers...) Why my penis? Of all the things to cut or remove, this is a weird one. Why not remove the tonsils at the same time? Why not the breasts of a girl? She might get cancer. Why the penis? Why my penis?

They don't circumcise in other countries? Men are fine there? Do men like having their foreskin? What would mine look like? That skin tag is because of circumcision? I would not have that if it were not for my circumcision? The pitted parts of my glans are from my circumcision? My glans is supposed to look glossy and smooth!? My erections are tight and the hair on my penis is not normal? The dark line is from my circumcision? The light colored skin is supposed to cover my glans? Why did they do this? Don't they know? Why my penis of all organs? My sexual organs! Why? I don't even want to pierce my ears for God's sake, why would I want to do this to my penis!?

I want to get away, this can't be happening, someone help me. Make it stop! I want to run away, to leave this body. Why didn't someone save me? I cried, couldn't somebody hear me! I screamed, I tried to get away…

Comprehension

But I don't want to be circumcised! Why didn't someone tell me? I had to find this out on my own? Why did they do this? Why didn't they ask me! I'm mutilated! I hate this! How can I say it, who should I tell? What has been done to me! What about my friends! Why don't the women know? Why didn't my mom protect me? Didn't dad know, why did he do this? Why didn't they let me decide? Doctors did this!? Shouldn't they know better! This is sick; they cut part of my PENIS off! They cut it off of BABIES! They don't do this to girls! How can they do this to boys but not to girls? They don't even question when it's done to boys! My society did this to me! My society, that believes in freedom and EQUAL rights!

America didn't circumcise when it was founded! How did this violation of our most precious freedoms come to pass without our knowledge? How could my society be so blind to this sort of gender-based child abuse? It has become accepted and even desired! Medicine that says "First, do no harm!" but I have been harmed in one of the most personal and horrible ways! If I were born 200 years ago I would have a normal body, or if I was born in the future I hope I would have had a normal body. Of all the times to be born in I just had to be born into medical medievalism.

Oh my god, what have they done?

Realization & Grief

When I first began to explore circumcision information I found my behavior perplexing. I was scared, I didn't want anyone to know I was looking into it and I kept telling myself I was fine with it. It was no big deal. Interesting though were the body responses I had when anticipating some information or writing in my journal. I started trembling, yet I kept a state of mind that noticed my physical reactions but did not feel their emotions.

It was not until six months after I began foreskin restoration that I realized I had not yet felt any of my feelings. That this was a pattern of behavior I kept in most aspects of my life. I did not allow myself to feel even good feelings. When I cried for the first time in a long time, it was difficult. I had been so afraid to show my feelings (even to myself) that I often just kept it in, or was unaware even to the existence of these feelings. By fighting and resisting my emotions I made them stay in place and I was unable to make progress.

During my youth I had many strange experiences that left me wondering where certain emotions and physical reactions came from. I went through periods of depression or sadness that manifested at strange times. Once, when I was spanked, about 4 years old, a combination of the desire for it not to happen and the pain from punishment, induced a strange memory like experience. I later sat on the stairs in my two-story house, crying unable to understand these disconcerting feelings that were hidden inside me.

My teenage years were very troubling sexually. I had very tight erections due to the tight "cut" I received as an infant, frequently from the age of 12 that would persist. I did not learn how to masturbate to orgasm until I was 15. I thought men had sex just to get the annoying painful erection to go away. Masturbation was mostly confusing and dissatisfying, as if I was doing something wrong, though I was told it was okay to do... Then one night in the summer of 1993, after masturbating, and a painful session at that, combined with the desire for orgasm not to happen, I fell into a depressed state, with feelings of helplessness and fear. This really confused me. Where did it come from! I had no reason to fall into depression. I could not eat normally for two weeks. (Some would like to blame a chemical imbalance but the timing and trigger speak volumes to me now). Struggling I buried my feelings, unable to find the reason for my sadness. This is when I stopped feeling, it was really the only thing left to do. I put on my mask of pretense and said I was okay, all the while a part of me was looking through hoping to get to breath again.

In December of 2001, when I began to allow my feelings to surface about being circumcised and notice what was there, I would pull back and hide from some of them. Over several weeks I worked with these feelings and discovered new ones. Something happend one night when I was crying and feeling the pain fully in all its variety. It was like I could remember something I had forgotten. Like a snap or flash, and I could remember. I did not believe it could be a memory at first, but it was as if a block had been released. I could experience it, if I allowed myself to.

Scientifically, I want proof that I do remember, that what I have done was to uncover the memory not fabricate one. Due to the nature of memory, there will always be that question. I cannot believe myself if I do not challenge theory with question. The way the memory surfaced and the way I was experiencing my emotions at the time, was not an attempt to remember, and what I found was something that I do not enjoy remembering. The fact remains that my behavior through childhood, my strange emotional surges, my self-doubt, my inability to say no, my quickness to say "there is no use to speak up it will happen anyway no matter what I want," were huge influences on my character that really have no adequate environmental explanation. My childhood was pretty standard, no traumatic domestic violence other than being mutilated as an infant.

True, my gender conditioning had other influences apart from these that I had developed over time, and hiding from my emotions was an easy escape because "men" are supposed to be able to do hide from everything but anger, desire and bravery.

To make the connection that I had remembered, that it may have been possible, was a profound relief. A relief because now I knew why I was having some of these feelings and that there was an explanation for the problems I had before. At once a relief yet at the same time troubling, because the memory was the most horrible thing I have ever experienced. I cried every night and sometimes during the day when no one was watching. I experienced pain in my genitals; sensitivity to sound and twice woke up trembling. It took a long time for me to accept that I could remember and I have to say that there will always be a part of me that says maybe it is false, but even so, I am still circumcised. I was assaulted and mutilated and I had no idea I was mutilated until much later. I just remember a horrible thing happened and I didn't know what it was or why.

I could hardly go to work, I felt this deep pain in my chest, like heartbreak, all the time. I entertained thoughts of suicide; I experienced loss of appetite and libido. I looked at everyone as being a hypocrite and resented anyone who was intact. I looked at other men and wondered intact or circ'd? Eventually I began to speak about my feelings with family and friends. Expressing my feelings was knew to me as well since I had become so accustomed to keeping it all bottled up. This continued through March 2002. February was when I was able to write down the memory completely, before that I could remember most of how it felt physically but emotionally the memory was different, filled with confusion. I had to work with the emotions separately to identify what I had been feeling at the time. I supposed at such an early stage of development, I did not have the language of feelings. The best way to describe it is like a storm of electricity and fire.

If you are experiencing similar problems, counseling is available and support groups are being formed. Visit NOHARMM and the Circumcision Resource Center for more information on counsel and NORM for local support groups.

Anger

• "Just because a woman doesn't call it rape doesn't mean she doesn't feel violated. She may not have the language, or she may never have been asked." Nahid Toubia

I hate being circumcised, and my whole outlook on my society has changed. I tried not to be angry about it but once again I was just denying my true feelings. I had become so accustomed to hiding from, or pushing away, my feelings that I had to learn what certain feelings were and where they were coming from. Then allow myself to feel them, no matter what they were. A flood of early childhood memories proceeded one connecting to the other and I allowed myself to observe what came to the surface and what feelings they produced.

I think I, and every other circumcised man and women, have every right to be angry with what was done to OUR BODIES, against OUR will. It was a horrible experience and naturally it has affected my life. I have trouble in relationships, aversion to touch, resentment and sometimes a feeling of misogyny. I'm really angry and I'm even angrier that there will be more boys and girls who will have to experience the same thing. I care deeply for the innocent, and I hope I can use my experiences to help them, to help their parents, to expose the crime, to break the silence around this violation of their human rights.

It seems like such a simple solution. Let the boy/girl/intersexes keep what is theirs that nature intended. No other primate on this planet would ever do such a disgusting thing to a child, not that I know of. It makes sense, like breastfeeding makes sense. There is a reason for it! Where in the hell did doctors ever come up with the idea of redundant organs! Just because you don't know the name or function of a plant doesn't automatically make it a weed!

Victorian Doctors knew what they were doing. Doctors that circumcise today are apparently idiots or evil. Hopefully historians will view biotech in the 21st century, which currently profits from refining infant foreskins, as primitive, heinous, disgusting, abhorrent and infamous. I see it akin to the way we view ancient Aztec human sacrifice. They will liken circumcision to social hysteria and sexual perversion. They will shake their heads in disbelief that Doctors of this era would amputate healthy epithelial tissue for money and not use anesthesia so as to preserve the specimen for secondary sale. That they could do such a thing to an infant only magnifies the crime to proportions that medical students of the next few centuries will be hard pressed to find a more despicable practice ever conducted by their profession on a mass scale. They may wish to change medicine's name so as not to be confused with the wrong crowd.

Envy

• - An innocent desire to share another's good || a feeling of antagonism towards someone (in this case intact men and women) because of some good which he himself is enjoying but which one does not have oneself

I envy not just the intact men and women, I envy that they did not have to go through the horrors of circumcision. The confusion it caused when growing up and the trauma of being reminded that it happened. To be changed because someone didn't like you they way you were made. I desire it more than anything else; to just be comfortable in my own skin, to not have sensory input from the glans. How irritable it makes me! Always there, masking all other input that comes in. To be flaccid and contained, to have grown up with this sort of comfort and security, innocence and trust, is invaluable to me. That is what I miss.

I wrote that before I started using the tape ring restoration method. I highly recommend it to those who have enough skin and find sensations from the glans uncomfortable or painful. Having the glans covered feels so much better!

I feel grateful that I have this ability to restore myself to a more normal state. I feel it is my duty to despise the ignorance of those who abused children's genitals beyond repair. I get so angry that other people can be compelled to destroy another person's property (especially genitals!) for any reason. Circumcision "mishaps" are tragic disasters; the first one should have been a wake up call. Medicine was able to dissuade parents into its belief system which is in its own state of religious dogma and denial. If medicine were based in true natural science, without an agenda, I believe none of this would have happened.

Truth

Do not pay attention or investigate; leave mind in its own sphere...

Do not see any fault anywhere,

Do not take anything to heart,

Do not hanker after the signs of progress...

Although this may be said to be what is meant by non-attention,

Yet do not fall prey to laziness;

Be attentive by constantly using inspection.

• -sGam.po.pa, The Jewel Ornament of Liberation, trans. Herbert V. Guenther (Berkeley, Calif.:Shambhala, 1971),pp. 216-17

What is truth? What is belief? What is faith? What is love? What is hate? Who am I? Who are you? What is right? What is wrong? What is science? What is conscience? What is justice? And whose interest does ignorance serve?

During this difficult period of remembering and repeating I found M.K.Gandhi's writings to bring great inspiration. His views on truth and non-violence are beautiful and a society that practices these natural processes is one I want to live in. During my introspection I learned how truth is real. What I want is to know truth no matter how painful it is.

It came as a relief to find the motive for specific patterns of behavior I expressed during my life so far. I feel as if I can stop repeating these patterns and move on. Sex and orgasm has turned from a confusing unpleasant experience into something joyful and pleasing. I look forward to the coming years of restoration to achieve a more natural feel. Before my memory surfaced, sex was not an experience, it was a function. It was if I could not understand it or that I knew something wasn't quite right. I have had years of problems and I know I am not alone.

I remember as a little boy, before I knew the truth about circumcision, I used to push my glans back under the penile shaft and hope it would stay. How odd it is to look back and wonder, was there an instinctual knowledge or did I unconsciously know the truth back then and wasn't mature enough to be able to handle it?

I have come to despise ignorance, hypocrisy, greed and dogma. I especially despise these parts of myself that I have developed over time as a protective defense from the pain. I endeavor to acknowledge these traits whenever I may use them and hope that I can free myself from their limitations.

Activism

"We men are tired of seeing parents misled by doctors. We men are tired of being lied to and ignored by doctors on this issue. As men who were circumcised as infants and who live with the long-term physical and psychological consequences of a surgery we did not choose, we have a right and a responsibility to speak up about a practice we know has harmed us and continues to harm others." MEN WILL NO LONGER BE SILENT! - Tim Hammond, Founder of NOHARMM (National Organization to Halt the Abuse and Routine Mutilation of Males)

One of the only ways I can heal my emotional scars is being able to educate others to help end one of the most strange and sickening practices that medical science and culture has done to our children. Religion has no right to behave in this manner either. If genital cutting is a requirement of a religion then it should be after the individual has matured enough to decide on his or her own whether or not he or she wishes to be in that religion. In my case my person BEING circumcised has violated MY religion and there is no going back! Parents have no right to force anything on children, and altering their sexual organs or any other part of their body should be condemned.

Ethics is the greatest obstacle to achieving illicit power and the influence to convince people to comply with agonizing, abnormal agendas. Silence perpetuates, protects and hides the unethical.(15)

You may be call me an "activist" but I am only asking that people do what is natural and moral. Maybe I prefer the term "normalism" or "normalist?" I am ashamed to be human when I think that I am asking parents and doctors not to harm their children's genitals! If there is a god, I think he cries every time his creations are violated and vandalized in such manner and must feel the pain they feel, one at a time, hundreds of millions in total.

"It is easy enough to say, ‘I do not believe in God.’ For God permits all things to be said of Him with impunity. He looks at our acts. And any breach of His law carries with it, not its vindictive, but its purifying, compelling punishment." - M.K. Gandhi

Acceptance, Forgiveness, and Restoration

Until I stopped being afraid of my pain, or until I recognized that I was afraid, I've never felt more real and genuine. My pain is real but so now is my joy.

I am still working on this part, acceptance and forgiveness will take more time I guess. The sections I have written so far are still incomplete. I am always asking questions about truth, faith, love and forgiveness.

Foreskin restoration has been part of the healing process for me. I'm was a victim, now I am survivor.

I don't feel like I am ready to forgive or maybe I never will. If that is so then maybe acceptance never really happened, but who is to say when it has or hasn't anyway.

Part of the restoration process is not just my physical body, but the restoration of the society in which I live. Blinded by so many things, we have truly harmed the most precious thing we have, our children. Children are not objects for us to control, raise for our benefit, manipulate, or take pride in who they become. You can admire them for their being but you cannot take credit for it.

All of America is an injured child right now. Look at the actions we have taken. Where are we going? What are we doing? Why are we doing it? Our views of life are becoming more astray and more distorted. We are lost and looking for the one who was supposed to protect us.

Forgetfulness, Recurrence

If it was possible for humanity to FORGET the original reason why circumcision was done and then to not even QUESTION it being done to our own children, then it can and will happen again. On top of all this, "medicine" is now able to harm children in a cold calculated way, by stealing infant foreskins and profiting with impunity.

Will we work so hard to show people their mayhem, their hysteria, their blindness, only to forget what has occured? Or for it to be trivialized? To overlook that part of the past we would rather not look at? It is one of my greatest fears.

I can hardly stand living in this society. It is like we are all asleep and numb to reality. I was numb; I didn't want to believe what had happened. A truly horrible abuse; perverted and despicable. Boys and girls worldwide are mutilated by the very adults who are supposed to protect them, who in turn do it to their children because it was done to them.

The politics of "government" only further perpetuates the crime and more children continue to be hurt by apathy. Democracy is a cowardly institution today befitting the name of hypocrisy rather than the pretense of freedom.

Circumcision is medical medievalism. I and millions of Americans were born in the dark ages.

Today Science and Technology are seen as crucial products of "civilization." However, more and more people are becoming dependent on others to explain these advancements. No one thinks for him or herself or regards him or herself as the authority. How else could mothers and fathers mutilate their children and be happy they did it. Flip the coin and Doctors who circumcise against their conscience lose that part of themselves called authority.

"We might get away with it for a while but this combustible mixture of ignorance and power is going to blow up in our faces..." - from Carl Sagan's The Demon-Haunted World

Source Notes

(1) Sheila Kitzinger, Alfred A. Knopf "The Complete Book of Pregnancy and Childbirth" (New York 1996) p.365

(2) Paul M. Fleiss "The Case Against Circumcision" (Mothering Magazine 1995)

(3) NOCIRC Information Series #4 "Answers to Your Questions About Your Young Son's Intact Penis"

(4) T. Hammond "A preliminary poll of men circumcised in infancy or childhood" (National Organization to Halt the Abuse & Routine Mutilation of Males) - (NOHARMM)

(5) Jim Bigelow "The Joy of Uncircumcising" (Hourglass Books) - Founder and Director of (UNCIRC)

(Note from webmaster: I highly recommend this book to the circumcised or intact.)

(6) Mark Jenkins "Seperated at Birth" (Mens Health July/August 1998) p.132

(Note from webmaster: A difficult article to read. Describes the cold distant nature of a circumciser, I'm sure a state of mind that is very difficult to keep.)

(7) Marilyn Milos, RN. 1999 Mutilating Male Sexual Performance (The Compleat Mother Fall'99) p.47

(8) Mark Jenkins "Seperated at Birth" (Mens Health July/August 1998) p.132

(9) National Institutes of Health 19 - November 1999 - http://healthlink.mcw.edu/article/943045175.html

(10) Neonatal circumcision revisited Canadian Medical Association Journal 1996; 154(6): 769-780 Reaffirmed February 2001 Canadian Paediatric Society (CPS) http://www.cps.ca/english/statements/FN/fn96-01.htm

(11) AMERICAN ACADEMY OF PEDIATRICS Committee on Bioethics; Female Genital Mutilation (RE9749) Policy Statement; Pediatrics Volume 102, Number 1 July 1998, pp 153-156

(12) AMERICAN ACADEMY OF PEDIATRICS Task Force on Circumcision; Circumcision Policy Statement (RE9850); Pediatrics Volume 103, Number 3 March 1999, pp 686-693

(13) THE POPULATION COUNCIL LIBRARY CATALOGING DATA Sexual Coercion and Reproductive Health a focus on research / by Lori Heise, Kirsten Moore [and] Nahid Toubia. -- New York: Population Council. 1995. 59 p.

(14) Psychological, neurological, and sociological impacts of circumcision

Geoffery Falk http://www.cirp.org/library/psych/

(15) "Is Circumcision ethical or unethical? What others others have to say about it." Medical Ethics Network Inc.

(16)p.16, (17)p.77, (18)p.82 Ron Goldman Ph.D. "Questioning Circumcision, a Jewish Perspective"

(19) Mark Epstein M.D. "Thoughts Without a Thinker" (Basic Books, 1995)

~*~

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