Extenuating Circumstances
by Kelley Mason
I am constantly dumfounded by new mothers I know who have strong feelings against circumcision yet choose to leave the decision up to their husbands thinking that they should make the choice since they are men. This, in many cases, leads to their baby boys being altered and leaves the women feeling sorrow. This concerns me. Why aren't women standing up for their infant sons? As a Christian I believe that the husband is ultimately the head of the house hold and decision maker (after consulting with the family of course). I respect him for this, for his role as provider etc. and he respects us mothers as the barers and caregivers of the children. But this does not mean that we are to forget or ignore our God given instincts as mothers to protect the purity of our sons bodies as God created them.
I believe that women are more capable of making an informed, unbiased, decision about circumcision than many men are. Yes that is what I said!! I believe that many men have underlying feelings that may effect their rationality to make an unbiased, informed decision. And of course this only applies to the decision to circumcise not the decision not to since the decision not to is really not a decision at all it is merely letting things remain the way they were intended to be. And I applaud the many men who have allowed their sons to remain whole, they are not the ones that I refer to in this article.
You would think that men, being the ones with the penis's, would be the best qualified to make a decision regarding it. And this is true if he were choosing whether or not to circumcise himself. But as a man, circumcised or not, he is already biased. The man, who was circumcised as an infant, doesn't know what it is like to be uncircumcised and is not only unfamiliar with it, but probably a bit intimidated by it as well. He doesn't know whether or not he has less sensation during sex, or what effect the pain of the procedure had on him as an infant or what side effects it may have had (unless of course he is still suffering from those side effects). He only knows that he is circumcised, and most of his buddies are and that he is fine and happy and has no problems. I am sure he has even been herd to say "I am circumcised and I am fine". Being circumcised it all he knows. This is also the case with the uncircumcised man who chooses circumcision for his son (thought this would be quite rare indeed) based on, in some part, the experiences he has had being intact. A man, feeling a certain way about his "manliness" has preconceived notions about how his son would feel if left intact. These notions seem to overpower any facts that he has read about how unnecessary and harmful circumcision is. Let me give you an example of what I am talking about. The cars that we own are Volvo's, we have 2 of them. If a friend, about to buy his first car, were to ask my opinion what do you think I would say? I would recommend Volvo because it is what I know and love, and have had only good experiences with them. I really don't have much experience with many other types of cars. Volvo's have worked great for us. So my friend buys a Volvo as his first car and he HATES it! It is not fast enough, not sleek enough, and he wishes he would have bought that Mercedes he was looking at instead. I cannot fathom anyone not loving Volvo's. But hey, everyone is different. Fortunately for him he can go and buy a different car. The same can't be said for the boy who has been circumcised.
In looking at the reasons men choose to circumcise I am not talking about health, hygiene or religion (Jewish excluded) since these can be explained away with facts that these men cannot refute. We know for a fact that there are no significant health benefits as a result of routine infant circumcision. We know for a fact that the uncircumcised penis is no dirtier than a circumcised one and is, in fact, very easy to clean. And we know that for Christians circumcision is not required of us. This is blatantly obvious in the New Testament. For a man to try to use health, hygiene or religion as his reasons to circumcise is moot. He would have no argument because facts would not support him. Most of the reasons I hear about in the mans argument to circumcise their sons are purely cosmetic and egotistic. The biggest excuse I have heard, and the one that holds the least amount of weight, is that the man wants his son to look like his peers (despite of course the fact that in the US today 4 of every 10 boys are uncircumcised). He is afraid that his son will be made fun of in the locker room etc. Well I am not a guy, but I know for a fact that I never paraded around stark naked in front of my girl friends. So in my effort to understand that argument I have come to several conclusions. Perhaps these men made fun of their peers for various reasons in the locker room. Perhaps they were made fun or witnessed someone else being made fun of and they feel and are trying to protect their sons from having to experience this first hand. The flaw in this thinking is that our children are not us. Trying to protect them by having a surgical procedure performed on their genitals is not the answer. They have to find their own way. Rather than submitting your son to an irreversible procedure on the mere chance that someone will see his uncircumcised penis and make fun of him, it is better to educate him about it, let him feel proud of the fact that he is intact and perhaps he will not be the one feeling inferior after all but will feel pity for his peers who have had a piece of them cut off without their consent.
Another reason men choose circumcision for their sons is that, being circumcised themselves, they want their boy to look like them. No offense but this is obviously an ego driven decision. Does this man feel so inferior by his own circumcision that he needs to surround himself with men who look the same way? Does the idea of having an uncircumcised male in the house make him feel like he is not as much of a man? Maybe he thinks his son will feel odd if he looks different from his father. Once again I have to ask . . . so what? This can again be dealt with by educating your son about the fact that something was done to his father without his consent and that they didn't want to subject him to the same thing. Allow him to feel proud of how he was created instead of assuming that he will be ashamed of it.
I am convinced that we as women and mothers are much more capable of making a decision on circumcision. We are an objective third party. We can see the pros and cons with an opened mind not having preconceived notions. We can appreciate the perfection of our child's body because it grew inside us. We understand that our child was perfect at birth just the way God created him. We are talking about the removal of a part of the sexual organ of your infant son and doing so without his consent. This cannot be remedied or fixed. Yes, as parents we are in a position of authority over our children but we are also their caregivers and protectors. Who will stand up for our sons if not us? This is why I have such a hard time understanding why so many women step aside and leave the decisions up to their husbands who may not be able to make that decision without bias. Aren't we betraying our sons by not following our hearts and God given instincts and standing up for their well being?
But how can we protect our sons while respecting our husbands. There is such thing as compromise. A Godly husband will consider his wife's opinion in all his decisions. He understands the wisdom that God has given women and respects it. Compromise can be reached if both parities are willing to look at the facts. Perhaps you, as the mother, can take responsibility for teaching your son about your decision to leave him intact if his father is uncomfortable with doing so. Since this is dealing with the private sexual organs of your son why not let him make the decision himself. Perhaps when he is older if he expresses poor feelings about being intact he can be allowed to be circumcised. At least then it will be his decision. Maybe you can offer to give up something that you had desired. Can we not compromise some of our personal wants to protect our sons?
Don't give up!! These are extenuating circumstances!! Be persistent, be honest, share your convictions and your feeling!! Be respectful but don't back down!! Try to understand your husband so that he can understand you. Whatever compromises are needed lets protect our sons, and lets pray for our husbands. Don't give up on them. As women we have a great power of persuasion and much wisdom. Nothing is ever hopeless. God willing our husbands will eventually come around and our sons will retain those perfect little bodies they were born with. No scars, physically or emotionally.
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