Communication and Consent

Here are some key topics to discuss with your partner/s:

What type of relationship do you want?

Is it friendly, romantic, monogamous, casual, committed, sexual? All of these options are valid, and all parties involved should have a clear understanding of what they are getting themselves into.

STI/STD (Sexually Transmitted Infection/Disease) status and testing

Protecting yourself and your partner/s from STIs is a great way to show you care. A basic conversation includes each person sharing when they last got tested, which STIs they were tested for, and whether they consistently use safer sex methods such as condoms. An alternative approach is for partners to go get STI tested together.

If you have an STI, there is no need to feel embarrassed or ashamed. STIs are quite common and are typically easy to treat with proper diagnosis and medical care. However, it's very important to notify current and/or previous partner/s to inform them that they also need to get tested.

Safer sex and birth control

Along with STI status and testing, it's critical to discuss which safer sex supplies or method you will use with your partner/s to protect each other against STIs during sexual activity. If there is a possibility that you or your partner/s could become pregnant, you should discuss a plan for contraception 避孕 and what would happen in the event of an unplanned pregnancy.

Sexual pleasures

You are not required to share every private fantasy or desire with your partner/s, but it's important to communicate about what makes you excited and what doesn't work for you.

Find more guidance here on how to talk to your partner/s about sex.

Discussing boundaries

It's important to understand and discuss your sexual boundaries with partner/s. Boundaries include places you do not like to be touched and activities that you are not willing to explore. When partner/s are aware of these things it helps ensure that everyone feels safe and comfortable during sexual activity.

What is consent?

Consent a knowing, voluntary, and mutual decision among all participants to engage in sexual activity. Affirmative consent can be given by words or actions, as long as those words or actions create clear permission regarding willingness to engage in the sexual activity. More specifically:

• Silence or lack of resistance, in and of itself, does not demonstrate consent.

• Consent cannot be obtained through the use of force or coercion or by taking advantage of the incapacitation of another individual.

• A person is incapacitated when they lack the ability to make informed, rational judgments and therefore cannot consent to sexual activity.

In other words, consent is mutual, freely given, clear, active, enthusiastic, and sober.

It is important not to make assumptions. If there is confusion or uncertainty, stop and verbally clarify each participant's willingness to continue. Consent can be withdrawn at any time. When consent is withdrawn, sexual activity must stop immediately. Prior consent for any time of sexual activity does not imply current or future consent — even in the context of an ongoing relationship. Consent must be freely asked and received for each instance of sexual activity.

Learn more about consent here.

Review NYU Shanghai's sexual misconduct policies here.

Supporting a friend when they are talking about sexuality can be a huge help to them. If a person is comfortable with you, and you with them, it may be a good idea for both of you to talk about your questions involving sexual wellness. Here are some tips:

Listen attentively and without judgment

Listen to your friend without judgment as they explain or explore their personal values about sex and relationships. Don't feel pressured to provide answers or "solutions". If you don't feel emotionally, mentally, or physically capable of discussing some topics, let your friend know clearly. And if you are the one who wants to share, check in first to see if your friend feels comfortable to listen.

Be understanding and supportive

The path to understanding sexuality is not the same for everyone, and your friend's experiences, interests, and perspectives may be different from your own. Be open-minded and encouraging when a friend shares their decisions about sexuality whether it be their orientation, gender identity, or values.

Maintain their privacy

If a friend chooses to talk with you about their sexuality, this level of trust is something to take very seriously. It's important to not gossip or share this information with others unless your friend gives you permission.

If you are concerned about your friend's immediate safety, contact the NYU Wellness Exchange (021 2059 9999), Public Safety (021 2059 5500), or another appropriate resource.

Help them find more resources

If your friend is seeking information about sexual health, point them in the right direction, refer them to clinic, hospital, or school resources. You can also offer to go together with them to the Student Health Center on campus or for an STI test.