Parents

MESSAGE FROM DIRECTOR OF STUDENT WELLNESS, ELISSA KLINE BEBER

Dear Parents,

Twenty-one weeks ago, I wrote a letter to our York School parents sharing ideas about how to help children cope in a crisis as COVID-19 spread, shuttered schools and upended our lives. In my wildest imagination, I could not have anticipated how the past five months would have unfolded. If, at that time, someone foretold what lay ahead, I would have protested that there is no way that could happen. People will retreat indoors for months, away from the people they love? Children will not attend in-person school for the rest of the year? Milestones like graduations and weddings will have to be postponed? Millions of people will get sick? These eventualities feel like they belong in a different era and yet they are very much a part of our current reality. Here we are today; we are mask wearers, champion bread makers and jigsaw puzzlers. We have done precisely what people do when faced with a crisis - we have channeled all our internal resources to cope and adjust. Indeed, the past five month have been a crash course in both.

Now we are faced with a new challenge, grappling with the complexity of going back to school. I do not know a single parent who does not have some level of worry about sending their child back to school in September or not sending their child back to in-person school in September. Many of us have spent the summer digesting endless articles about children’s transmission rates and return-to-school experiences around the world. The list of uncertainties is long and different for every parent but a common thread is concern about how to help kids cope with a return to school that will look and feel very different from their previous school experience.

Safety first. We know that in order for children to engage in good learning they must feel physically and emotionally safe at school. Talk to your child in an age-appropriate manner about the return-to-school guidelines. Identify the safety precautions the school is taking to keep them healthy, including; hand hygiene, mask wearing, distancing and cohorting. Mindfulness practices, such as breathing regulation strategies, can be learned at any age and can be incorporated as part of their toolbox of healthy coping skills. If your child is not returning to in-person school in September, talk through the factors which have contributed to your decision making.

Preparation is paramount. Young people and adults alike need time to adjust to change. We know that a key feature of the return to in-person school plan is mask wearing. Children need to incrementally increase their time in a mask in the weeks before school to help them adapt to the experience of wearing masks for extended periods of time. Too, we know that children’s normal sleep routines have been significantly impacted over the last few months. Given that sleep is critical to wellbeing, start working back now to help your child adjust to a more regular sleep cycle. For many, routines have been all but eradicated over the past few months. What are other healthy routines that you want to begin to implement in advance of the start of the school year? If your child will be learning from home, consider their work space. Do they have a quiet place to work and the supplies they need? Structure and routine will help to foster a much needed sense of predictability and control in unpredictable times.

Focus on feelings. Talk, talk, talk to your children about their return to school - actually better than that - listen, listen, listen. Hear what they are excited about and normalize their worries. Parents, the more you send the message that there is no feeling too big for you to tolerate, the more you can help your children process their feelings about returning to school. A simple, “can you tell me more about that?” can help you dive more deeply into discussion. As always, keep in mind that children take their emotional cues from their parents. Consider how you are communicating your own feelings about the return to school.

Normalize. All the feelings make sense right now. Some students are feeling incredibly excited to return to in-person school with their friends. Some students are feeling the loss of separating from their families after so much time together at home. Some students are anxious about which friends will be in their small cohort. Some students who will be attending school virtually are worried about feeling left out from the in-school experience. Anxious feelings are a normal response to the discomfort of not knowing exactly what lies ahead. Make space for listening to and validating your child’s emotions. Together you can upack those feelings and work towards problem solving together.

Resilience. As the adults in our children’s lives, we have mourned the many losses our children have experienced over the past five months. This was not the end of year they expected, this was not the summer they anticipated, nor is it the typical start to a new school year that they would have hoped for. Yet, many of us have also seen our children’s resilience and strength emerge in ways that have surprised us. They have adjusted and pivoted and found creative ways to be kids and have fun. Celebrating their strength and demonstrated ability to cope will help to breed confidence that they can tackle this next challenge in their lives.

Ask for help when you need it. Children and adults alike need to know that asking for help is ok. While anxious feelings are normal, we need to notice when feelings interfere with a young person’s daily functioning such as their ability to eat or sleep. If you are concerned about your child’s mental health or if you yourself require additional support, do not hesitate to reach out to a member of our Wellness team. I cannot think of a time when the home/school partnership has been more important.

The York School’s commitment to teaching and learning through relationships is unwavering. We are rooted in the belief that kids flourish through authentic connections to themselves, their families, their peers and their teachers. Physical distance can not translate to emotional distance. We look forward to continuing to craft a new way of learning and growing together with student wellbeing firmly positioned as our north star.

As always, I invite you to reach out in the coming days and weeks as we navigate the start of school together.

Elissa Kline-Beber MSW, RSW
Director of Student Wellness