• The signs of critical incident stress are physical, cognitive, emotional and behavioural.  You can find these at the bottom of this page.

• The critical incident stress response can occur right at the scene, within hours, days, or even weeks.

• Your loved one may experience various signs/symptoms of a stress response, or they may not feel any of the signs.

• Suffering from the effects of critical incident stress is entirely normal.  Your loved one is not the only one suffering; other emergency personnel shared the event and are probably sharing the reaction.

• All phases of our lives overlap and influence each other, personal, professional, family, etc.  The impact of critical incident stress can be intensified, influenced or mitigated by our own personal, family, and current developmental issues.

• With understanding and your support, stress reactions usually pass more quickly.  Occasionally, the traumatic event is so painful that professional assistance from a counsellor may be necessary.  This does not imply weakness.  It indicates that the particular event was just too powerful and outside of an everyday experience for someone to manage alone.

• You may have your own feelings and reactions to your spouse’s symptoms and healing. Some common feelings are: Feeling abandoned by a spouse, anger/irritability toward children and/or spouse, fear for a spouse, sadness, loss, feeling isolated from a spouse, feeling unappreciated by a spouse, increased worry about a spouse’s safety, avoidance of spouse, numbness and isolation, etc.

• Encourage, but do NOT pressure, your loved one to talk about the incident and their reaction.  Talk is the best medicine.  Your best way of helping is to listen and reassure.  Remember that even if the event is upsetting to you and your loved one, your children may be affected, also.  They may need to talk, too.

• Take care of yourself.  Though not involved in the incident, you are a participant through your spouse.  Make sure there is someone with whom you can talk things out. It can be difficult and exhausting to care-take for others, so it is vital that you “put on your oxygen mask” first.

• Spend time with the traumatized person, and ensure you give them private time.

• Reassure them that they are safe.

• Help them with everyday tasks like cleaning, cooking, caring for family, minding children, etc.

• Don’t take their anger or sad feelings personally. It’s not unusual for a traumatized person to sometimes express extreme sadness or other emotions.

• Share your feelings about the situation.  Don’t say ‘I know how you are feeling’, because you don’t.  You may have gone through something similar but not through their experience or as seen through their eyes.

• Don’t tell them that ‘It could have been worse’ – these statements do not console traumatized people. Instead, tell them you are sorry such an event has occurred and you want to understand and assist them.

As parents, our first instinct is often to hide our responses from children.  Children's survival depends on perceiving the emotional state of adults upon whom they depend.  They know when their parent is upset.  When we don't acknowledge that to the child, they must make assumptions about what's upsetting us.  The child has a self-centred view of the universe and consequently decides that whatever has upset the parent is their fault.  This, of course, leads to heightened anxiety in the child and makes the situation worse.  Therefore, not telling a child what is happening doesn't shield them.  It creates distress.

Kids, especially younger kids, can react to your energy and moods. Things to watch for are:

• Acting out behaviour

• Regressive behaviour

• Anxiety

• Protectiveness

- We get protective of them

- They get protective of us

When talking with your kids, remember:

• Kids are much more concrete in their thinking than adults are.  They don’t grasp abstract concepts.

• Make sure you talk to them at a level they can comprehend.

• Young children need to be held.

• If you’re anxious, your kids will be anxious.

Other things to keep in mind:

• Adolescents exposed to trauma can develop PTSD more quickly because they haven’t developed the resiliency to process trauma. 

• Include the child in the cleanup efforts and other activities to return life to normal. He or she will feel more in control if able to help out a little.

• Adolescents can be self-centred and react as if an event only impacts them.

• Do not expect the child to take care of you and your stress.  Find help to cope with your stress.