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Task Description
Raz-Kids is an English reading platform which lets our students practise reading anytime, anywhere - at home, on the go and even during the summer holidays. To motivate students to read, the platform awards students by allowing them to create a customised avatar, using the Avatar Builder.
Colin was asked to write an adventure with his awesome avatar. The journey should include a clear story structure or story elements that could lead the reader through events clearly.
6A(24) Colin Suen
A Day with My Avatar
It was an ordinary day. I turned on the computer and logged onto Raz-Kids as usual. With all of my stars that I had saved for almost a year, I decided to decorate it to make it look better.
Suddenly, my avatar popped out from the screen and invited me to the Raz-Kids world. Without hesitation, I nodded my head and accepted gratefully. Then, I followed him and entered the Raz-Kids world.
However, Raz-Kids world did not look like what I had expected at all. It was not as colourful and futuristic as the world shown on the website. Then, my avatar led me to his rocket. Inside the rocket there were robots and strange contraptions that could contact the earth at any time. While I was looking shocked by these contraptions, my avatar invited me to his secret base. Although I felt excited, I did not really trust him. He then called me once again, and I followed him to his secret base, reluctantly.
Inside the base, there was a strange machine. After my avatar turned on that machine, the walls and the floor began to change colour and music started playing. It was actually a dance pool! We really had a great time dancing.
After that, it was time for me to leave. I said goodbye to my avatar and went back home through the portal.
That night, I kept thinking about those magical things that happened. It was a wonderful day with my avatar, and I would not forget about it in my lifetime.
Student's Reflection
I think the topic of this writing is quite open, and yet it requires the writer’s creativity. If I could improve this writing, I would describe my Raz-Kids avatar better, since it looked hilarious in my Avatar Builder. I would also write more about his personality to make this story more entertaining.
Teacher's Comment
Colin starts out on an ordinary day, but very quickly this is contrasted by a building suspense. The feeling of unease makes the reader feel rather anxious or afraid because the storyteller thinks that something is wrong or that there is danger. In the end, a dynamic dance pool solves the puzzle.
Colin is able to create a thrilling atmosphere and settle the discomfort with a pleasant surprise. The tone of his writing is appropriate, and it is fun to read.
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