VUSD's DAILY DOSE OF SOCIAL EMOTIONAL WELLNESS

June 4, 2020

“Counting sucks!”

The comedian Yakov Smirnoff tells a story about when he first came to the United States from Russia and he was shocked by the variety of instant products available in American grocery stores. “On my first shopping trip, I saw powdered milk -- you just add water, and you get milk. Then I saw powdered juice -- you just add water, and you get juice. And then I saw baby powder, and I thought to myself, ‘What a country!’”

We live in a fast-paced, instant access world. We’ve become unaccustomed to waiting. In fact, that’s one of the things I’ve struggled with most during the past few months – the waiting. Waiting for clarity, waiting for updates, waiting for change.

This idea of patience and waiting struck me the other night when I asked my daughter to take her dog out to “handle her business”. Nike, my daughter’s dog, which she named after the shoes and the goddess of victory, had been barking and scratching at the door on and off for roughly 30 minutes. Needless to say my patience was growing thin. I called out from the other room to tell my daughter to take Nike out; to which she replied, “I’ve already taken her out three times. She won’t go.” To her defense, Nike’s routine is a bit cumbersome.

June 1, 2020

Social Awareness

When I was young, my mom would make breakfast for dinner every so often. I remember one night in particular when she made breakfast after a long, hard day of work. We all sat down to eat and my mom placed a plate of eggs, warmed up hot dogs, and extremely burnt biscuits on the table. I remember waiting to see who would respond first, but I didn’t have to wait long – it was my dad.

He instructed us to close our eyes and said a prayer of thanks for the meal we were about to eat. He then opened his eyes, grabbed a biscuit, and smiled at my mom as he asked me how my day was at school. I don’t remember what I told him that night, but I do remember watching him smear butter on that ugly burnt biscuit and then eat every last charred crumb. He ate it as though it were the best thing he’d ever tasted – not even a slight grimace or a hard swallow.

May 27, 2020

Social Emotional Learning.

I can’t open my email inbox these days without coming across some type of SEL webinar, remote training, free trial, or online lesson suite. Unfortunately some of these efforts are examples of the, “once it’s labeled, it sells” phenomena, but let’s be honest, SEL isn’t new; it’s just well-researched and repackaged. For centuries, one generation after another taught the next the customs, traditions, knowledge, values, and practices needed to live positively and productively within their social and physical environment. As children and adults, it’s important that we’re all able to effectively understand and manage emotions, set and achieve positive goals, feel and show empathy for others, establish and maintain positive relationships, and make responsible decisions (CASEL definition of SEL).

Especially now, we know our students, staff, and families need social emotional support. But first, as educators and care providers, there are a few critical assertions we must acknowledge if we are to both model and provide SEL.

1. SEL competencies are just that – competencies (i.e. skills). Social emotional wellness is not innately determined. These competencies can be learned, strengthened, and improved. Sure, we have unique characteristics, traits, and tendencies that impact our interests and aptitudes, but everyone is capable of developing social emotional competencies. They are learned not inherited.

2. SEL isn’t a boxed curriculum, a set of lessons or activities, or a program. Granted, these tools can be incredibly helpful in facilitating social emotional learning opportunities, but SEL is a learning process. It involves both designated and integrated instruction. In the classroom or online learning environment this may include specific lessons explicitly teaching about SEL competencies as well as related opportunities to practice these competencies connected to other learning activities. In the community and in life, SEL involves intentionally attending to our relationships; setting daily, weekly, or longer term goals and action steps; practicing empathy and vulnerability in our interactions; demonstrating healthy self-care and coping strategies; and critically evaluating social situations.

3. You are a walking SEL lesson. Every day you demonstrate attitudes, behaviors, emotions, and patterns of thinking that the people around you observe. SEL does not begin and end during third period or an afternoon lesson block. So while we may provide students with explicit instruction related to the five SEL competencies, our lives teach our students, our colleagues, our families, and our friends every day. Therefore, if we intend to teach SEL, it’s imperative that we attend to our social emotional wellness and we regularly engage in SEL ourselves, lest we confound our students’ learning with our example. Put simply, we must “practice what we preach”.

May 21, 2020

“I know what we’re gonna do today”

This is the tagline from possibly the greatest cartoon of the 21^st century – Phineas and Ferb. My daughter’s been re-watching old episodes as a part of her “distance learning” daily schedule – media arts appreciation, I believe. I’ll be honest, after 9 hours of zoom calls, I’ll walk through the living room where she’s seated on the couch and find myself getting sucked into the zany escapades of these middle-school aged cartoon kids. If you haven’t seen the show, each and every episode centers around an amazing idea spawned in the imaginations of these two brothers, Phineas and Ferb. You never know what will follow “I know what we’re gonna do today”, but it’s always worth the watch.

So I ask you, “what are you gonna do today?” Better yet, “what positive things might you do today that you hadn’t planned to do?” Maybe you’re not up for building a rocket, finding a mummy, or climbing up the Eiffel tower; discovering something that doesn’t exist or giving a monkey a shower (title song to Phineas & Ferb), but I encourage you to ask, “what encouraging, exciting, fulfilling, and/or positive thing am I gonna do today?”

• Do something fun. Whether it’s 30 minutes or an entire afternoon or evening, finding time to have fun is well worth it. Not only is fun, well… fun, but fun activities are often personally fulfilling. Fun also helps strengthen and improve relationships, either because we’re having fun with others or because we later carry our positive experiences into our interactions with our friends and family. Having fun also releases dopamine in our brains, which improves mood and also helps reduce stress and lower anxiety and depression. So you’re not just having fun, you’re also improving your mental health.

• Do one thing on your to-do list. Committing that you will do at least one of your “to-dos” and then doing it often results in a ripple effect. Once we’ve overcome that hurdle of doing one thing, we may find it easier to accomplish others. Plus, completing tasks on our to-do list helps us feel more accomplished and productive, which results in improved mental, physical, and emotional health.

• Do something new. It doesn’t have to be something extreme, although that’s okay too. It could be trying a new recipe, playing a new game, opening a new book, impressing (or maybe embarrassing) your kids by learning a tik-tok dance, or maybe just taking a different route home as you return from your essential outing. Warning: doing new things may cause you to become a happier, healthier, smarter, and more creative you.

May 18, 2020

Living in Peace – part two

Last Friday I shared three principles for peace, as outlined by Dr. James Cecy. These principles are 1) look for common ground, 2) treat all people as important, & 3) enter into their feelings. Today, I’m excited to share two more principles for living in peace with one another.

• Don’t “look out for number one”. There’s an old story of two mountain goats that meet on a narrow mountain ledge. On one side of the ledge is a sheer vertical cliff that cannot be scaled and on the other side a 3,000 drop to the valley below. Both goats come to a stop and just look at each other, but neither goat tries to challenge or dominate the other. There isn’t a fight to determine which goat passes and which one is thrown into the abyss; they just stare straight at each other, neither lowering its head. Then very slowly one goat lies down and the other quite literally walks over him. Had they both asserted their position they likely would’ve perished. They had to be willing (at last one of them) to yield and lie down and let the other pass over. It took one to humble himself so both could remain alive and continue on their way.

• Be brave enough to forgive. Martin Luther King Jr. said, “Forgiveness is not an occasional act, it is a constant attitude.” Forgiveness in itself does not change the act of the offender nor the result of the offense that warrants forgiving. Rather, forgiveness releases the offender from the debt of injustice and the offended from their claim to vengeance. Forgiveness requires bravery because it requires being vulnerable and letting go of the wrongdoing we may have held on to as a personal defense. By not forgiving, we hold onto another’s wrong and keep it at our side, ready to wield it should all else fail. Forgiving means casting it to the side and moving forward weaponless, with empty hands and open arms. Only when we’re willing to lower our defenses and empty the armory of our hearts through forgiveness are we able to fully experience peace in our relationships.

Please, share about living in peace with your friends, family, colleagues, and others. We’ll continue to explore how we might pursue peace in our lives over the next few days. Until tomorrow…

May 13, 2020

When peace like a river attendeth my way,

when sorrows like sea billows roll;

whatever my lot, though hast taught me to say,

“It is well, it is well with my soul.”

Horatio Gates Spafford wrote the lyrics to the age-old hymn, “It is well with my soul” in 1873. The opening verse is listed above, the lyrics of which convey a prevailing sense of peace in the midst of the burdens and vulnerability of life. What’s most compelling about this text is the story behind why it was written.

Horatio Gates Spafford was not a composer or song-writer, but rather an attorney and professor of medical law at Lind University (i.e. Chicago Medical College) in Chicago, IL. Late in 1873 he and his family were set to sail to Europe on the Ville du Havre, but he was forced to stay behind to attend to business while his wife and four daughters sailed to Wales ahead of him. On November 22, 1873 the Ville du Havre collided with another ship and sank in just twelve minutes. Spafford’s wife was pulled from the ship’s wreckage and saved, but his four daughters drowned in the sea.

Weeks later, he and his wife sailed back to the U.S. together. Four days out, the captain of the ship called Spafford to his cabin and told him that they were sailing over the area where his children went down. According to one of his daughters who was born following the tragic incident, Spafford wrote the text to “It is well with my soul” on the ship as he and his wife sailed over the spot where they lost their four daughters.

During the past 140+ years, the lyrics to this song have brought comfort to many as a reminder of the peace that is possible even in the midst of life’s many “whys”.

“Peace may be felt in the warmth of the sun, but it’s forged in eye of the storm.”

May 5, 2020

Truth is ever to be found in simplicity, and not in the multiplicity and confusion of things

• Sir Isaac Newton

Minimalism, tidying up, decluttering, streamlining – these are all terms that describe approaches to living a simpler, less encumbered life. While typically focused on material items, the basic idea is that by ridding ourselves of unnecessary things, we free ourselves from unneeded stress and better prioritize our time and energy, allowing us to focus on those things in our lives that matter most. As we’ve likely spent more time in our homes than ever before, now may be a good time to take stock of what’s around us and consider whether a little decluttering may help us feel less stressed and more content.

“Stuff” takes time and energy to maintain and keep up with, both of which are finite resources. If you’re interested in decluttering personal belongings, here’s a few approaches you may want to consider:

• KonMari Method – aka “Tidying Up with Marie Kondo”

• Minimalism Game – 30 day game by “The Minimalists”

• Oprah’s Closet Hanger Experiment & other ideas from Peter Walsh

• 4-Box Technique – just like it sounds. All you need is four boxes

It’s not just the things in our lives that create clutter and stress. Prioritizing time, activities, and even relationships can help us experience less frustration and anxiety; and also lead to greater fulfillment, peace, and life satisfaction. More about that tomorrow…

Until then, here’s a few more quotes to ponder:

“Simplicity is the ultimate sophistication” —Leonardo Da Vinci

“Minimalism is about intentionality, not deprivation” —D. Stojanivic

“Simplicity is the glory of expression” —Walt Whitman

“The secret of happiness, you see, is not found in seeking more, but in developing the capacity to enjoy less.” —Socrates

April 30, 2020

What is normal? The word normal comes from the Latin, normalis – describing something made using a carpenter’s square. Meaning that it would be perpendicular, aligned, and fit a pattern. From a physical or psychological health perspective, normal is often associated with being healthy, but more accurately refers to what is standard, average, or typical. Interestingly, since the concept of normal is tied to environmental patterns and external standards then what is normal is relative and largely contextual; and thereby changeable. Enter the idea of a “new normal”.

Most all of us, the normal ones at least (kidding :D), find ourselves establishing new routines, expectations, and patterns of behavior. You might accurately say that we are establishing a new normal. In the REL West webinar, “Strategies for Districts to Support Self-Care for Educators During the COVID-19 Pandemic”, Dr. Christina Pate and Dr. Kaylene Case suggested the following as we move forward in creating a ‘new normal’.

• Be realistic (and gentle) with yourself and encourage others to do the same. We are in the midst of a global event that has drastically changed the way we go about our lives and it’s happened over the course of weeks. It’s okay to acknowledge the changes and the challenges and not expect or assume that things should just continue as, dare I say, ‘normal’. Patiently consider what is reasonable for yourself and afford others the same generosity.

• Reduce the workload for yourself and others. Attention, energy, time – they’re all finite resources. During this season there are numerous consumers of these resources, each vying for a slice of our attention, energy, or time; and the same is true for our students and their families and the other staff we work with. We needn’t abandon what needs to be done, but we may consider modifying, differentiating, or chunking out the demands.

• Consider what was and is effective and beneficial; and what was not. As we establish this new normal we must also be flexible, knowing that sooner or later things will begin to shift back to previous states of normalcy. It’s during this process that it’s important for us to remember that normal doesn’t equal healthy. Let’s consider what we appreciate about both of our normals – what is good and healthy; and hold onto those things. It’s also important to identify what wasn’t working or what wasn’t beneficial and to be willing to change. After all, if we’ve learned anything, it’s that normal will always change.

April 22, 2020

Sleep. That timeless elixir and restorative reset button of our human existence. The older I get, the more precious my sleep becomes to me. Sorry, that sounded a bit like a Lord of the Rings line, “sleep… my precious…”. Yes, I just made this kinda weird, but I stand by it – sleep is that important. I know this because the lack of sleep has a similarly profound negative impact on our lives. This time of COVID-19 quarantine is ripe for sleep difficulties – our daily patterns are off, we’re spending more time looking at screens (for work, entertainment, socialization, and news) throughout the day, and we’re likely experiencing greater stress and worry.

While I’ve studied aspects of sleep as a school psychologist and psychology instructor over the years, I’m definitely no sleep expert. However, I learned a bit more about the importance of sleep after recently reading an article by Jill Suttie (author and clinical psychologist), who interviewed Dr. Shelby Harris, the former director of the Behavioral Sleep Medicine Program at Montefiore Medical Center and associate professor at the Albert Einstein College of Medicine. Here’s some of the advice Dr. Harris offered about getting a good night’s sleep during times of heightened stress.

• Prioritizing sleep is prioritizing relationships. Sleep is important for our physical health, but also for our emotional and mood regulation; and thereby our relationships. We are more likely to be irritable when sleep deprived, both at work and at home. In times like these when we’re already stressed, a lack of sleep will add to the tendency to more quickly and easily react in frustration.
• Daily routines impact sleep patterns. Worry, stress, and anxiety can make it hard to fall asleep or even keep us up after just a few hours of rest, but even if we’re not overly worried our lack of schedule or routine may be what’s keeping us up at night. Changes to our daily schedules, our circadian rhythms, throw our sleep off track. Not sleeping in our same bed, staying up late or sleeping in, binge-watching or tracking the news and getting that increased light exposure at night, not keeping to the same exercise routine, or socializing during the day. All of these changes to our routines can rob us of our sleep.
• Media in moderation. News intake, social media, watching movies and television – all of these things have their place, but a little bit of structure and discipline can significantly benefit our overall sleep health.
  • Limit news intake. It’s important to stay informed – the goal isn’t to live in avoidance. However, we should be thoughtful about what we’re checking and when we’re checking it. Here’s a few recommendations:
    • Try to limit checking the news to once a day for 60 minutes or less.
    • Stop checking the news at night when nothing is changing.
    • Add 15-20 minutes of positive news into your 30-60 minutes of news during the day.
    • Find other ways to wind down at night. Practice yoga, meditation, prayer, or self-reflection – things that are more personal.
  • Self-monitor your social media activity. For many of us, social media provides a way to connect with others. For some it’s purposeful and encouraging, but for others social media feeds can be a trigger. We need to be mindful about our experience and if needed, stay off social media as best as possible.
  • Stay away from screens before bed. Not all binge-watching is bad. It’s okay to lose yourself in a good show or dive into a movie to escape reality for a little while, but it’s not good when we lose track of time and realize we’ve been watching well past our normal bedtime.
    • Avoid looking at screens at least 30-60 minutes before bedtime.
    • Go old school – read a book, find a magazine, or work on a puzzle.
    • Turn off the auto function on your television or streaming service so that when the current show ends the next one doesn’t immediately begin. Then make a mental note of looking at the time. If it’s close to your bedtime, turn it off.
    • If you absolutely cannot avoid staring into that beautiful screen, you can purchase blue-light blocking glasses. Blue-light exposure is a huge deal in the sleep field. You don’t want blue light right before bed because it reduces your natural melatonin. Melatonin is the hormone usually released in your brain when the sun goes down and makes you sleepy. It’s not a good idea to interfere with its release.

If you actually read all the way to this point, you’re probably ready for a nap - but don’t do it!!! Dr. Harris points out that trying to compensate for a lack of sleep by parsing it out during the day or the next morning may actually make things worse. She recommends keeping a stricter sleep schedule by practicing the suggestions provided. I recommend having a wonderful day and an even better night’s rest!

April 17, 2020

“Daddy, I finally got to go to Disney World. But it wasn’t because I was good; it’s because I’m yours.”

Grace is undeserved kindness; unmerited favor. It’s given freely and without expectation. It’s a blessing just because, even if we don’t deserve it – especially if we don’t deserve it. We all need grace, especially in times like this. The people around us personally and professionally need our grace and we need to show ourselves grace. To be honest, I think I’m writing this to myself today – I need grace. Grace to not feel like I’m letting others down; to be okay with only completing a day’s work in a day; to be reminded that my best is enough even though sometimes it feels like I’m falling short at work and at home; and to know that I’m still valued despite my own perceived shortcomings.

As I was preparing to write this message, I was moved by an excerpt from Daniel Montgomery & Timothy Paul Jones’ book, “Proof”. It’s a little longer than my typical messages, but I trust you’ll be encouraged as well.

Which of yours needs grace today? Maybe it’s you?

April 14, 2020

I dwell in possibility - Emily Dickinson

The power of hope lies not in its immediate experience, but in the assurance and belief that the focus of one’s hope will one day be experienced. In a society that promotes immediacy (one click shopping, next day delivery, on demand, 24-hour access) it’s amazing that hope hasn’t yet been relegated as an antiquated idea. But hope carries on.

Hope is the steadfast pursuit of some positive future experience. It’s an adjective, a noun, a verb, and an adverb – I could honestly bore you for hours talking about the nuances of hope – from research to religious platitudes. I won’t do that. I will however encourage you to take 3 minutes and consider the following questions:

• • What do you want life to look like 6 months from now? (For you? For your family and friends? For your co-workers and staff? For your students and their families?)

  • What do you want the people around you to remember from this time in their lives?

You see, hope involves both a will and a way. So let me leave you with this last question – what will you do this week to prepare the way for your hopes yet to come?

I am fundamentally an optimist. Whether that comes from nature of nurture, I cannot say. Part of being optimistic is keeping one’s head pointed toward the sun, one’s feet moving forward. - Nelson Mandela

April 1, 2020

Music and rhythm find their way into the secret places of the soul. -Plato

I love listening to music. I love singing to music – I may or may not have been a soloist in the 1988 Memorial Baptist Children’s Musical. I love dancing to music, humming along (I’m not great with lyrics), or even just tapping and swaying to the beat. And I’m not alone. Nearly every people and culture in the course of human history has a music of their own. The human brain is wired to distinguish music from noise and to respond to rhythm and repitition, tones and tunes (Harvard, 2011). It’s not all that surprising then that music has numerous positive effects on human health; physical, physiological, and psychological.

• Music enhances cognitive performance. Numerous studies have found that music enhances cognitive abilities such as memory, attention, and language. While experts aren’t 100% sure why this is, it’s thought that music may help organize neural activity, which results in more efficient brain functioning.

• Music reduces stress. In a similar way that people across centuries have used music to express their feelings and emotions, music can also serve to alter them. After all, it was British dramatist William Congreve in 1697 who said, "Music has charms to soothe a savage breast.” Music is even used during medical and surgical procedures as studies show it helps to lower patient and medical staff stress (including lowering heart rates, blood pressure, and stress-related hormones).

• Music improves mood. Music doesn’t just calm the nerves, it can also help raise our spirits and make people of all ages feel more happy, energetic, and alert. Researchers have even found similar affects for individuals with depressive illnesses. Lizzo may not replace Prozac anytime soon, but when it comes to sadness and depression, even a little help strikes a welcome chord (Harvard, 2011).

So whether you’re driving to a school for meal distribution, working on your computer at home, or helping your kids make the most of their Wednesday, turn on the tunes and let music do its work. If you need some inspiration, here’s a few songs from the COVID-19 playlist my wife and kids have been compiling:

March 27, 2020

We live in the information age. Breaking news, urgent reports, and the latest updates bombard us on our phones, computers, televisions and print media. This past week there were two YouTube clips about toilet paper that went viral in Australia. One was of three grown women fighting in a store over a package of toilet paper. The other was of two young children dragging a large cart of toilet paper behind them and stopping at the homes of elderly people in their neighborhood to give them a roll. Crises can bring out both the worst and the best of human nature.

Look for the good in others. Tuning into the positive moments and the kindness and beauty of humanity will aide us as we go further into the unknown as well. Taking charge of our mental health and fostering positive emotions has well documented flow-on effects.

Increased resilience: research has shown that when we experience positive emotions on the back of a stressful event, we bounce back more quickly and even have a faster “cardiovascular recovery” time – our heart rate lowers and our blood pressure stabilizes more quickly when we are able to be positive (Frederickson et al., 2000).

• Increased immune functioning: a study at the University of Wisconsin-Madison where people were introduced to the influenza virus and rhinovirus found that those people who reported more positive emotions (happy, pleased, relaxed) were more likely to fight off the symptoms. People who reported negative emotional styles showed fewer antibodies and were more likely to develop the illness (Cohen. et al., 2007; Davidson, 2003).

• Increased mental clarity: positive emotions boost our problem solving abilities as well as our judgment, decision-making, cognitive flexibility and creativity. Staying positive will help you and those around you better solve all those little problems being thrown your way, like using new technology platforms and developing resources to support learning (and working) from home.

The world around us is a vast landscape of human interaction; anyone can find the dirt. Be the one that finds the gold!