VUSD's DAILY DOSE OF SOCIAL EMOTIONAL WELLNESS

Starting each morning with a positive routine can help us begin our day on the right foot and guide us through the realities of our current lives. So, lets all make an effort to start each day with a positive mind and a grateful heart. Below you will find daily doses of social and emotional learning, by Ben Dhillon - Director of Social Emotional Wellness, to keep us on a positive path. Have a great day!

June 5, 2020

“Make sure you have finished speaking before your audience has finished listening” - Dorothy Sarnoff

During a zoom meeting yesterday I was asked to share about my “why” for social emotional learning (SEL). The moderator of the discussion was clear to say that she wasn’t asking about our personal, big picture “why”, as that may take too long. However, to me they are one and the same – my “why” is simple and at the core of everything I do. I am passionate and committed about helping people, all people, experience hope and purpose in their lives. It’s why I think SEL is important. It’s why I work in education. It’s why I write this message each morning. I encourage you today, this last day of the school year, to reflect on your why – your purpose. Why do you do what you do – professionally and personally? For what reason are you here, in this time and in this place? What drives you? And how might you better live out your answer to these questions in the hours, days, and weeks to come?

My primary reason for writing the daily dose has been to share hope, inspire purpose, speak truth and love, and encourage positive action. I hope in some small way, even if just once, it’s been that for you. If so, then it’s been worth it. They say that one of the most genuine forms of respect is listening to what someone has to say – so thank you. Thank you for reading, for listening, for sharing, and for allowing me this very simple indulgence – to regularly bombard your email inbox with my random thoughts . :)

I made a commitment to myself that I would write the daily dose every morning until the last day of school, today, June 5^th. I thank you for the privilege to share with you each morning these past few months. While the daily dose will not continue in its regular daily format after today, it will continue. I just haven’t decided exactly how yet. Maybe the “weekly word” or the “random report”? Possibly the “spontaneous splash”, the “bi-weekly blast”, the “occasional offering”, or the “every-other-day exhortation”? Or what about the “weekend wrap”, coming out on Fridays and Mondays (get it? – Friday and Monday “wrap” around the weekend :D)?

Until then, I pray you experience hope and purpose… in the great and the small, in the easy and the hard, and in the simple and the complex.

Click here to read previous Daily Dose emails. Feel free to share as you like :)

June 4, 2020

“Counting sucks!”

The comedian Yakov Smirnoff tells a story about when he first came to the United States from Russia and he was shocked by the variety of instant products available in American grocery stores. “On my first shopping trip, I saw powdered milk -- you just add water, and you get milk. Then I saw powdered juice -- you just add water, and you get juice. And then I saw baby powder, and I thought to myself, ‘What a country!’”

We live in a fast-paced, instant access world. We’ve become unaccustomed to waiting. In fact, that’s one of the things I’ve struggled with most during the past few months – the waiting. Waiting for clarity, waiting for updates, waiting for change.

This idea of patience and waiting struck me the other night when I asked my daughter to take her dog out to “handle her business”. Nike, my daughter’s dog, which she named after the shoes and the goddess of victory, had been barking and scratching at the door on and off for roughly 30 minutes. Needless to say my patience was growing thin. I called out from the other room to tell my daughter to take Nike out; to which she replied, “I’ve already taken her out three times. She won’t go.” To her defense, Nike’s routine is a bit cumbersome.

When she was a puppy, Nike hated to be left alone. So much so that she wouldn’t “go” when we put her outside. She’d just sit there at the door barking and crying until finally she’d quiet for a minute and then start barking and crying again. We’d then let her back in the house assuming the brief pause indicated she’d finally “completed the act”, only to have her either rush to the door again or desecrate the floor of our home. She refused to “do the deed” when left alone outside. Dusting off my behavioral chops, I told my daughter we were going to systematically desensitize Nike to the process by standing outside the door with her so she didn’t have to “go” alone. What started as a well-meaning process has now evolved into quite the chore – Nike now insists that you stay outside with her while she “takes care of things”.

Unfortunately, we inadvertently conditioned one behavior while systematically desensitizing another and we’ve been unwilling to endure the extinction burst needed to change it. Therefore, the process of taking Nike out now requires that one stand outside the door while she saunters around, meandering in figure-eight movements until she finally works up the gumption to do what she came there to do. It struck me the other night that if my daughter had taken Nike out three times already, she probably just wasn’t waiting long enough to allow her to finish her digestive routine (pitiful, I know).

I walked into the doorway of the room where my daughter was and told her again, “I know you’ve already taken her out, but you’re not waiting long enough. Take her out again.”

“I’m telling you, she won’t go. I’ve tried!” she replied.

I could tell she was frustrated with the process, but I was confident of what needed to be done and said, “I know, but I need you to take her one more time; and this time I want you to count before coming back in. Count to 200 before you bring her back inside.”

She got up and obediently albeit begrudgingly, walked towards the stairs to do what was asked. With her head hung low and her shoulders hunched, as though carrying the weight of the world on her adolescent frame, she mumbled to herself, “counting sucks!”

I believe it was Chaucer who originally opined, “patience is a (conquering) virtue”. Long before him, Aristotle wrote, “patience is bitter, but its fruit is sweet.” More recently, Tolstoy poetically posed that “the two most powerful warriors are patience and time.”

Needless to say, patience is hard and sometimes “counting sucks”!

Click here to read previous Daily Dose emails. Feel free to share as you like :)

June 3, 2020

Responsible Decision-Making

Responsible decision-making involves the ability to make constructive choices about personal behavior and social interactions based on ethical standards, safety concerns, and social norms. This includes the realistic evaluation of consequences of various actions and a consideration of the well-being of oneself and others (CASEL). These skills are closely tied to the other components of SEL. For example, to implement a discipline policy fairly and ethically, adults must confront their own biases (self-awareness) and be able to respond thoughtfully rather than react when students misbehave (self-management); they also need to show curiosity and empathy towards the students and their circumstances (social awareness) and be able to build caring relationships with students while maintaining high expectations (relationship skills). Responsible decision-making includes:

Noticing and identifying problems

Analyzing the various aspects (e.g., moral, social, emotional, practical) of challenging situations
Realistically evaluating the consequences/outcomes of various possible outcomes/courses of action
Considering the well-being of both oneself and others; balancing individual interests with the greater good
Valuing ethical/moral principles, such as justice, fairness, and the rights and welfare of all people
Applying ethical standards to personal and social behavior
Recognizing the role of beliefs, values, and emotions in decision-making
Reflecting on one’s actions and their impact on others

As I typed this list of skills that make up the broad competency of responsible decision-making, I couldn’t help but think how much I personally need these skills right now. Responsible decision-making, while already a complex skillset, is exacerbated by heighten emotions and social distance. Fear, anger, sadness, frustration – the same emotions that compel us to justified action and righteous indignation can also complicate fair and ethical decision-making. In messages sent out to our school community earlier this week, both Brandon Gridiron (Administrator of Equity & Student Services) and Dr. Tamara Ravalin (Superintendent) shared the importance of demonstrating empathy, understanding, and support for everyone impacted by recent events; while also ensuring the safety and well-being of our students, staff, and families. Responsible decision-making skills assist us in effectively responding to the impact of inequity and intolerance, while emphasizing physical, psychological, and emotional safety for all members of our community.

As we wrap up this morning’s daily dose, I invite you to join me in a simple 3-minute practice:

30 seconds: Box breathing (breathe in-4 sec., hold-4 sec., breathe out-4 sec., hold-4 sec.) – repeat 2x

30 seconds: Consider the concerns/problems weighing on your mind

30 seconds: Reflect on your feelings and attitudes related to these concerns

30 seconds: Evaluate your actions – past/present/proposed and possible outcome/impact on yourself and others

30 seconds: Think about the people impacted or related to your concerns – picture their faces, consider their thoughts and feelings

30 seconds: Remind yourself of your core values and beliefs – say them to yourself

“May your choices reflect your hopes, not your fears” - Nelson Mandela

You can find more strategies and explore different ways to develop responsible decision-making and other SEL competencies on the Educator SEL Resources page of our district’s Social Emotional Wellness: Resources during COVID-19 website.

June 2, 2020

Relationship Skills

The Collaborative for Academic, Social, and Emotional Learning (CASEL) defines relationship skills as the ability to establish and maintain healthy and rewarding relationships with diverse individuals and groups. The ability to communicate clearly, listen well, cooperate with others, resist inappropriate social pressure, negotiate conflict constructively, and seek and offer help when needed.

While most everyone acknowledges the importance of relationships, it’s important to recognize that in addition to fostering healthy, positive relationships, it’s also important to build and strengthen the individual skills that allow us to engage in and benefit from these relationships. Relationship skills include:

Practicing listening and communication skills
Working cooperatively and respecting diverse viewpoints
Resolving conflicts
Offering and seeking help
Applying appropriate uses of humor
Practicing positive presuppositions (say that 10x fast)
Managing and expressing emotions
Resisting inappropriate social pressures

In the classroom, teachers use strategies such as community circles, get-to-know-you activities, team projects, cooperative learning structures, conflict resolution read-alongs, morning meetings, and many others to help students develop positive relationship skills. In the workplace, leaders work to foster relationship skills by utilizing structures and practices such as professional learning communities, staff check-ins, colleague connectedness activities, growth groups, peer mentorships, circles, group/individual reflect & share activities, meeting rituals, and more. In the home, relationship skills are often developed through child and adult play, family meals, game nights, cultural practices, family meetings, spontaneous conversations, road trips, religious activities, social gatherings, reading together, bedtime routines, and many others.

Whether in the classroom, the office, or the home; time spent developing positive and healthy relationship skills is never wasted. In fact, the way we live amongst our students, colleagues, and family helps shape the future; theirs and ours – good, bad, or indifferent. Consider this poem by Dr. Dorothy Law Nolte about the impact of relationships. Written for parents, “Children Learn What They Live” has inspired parents, teachers, coaches, counselors and others for over 50 years.

If children live with criticism, they learn to condemn.

If children live with hostility, they learn to fight.

If children live with fear, they learn to be apprehensive.

If children live with pity, they learn to feel sorry for themselves.

If children live with ridicule, they learn to feel shy.

If children live with jealousy, they learn to feel envy.

If children live with shame, they learn to feel guilty.

If children live with encouragement, they learn confidence.

If children live with tolerance, they learn patience.

If children live with praise, they learn appreciation.

If children live with acceptance, they learn to love.

If children live with approval, they learn to like themselves.

If children live with recognition, they learn it is good to have a goal.

If children live with sharing, they learn generosity.

If children live with honesty, they learn truthfulness.

If children live with fairness, they learn justice.

If children live with kindness and consideration, they learn respect.

If children live with security, they learn to have faith in themselves and in those about them.

If children live with friendliness, they learn the world is a nice place in which to live.

You can find more strategies and explore different ways to develop relationship skills and other SEL competencies on the Educator SEL Resources page of our district’s Social Emotional Wellness: Resources during COVID-19 website.

June 1, 2020

Social Awareness

When I was young, my mom would make breakfast for dinner every so often. I remember one night in particular when she made breakfast after a long, hard day of work. We all sat down to eat and my mom placed a plate of eggs, warmed up hot dogs, and extremely burnt biscuits on the table. I remember waiting to see who would respond first, but I didn’t have to wait long – it was my dad.

He instructed us to close our eyes and said a prayer of thanks for the meal we were about to eat. He then opened his eyes, grabbed a biscuit, and smiled at my mom as he asked me how my day was at school. I don’t remember what I told him that night, but I do remember watching him smear butter on that ugly burnt biscuit and then eat every last charred crumb. He ate it as though it were the best thing he’d ever tasted – not even a slight grimace or a hard swallow.

When I got up from the table that evening, I remember hearing my mom apologize to my dad for burning the biscuits. I’ll never forget what he said, “Honey, I love burnt biscuits every now and then.”

Later that night as I was getting ready for bed, I asked my dad if he really liked burnt biscuits. He gently placed his heavy hands on my shoulders and said, “Your mom’s been working hard and she’s really tired; and a little burnt biscuit never hurt anyone!”

Social Awareness describes the ability to recognize and understand the behaviors, thoughts, and feelings of others; as well as the ability to show empathy and value the perspectives of others, especially those who are different from us. Social awareness involves:

Demonstrating empathy for others
Recognizing and responding to social cues
Predicting and understanding others’ feelings and reactions
Appreciating diversity and demonstrating respect for others
Practicing social reasoning and perspective taking
Recognizing and using family, school, and community resources and supports
Demonstrating cultural humility
Acknowledging the inequities and privileges that affect groups and individuals

As adults, we can practice social awareness by:

Making an effort to get to know our students’ families and the unique strengths of their culture and community
Practicing cultural humility by questioning our assumptions about social and ethical norms, beliefs, and expectations; especially when encountering unexpected attitudes or behaviors in others
Paying attention to the comments and body language of others on Zoom calls and following up to connect personally as needed
Respecting and valuing the differences in how our colleagues, friends, and family members are responding to the current COVID-19 pandemic
- Showing compassion and honor to those who are hesitant and fearful, rather than using hurtful labels such as overly-dramatic, hyper-sensitive, or paranoid
- Demonstrating respect and understanding for those who are eager to resume normal activities, rather than suggesting they’re acting reckless, cavalier, or uncaring
- Practicing patience and showing support to those who are confused and unsure, but are doing their best in the midst of difficult circumstances
- Remembering that we’re all affected, some differently than others; but we’re all people with our own attitudes, beliefs, hopes, fears, experiences, values, thoughts, worries, concerns, ideas, and needs.

You can find more strategies and explore different ways to develop social awareness and other SEL competencies on the Educator SEL Resources page of our district’s Social Emotional Wellness: Resources during COVID-19 website.

May 29, 2020

Self-Management

My teenage sons and I were watching the 1995 movie Braveheart a few weeks ago. I’ll admit, I love war epics – not for the gratuitous violence, but for the stories of heroism, bravery, and honor. I admire the resolve required to stand in the face of adversity and to remain steadfast in the midst of chaos and despair. There’s a scene in the movie where William Wallace and his motley militia of Scottish rebels stand battle-ready as the charging British cavalry races towards them across the battlefield. You see the British soldiers and their horses careening towards Wallace and his men, but they hold their ground, standing stoically. As the cavalry inches closer and the pounding of the horses’ hooves grows to a roaring rumble, you hear Wallace yell, “hold…”, “hold…” and then at the last second he gives the command and the Scots drop to the ground and raise their long spears designed to defeat the imposing British cavalry.

Maybe your mind isn’t as weird and warped as mine; and you don’t think of social emotional wellness while watching battle scenes, but I’m reminded that self-management (e.g. impulse control, self-discipline, motivation, organization, stress management) isn’t about refusing to act or passively sitting by and watching what happens. Rather, it’s refusing to react or respond brashly – choosing to act thoughtfully and willfully in the right way at the right time. Self-management is important for children and adults as it’s desperately needed to effectively navigate the world we live in; a world of blessing and disaster, triumph and defeat, acceptance and discrimination, health and disease.

Self-management looks like:

controlling one’s impulses and emotions

choosing one’s words and one’s actions

setting and working towards goals deliberately and diligently

Self-management sounds like:

“I think I need help.”

“Can we talk about this later? I don’t think I’m ready.”

“I forgive you.”

“I can’t figure this out… yet; and I’m not giving up.”

Practicing self-management is as simple as changing our self-talk. For example, it could be shifting “I’m never going to be able to figure out this distance-learning thing. I’m just not a “tech” person” to “It’s important that I find a way to make this more manageable. I’m going to ask ____ for help”.

You can find more strategies and explore different ways to develop self-management and other SEL competencies on the Educator SEL Resources page of our district’s Social Emotional Wellness: Resources during COVID-19 website.

May 28, 2020

Self-Awareness

What began as a simple exchange about whether you need to go to the store to pick some things up for dinner has quickly escalated into a heated discussion about the need to complicate things and whether your own needs trump those of your loved ones. You realize this conversation is careening towards a very destructive end and quickly state, “I’m sorry. I’ve made this into a bigger issue than it needed to be. I really don’t feel that strongly, but I kinda backed myself into a corner and my emotions got the best of me. What do you think if…?”

What happened? It’s likely that you demonstrated self-awareness and responded using these skills to guide your behavior. You may have caught yourself using absolutes like, “I never” or “you always”; or maybe you recognized your own emotional cues (e.g. talking faster and louder, muscles tensing, face/neck feeling hot or flushed) and could tell things were escalating. Maybe you realized you were responding to something else entirely – you became defensive when the value of your preference versus that of others was acknowledged because you recognized this as selfishness and truth be told, you’re still working through that. You weren’t even talking about going to the store anymore.

These are examples of how we utilize self-awareness each and every day. Self-awareness is the ability to recognize and consciously engage with one’s emotions, thoughts, behaviors, values, judgments, goals, strengths, challenges, attitudes, biases, beliefs, mindsets, and so on. Skills that develop self-awareness include:

Labeling and recognizing one’s emotions
Identifying what triggers one’s emotions
Analyzing emotions and how they affect others
Understanding the relationship between one’s thoughts, feelings, and behaviors
Recognizing one’s needs, values, judgments, and biases
Identifying personal strengths and areas of growth
Cultivating humility, confidence, positive self-regard, a “growth” mindset, and optimism

As we go about our day, let’s take the opportunity to practice self-awareness. You can find strategies and explore different ways to develop self-awareness and other SEL competencies on the Educator SEL Resources page of our district’s Social Emotional Wellness: Resources during COVID-19 website.

May 27, 2020

Social Emotional Learning.

I can’t open my email inbox these days without coming across some type of SEL webinar, remote training, free trial, or online lesson suite. Unfortunately some of these efforts are examples of the, “once it’s labeled, it sells” phenomena, but let’s be honest, SEL isn’t new; it’s just well-researched and repackaged. For centuries, one generation after another taught the next the customs, traditions, knowledge, values, and practices needed to live positively and productively within their social and physical environment. As children and adults, it’s important that we’re all able to effectively understand and manage emotions, set and achieve positive goals, feel and show empathy for others, establish and maintain positive relationships, and make responsible decisions (CASEL definition of SEL).

Especially now, we know our students, staff, and families need social emotional support. But first, as educators and care providers, there are a few critical assertions we must acknowledge if we are to both model and provide SEL.

SEL competencies are just that – competencies (i.e. skills). Social emotional wellness is not innately determined. These competencies can be learned, strengthened, and improved. Sure, we have unique characteristics, traits, and tendencies that impact our interests and aptitudes, but everyone is capable of developing social emotional competencies. They are learned not inherited.

SEL isn’t a boxed curriculum, a set of lessons or activities, or a program. Granted, these tools can be incredibly helpful in facilitating social emotional learning opportunities, but SEL is a learning process. It involves both designated and integrated instruction. In the classroom or online learning environment this may include specific lessons explicitly teaching about SEL competencies as well as related opportunities to practice these competencies connected to other learning activities. In the community and in life, SEL involves intentionally attending to our relationships; setting daily, weekly, or longer term goals and action steps; practicing empathy and vulnerability in our interactions; demonstrating healthy self-care and coping strategies; and critically evaluating social situations.

You are a walking SEL lesson. Every day you demonstrate attitudes, behaviors, emotions, and patterns of thinking that the people around you observe. SEL does not begin and end during third period or an afternoon lesson block. So while we may provide students with explicit instruction related to the five SEL competencies, our lives teach our students, our colleagues, our families, and our friends every day. Therefore, if we intend to teach SEL, it’s imperative that we attend to our social emotional wellness and we regularly engage in SEL ourselves, lest we confound our students’ learning with our example. Put simply, we must “practice what we preach”.

May 26, 2020

Reflect & Remember

Yesterday was Memorial Day; a day set aside to honor the men and women who’ve died while serving in the U.S. military. Originally celebrated as Decoration Day following the Civil War, Memorial Day became an official federal holiday in 1971. For millions of Americans across the country, Memorial Day is a day of reflection and remembrance in honor of the individuals who gave their lives for our country and our freedom.

I would encourage us to not only reserve reflection and remembrance for Memorial Day and other national holidays, but to engage in these practices regularly. Setting aside time to reflect on the people and the events that’ve contributed to our lives helps promote gratitude, appreciation, humility, contentment, hope, and purpose. Whether it’s creating a life timeline (recording meaningful dates in one’s life leading up to the present), journaling, meditation, prayer, or simply pausing for a minute of reflection as we go about our otherwise busy lives; let us not forget to remember.

As you finish reading today’s Daily Dose, I invite you to take one minute, just 60 seconds, to reflect and remember. Think of the people who’ve contributed to your life. Think of events and circumstances that’ve brought you where you are today.

“In the End, we will remember not the words of our enemies, but the silence of our friends.” - Martin Luther King Jr

May 22, 2020

Putting a twist on an old classic can be tricky. Sometimes it goes over better than the first time; enter Ocean’s Eleven. No disrespect to Ol’ Blue Eyes, but Clooney, Pitt, Cheadle, Damon, Garcia, Julia Roberts – c’mon, the list goes on and on. However, most remakes often result in less than expected, a la’ 2017’s The Mummy (actually one of multiple remakes). Really though, who ever would’ve thought Tom Cruise would sully Brendan Fraser’s on screen presence?

However, recently John Krasinski (The Office, Jack Ryan, etc.) struck gold by putting a twist on possibly one of the oldest media classics around – the news. If you haven’t seen or heard about it yet, Krasinski’s Some Good News YouTube channel has racked up 2.57 million subscribers, with episodes ranging in views of 2.3million all the way up to 17 million. Krasinski financed, produced, directed and hosted the weekly episodes designed to spread, as its title indicates, some good news to audiences. Krasinski came up with the idea for what became Some Good New roughly seven years ago, but opted to launch it in late March when he, like millions of others, was sheltering in place amid the COVID-19 pandemic.

If you haven’t yet tuned in, check out the SGN YouTube Channel today and get your daily dose of weekly good news. Don’t expect too many more YouTube episodes though as soon you’ll be able to get Some Good News on television and streaming services worldwide due to Krasinski’s recently sale of SGN to the media conglomerate CBS.

Yes, I do realize that I deferred my responsibility for administering today’s daily dose to a multi-millionaire Hollywood actor, but hey – it’s okay to ask for help sometimes. Especially when John Krasinski does what you do, just bigger and better. There is one (maybe slightly more) difference between us though; unlike Krasinski’s SGN YouTube episodes, you can expect the Daily Dose to return next week. That is unless CBS comes knockin’ – in which case, I make no promises ; )

May 21, 2020

“I know what we’re gonna do today”

This is the tagline from possibly the greatest cartoon of the 21^st century – Phineas and Ferb. My daughter’s been re-watching old episodes as a part of her “distance learning” daily schedule – media arts appreciation, I believe. I’ll be honest, after 9 hours of zoom calls, I’ll walk through the living room where she’s seated on the couch and find myself getting sucked into the zany escapades of these middle-school aged cartoon kids. If you haven’t seen the show, each and every episode centers around an amazing idea spawned in the imaginations of these two brothers, Phineas and Ferb. You never know what will follow “I know what we’re gonna do today”, but it’s always worth the watch.

So I ask you, “what are you gonna do today?” Better yet, “what positive things might you do today that you hadn’t planned to do?” Maybe you’re not up for building a rocket, finding a mummy, or climbing up the Eiffel tower; discovering something that doesn’t exist or giving a monkey a shower (title song to Phineas & Ferb), but I encourage you to ask, “what encouraging, exciting, fulfilling, and/or positive thing am I gonna do today?”

Do something fun. Whether it’s 30 minutes or an entire afternoon or evening, finding time to have fun is well worth it. Not only is fun, well… fun, but fun activities are often personally fulfilling. Fun also helps strengthen and improve relationships, either because we’re having fun with others or because we later carry our positive experiences into our interactions with our friends and family. Having fun also releases dopamine in our brains, which improves mood and also helps reduce stress and lower anxiety and depression. So you’re not just having fun, you’re also improving your mental health.
Do one thing on your to-do list. Committing that you will do at least one of your “to-dos” and then doing it often results in a ripple effect. Once we’ve overcome that hurdle of doing one thing, we may find it easier to accomplish others. Plus, completing tasks on our to-do list helps us feel more accomplished and productive, which results in improved mental, physical, and emotional health.
Do something new. It doesn’t have to be something extreme, although that’s okay too. It could be trying a new recipe, playing a new game, opening a new book, impressing (or maybe embarrassing) your kids by learning a tik-tok dance, or maybe just taking a different route home as you return from your essential outing. Warning: doing new things may cause you to become a happier, healthier, smarter, and more creative you.

May 20, 2020

Living in Peace – part four (the final chapter)

Today’s message marks the fourth day of the Daily Dose focus on living in peace. One might ask, “why dive so deeply into the issue of peace?” It’s personal. When I first heard Dr. James Cecy share these principles, I was stirred by the practicality, simplicity, and complexity of the list. As my wife and I discussed the application of these principles in our family and personal circumstances, I was sure we weren’t the only ones who would benefit from an intentional pursuit of peace. During the next few days, it was like I saw the need everywhere – political disputes, frustrated community members, and violence and strife in families near and far. The desperate need for peace in our lives was evident in news reports, social media feeds, statistics, and webinars. It was woven in the words and etched in the faces of humanity.

So, thank you for enduring my compulsion. I pray you’re encouraged as you explore these last three principles for living in peace.

Swerve to avoid a collision. Those who’ve been in a car with me know that I’m not the best driver. Sure, I’m pretty skilled technically. I can parallel park on crowded city streets, deftly switch lanes in freeway traffic, and even pull my vehicle out of a slide (another story). However, I’m not very observant. I don’t pay attention to other drivers, I regularly fail to realize how fast I’m going, and I often forget to follow directions. Basically, I get by on aggressive driving skills, intuition, and misplaced confidence. As a result, I’ve had to swerve more than once to avoid crashing into another vehicle. You’re probably a better driver than I am, but if you’ve been driving for any length of time, you’ve likely had to take the occasional evasive maneuver to avoid a collision. Relationships aren’t that different. Some of us are a little more reckless and may need to swerve more frequently because we’re not paying attention to our actions and those of others around us. Others are a bit more timid and may at times need to move out of the way to avoid being rear-ended, but all of us should be willing to quickly change course to avoid hurting others (regardless of who was at fault in the first place).
Do the right thing. It’s pretty straight forward, but since people love quotes…

Knowing what’s right isn’t as important as doing what’s right. – Frank SonnenbergDo what is right. Not what is easy. - UnknownKnowing what’s right doesn’t mean much unless you do what’s right. – Theodore RooseveltDo what’s right, first. Don’t sit around and wait for someone else to do the right thing first. – Joyce MeyerNever, never be afraid to do what is right. – Martin Luther King Jr.

Be a peace chaser. We’ve heard of being peace makers and it’s absolutely important to make peace in conflict – a number of these principles speak to that. However, living in peace requires a proactive and intentional pursuit of peace as well. We must seek peace and chase after it. Like a fox chasing a rabbit, an aspiring entrepreneur chasing a dream, or young lovers chasing after one another; the desire for peace compels us to pursue it despite the obstacles and challenges in our way. Chasing peace requires that we cast aside frustrations, bitterness, pride, hurt, anger, and anything else that slows us down in our race towards peace. If you’re not already running, I encourage you to step to the starting line.

Please join me in pursuing peace and share with your friends, family, colleagues, and others. These principles of peace are not only worth learning, but worth living.

May 19, 2020

Living in Peace – part three

We began reflecting on practical ways that we might live in peace with one another last Friday and reviewed two more principles for living in peace in yesterday’s Daily Dose. Specifically, the most recently described principle for living in peace was “be brave enough to forgive”. It’s in this same spirit that we explore these next three principles.

Don’t bite back. Every relationship has conflict. Often, the experience of conflict results in hurtful actions – those that we perpetuate and those that we are victim to. However, conflict needn’t always result in harm. Not if we’re willing to restrain our impulses to respond and consider the wellbeing of those we care about and ourselves. We’ve heard it said that “an eye for an eye makes the whole world blind” and that we are to “turn the other cheek”. This type of self-control involves prioritizing relational peace over justified retaliation and committing to the wellbeing of others at the risk of our own temporary hurt and wounded pride. To some it may seem weak or unwise to jeopardize one’s self in this way, but consider this. Vengeance is like an acid, it destroys the object on which it is poured… and the vessel in which it is stored.

Retaliate in kindness. It’s a difficult thing to forgive wrongdoing; even more difficult to respond by blessing the individual who did us wrong. We may find that there are ways that we’ve managed to learn how to do so, at least at times, in certain spheres of our lives, or with certain groups of people. This often requires practicing self-discipline, acting in objectivity and avoiding subjective assumptions, committing to unconditional positive regard, or possibly even trying to detach one’s self emotionally from the situation. However, might I offer another strategy – to act in love. True love is not circumstantial; it is committed, resilient, and sacrificial. It involves loving another person – a spouse, a child, a parent, a friend, a colleague, or a student – not because of what they do, but because of who they are. When we love in this way, we’re able to kindly respond to wrongdoing because our feelings and our actions are not dictated by relational transactions, but by a resolute choice – a daily, moment-by-moment determination to love and care for the other person.

Muzzle your mouth. This doesn’t mean we ought to sit silently in self-imposed relational martyrdom, but it does mean we ought to carefully consider our words, especially in times of stress or conflict. There are times we may be better served to say little or nothing at all rather than open our mouths and risk what may come out. Don’t take my word for it though, history is rich with proverbs describing the power – and the danger – of our words. Here’s a few to consider…

- The words of the reckless pierce like swords.
- Better to bite your tongue than eat your words.
- Words are weapons.
- The tongue is the only tool with an edge that grows sharper with constant use.
- Give thy thoughts no tongue.
- The tongue has no bones, but is strong enough to break a heart.
- Those who guard their mouths and their tongues keep themselves from calamity.

Tomorrow we’ll look at our final three principles to guide us in our pursuit of peace. Until then, please share about living in peace with your friends, family, colleagues, and others.

May 18, 2020

Living in Peace – part two

Last Friday I shared three principles for peace, as outlined by Dr. James Cecy. These principles are 1) look for common ground, 2) treat all people as important, & 3) enter into their feelings. Today, I’m excited to share two more principles for living in peace with one another.

Don’t “look out for number one”. There’s an old story of two mountain goats that meet on a narrow mountain ledge. On one side of the ledge is a sheer vertical cliff that cannot be scaled and on the other side a 3,000 drop to the valley below. Both goats come to a stop and just look at each other, but neither goat tries to challenge or dominate the other. There isn’t a fight to determine which goat passes and which one is thrown into the abyss; they just stare straight at each other, neither lowering its head. Then very slowly one goat lies down and the other quite literally walks over him. Had they both asserted their position they likely would’ve perished. They had to be willing (at last one of them) to yield and lie down and let the other pass over. It took one to humble himself so both could remain alive and continue on their way.

Be brave enough to forgive. Martin Luther King Jr. said, “Forgiveness is not an occasional act, it is a constant attitude.” Forgiveness in itself does not change the act of the offender nor the result of the offense that warrants forgiving. Rather, forgiveness releases the offender from the debt of injustice and the offended from their claim to vengeance. Forgiveness requires bravery because it requires being vulnerable and letting go of the wrongdoing we may have held on to as a personal defense. By not forgiving, we hold onto another’s wrong and keep it at our side, ready to wield it should all else fail. Forgiving means casting it to the side and moving forward weaponless, with empty hands and open arms. Only when we’re willing to lower our defenses and empty the armory of our hearts through forgiveness are we able to fully experience peace in our relationships.

Please, share about living in peace with your friends, family, colleagues, and others. We’ll continue to explore how we might pursue peace in our lives over the next few days. Until tomorrow…

May 15, 2020

Living in Peace – part one

Experts agree that quarantine and sheltering-in-place, while necessary to prevent the physical spread of disease, add increased stress to our personal and family relationships. The U.N. and the World Health Organization report increases in domestic violence and abuse across the globe. Living in close quarters for weeks on end and/or remaining sequestered from friends and other family members can put a strain on even the healthiest of relationships and may likely exacerbate existing relationship challenges.

We need peace more than ever. Yes, peace in the midst of a global pandemic, but also peace in our workplaces, our families and our homes. While fear and uncertainty circle outside our doors, it is my desperate hope that each of us find peace and comfort in our relationships. Maybe you’re fortunate to have experienced this or maybe you’re wishing that were true, either way we have the ability to promote peace in our lives and the lives of those around us – starting right now. Please consider these principles for living in peace with one another, shared by Dr. James Cecy.

Look for common ground. You don’t have to look very far to find a different opinion than your own. We see all sorts of differences of opinions in the media, politics, workplace, and likely our homes as well. Disagreements and differences can rob us of peace if we’re not careful. It’s fine to disagree if we can respect the opinion of others, but when we’re set on our differences it makes it much more challenging. Therefore, search for likeness and connection rather than harping on the details of difference. Focus on the strengths and benefits of your loved one’s perspective and not the weaknesses and limitations of their approach. Seek unity.

Treat all people as important. As human beings, we have a tendency to prioritize our own thoughts, feelings and needs over others’; even our own family members that we love most. It’s important to show equal value to everyone’s needs – husband, wife, daughter, son, father, and mother – all are important. If you’re irritated, hurt, angry, or frustrated; odds are they’re experiencing some of the same emotions as well. Honor and respect everyone.

Enter into their feelings. Rather than responding to what was said or done, ask yourself “why?” Consider what’s underlying the observable behavior of your loved one and seek to understand and connect with their emotions. Validate and affirm feelings that are expressed even if you feel differently or wish they did. Avoid minimizing, reframing, or shaming others’ feelings. Showing a willingness to acknowledge how they’re feeling and sit in the pain, anger, confusion, or guilt fosters connection and comfort. Practice empathy.

Please, share about living in peace with your friends, family, colleagues, and others. We’ll spend the next few days exploring additional steps we can take to pursue peace in our lives. Until Monday…

May 14, 2020

Group and individual communication are very different. Group emails, group calls, group chats, and group zoom meetings – they’re all amazing ways of collaborating and working together and they’re incredibly helpful for sharing information. However, sharing information is not the same as sharing connection. While there are times connection occurs through group communication, it is less likely when communication doesn’t take place in person. In contrast, connection is much more readily shared through individual (1:1) communication, both in person and remotely. Don’t believe me, just do a google search for “one-on-one online connection” – on second thought, don’t search that – I actually have no idea what you’ll find!

As human beings, we have a basic need for connection with other human beings. We know through decades of research and evidence that social support and feeling connected can help people maintain a healthy body mass index, control blood sugars, improve cancer survival, decrease cardiovascular mortality, decrease depressive symptoms, mitigate posttraumatic stress disorder symptoms, and improve overall mental health (Martino, Pegg, & Pegg Frates, 2017). We also know that connection is more readily experienced through individual communication. We are more likely to share honestly, listen intently, argue passionately, and connect deeply through personal communication with another individual.

Let’s look at this using a distance learning math word problem.

Which results in the greater level of connection, 60 minutes on a five-person Zoom call or a 5 minute phone call between two people?

The answer is clear, 60 minutes between 5 people doesn’t typically result in 12 minutes’ worth of individual connection, but a 5-minute phone call goes a long way.

Now I just need someone to help me figure out if that’s a sum, product, quotient, or dividend ;)

Take the time this week to call, facetime, or dare I even say it, Zoom with someone individually. Maybe it’s in place of a lengthy email or better yet, just to check in and see how they’re doing. I challenge you to join me in connecting with colleagues, friends, and family in an individual way.

“Communication is merely an exchange of information, but connection is an exchange of our humanity.” - Sean Stephenson

May 13, 2020

When peace like a river attendeth my way,

when sorrows like sea billows roll;

whatever my lot, though hast taught me to say,

“It is well, it is well with my soul.”

Horatio Gates Spafford wrote the lyrics to the age-old hymn, “It is well with my soul” in 1873. The opening verse is listed above, the lyrics of which convey a prevailing sense of peace in the midst of the burdens and vulnerability of life. What’s most compelling about this text is the story behind why it was written.

Horatio Gates Spafford was not a composer or song-writer, but rather an attorney and professor of medical law at Lind University (i.e. Chicago Medical College) in Chicago, IL. Late in 1873 he and his family were set to sail to Europe on the Ville du Havre, but he was forced to stay behind to attend to business while his wife and four daughters sailed to Wales ahead of him. On November 22, 1873 the Ville du Havre collided with another ship and sank in just twelve minutes. Spafford’s wife was pulled from the ship’s wreckage and saved, but his four daughters drowned in the sea.

Weeks later, he and his wife sailed back to the U.S. together. Four days out, the captain of the ship called Spafford to his cabin and told him that they were sailing over the area where his children went down. According to one of his daughters who was born following the tragic incident, Spafford wrote the text to “It is well with my soul” on the ship as he and his wife sailed over the spot where they lost their four daughters.

During the past 140+ years, the lyrics to this song have brought comfort to many as a reminder of the peace that is possible even in the midst of life’s many “whys”.

“Peace may be felt in the warmth of the sun, but it’s forged in eye of the storm.”

May 12, 2020

Yesterday I shared from a Greater Good Magazine article by Christina Cipriano and Marc Brackett. They reported that during the end of March 2020, the Collaborative for Academic, Social, and Emotional Learning (CASEL) and the Yale Center for Emotional Intelligence launched a survey to unpack the emotional lives of educators during the COVID-19 crisis. Teachers were asked to describe, in their own words, the three most frequent emotions they felt each day. The five most-mentioned feelings among all teachers were anxious, fearful, worried, overwhelmed, and sad. Anxiety was hands-down the most frequently mentioned emotion. The reasons for their reported feelings were both personal and professional, including a general fear that they or someone in their family would contract COVID-19 and managing theirs and their families’ needs while simultaneously working full-time from home and adapting to new technologies for teaching. When asked what they needed to have more emotional balance, teachers shared that they need time to adjust to the new normal of online learning and ways to make virtual learning fun and engaging. Teachers also expressed a strong need for honesty, respect, kindness, flexibility, and patience from their school administrators. Further, they requested more realistic expectations, including boundaries around working around the clock. Among the top requests were strategies to support their own and their students’ wellness and resilience.

The Yale Center for Emotional Intelligence conducted a similar study on teacher emotions in 2017. Back then, the top five emotions reported were frustrated, overwhelmed, stressed, tired, and happy. The primary source of frustration and stress pertained to not feeling supported by their administration around challenges related to meeting all of their students’ learning needs, high-stakes testing, an ever-changing curriculum, and work-life balance. When asked how they wanted to feel at school, some of the tope hoped-for emotions were happy, inspired, valued, supported, effective, and respected. What we see is that although there are different circumstances contributing to how educators feel right now, our teachers feelings in general remain fairly similar to how they did 5 years ago. Like many other educational issues, educator’s emotional well-being has been an important issue for years – it’s simply been exacerbated and brought to the surface because of COVID-19 related circumstances. So what to do?

Prioritize social emotional wellness – to prioritize means to designate or treat something as more important than other things or to determine the order for dealing with a series of items or tasks according to their relative importance. Practically this means intentionally attending to the social and emotional wellbeing of our staff, students, and families, which by definition, may result in not giving the same focus to other things. It means that there are days your own family needs more attending to and days that your teachers and other educators need more TLC from you. It may also mean that there are times when you must prioritize your own social and emotional wellness.

Acknowledge trauma – yes, what we’re all experiencing right now could well be described as trauma. However, keep in mind that trauma is operationally and relatively defined. What is traumatic, how severe the trauma is, and how it manifests is unique to each person based on their own experiences, circumstances, and personal characteristics. It’s also important to recognize that although a teacher or educator may not be experiencing personal trauma they may very well experience vicarious trauma, which can result in physical, emotional, and behavioral health problems, relational challenges, cognitive decline, as well as apathy, frustration, withdrawal, and a lack of motivation. Vicarious trauma is the “second-hand smoke” of trauma. It results in negative changes to physical and emotional functioning as a result of working with others who have experienced stressful or traumatic events. This is not something to “grin and bear” or “power through”. Rather, acknowledge the reality of yours and others’ experiences and respond in a supportive way. This may include modeling and promoting self-care behaviors (see attachment).

Support each other – true care and support starts with being honest and vulnerable, which can be challenging, especially during a pandemic. However, putting our feelings down on paper or sharing them with others is a first step in supporting one another. You may even consider creating an emotional intelligence charter with your staff or your family. Essentially, a charter reflects the agreed-upon feelings and behaviors of the members of a learning community. It’s pretty simple and primarily involves answering two key questions: How do we want to feel as a faculty/staff? and What do we need to do for everyone to feel this way? Staff or families pose the questions and once everyone shares their top three or four hoped-for feelings, the goal is to narrow them down to a “top five” list reflective of the group. Then the group shares specific ideas that would support them in experiencing each of the feelings. The goal is to come up with two or three observable behaviors that are realistic and attainable for each feeling. Now you have your living, breathing charter.

May 11, 2020

“How are you?”

Whether we’re on the giving or receiving end of this common question, we often don’t pay it the attention it deserves, nor do we typically ask and answer in earnest. Maybe it’s because we ask and answer so frequently, we don’t really think of it as a question to be pondered, but more of a social colloquialism that facilitates moving from greeting to meeting? Or maybe it’s because it’s hard to really think about and fully express how we’re feeling right now? This may be true, but that’s why it’s so much more important that we understand how we’re feeling and how others around us are feeling – feelings matter.

In a recent Greater Good Magazine article by Christina Cipriano and Marc Brackett, they describe the emotional needs of educators, drawing from research by the Collaborative for Academic, Social, and Emotional Learning (CASEL) and the Yale Center for Emotional Intelligence. They assert five primary reasons that feelings and emotions matter.

Learning. Positive emotions promote greater cognitive and social engagement, whereas negative feelings disrupt concentration and interfere with thinking. Neurotransmitters like cortisol are released when our sympathetic nervous system is activated by stress. The release of these neurochemicals affects our brain and hinders memory, attention, and executive functioning; limiting our ability to provide effective learning experiences for students.
Decision making. While positive emotions have been shown to improve mental flexibility and creativity, negative emotions like fear and stress interfere with the parts of our brain needed for effective problem solving and decision making.
Relationships. Our thoughts, actions, and feelings are interconnected. How we feel affects how we act and our actions signal people to either approach or avoid us. Our tone, voice cadence, body language, eye contact, and facial expressions can help or hinder the experience of others we interact with – even through distance learning platforms. This rings true for educator-educator, educator-parent, and educator-student interactions.
Health. The research is overwhelming, how we feel emotionally affects how we feel physically. In addition, our ability to regulate unwanted emotions and the experience of increased positive emotions has been shown to foster greater resilience during and after traumatic events.
Performance. Stress can lead to decreased motivation and engagement, both of which lead to burnout. Educators who burn out are less likely to model healthy self-regulation for their students and families, have poorer relationships both personally and professionally, and are more likely to leave the profession.

Research by the Yale Center for Emotional Intelligence suggests two possible protective factors for the emotional well-being of educators – increased personal social emotional skills and working with leaders with more developed social emotional skills. Teachers and other educators who are able to identify, process, and express their emotions; and who work with administrators who are able to do so effectively and positively; have stronger student connections, are more engaged and committed to learning, are more willing to take risks and persist in the face of difficulty.

Feelings matter. It’s important that we focus on our feelings now – that we might grow and heal during this time of distance learning and be socially and emotionally prepared to return to school once we’re able to do so. More on how we get there tomorrow…

May 8, 2020

Mothers. We all have them. People have been celebrating mothers and motherhood for centuries, but it wasn’t until 1914 that Mother’s Day became a U.S. national holiday. Its national holiday status is largely due to a decade long campaign by Anna Jarvis, a peace activist who cared for wounded soldiers on both sides of the American Civil War and created Mother's Day Work Clubs to address public health issues.

Like most holidays, Mother’s Day is intended to be a day of celebration. However, like most holidays, Mother’s Day elicits a variety of emotions in people – for some it’s happiness, reflection, and appreciation; but for others it may be sadness, disappointment, shame, loss; or possibly some mix of multiple emotions all at once. Knowing this and knowing that Mother’s Day is intended to be a day of celebration, let me invite you to join with me in not only celebrating mothers, but celebrating all the women in our lives’ who’ve helped us become who we are today.

Let’s celebrate the aunts, grandmothers, teachers, coaches, friends, stepmothers, mentors, neighbors, mothers of our friends, and godmothers (fairy & non-fairy types) that have poured into our lives. Let’s celebrate their strength, encouragement, wisdom, advice, knowledge, compassion, comfort and love.

Maybe it’s a call to an aunt you haven’t talked with in a while, an email to a former mentor, or a Facebook message to the son or daughter of a childhood teacher, letting them know what an important role their mother played in your life. Let’s reach out to the important women in our lives and let them know how wonderful they are.

May 7, 2020

Cool Whip and Salami

This current situation has forced us to rethink how we educate our kids. It’s served as a catalyst for reimagining what teaching and education might look like. As such, it’s also important that we recognize the different ways our students are showing us evidence of their learning outside of the classroom.

Around 9pm last night my son went down to the kitchen to grab a snack. Now before I’m castigated for encouraging such poor nutritional habits let me explain that this is a 6’3” 15 yr. old boy who weighs a whopping 127 pounds - he needs all the calories he can get. That said, the only guidance I offered him was “no candy!” A few minutes later, as he walked upstairs with a tub of Cool Whip in one hand and a bag of salami in the other, I realized I probably should’ve provided additional parameters. This is the conversation that then ensued:

Me: “Are you really going to eat Cool Whip and salami?”

Son: “ I’m not going to eat ‘Cool Whip and salami’ - I’m not eating them together. I’m going to first eat the salami and then I’m going to eat the Cool Whip. If I eat the Cool Whip first it’ll leave that coating in my mouth, which will make the salami taste too sweet. Plus, the salami is more savory, so eating it first and then eating the Cool Whip is like having dinner and then dessert.”

Me: “Fine, but I thought I said ‘no sweets’? And didn’t your mom tell you a couple of days ago that she didn’t want you to eat that entire tub of Cool Whip?”

Son: “Yeah mom told me she didn’t want me to eat the rest of the Cool Whip on Saturday, but that was four days ago and there’s only half of the tub left. I wasn’t trying to do anything shady - I figured mom used what she needed, hence the missing half of the tub. And actually, you said ‘no candy’. Plus, I checked the nutrition facts and there’s only like 1 g of sugar per serving. It’s mostly just air and cream.”

Me: “Fair enough.”

My son had reasoned his way into eating a truly repulsive late night snack – at first I was annoyed and disapproving, then indifferent, and by this morning – truly impressed. This simple exchange demonstrated much of what I would hope for – formal operational thought, higher order hypothetical and concrete reasoning, integration of knowledge and ideas using valid reasoning and relevant text evidence, clear and persuasive expression of ideas and use of rhetoric, and a strategic presentation of information and findings appropriate to the task, purpose, and audience.

Kids have amazing capacities to learn. Our role as educators is to encourage their thinking, facilitate opportunities to encounter learning, foster conditions for challenge and success, and reinforce learning as it occurs. All that’s left is to step back and let them justify eating salami AND Cool Whip.

May 6, 2020

“People think focus means saying yes to the thing you’ve got to focus on. But that’s not what it means at all. It means saying no to the hundred other good ideas that there are. You have to pick carefully. I’m actually as proud of the things we haven’t done as the things I have done. Innovation is saying no to 1,000 things.” -Steve Jobs

At first glance, it may seem odd or even off-putting to suggest decluttering or minimizing our interests, goals, ambitions, and even relationships. After all, these aren’t worldly possessions we can just donate to free up closet space; these are the core facets of our lives. To be honest, that’s why it’s so important to reflect and prioritize in all areas. If not, we often find ourselves overly stressed and feeling pressured, questioning why we’re so busy, and clamoring for more time to respond to the urgent – ours and others’.

Time. It all has to do with time. In a world without time we wouldn’t have to prioritize; we could say ‘yes’ to everything we wanted to, but we don’t live in such a world. Time is the key variable when considering what we prioritize or better yet, what we invest in. Think of time as a universal commodity – we only have so much, but how and where we invest it matters in the long-run. When considering which activities to do, which goals to pursue, and who to spend time with; we must also accept that every investment of time is also a withdrawal of our time elsewhere. Therefore, the question isn’t whether or not you have time (we all have the same – 24 hours each day), it’s where you want to spend it?

If your head isn’t spinning yet, take a minute (yes, I realize that’s a minute invested here and lost elsewhere) and read the following excerpt from Daniel DiGriz’ Forbes article about prioritizing time.

Warren Buffett's "2 list strategy" is now the stuff of entrepreneurial legend. He advised his pilot, Mike Flint, to 'write down your 25 career goals, circle the five most important, and do everything you can to fight the other 20–they're the enemy of the five you intend to achieve.' Buffett's advice is a paraphrase of evangelist Bill Gothard's line, "The good things are the enemy of the best things, simply for lack of time."

May 5, 2020

Truth is ever to be found in simplicity, and not in the multiplicity and confusion of things

Sir Isaac Newton

Minimalism, tidying up, decluttering, streamlining – these are all terms that describe approaches to living a simpler, less encumbered life. While typically focused on material items, the basic idea is that by ridding ourselves of unnecessary things, we free ourselves from unneeded stress and better prioritize our time and energy, allowing us to focus on those things in our lives that matter most. As we’ve likely spent more time in our homes than ever before, now may be a good time to take stock of what’s around us and consider whether a little decluttering may help us feel less stressed and more content.

“Stuff” takes time and energy to maintain and keep up with, both of which are finite resources. If you’re interested in decluttering personal belongings, here’s a few approaches you may want to consider:

KonMari Method – aka “Tidying Up with Marie Kondo”
Minimalism Game – 30 day game by “The Minimalists”
Oprah’s Closet Hanger Experiment & other ideas from Peter Walsh
4-Box Technique – just like it sounds. All you need is four boxes

It’s not just the things in our lives that create clutter and stress. Prioritizing time, activities, and even relationships can help us experience less frustration and anxiety; and also lead to greater fulfillment, peace, and life satisfaction. More about that tomorrow…

Until then, here’s a few more quotes to ponder:

“Simplicity is the ultimate sophistication” —Leonardo Da Vinci

“Minimalism is about intentionality, not deprivation” —D. Stojanivic

“Simplicity is the glory of expression” —Walt Whitman

“The secret of happiness, you see, is not found in seeking more, but in developing the capacity to enjoy less.” —Socrates

May 4, 2020

Thanksgiving - that autumnal celebration of the harvest. It’s a time to gather with friends and family and reflect on the bounty of our blessings. The first thanksgiving feast was believed to occur in October 1621 and has been celebrated nationally since the late 1700s. Over the years, different presidents have put their mark on the official holiday, elevating the act of giving thanks to federal holiday status. So why am I writing about Thanksgiving on May 4^th, when I should probably be sending out something that begins with ‘in a galaxy far far away…”? Well, it’s because someone encouraged me to give thanks yesterday and I simply want to pass it along.

There’s a significant practical difference between being thankful and giving thanks. Sure both reflect a sense of gratitude and appreciation, but being thankful merely suggests the feeling or experience of thankfulness. Giving thanks implies action – it involves expressing your feelings or thankful experience, likely to the source of your beneficence. While only slightly different in how their worded, being thankful and giving thanks are profoundly different in their impact. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not suggesting anything negative about being thankful, but might I encourage us to shift our thankfulness forward and move towards sharing it with others by literally “giving thanks”.

The next time someone does something that causes you to pause for a moment and think, “wow, that was really nice” or “hmm, that was pleasantly unexpected” let them know that you appreciated what they did – say it out loud.

Instead of thinking, ‘I should give so-and-so a call’ or ‘I need to shoot her a text’, just do it. Make the call. Send that text that seems random, but is truly genuine.
Reach out and let someone know how they’ve touched your life. Ask yourself, “who’s contributed to my thankfulness?” Consider your blessings and who’s been responsible for bringing them your way and then let them know how much it means to you.

November may be 6 months away, but there’s no time like the present to celebrate Thanksgiving!

May 1, 2020

Search the internet for kids + coronavirus and you’ll get all sorts of hits describing child risk and protective factors related to infection, how to keep children safe from the virus, and how to talk with children about the coronavirus. What you won’t immediately find is what kids have to say about the coronavirus. However, this is definitely worth searching for. After all, kids share the type of information we’re all yearning to hear – hilarious anecdotes, heartwarming stories of human decency, raw and unfiltered satire, and honest, straightforward news without any personal or political agenda.

Here’s just a few examples of what kids have to say about our current state of affairs:

A reporter interviews kids in Texas about their perspective on coronavirus: https://www.wfaa.com/video/news/health/coronavirus/a-kids-perspective-on-coronavirus/287-33372004-d878-4aa4-8c2e-f642e71417c5
A Washington Post article highlighting newspapers created by kids from around the country. A few of the headlines – “The groundhog was wrong”, “A summary of the coronavirus for those of you who don’t know about it, which is no one”, and “Does your favorite chocolate have slavery?” https://www.washingtonpost.com/graphics/2020/lifestyle/kidspost/kids-newspapers-coronavirus/
Tweets about what kids think and say about quarantine: https://www.care.com/c/stories/16755/parenting-tweets-kids-quarantine/

Have a blessed day and be sure to listen to your kids. :)

April 30, 2020

What is normal? The word normal comes from the Latin, normalis – describing something made using a carpenter’s square. Meaning that it would be perpendicular, aligned, and fit a pattern. From a physical or psychological health perspective, normal is often associated with being healthy, but more accurately refers to what is standard, average, or typical. Interestingly, since the concept of normal is tied to environmental patterns and external standards then what is normal is relative and largely contextual; and thereby changeable. Enter the idea of a “new normal”.

Most all of us, the normal ones at least (kidding :D), find ourselves establishing new routines, expectations, and patterns of behavior. You might accurately say that we are establishing a new normal. In the REL West webinar, “Strategies for Districts to Support Self-Care for Educators During the COVID-19 Pandemic”, Dr. Christina Pate and Dr. Kaylene Case suggested the following as we move forward in creating a ‘new normal’.

Be realistic (and gentle) with yourself and encourage others to do the same. We are in the midst of a global event that has drastically changed the way we go about our lives and it’s happened over the course of weeks. It’s okay to acknowledge the changes and the challenges and not expect or assume that things should just continue as, dare I say, ‘normal’. Patiently consider what is reasonable for yourself and afford others the same generosity.

Reduce the workload for yourself and others. Attention, energy, time – they’re all finite resources. During this season there are numerous consumers of these resources, each vying for a slice of our attention, energy, or time; and the same is true for our students and their families and the other staff we work with. We needn’t abandon what needs to be done, but we may consider modifying, differentiating, or chunking out the demands.

Consider what was and is effective and beneficial; and what was not. As we establish this new normal we must also be flexible, knowing that sooner or later things will begin to shift back to previous states of normalcy. It’s during this process that it’s important for us to remember that normal doesn’t equal healthy. Let’s consider what we appreciate about both of our normals – what is good and healthy; and hold onto those things. It’s also important to identify what wasn’t working or what wasn’t beneficial and to be willing to change. After all, if we’ve learned anything, it’s that normal will always change.

April 29, 2020

Laughter is the best medicine.

Let’s be honest, medicine is the best medicine, but I think we can all agree that laughter is pretty great. Whether it’s a joke, a funny video, a meme, a cartoon, or a hilarious conversation; laughter provides an injection of happiness and fun in our lives. But is it okay to laugh during a pandemic? If you’ve been reading the Daily Dose for any amount of time you can probably guess my answer, but don’t just take my word for it. Experts agree that laughter may be just what we need during times of heightened stress and anxiety - laughter helps the brain relax and serves as a very effective coping mechanism.

In an interview with The Associated Press, Los Angeles comedian Erica Rhodes said “Laughter is a symbol of hope, and it becomes one of our greatest needs of life, right up there with toilet paper. It’s a physical need people have. You can’t underestimate how it heals people and gives them hope.” According to Dr. Amit Sood, chairman of the Mind-Body Medicine Initiative at the Mayo Clinic, “research shows laughter provides a good physical workout, generates mental relaxation, lowers blood pressure and pain, and even improves immunity.”

So whether it’s a witty tweet (I shared a few below) or a tiktok video of Jack Black dancing shirtless in his backyard, take some time to laugh. It might just save your life :)

- How long is this social distancing supposed to last? My husband keeps trying to get into the house.
- The World Health Organization has announced that dogs cannot contract Covid-19. Dogs previously held in quarantine can now be released. To be clear, WHO let the dogs out.
- My 7-year-old daughter says she prefers the Johnny Depp Charlie and the Chocolate Factory to the Gene Wilder one. I have failed as a parent. No amount of distance learning can fix this.
- Airlines sending me “we’re in this together” emails. When my suitcase was 52 pounds I was all on my own.

April 28, 2020

What would you do if you won $10,000,000?

We’ve all heard some version of the hypothetical question before. Truth be told, we’ve probably pondered it our fair share of times – some of us may even have a list. In addition to all the things you’d purchase and pay off, you’ve likely also considered what you wouldn’t do. You may not pay for this or that anymore, you’d stop working that second job, or maybe you’d quit working altogether. Although truth be told, Gallup has found that most people (over 68%) report that they would continue working if they won $10 million in the lottery (Forbes, 2017). Questions like the million dollar lottery question force us to consider what matters – they prompt prioritization.

The same can be said of certain life circumstances. Specific times and events in our lives compel us to consider our thoughts, actions, choices, and current position in life. For some, the coronavirus quarantine and related events have served as such a circumstance. Maybe this rings true for you. Maybe you’ve found yourself considering, not “what would I do if I won the lottery” (although you might’ve thought about that too), but “what will I do once this is all over?” If this is the case, please allow me to offer one piece of advice – lean into it. Lean into self-reflection and introspection. Lean into examining why you do what you do. Lean into questioning what truly matters and what it means to live a fulfilling and purposeful life.

Who knows, you may look back one day and recall decisions you made during this time that impacted your life going forward. You may remember that it was the spring of 2020, during that crazy school closure because of the coronavirus, when you realized…

April 27, 2020

I’ve heard various stories of people learning new things and practicing new skills during this time of quarantine. Some have taken up art - drawing, painting, or sculpting; even honing their artistic eye while virtually meandering through some of the world’s most famous galleries - the Getty, the Louvre, or one of the Guggenheims. Others are crafting their DIY prowess though various home projects, exploring musical interests, and learning new languages. Believe it or not, even I’ve managed to add a few arrows to my quiver during these past 6 weeks.

I learned cake decor using fondant. I even learned how to pronounce “fondant” – ‘fawn-dahn’.

I learned how to make homemade churros - thank you Disney :)

And I learned how to cut a pineapple 4 different ways - this one’s my favorite!

In case you’re wondering, “no” I didn’t realize all my new skills were food-related until I began writing this message . :)

They say necessity is the mother of invention; and while that may be true for some new activities, learning endeavors occur for lots of different reasons. Some are born out of restlessness, some of a desire to grow, and others out of curiosity. It would seem that mine are born out of hunger. Whatever the interest or the motivation, I encourage you to try something new. There’s nothing like willingly becoming a beginner to help you reconnect with the challenge and the wonder of learning!

April 24, 2020

It was roughly 130 years ago that Oscar Wilde wrote, “life imitates art far more than art imitates life”. Fast forward approximately 100 years and John Hughes and the folks at Fox released the family holiday blockbuster Home Alone. This movie held a special place in my heart, not only because it was kind of a ‘mouse trap: the board game’ come to life, but because as a pre-teen boy growing up in the 80s & 90s, I truly felt it well-captured how I might respond should I have to protect my home from would-be assailants. Not to mention, I will forever remember seeing this movie in the theater because my mother rushed me to the ER just as the culminating hijinks of the movie began – all due to a popcorn related incident (a story for another time).

Here we are yet another 30 years in the future and we’re finally able to clearly see Wilde’s anti-mimesis statement fully expressed in the prophetic wisdom of Home Alone. “What am I talking about”, you ask? As I was researching 80s & 90s pop culture for yesterday’s Daily Dose, I came across an article on ABC Life that was shockingly pertinent and timely – 8 lessons from Home Alone to help you master coronavirus isolation by Jennifer Wong. Here’s some of the highlights:

1. Don’t touch your face – for Kevin it was the sting of aftershave; for us it’s preventing the spread of the virus.
2. Even though you’re working from home, get dressed each day – how would Kevin have defended his home from two hardened(ish) criminals if he sat around in his pjs all day? Experts recommend that even though we may be at home, it’s good for our mental well-being to change out of our pajamas daily.
3. Know your enemy and have a plan – for Kevin it was the Wet Bandits; for us it’s this virus. Either way, it’s important to know what you’re up against and what you can do to stop your ‘enemy’ – you can check out the VUSD COVID-19 Health and Wellness page for resources and information from the CDC, the World Health Organization, and Tulare County Public Health Department.
4. Support local businesses and consider zero-contact delivery – Kevin maintains his social distance and facilitates zero-contact delivery from Little Nero’s local pizza delivery. We too can do our part – probably best to avoid the Angels with Filthy Souls sound effects though (e.g. “Keep the change, ya filthy animal”)
5. Get to know your neighbors – Kevin doesn’t let rumors and stereotypes stop him from getting to know “Old Man Marley” – spoiler alert – this turns out to be pretty important later in the movie. We probably have neighbors we could get to know better. We don’t have to try and reunite them with their estranged children – it may just be dropping an encouraging card on their doorstep, mowing their lawn, or simply talking across the fence?
6. Be polite to frontline workers – when venturing out from our homes for essential shopping, take a tip from Kevin and be polite to those people working day in and day out to help us get what we need. A hello, a few kind words, a denial that you're there at the supermarket alone (if you're eight-years-old!) — these all make a difference.
7. Stay home – it says so right there in the movie title. Kevin was almost single-handedly able to flatten the Wet Bandits burglary efforts simply by staying home. We can help “flatten the curve” simply by staying home.
8. There are happy reunions in our future – the movie ends with the burglars behind bars and hugs with loved ones – in case you’ve forgotten, a hug is where two or more people put their arms around the neck, back, or waist of one another and hold each other tightly; typically to express affection. J Seriously though, although we don’t have a firm ending to our social distancing, we can take comfort in knowing that eventually this too will pass and there will be many happy reunions in store for us as well.

I wish you a wonderful weekend. Maybe watch an old movie or two? You never know what you might learn.

Until then – don’t touch your face (aaaahhhhhhh!)

April 23, 2020

We celebrated my youngest’s 12^th birthday earlier this week. It was a day full of backyard volleyball (her big brothers vs. she & I), friends and family driving by to sing/wish her happy birthday, and cooked-to-order homemade meals – yeah, I dabble in the culinary arts J

As we were getting ready for bed I asked her, “So, how was your birthday? I know it wasn’t what we originally planned, but was it still okay?”

She looked up at me with her beautiful baby blues and said, “Best day ever!”

I don’t remember my 12^th birthday, but I am sure I didn’t spend it at home watching my friends drive by during day 38 of ‘sheltering in place’. I also don’t think I was near as joyful and appreciative as this little girl was on her special day.

While I can’t remember the details surrounding my 12^th birthday celebration, I do recall some distinct differences between then and now. Enjoy!

April 22, 2020

Sleep. That timeless elixir and restorative reset button of our human existence. The older I get, the more precious my sleep becomes to me. Sorry, that sounded a bit like a Lord of the Rings line, “sleep… my precious…”. Yes, I just made this kinda weird, but I stand by it – sleep is that important. I know this because the lack of sleep has a similarly profound negative impact on our lives. This time of COVID-19 quarantine is ripe for sleep difficulties – our daily patterns are off, we’re spending more time looking at screens (for work, entertainment, socialization, and news) throughout the day, and we’re likely experiencing greater stress and worry.

While I’ve studied aspects of sleep as a school psychologist and psychology instructor over the years, I’m definitely no sleep expert. However, I learned a bit more about the importance of sleep after recently reading an article by Jill Suttie (author and clinical psychologist), who interviewed Dr. Shelby Harris, the former director of the Behavioral Sleep Medicine Program at Montefiore Medical Center and associate professor at the Albert Einstein College of Medicine. Here’s some of the advice Dr. Harris offered about getting a good night’s sleep during times of heightened stress.

Prioritizing sleep is prioritizing relationships. Sleep is important for our physical health, but also for our emotional and mood regulation; and thereby our relationships. We are more likely to be irritable when sleep deprived, both at work and at home. In times like these when we’re already stressed, a lack of sleep will add to the tendency to more quickly and easily react in frustration.
Daily routines impact sleep patterns. Worry, stress, and anxiety can make it hard to fall asleep or even keep us up after just a few hours of rest, but even if we’re not overly worried our lack of schedule or routine may be what’s keeping us up at night. Changes to our daily schedules, our circadian rhythms, throw our sleep off track. Not sleeping in our same bed, staying up late or sleeping in, binge-watching or tracking the news and getting that increased light exposure at night, not keeping to the same exercise routine, or socializing during the day. All of these changes to our routines can rob us of our sleep.
Media in moderation. News intake, social media, watching movies and television – all of these things have their place, but a little bit of structure and discipline can significantly benefit our overall sleep health.
- Limit news intake. It’s important to stay informed – the goal isn’t to live in avoidance. However, we should be thoughtful about what we’re checking and when we’re checking it. Here’s a few recommendations:
  - Try to limit checking the news to once a day for 60 minutes or less.
  - Stop checking the news at night when nothing is changing.
  - Add 15-20 minutes of positive news into your 30-60 minutes of news during the day.
  - Find other ways to wind down at night. Practice yoga, meditation, prayer, or self-reflection – things that are more personal.
- Self-monitor your social media activity. For many of us, social media provides a way to connect with others. For some it’s purposeful and encouraging, but for others social media feeds can be a trigger. We need to be mindful about our experience and if needed, stay off social media as best as possible.
- Stay away from screens before bed. Not all binge-watching is bad. It’s okay to lose yourself in a good show or dive into a movie to escape reality for a little while, but it’s not good when we lose track of time and realize we’ve been watching well past our normal bedtime.
  - Avoid looking at screens at least 30-60 minutes before bedtime.
  - Go old school – read a book, find a magazine, or work on a puzzle.
  - Turn off the auto function on your television or streaming service so that when the current show ends the next one doesn’t immediately begin. Then make a mental note of looking at the time. If it’s close to your bedtime, turn it off.
  - If you absolutely cannot avoid staring into that beautiful screen, you can purchase blue-light blocking glasses. Blue-light exposure is a huge deal in the sleep field. You don’t want blue light right before bed because it reduces your natural melatonin. Melatonin is the hormone usually released in your brain when the sun goes down and makes you sleepy. It’s not a good idea to interfere with its release.

If you actually read all the way to this point, you’re probably ready for a nap - but don’t do it!!! Dr. Harris points out that trying to compensate for a lack of sleep by parsing it out during the day or the next morning may actually make things worse. She recommends keeping a stricter sleep schedule by practicing the suggestions provided. I recommend having a wonderful day and an even better night’s rest!

April 21, 2020

You don’t hear the word “exhort” used too often these days. The modern definition of “exhort” is ‘to strongly encourage’ or ‘to incite by argument or advice’, but the historical meaning of this word is far more powerful. Latin origins tie to the word exhortari, from ex – ‘thoroughly’ + hortari ‘encourage’; meaning to “thoroughly encourage”. Ancient Greek manuscripts use the term paraklesis, which is a compound word, combining para – ‘near’ and klesis or kaleo (verb form) – ‘to call’ and literally translates as “to call near”.

On more than one occasion during my teenage years, I can remember my father putting his heavy hands on my shoulders and looking me in the eye to tell me something important. It was his way of expressing that what he was about to say was something I needed to hear. I knew it was significant and that whether his message was positive and uplifting or it was corrective and disciplinary, it mattered deeply to him because I meant even more. This was my father’s exhortation.

In fear of being overly redundant, let me exhort you in exhortation today. For some of us this comes more easily, whether it’s because you naturally express strong opinions, you are an overtly passionate person, or you’ve been taught and practiced the skill of exhortation over the years. However, for others this may be more difficult – to assume the opportunity to speak into someone’s life (their actions and their decisions) may feel presumptive or even intimidating. However, I’d challenge you to consider that exhortation is to thoroughly encourage by calling someone near.

It’s sharing something important with someone else because you care deeply for them.

It’s saying what you’ve meant to say numerous times, but just hadn’t gotten up the nerve to do so. But you know that they need to know how you feel.
Maybe it’s even that simple compliment offered genuinely. To you it was just sharing openly about their strengths, but to the person who received it, it was a glass of water in a desert of defeat.

I exhort you – seize the opportunity to thoroughly encourage those in your life. Call them near and share with them!

April 20, 2020

5 people. 5 weeks. Different ages. Different tastes. Different habits. Different interests. Trapped in a house together for almost 40 days!

No this is not a promo for the newest reality TV show, it’s my life. Don’t get me wrong, I am truly blessed. I realize how good I have it during this time, but there are some interesting nuances to being quarantined with your family, especially when you’re sheltering in place with two teenage boys. Here’s just a few of the things my wife and I didn’t expect we’d have to say this past month…

“Why does your bedroom smell like cheese… and death?”

“Put some clothes on if you’re planning to eat with us.”

“Your brother’s head isn’t a joystick. You can’t just yank it in the direction you want him to go.”

“Do not scratch anywhere below your waist while sitting at the dinner table. Better yet, just don’t scratch anything, anywhere.”

“No, we don’t want to hear you make any more noises.”

“Why are you eating mashed potatoes and eggs at 10:45 at night?”

“Why don’t you have any pants on?”

“I definitely do not want to see what you did in the bathroom!”

“Your sister doesn’t’ care if you can ‘pop your pecs’. Put a shirt on!”

“I don’t care who did it, someone needs to take the poop out of your room and rinse that backpack off… OUTSIDE!”

Whether you’re sharing your home with teenage boys or not, I encourage you to embrace the awkward, capture the kooky moments, and find the fun in the midst of these otherwise challenging times.

April 17, 2020

“Daddy, I finally got to go to Disney World. But it wasn’t because I was good; it’s because I’m yours.”

Grace is undeserved kindness; unmerited favor. It’s given freely and without expectation. It’s a blessing just because, even if we don’t deserve it – especially if we don’t deserve it. We all need grace, especially in times like this. The people around us personally and professionally need our grace and we need to show ourselves grace. To be honest, I think I’m writing this to myself today – I need grace. Grace to not feel like I’m letting others down; to be okay with only completing a day’s work in a day; to be reminded that my best is enough even though sometimes it feels like I’m falling short at work and at home; and to know that I’m still valued despite my own perceived shortcomings.

As I was preparing to write this message, I was moved by an excerpt from Daniel Montgomery & Timothy Paul Jones’ book, “Proof”. It’s a little longer than my typical messages, but I trust you’ll be encouraged as well.

Our middle daughter had been previously adopted by another family, but after a couple of rough years, they dissolved the adoption, and we ended up welcoming an eight-year-old girl into our home.
For one reason or another, whenever our daughter’s previous family vacationed at Disney World, they took their biological children with them, but they left their adopted daughter with a family friend. Usually — at least in the child’s mind — this happened because she did something wrong that precluded her presence on the trip.
And so, by the time we adopted our daughter, she had seen many pictures of Disney World and she had heard about the rides and the characters and the parades. But when it came to passing through the gates of the Magic Kingdom, she had always been the one left on the outside. Once I found out about this history, I made plans to take her to Disney World the next time a speaking engagement took our family to the southeastern United States.
I thought I had mastered the Disney World drill. I knew from previous experiences that the prospect of seeing cast members in freakishly oversized mouse and duck costumes somehow turns children into squirming bundles of emotional instability. What I didn’t expect was that the prospect of visiting this dream world would produce a stream of downright devilish behavior in our newest daughter.
In the month leading up to our trip to the Magic Kingdom, she stole food when a simple request would have gained her a snack. She lied when it would have been easier to tell the truth. She whispered insults that were carefully crafted to hurt her older sister as deeply as possible — and, as the days on the calendar moved closer to the trip, her mutinies multiplied.
A couple of days before our family headed to Florida, I pulled our daughter into my lap to talk through her latest escapade. “I know what you’re going to do,” she stated flatly. “You’re not going to take me to Disney World, are you?” The thought hadn’t actually crossed my mind, but her downward spiral suddenly started to make some sense. She knew she couldn’t earn her way into the Magic Kingdom — she had tried and failed that test several times before — so she was living in a way that placed her as far as possible from the most magical place on earth.
In retrospect, I’m embarrassed to admit that, in that moment, I was tempted to turn her fear to my own advantage. The easiest response would have been, “If you don’t start behaving better, you’re right, we won’t take you” — but, by God’s grace, I didn’t. Instead, I asked her, “Is this trip something we’re doing as a family?”She nodded, brown eyes wide and tear-rimmed.“Are you part of this family?”She nodded again.“Then you’re going with us. Sure, there may be some consequences to help you remember what’s right and what’s wrong — but you’re part of our family, and we’re not leaving you behind.”
I’d like to say that her behaviors grew better after that moment. They didn’t. Her choices pretty much spiraled out of control at every hotel and rest stop all the way to Lake Buena Vista. Still, we headed to Disney World on the day we had promised, and it was a typical Disney day. Overpriced tickets, overpriced meals, and lots of lines, mingled with just enough manufactured magic to consider maybe going again someday.
In our hotel room that evening, a very different child emerged. She was exhausted, pensive, and a little weepy at times, but her month-long facade of rebellion had faded. When bedtime rolled around, I prayed with her, held her, and asked, “So how was your first day at Disney World?”She closed her eyes and snuggled down into her stuffed unicorn. After a few moments, she opened her eyes ever so slightly. “Daddy,” she said, “I finally got to go to Disney World. But it wasn’t because I was good; it’s because I’m yours.”

Which of yours needs grace today? Maybe it’s you?

April 16, 2020

I love listening to little kids talk - it’s absolutely the best!

Be honest – when you hear a child say “I am searwious” in a matter of fact tone, how does it not make you smile?! In fact, it’s one of the things I really miss about working at an elementary school. Kindergarten and preschool classes are a magical wonderland of misspoken words and fledgling attempts at pronunciation – it’s amazing to hear kids trying on new words and exploring ways to express themselves with no concern at all that they might’ve said it wrong – they don’t even care!

My children have all sadly matured to the point where they’ve developed very typical speech and language skills. However, I’ve intentionally held on to some of their more infamous pronunciations that are still near to my heart:

“Ahhlicious” (i.e. delicious) – I’ve intentionally incorporated this into my vernacular in an effort to model poor speech so my youngest child will continue mispronouncing words for my own benefit – I know, I’m a terrible father. She also called me out on it last week by asking, “why do you say that?” I told her that’s how she used to say delicious. To which she replied, “all little kids say things like that. You’re a grown man – it’s just weird now!” I’ll be honest, that stung a little bit.
“My-nup” (i.e. Europe) – this was my son’s interpretation of the continental name of Europe – after I distinctly told him, “no buddy, it’s Europe”.
“Wink-o” (i.e. Winco) – subtle, but still a favorite!

While you may not share my twisted affinity for children’s language patterns, I’m sure we can agree that kids are amazing. They make the simplest of things fun and incredible! If you can’t get your kid fix within your own home, I encourage you to find other safe and creative ways to do so.

They’ve been around for a while, but if you haven’t checked out Kid Snippets on YouTube, it’s worth the watch (parents acting out kids’ conversations) – pretty great! Click HERE for a few of my favorite Kid Snippets.

April 15, 2020

kind·ness /ˈkīn(d)nəs/

1: the quality or state of being kind // treating people with kindness and respect

2: a kind deed : FAVOR // They did me a great kindness.

3 archaic : AFFECTION

Kindness is an act, a gift, a blessing, a characteristic, a wish, an interpersonal skill, a hope, a practice, a strength, and a need. Throughout history humankind has demonstrated both the incredible capacity and the need for kindness (DiSalvo, 2017). Kindness is often thought of as gentle, warm, considerate, and meek; and while it is those things, it also requires strength, boldness, and courage. There are numerous ways to show kindness, here’s a few:

See a need, fill a need – actively looking out for the needs of others and helping when you notice opportunities to show kindness. Offering a kind word, a smile, opening a door, celebrating someone you love, giving honest compliments, sending an encouraging email, telling someone how s/he is special to you, helping an elderly neighbor, sharing homemade food, refusing to gossip, and donating clothing are all ways to practice kindness by meeting others’ needs.
Celebrate success – wholeheartedly and genuinely showing excitement and happiness for someone else. Our response to others’ successes may actually impact our relationships more than how we act during difficult times (Gottman). Do you minimize, ignore, or bring up the challenges when someone shares their success with you? Or do you practice kindness by openly sharing in their happiness?
Be honest – providing honest and genuine feedback is a way to show kindness. Telling the truth in gentleness and love in order to benefit another person is a critical part of maintaining caring relationships. The courage to give and receive truthful feedback is a key component of growth and flexible thinking.
Give to give – it’s often been suggested that altruism is the purest form of kindness. Kindness to accumulate thanks is self-serving at best. It could even be construed as manipulative or controlling. But when we are kind even if — maybe especially if — there’s no such payback, the rewards are all the sweeter. Find ways to give kindness freely, when you can’t be repaid and aren’t noticed, and you’ll see.

The best and most beautiful things in the world cannot be seen or even touched – they must be felt with the heart – Helen Keller

I encourage you to practice kindness today. Shine brightly and touch the heart of someone who needs it.

Check out this video of one little guy’s call for kindness.

April 14, 2020

I dwell in possibility - Emily Dickinson

The power of hope lies not in its immediate experience, but in the assurance and belief that the focus of one’s hope will one day be experienced. In a society that promotes immediacy (one click shopping, next day delivery, on demand, 24-hour access) it’s amazing that hope hasn’t yet been relegated as an antiquated idea. But hope carries on.

Hope is the steadfast pursuit of some positive future experience. It’s an adjective, a noun, a verb, and an adverb – I could honestly bore you for hours talking about the nuances of hope – from research to religious platitudes. I won’t do that. I will however encourage you to take 3 minutes and consider the following questions:

- What do you want life to look like 6 months from now? (For you? For your family and friends? For your co-workers and staff? For your students and their families?)
- What do you want the people around you to remember from this time in their lives?

You see, hope involves both a will and a way. So let me leave you with this last question – what will you do this week to prepare the way for your hopes yet to come?

I am fundamentally an optimist. Whether that comes from nature of nurture, I cannot say. Part of being optimistic is keeping one’s head pointed toward the sun, one’s feet moving forward. - Nelson Mandela

April 3, 2020

It’s been 3 weeks now and they’ve been exhausting – physically, mentally, and emotionally. Not only are we trying to navigate through these uncharted waters individually, but we’re doing our best to help support our children, spouses, parents, siblings, friends, neighbors, co-workers, and others all while maintaining social distancing – that’s hard. It’s challenging because the very thing that matters most for our physical health during this time (isolation) deprives use from one of the very things that we need for our social and mental health (connection). It’s no wonder we’re exhausted – we’re living in a paradox!

Enter Spring Break. Ahhh Spring Break, the wonderful diversion from the grind of a long spring semester! It’s an opportunity to let your hair down and relax, even if for a short while, in the midst of the frantic rush of a spring semester. This year is no different. True, you probably won’t be heading to the beach. But even though your location may not change, it’s important that your routines and your actions do – it’s the disruption of your new normal that will help it feel like a break. If you haven’t already, give yourself permission to relax, unwind, stay up late, sleep in late, eat a Peep or a Cadbury egg, and have a little fun.

If you need some help finding things to do, here’s a few ideas:

NY Times recommendations on books, movies, tv, podcasts, games, music – here

Activities for kids to avoid cabin fever – here
Things to do inside – some fun, some practical, some ridiculous – here

I wish you a wonderful Spring Break and I’ll connect with you again when the Daily Dose is re-administered on April 14^th.

Stay safe and sane out there!

April 2, 2020

Like many of us, I’ve been involved in numerous conversations these past days and weeks. During these conversations, I’m listening to what people are sharing, but I’m also listening for what lies underneath; their worries and doubts, hopes and fears, passion and purpose, and their heart. As people, we function best when our thoughts, feelings, and actions are aligned; when we’re able to live out our purpose in the work that we do and the way that we do it. It’s the very reason why many of us chose the career we have. However, it may also be why this time is even more difficult personally. In addition to the very real challenges and concerns we’re already facing in the midst of a global pandemic, we’re also trying to balance how we live out our purpose each day without being able to do the things we typically do (i.e. we’re experiencing dissonance).

So what will you do? What new ways might you explore to align your actions with your thoughts and feelings? As you engage in new actions and behaviors that reflect who you are, you will likely also experience the positive changes in mood and attitude that accompany a harmonious life.

For me, it’s been writing this email every morning. I love people and it’s my desire to show this in my actions (although I often mess up). Writing this email provides me a way to live out my passion – to connect with the heart, inspire the mind, and encourage the soul. It’s not perfect and it won’t matter that much to some, but that’s okay because I’ve found another way to live out my purpose – to love people not because of what they do or even who they are, but simply because they are.

I encourage you today to find new ways to live out your purpose – to be creative and explore opportunities to make a difference, help others, inspire, teach, encourage, and uplift.

April 1, 2020

Music and rhythm find their way into the secret places of the soul. -Plato

I love listening to music. I love singing to music – I may or may not have been a soloist in the 1988 Memorial Baptist Children’s Musical. I love dancing to music, humming along (I’m not great with lyrics), or even just tapping and swaying to the beat. And I’m not alone. Nearly every people and culture in the course of human history has a music of their own. The human brain is wired to distinguish music from noise and to respond to rhythm and repitition, tones and tunes (Harvard, 2011). It’s not all that surprising then that music has numerous positive effects on human health; physical, physiological, and psychological.

Music enhances cognitive performance. Numerous studies have found that music enhances cognitive abilities such as memory, attention, and language. While experts aren’t 100% sure why this is, it’s thought that music may help organize neural activity, which results in more efficient brain functioning.
Music reduces stress. In a similar way that people across centuries have used music to express their feelings and emotions, music can also serve to alter them. After all, it was British dramatist William Congreve in 1697 who said, "Music has charms to soothe a savage breast.” Music is even used during medical and surgical procedures as studies show it helps to lower patient and medical staff stress (including lowering heart rates, blood pressure, and stress-related hormones).
Music improves mood. Music doesn’t just calm the nerves, it can also help raise our spirits and make people of all ages feel more happy, energetic, and alert. Researchers have even found similar affects for individuals with depressive illnesses. Lizzo may not replace Prozac anytime soon, but when it comes to sadness and depression, even a little help strikes a welcome chord (Harvard, 2011).

So whether you’re driving to a school for meal distribution, working on your computer at home, or helping your kids make the most of their Wednesday, turn on the tunes and let music do its work. If you need some inspiration, here’s a few songs from the COVID-19 playlist my wife and kids have been compiling:

When Can I See You (Babyface) , In My Room (The Beach Boys), Man in the Mirror (Michael Jackson), Hard Knock Life (Jay-Z), One Is the Loneliest Number (Three Dog Night), Hello (Lionel Richie), U Can’t Touch This (MC Hammer), Yesterday (The Beatles)Don’t Worry Be Happy (Bobby McFerrin), …and of course – It’s The End of The World as We Know It (R.E.M.)

March 31, 2020

Selah

Selah is a Hebrew word found in ancient books of poetry and song. It’s generally thought to be a musical term and is often included at the end of a stanza, a verse, or a provoking section of thought. It means “to pause and reflect”.

What an important, but often neglected practice – to pause and reflect. During this time where the tempo of our lives has dramatically changed, I encourage you to pause and reflect. Start by pausing to really absorb the magnitude of this moment. It is almost unthinkable that life as we know it was upended in a matter of weeks. When else has this happened in your lifetime? It is a powerful reminder that there are forces greater than ourselves that don't bend to our will. It is humbling and humanizing, and may even be a meaningful turning point in our lives if we give ourselves time to absorb the lessons of this experience.

Reflect on what goes well during this time of school closure and “sheltering in place”, both personally and professionally. Maybe you’ve found a penchant for innovating online or you love eating lunch together with your family. Maybe you really enjoy skipping your commute or having extra time with your kids in the morning. Whatever it is, what will you draw from this experience that will positively impact your life and the lives of those around you going forward?

Pause and reflect.

March 30, 2020

And into the forest I go, to lose my mind and find my soul. - John Muir

Saturday morning, my family and I packed up our truck and drove up to the mountains (the ultimate in social distancing). We talked, laughed, and sang along to music as we drove up into the forest and watched the world around us transform into a wintery playground. We spent the next few hours sledding, throwing snow balls, and sipping on hot chocolate and coffee. As we drove down the mountain, I was mesmerized by the majesty of the snow covered landscape – the rises and falls of the powder white hills, the flocked pine branches, and the icy streams that wove their way through snow laden meadows. It was a beautiful day – both the company and the setting. We know that social interaction is good for our mental well-being, but nature also has incredible benefits, many of which are linked to the restorative properties of our environment.

Spending time outside or even looking out at nature (i.e. micro-restorative experiences) can trigger the experience of a psychological and/or physiological recovery process
Natural environments can facilitate restoration from stressors perceived as demanding or threatening to our well-being
Nature can elicit a sense of connectedness. The sense of belonging to the natural world is positively correlated with increased mood, connectivity to others, and the ability to positively reflect on one’s life challenges

Maybe a snow day isn’t your cup of tea, but it might be wrapping a blanket around you and drinking your morning coffee on the porch, taking an evening walk after work, gazing up at the stars before going to bed, or simply looking through pictures of a beautiful vacation destination. Whatever the activity, take advantage of the natural world around us. After all, it was Hippocrates who said, “nature itself is the best physician”.

March 27, 2020

We live in the information age. Breaking news, urgent reports, and the latest updates bombard us on our phones, computers, televisions and print media. This past week there were two YouTube clips about toilet paper that went viral in Australia. One was of three grown women fighting in a store over a package of toilet paper. The other was of two young children dragging a large cart of toilet paper behind them and stopping at the homes of elderly people in their neighborhood to give them a roll. Crises can bring out both the worst and the best of human nature.

Look for the good in others. Tuning into the positive moments and the kindness and beauty of humanity will aide us as we go further into the unknown as well. Taking charge of our mental health and fostering positive emotions has well documented flow-on effects.

Increased resilience: research has shown that when we experience positive emotions on the back of a stressful event, we bounce back more quickly and even have a faster “cardiovascular recovery” time – our heart rate lowers and our blood pressure stabilizes more quickly when we are able to be positive (Frederickson et al., 2000).

Increased immune functioning: a study at the University of Wisconsin-Madison where people were introduced to the influenza virus and rhinovirus found that those people who reported more positive emotions (happy, pleased, relaxed) were more likely to fight off the symptoms. People who reported negative emotional styles showed fewer antibodies and were more likely to develop the illness (Cohen. et al., 2007; Davidson, 2003).
Increased mental clarity: positive emotions boost our problem solving abilities as well as our judgment, decision-making, cognitive flexibility and creativity. Staying positive will help you and those around you better solve all those little problems being thrown your way, like using new technology platforms and developing resources to support learning (and working) from home.

The world around us is a vast landscape of human interaction; anyone can find the dirt. Be the one that finds the gold!

March 26, 2020

Why did you become an educator, a mental health worker, a support provider and advocate for children and youth?

While the motivations, goals, and specific rationales may be different for each of us I would venture to say that most of us, if we search ourselves, would find that to some degree our intentions have something to do with wanting to help or serve others. To be a source of encouragement to those who may need it most; or to help those you connect and identify with because you’ve walked in their shoes; or maybe to inspire any and all kids to be more than they could ever dream of and never let anything stand in their way.

Our purpose for serving in the roles we’re in doesn’t stop because our school doors are closed. We have incredible opportunities each day to serve others – whether it’s the families and children you encourage as they come and pick up food and learning materials, the students you know will benefit from the resources and interventions you’re helping to build out, or your own loved ones who you’re caring for during this time.

Mahatma Ghandi once said, “Service which is rendered without joy helps neither the servant nor the server. But all other pleasures and possessions pale into nothingness before service which is rendered in a spirit of joy.”

Let you purpose manifest itself in joyful service today!

March 25, 2020

Good morning,

As our circumstances change they often impact our thoughts, behaviors, and emotions. However, we know as mental health practitioners that our thoughts, behaviors, and emotions also affect one another and to that degree, our circumstantial experience. Therefore, I encourage you to seize the chance to positively and proactively shape your own experience in the midst of these circumstances. Here are two ways you may choose to do so.

· Savor the small moments - Even during COVID-19 closures we still have many small moments to savor; the smell of coffee, the sound of laughter, the smell outside after a fresh rain, the feel of the warm shower on your back, and many others. When you stop to take in these moments, rather than let them rush by, you are giving your brain a chance to process the pleasurable experience, which boosts your serotonin – the feel good neurotransmitter that elevates your mood and helps you feel calm.

· Strengthen your connections - For those of us with our families all at home, now is the opportunity to spend quality time with our loved ones. Take the time to hug your kids or partner, look them in the eyes, have long conversations with them – all of these gestures promote closeness and connection; and also boost your oxytocin, which is a hormone connected to social bonding and has a calming effect on the body. When your oxytocin levels increase they tell your body to switch off cortisol, the stress hormone.

Wishing you a wonderful Wednesday!

March 24, 2020

I love waking up in the morning.

I know that sounds weird, but each day brings with it such promise and opportunity. It’s truly a beautiful thing – no matter what happened the day before, today is new! Even if over the course of the hours to come, today proves to be difficult, sad, disappointing, or even heart-breaking; I will go to sleep tonight and God willing, wake up tomorrow with a new “today”.

During these challenging times, I encourage you to embrace today – find the promise it holds and look for opportunities to brighten someone else’s today. Here’s a video a friend of mine made with his family – definitely making the most of their today, on Sunday. Enjoy!

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