Tim Gaither, MS, LPC

Psychotherapist

Master's of Science in Clinical Mental Health Counseling | National Louis University

Clinical Specialties or Interests

I'm particularly interested in substance abuse, anxiety, depression, family dynamics and how they affect individuals, abuse, childhood trauma.

Why or how did you get interested and involved with counseling?

I got involved with counseling through my own personal life experiences. The first time I went to counseling, I was contemplating going through a divorce and was in the process of coming out. I felt like I needed to talk to someone before making those huge life decisions, hoping it could help me figure out what action to take - if any. Also, later in life, I discovered that I had an issue with alcohol. As a result, I got involved with a lot of groups and went back to therapy. It was the group dynamics that I really enjoyed. I've been working in groups most of my life, with my previous career as an airline pilot and an Air Force pilot, when working together in a working group or with children in camps. I worked at camps in high school and when I was at the Air Force Academy, I organized a week-long camp for disadvantaged children.

And when I was a Liaison Officer for the Air Force Academy, I worked with students who were interested in becoming officers in the Air Force, either through the Academy or ROTC. I got to work firsthand with them and mentor them through the admissions process, which is very onerous. I was able to help mentor 6 kids that successfully got in to the Academy, which I'm proud of.

Why have you remained passionate about counseling? What motivates you to continue each day? What keeps pulling you into it?

What makes me so passionate about counseling is knowing and seeing the change within myself and family members that have been to therapy as well as clients who I've worked with. But I've also seen through my working life some incredible examples of people enduring difficult situations - seeing how they were able to handle their extreme circumstances with counseling is so motivating.

What motivates me to continue each day are my clients! I love to see how they are able to create change - just themselves, not changing anyone else - by showing up and working with me they are able to make positive choices for their overall well-being.

How do you like to work with clients? How do you connect with them?

I like to connect through person-centered counseling. I like to make sure they understand that we're in it together and that they are the leaders of where we're going. I'm here to help them out as a team member, rather than telling them what they should and should not do. I'm here to help them discover their potentials and that they can be agents of change. What's also important is to guide them in seeing more clearly the things that they have direct control over as well as the things that they have no control over. And I try to help my clients get a sense of purpose and direction with a plan.

Hear Tim discuss this in the audio clip above: I was a pilot - one thing we had to have on every flight was a flight plan to make sure we could go from takeoff to landing safely with enough gas. And I think that way with my clients. If we don't understand where we want to go and if we don't have some sort of rough plan of how to get there, how are we ever going to achieve the things we want to achieve in life? When I can and when it's appropriate for clients, I like to draw on some of my own experience with the airlines and the Air Force like in this example here.

Do you have a favorite wellness strategy that you use with clients?

My favorite strategy for my clients is mindfulness. I enjoy it! I was fortunate enough to have a mindfulness instructor for 4 weeks and was able to experience many sessions with them. As a result in the last five months , I've done a mindfulness based relapse prevention training program. Now I'm certified to lead clients through an 8 week program using mindfulness based principles for anything from behavior change, anger, really anything that's causing an issue in your life. You can go to these mindfulness principles to help with situations everyday.

For example, there's an acronym called SOBER space, which stands for Stop, Observe, Breathe, Expand, and Respond versus react to situations. That's one tool that I've been using for all sorts of challenges that my clients have - anxiety, anger, or when they're so triggered that they just want to shut down. This exercise helps bring space between automatic behaviors and reactions to responding. With automatic reactions, we just have a few tools in the arsenal - maybe withdrawing, a fiery verbal exchange, crossing one's arms, or totally disengaging. Most of the time, these behaviors do not help us achieve what we want.

There's usually something else underneath that automatic behavior, so that SOBER space gives us a chance to think about what it is that we really want in this moment. Do we just want someone to listen to us? Or to say that they care about us? This is especially useful for clients who can't stop using, can't stop eating, can't stop gambling. It gives them an opportunity to create that space before they reach for that next substance, drink, or whatever their behavior might be.

I'm very passionate about mindfulness training. I think mindfulness is so important because it helps us get in touch with what's going on in our bodies and ties into somatic experiencing, which our other therapist Carolyn is working on. They go hand in hand.

My favorite part about mindfulness is that it is portable. You can take it with you anywhere, do it in room full of people and they won't know what you're doing. It's also inexpensive and free! It's a strategy that just about any client can use. I like to compare mindfulness or meditation to working out and practicing. To be a good athlete, you have to work out and practice. And keep doing it. Mindfulness and meditation work the same way.

Success with clients

One of the biggest successes for one of my clients occurred during my internship where I worked with clients who were in substance abuse treatment. I worked with a female client in her 60's. I was told that she didn't participate much in groups, that she was pretty quiet, and that the team was unsure that I'd be able to get much out of her.

I sat down and talked to her. I found out that she had a really severe background of abuse as an adult. She felt extremely shameful for what had occurred and the results of it. Because of the abuse, she found herself in financial trouble. Just about every area of her life was affected. She was drinking so heavily that she developed cirrhosis and some pretty severe medical issues.

I counseled her for six or seven sessions while she was there. At the beginning, she was very flat and did not emote. Slowly over the sessions she started sharing everything that had transpired. I began to see a change in her countenance. By the time we stopped, I saw her cry. I saw her laugh, which I had not seen at all until almost the last session when I asked about her son who died by suicide. She carried a lot of shame from losing a son to suicide amongst all the other shame she was carrying.

But it was quite an honor to sit with a client who experienced so much loss and to see them be able to connect with their emotions again. She had been so shut down at the beginning and it was, as strange as it sounds, was an incredible experience of growth. Just being with someone who needed an ear was profound. She didn't think she deserved to have anyone listen to her. It was quite an honor to be the person who sat with her and listened.

In the context of counseling and your role, can you share any challenges that you've faced along the way and how you've managed them?

One of the biggest challenges is also one of the biggest assets: my life experience. Sometimes countertransference can happen with clients and that can be challenging at times because I have quite a family history of multigenerational mental health issues. Sometimes the challenge is to pluck myself and my feelings out of the situation and focusing on putting my client first.

What do you love about being a part of the YFC team? How would you describe YFC in a few words?

One thing I like most about the team here is that it really is a team. YFC is collaborative. It is one of the most collaborative environments that I've been in. It truly is a team. I have such a warm feeling walking in to YFC - from when I interviewed through now. People are genuinely friendly, interested, and willing to help. It's all sincere. It's such a super work environment to be in.

What is your happy place?

At a dog park with my dogs! I have a Standard Poodle named Marshall and a Great Dane named Bonnie. The dog parks here are wonderful - it's so good for the soul.

What's one thing people might be surprised to find out about you?

I'm a really good cook! One of my favorite dishes to make is short ribs served over garlic mashed potatoes or some type of pasta. It's a recipe from the Barefoot Contessa. And last year I put together an elaborate Israeli dinner using a cookbook I got for Christmas. I made so many wonderful things from scratch - it took a long time but it was fun!

What's the last song that you listened to?

Last night I was listening to A Lack of Color by Death Cab for Cutie. My current favorite song is The Stable Song by Gregory Alan Isakov. Such a good one.

What's your favorite must-see movie?

I have two! Ordinary People and then On Golden Pond.