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Chapter 7
No Regrets
Cornelia woke up the next morning before dawn, and lying in her bed she recalled how close she could have come to getting in trouble again for going out without permission. The thought of being confined to the house for the rest of her stay in Montego Bay filled her with worry,and made her even more thankful that she had not been found out.
“Precious Lord”, she whispered in the dark, “thine is the Glory. Lord, thank you for your mercies and I promise that I will do better, Lord”.
Prayer came easily to Cornelia. She was brought up in a religious home and ever since she could remember she had been an active member of her church community. Three years before, when she was 13 years old, she had been baptized in the name of Jesus and proudly called Him as her personal Lord and Saviour. All of her friends went to her church and she and her parents never had any arguments. However, when she became a senior in grade ten and started preparing for her CXC examinations, her school friends became more important to her life. She found that she had more in common with them and naturally developed closer relationships with them. Because of this, her circle of friends widened and she became exposed to people and situations that she would not have had within her church group.
More and more often, Cornelia found herself being faced with moral decisions and finding that her own choices did not mirror the values that she had been taught in the church and at home. The first dilemma was whether women should wear trousers.
“A woman shall not wear anything that pertains to a man ... whoever does these things is an abomination to the Lord”, Moses had said to the Children of Israel.
The mother of her best friend and classmate, Marissa, wore trousers; and she was just as religious as Cornelia’s own mother. Mrs. Chuck was always singing religious songs and she spent several hours each week giving service of various kinds to the church. However, Marissa’s mother thought nothing of wearing trousers to work, shorts in the yard and pants to church!
Marissa found Mrs. Chuck very easy to talk to, and had asked her about it.
“My dear, in biblical times both men and women wore robes that looked like dresses, but everyone knew the difference between a man’s robe and a woman’s, the same thing applies to trousers. What we should be more concerned about is the verse that tells us to, ‘Rend your hearts and not your garments”.
Cornelia bought that explanation wholesale.
But then again, Cornelia had thought, Mrs. Chuck worshipped graven images. Slung from a chain of beads on the rear view mirror of Mrs. Chuck’s car was a small statue of a semi nude Jesus nailed to the cross. Every time that Cornelia saw it, she remembered the repeated warnings God gave to the Children of Israel against worshipping graven images. One day, she saw,Mrs. Chuck take it down, kiss it and as she thumbed the beads closed her eyes and whispered a mantra. Cornelia found an early opportunity to ask her friend about it.
“It’s Mummy’s crucifix and rosary”, Marissa had said.
“What’s that?” Cornelia had asked.
“Something that helps her to pray”.
That answer was not enough for Cornelia, so she went to Mrs. Chuck again.
“The crucifix and other statuary in the church are not to be confused with graven images,” the woman had carefully explained. “The church accepts that there are many religious books that are not in the bible, but that support the bible and help us to lead better Christian lives. We call this the doctrine of the church and the doctrine allows us to have physical aids to worship, that make us focus our thoughts more completely on prayer.”
Cornelia had been taught that the Bible was the word of God and so she did not feel comfortable giving doctrine the same level of respect as the written Word. So she listened respectfully, but concluded that Mrs. Chuck’s church was mistaken on that point. Slowly, Cornelia was beginning to develop her own standards of right and wrong, moral and immoral, and keeping her opinions to herself.
As the sky behind the glass louvre blades of the bedroom window got brighter, Cornelia reviewed the week and a half-that she had spent so far with her Aunt. Somehow the verse painted on her Aunt’s pushcart man vehicle came to her mind “Seek after God”, it said in bright red, as if it was more than a message: as if it was a warning. She made a resolve to act wisely and seek after God.
“No more getting into trouble for me”, she thought as she snuggled down in the bed again for a nap before Aunt would rouse her. With those holy thoughts she attended church that morning and returned later for evening service. Some of the teenage girls at the church were inviting her to go to Dunn’s River with them later that week, but she declined, misleading them to think that she would be seeing her period.
Cornelia half expected Janvon to pass by that Sunday, but if he did, it was while they were out. When Monday morning came, Cornelia awakened to realize that she missed her friends and family. Although she had not asked her Aunt if she could leave the house, she had decided to go into town and actually join the library. She helped Kaarina Kaye with Isaiah, then at mid-day told her that she would be out for a couple of hours. As she drew nearer to the City Centre, Cornelia became less and less interested in joining the library and more and more convinced that she needed to get an explanation from Jimmy about his behaviour in the parking lot. She thought that she deserved one. So, once again, she turned up Barnett Street and got a thrill when she saw that his car was parked at the front of his businessplace.
“Hey Baby Girl”, he said when she was seated in his office.
Today Jimmy was wearing all white, with silver jewellery. He looked like a movie star sitting there behind his desk slowly rocking his swivel chair. He smiled at Cornelia inviting her to relax.
“Hey Baby, yourself, Jimmy.”
“So what you been doin’ since you ran out on me?”
“Since I what! You really expected me to stay after what happened in the parking lot?”
“What happened?”
“Well, you grabbed me and tried to force me to kiss you!”
“I forced you?”
Jimmy touched his chest and looked totally lost and shook his head. Cornelia spoke again.
“Yes, you pulled me behind that tree.”
“Well, would you have preferred me to do it with all those people looking on?” He got up from behind his desk and went to kotch on the desk beside where Cornelia was sitting. His cologne filled her nostrils and she did not need to be reminded again of how attractive he was.
“No! Of course not.” “OK, then, so I tried to be discreet.” “But you were forcing me, Jimmy.”
“You are saying that I should have asked to kiss you?”
“Well, yes...” Having never been kissed, Cornelia now wondered if that is how it worked. Did the guy ask permission on the spot, the day before or....she realised that she was not sure of the protocol. Should she be the one to initiate the kiss? What are the clues?
“Would you have said yes, Baby Girl?”
His hand was now clasping hers and again, Cornelia felt her chest tighten with strong emotions, she really liked this overwhelming feeling, but was not sure how to react or how to reply. She did not say a word and allowed herself to be mesmerised by his voice as he continued speaking just above a whisper.
“I really like you Lia, you are a little pepper seed. I’d like to get to know you and for you
to know me. I’m sorry if I frightened you, OK. Are you going to hold it against me?” He gently squeezed her hands, asking for a reply. She looked into his eyes and found that
she wanted to forgive him, and to get that unpleasant incident behind them and have some more good times.
“Yeah, OK.”
He smiled and asked: “Listen, what are you doing later?”
“I have to go home, My aunt...”
“And tomorrow?”
“I don’t know.”
“Come by tomorrow and we’ll go sailing.”
“You have a boat?”
“Yacht. Me and my friend. We’ll have a little party on board.”
“That sounds nice.”
“OK then, can you come as early as nine o’clock?”
“I’ll be here.”
Cornelia stood to go, and Jimmy released her hands but instead ran his finger and thumb along the thin plait that hung down the side of her face and terminated in three black beads.
“And this time, I will ask you first if I can kiss you. OK?”
Cornelia’s legs buckled. If he had placed his lips on hers right then and there she knew that she would not have refused. The first touch of his lips had confused her, but the memory of them was overwhelmingly delightful.
Bashful, she lowered her head, convinced that despite her very dark skin, he could see that a rush of blood was warming her cheeks. She said goodbye and left.
Not wanting to test the boundary of Kaarina Kaye’s patience with her, Cornelia went straight back home and spent the rest of the day quietly there. That was not too hard to do as she was overwhelmed by the conflicting thoughts and emotions that were running through her mind and body.
Jimmy had been very clear that he wanted to kiss her and she could not absorb anything beyond that point. Cornelia had never been kissed by a boy or a man before; she believed what she had been taught, that that such things should be reserved for marriage. However, she had never met a young man who attracted her so much as Jimmy did. She knew that she would like it, and at that point, did not see how it would hurt her future husband, whomever he was, if she were to kiss him, and then go back to Kingston.
Later that evening when Cornelia and her aunt were relaxing in the living room after dinner, a voice called to her from the gate. It was Janvon.
“Hey Janvon.”
“Hi, just wondering how you were.”
“Fine, thanks.”
“I asked my uncle if you could go out with us tomorrow. This time we are going...”
“Sorry, I am busy tomorrow.”
“With Jimmy Barnett again?”
“What’s that to you?”
“That guy is no good.”
“Why you say that?”
Janvon looked at his feet: “I don’t want to bad talk the man”.
“You just did, so you might as well speak your mind.”
“He is mixed up in drugs and stuff. Look Cornelia, I really don’t think that you should hang out with him any more.”
Cornelia heard the condemnation in his voice and half-heartedly asked a follow up question.
“How do you know that he is in drugs?”
“Well, people say so.”
“People? That’s not good enough.”
“OK, so I don’t have any evidence about that. But look at how he treated you last week.”
“He apologized.”
Janvon kicked a stone on the ground in frustration.
“But you and I were friends first. How comes you are so close to him now?”
“Life is like that Janvon, relax. Look, I gotta go inside now, so maybe another time. All right? Look, thanks for the invitation.”
When she returned inside the house her aunt put down the tract that she was reading.
“Cornelia, I have been watching you these past few days and you seem a bit restless. I have spoken to your mother a couple of times, so she knows that you are alright, but she will want to speak with you herself. You can come with me when I go to work tomorrow and make the call from there.”
“Can it wait until Wednesday Aunt Josie?”
“Why can’t you do it tomorrow?”
“Well, Janvon invited me to go out with him and his Uncle.”
“Who, Roger? Where is he taking you? By the way, you didn’t ask me for permission to go anywhere!”
“Sorry Aunt Josie, I thought that it would have been OK. So, can I go?”
“Where?”
“I am not sure, he has some tourists taking out and they invited me.”
“Well, I suppose that is nice of them; and it really would be a shame if you did not get to see some of the sights in the area. OK. You can go, on one condition!”
“What’s that Aunt Josie?”
“You are not to go on any boat because you can’t swim and I am not able to explain anything to your mother if something should happen to you.”
“Everything will be criss Aunt Josie.”
“I hope so.”
That night even Cornelia had to admit to herself that she had made a habit out of lying to her family; and that could never be good. But then, she reasoned to herself, she was just going on a harmless day out and if her family were not so stuffy, everything would be fine.
She had to wait on a bit for Jimmy to arrive at his office, and after he made a couple of calls, they set out in his car for the marina. It was a sunny, windless August day, and the sea was calm. Jimmy led her along a pier with beautiful white yachts docked along it before stopping at one. It had the name “Easy Skanking” painted on the side and Cornelia was grateful to see that it was much bigger than the canoe that took her to lunch the week before. Holding her hand, Jimmy led her across a gangplank to get aboard. The boat did not rock at all as they stepped aboard and this made Cornelia feel comfortable, and she was now prepared to really enjoy herself.
“Julio”, Jimmy called, and a voice hailed him back.
“Ay, compadre.”
From below the deck, a head popped out followed by the shoulders and body of man who looked about to be in his early 20s, wore a ponytail, and like Jimmy, was fashionably dressed and accessorized in gold. He had a heavy Spanish accent.
“We are late Jimmy man, are the others ready?”
“Yeah, I just spoke with our contact, we are going to pick them up on the way.”
“Good. Who is the little senorita?”
“My friend Cornelia, she is coming for the ride. Cornelia, meet Julio. This is our boat.” Julio reached out for Cornelia’s hand and kissed it.
“Ay, that name has many, many pleasant memories for me. Remember that mullata in Santo Domingo Jimmy?”
“Yeah, well she is kinda different, OK Julio? She is with me.”
“No problem amigo”.
Julio then called in Spanish to a man sitting on the prow. The man got up and untied the boat from its moorings, then Julio sat in the bridge behind the wheel, started the engines and they were off.
“I could really get to like this kind of lifestyle”, Cornelia thought as she sat on one of the deck chairs, the awning flapping above her head shading the sun and a glass of wine cooler in her hand. In the background, lively dance music from one of Julio’s Spanish albums was playing over the sound of the waves splashing against the hull of the motor yacht. She was expecting them to stop anytime and pick up some more young people to make up the party, so was not surprised when they slowed down to pull into an inlet.
However there was no gay party waiting on them there, only two sullen men sitting on a disused pier. One of them had scuba diving gear. Julio reversed the boat so that they could put their things in the boat easily. The men got on board then nodded to Jimmy and sat silently as they drove off again.
“Who are those guys?” Cornelia whispered to Jimmy.
“Just some guys.”
“But I though that we were going to have a party.”
“Isn’t this a party? Music, wine, and Coco is cooking below deck.”
“Yeah, but I though that some young people were going to be here.” “Just chill Baby Girl, enjoy the ride.”
There seemed to be nothing else to do, so Cornelia sipped her wine cooler and watched as the shoreline receded away.
Even as they pulled away from land, they drew closer to a boat that seemed to be at anchor. It was nothing like their sleek craft. It as an old fishing smack in need of a paint job. After a while they pulled up alongside it, and Julio dropped anchor. The men on the other boat looked like desperadoes out of a movie. Unshaved, they were carelessly dressed, some without shoes and shirts as if they had been at sea for a long time. None of them smiled as a gangplank connected the two boats together. Cornelia had changed into her swimsuit, but now modestly pulled her t-shirt over it. Something was happening but she did not know what it was. Julio and Jimmy had gone on board the adjoining vessel. She heard voices speaking Spanish drifting towards her, then she saw that packs wrapped in duct tape were on the deck of the other boat were coming across to their boat. One of the guys who they had picked up in the inlet was doing something with them again with rope, while his compatriot who had fitted himself with a face mask and fins was now strapping an aqualung on to his back. When the loading stopped, the anchor for the fishing boat was raised and they chugged away. Then Cornelia heard two splashes and realized that the diver had gone overboard and a group of the packages with him. Slowly, her skin prickled with dread as she realized that she was witnessing a drug deal.
“Father God”, she thought, “Janvon was right. Jimmy is a drug dealer.”
There was nothing that she could do but sit and pretend to be invisible and pray for them to return to shore soon. Coco shouted something in Spanish and Jimmy held out his hand to escort her to where lunch was served. Mindlessly, she took his hand and went down into the cabin. Had she been in a normal state of mind, she would have realized that it was an elegantly fitted cabin. The meal was scrumptiously laid out with fresh vegetables, rice and black beans, and steamed fish. She could only hold out her plate while Jimmy piled in the food and poured her another glass of wine cooler. However, even as they ate the meal, they could hear and feel the thumps and tugs of the submerged diver who was strapping cases on to the hull of the yacht. As she picked at her food and barely sipped the drink, so Jimmy, Julio and Coco were laughing and joking around her. It was all in English, as it appeared that Jimmy knew only a little Spanish.
A call came from above and Jimmy left them to go up, and after a few minutes came back down smiling.
“OK it is all done. Time to head back in.”
Julio and Coco nodded and went above deck even as Jimmy settled beside her. Within seconds, the motor came to life and they were traveling again.
Jimmy was sitting very close to Cornelia and she tried to get up.
“Where are you going Baby Doll?”
“I need some fresh air.”
“And I need to get out of the sun for a bit. Stay down here with me awhile, man.” He put his arm around her waist.
“OK Jimmy,” no problem, “Cornelia said brightly as she removed his hand. “But I need to go to the bathroom for a little.”
He lifted his hand and she went to the door that he pointed to, locked the door behind her and leaned on it. After fifteen minutes, Jimmy knocked on the door.
“Lia, are you alright.”
“Yeah, I’ll soon be out.”
“Good, because I need to use the bathroom too, you know.”
“OK Jimmy.”
Oh Janvon, Janvon, why didn’t I go with you? Cornelia held her head in her hands but did not budge, thinking that it might be a trick to get her out, but when he knocked again after ten minutes, she flushed the toilet and unlatched the door.
“Sorry Jimmy, I guess that the sea has made me a bit sick.”
He went into the toilet after her, and she immediately went on deck and took her place again in the shade. Julio was looking a bit concerned, and he said something to Coco. A few seconds later, the boat came to a complete stop.
“What happen boss?” the diver asked.
“I don’t know. The engine just kept getting slower and slower.”
“Gas in there?” asked the diver’s colleague.
“Do you think that I am stupid” came Julio’s harsh reply, “Of course I have gas. It is an engine problem.”
Jimmy came up.
“What’s going on?”
“Engine trouble.”
“Don’t tell me that Julio! You said that you would have serviced the engine last week.” “Well, I was kind of busy.”
The diver hissed his teeth.
Jimmy tried to start the boat himself and when it refused to respond he balled his fist, hit the console and turned on Julio.
“Of all the stupid foolishness that you keep up with Julio, give me a break man, the boat needs to be in tip-top condition all the time. Isn’t that why we stopped renting and bought this for how much million dollars?”
“Hey man, get off my case, OK?” Shouted back Julio. His face had turned red and he was now waving a hand in the air. “The radio works, we can call for help.”
“You mad?” The diver butted in. “That will send the marine police out here so fast.”
“Well, what they going to see?” Julio wanted to know. “The stuff is all under the boat. You put it there yourself, amigo.”
“You a fool,” the diver replied quietly.
“Hey, hey who are you calling a fool?”
Julio edged from behind the steering wheel where there was an ominous buIge. The diver ignored his anger and in a low tone spoke, as if to himself.
“You know, something did seh to me, not to come on this job with two amateurs.”
Then he confronted Julio. “Any police can see a boat this size with Columbians, two divers and a customs broker with a reputation here in the shipping lane and not want a search of the vessel?”
He hissed his teeth, but no one spoke. This diver was clearly a veteran of clandestine operations. Having gained everyone’s attention, he spoke again.
‘We have to stop a passing boat and ask them for a lift into town where we can get a boat mechanic. No radio, no flares. Just sit tight and keep your eyes open.”
Everybody then just sat around looking at the horizon or at Montego Bay in the distance. Coco saw the boat first, and then they all waved and waved, trying to get the captain’s attention. They were relieved to see it veer from its course and turn towards them, and even more relieved to see that it was a sport fishing boat and not the police.
When the boat pulled alongside them, Cornelia said a silent prayer of thanksgiving as looking back at her from the railing, was Janvon!
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