04.10.2022

Hello civilians, as mentioned in an article penned by my colleague Mx. Oedipus, Richard Nixeon (better known as 37th U.S. President Richard Nixon) is an immortal vampire. Nixeon's early life is shrouded in mystery, but most cryptozoologists and vampirologists agree that he was born in France around 1565 under the name Rīk Nickesson (through language contractions and evolution, this would become Richard Nixon) The more observant reader would notice the difference between "Nixon" and "Nixeon". Through semi-legal documents, we have discovered that "Nixeon" is the name he uses in shadow affairs. 

Nixeon is not the only U.S. president who was a vampire. Former vampire presidents include, William Henry Harrison, James Buchanan, Woodrow Wilson, and Dwight D. Eisenhower. Bill Clinton became a vampire after his presidency. Aberham Lindon was extremely anti-vampire, influencing Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter. JFK was suspected to be a vampire, but these claims were ultimately put to rest. While JFK was a large supporter of the Wyoming Helpline, he was influenced and possibly even blackmailed into putting men on the moon (vampire's main habitat).

As of 2022, Nixeon's status is unknown. It is suspected he is hiding in Wyoming.

Hello comrades, today we must discuss the urgency of today's topic. The continuous lies made by our own government, and the lack of existence of a state, continue to harm this country and our lives as we know it. The existence, or lack thereof, of what we refer to as “Wyoming”. When you think of Wyoming, what do you see? Nothing right? Well, I don’t blame you. Wyoming holds no value in this country. Don’t worry. We, “The Wyoming Helpline” are here to help. The year is 1942, around the same time as grisly birth of The Manhattan Project and the U.S. government is in hot water. The North American Shadow Government (N.A.S.G.) needs a huge military base, stat. Why you may ask? To hide nukes, cryptids, creatures, conspiracies, and secrets. So, N.A.S.G came up with the idea to develop the virtual wasteland of Wyoming into a military base (W.M.B.). This project was headed by a specially selected group of five. Propagandist Lee Johnson, cartographer Wayne Anthony, evangelical Elijah O’Sullivan Smith, televison executive William S. Paley, and high ranking N.A.S.G. member Richard Nixeon. Now, the name Richard Nixon may sounds familiar. That is because he is actually a then 377 year old vampire born Rīk Nickesson. He used “Nixon” publicly. The population of Wyoming, which was near 5500, unwillingly became employees of the W.M.B.. Now Elijah, in his heart of hearts knew that what h e was doing is wrong. When his role in the project is over he went to New York where he near bankrupted himself spreading the truth. He and his team spread flyers, which in a decade spread throughout America. These is flyers included all of the necessary information and a phone number you could call. This is where the name “Wyoming Helpline” comes from. We are committed to educating the naïve, showing the truth, and ending the lies. We are a beacon of truth in a sea of lies. We are the Wyoming Helpline.