Mussar Writings starting from February 20, 2025

I am celebrating Rosh Hodesh Adar by having a colonoscopy.   I had an extra Thursday Shovavim fast as I prepare with a liquid diet.   Watching the Wizard of Oz as dawn breaks.   I will soon be drinking another 32 oz of gatorade prep to clean out my system.  Colonoscopy at 12:30 at Windham Hospital - Debbie will drive me the less than mile distance that we usually walk.  

Since our last Mussar meeting, I have continued to practice gratitude and awareness of others.   I continue to recognize how thankful I am to be living with my night nurse Debbie, having a job in my neighborhood, having our neighbors down the hill.   Fay and Matthew came over last Sunday to install our SimpliSafe alarm system.   Our former alarm company sent an invoice and instructions to call them because they no longer would be supported by telephone lines.   I called them about updating and their systems were much more expense than SimpliSafe.  I learned that the cost of the alarm system is covered by our home insurance.   Aunt Rona tutored me on alarm systems and I asked the neighbors to install it to assure that it was done right.

Although the political climate is changing, I am grateful that it hasn't much affected my daily life yet.  What has affected my daily life is that the university pool's pump is broken, so I have been going to the student center gym for about 90 minutes a day - 20 minutes on strength training and eliptical machine - using the crunch machines and other arms and legs machines.  

Awareness of others is a skill for someone who is teaching.   I am using a flipped curriculum method - projects due the day before our class discussions.   I have two online graduate courses for students seeking teaching certification - School and Society and Learning and Teaching.  I've also a small seminar - four teachers in our MS in Educational Technology program - in Global Connection in Education.   And two in-person classes - International and Cross-Cultural Education and Exploring Tools for Future Learning - on Wednesday evenings.   I need to spend down my more than a semester's worth of faculty load credit, but I am enjoying these course.   I hope my student are. 

One event of interest to me is our growing connections with Mongolian university faculty and students.  Arranged with a connection with a Peace Corps staff person in Ulaanbaatar.   Students here developed videos that I posted at https://www.youtube.com/@davidstoloff1629 .  The Mongolian students hosted introductory presentations at 9 am on Friday, January 31, 2025 (8 pm Thursday, January 30.   (Unfortunately, Debbie had to keep waking me up.   In the last few days, Mongolian students have joined the project Facebook page at https://www.facebook.com/groups/3857819954463527 , as have students here.   It is the Mongolian new year so I am hoping that it will be a good continuation of our connections when they return from their break.  

In the Education Department, we are having some discussion of the passing rate on the PRAXIS II for the History/Social Studies candidates.   I did an analysis of raw data of scores on the PRAXIS II exam and found that the passing rate should be higher than what was reported, when students who didn't enroll at Eastern, students who enrolled but didn't continue because they couldn't pass the test, and missing data of passing scores were considered.   The original low reported score triggered a discussion on when the content of the social sciences will be taught, whether there is a need for another course for these students.   I am sensitive that by challenging the reported statistics I am annoying a colleague who is supposed to be in charge of our analyses, but we do need to see valid statistics to suggest to students what they have to study more to prepare for the text.   

At our Mussar meeting, I will discuss my Shovavim journey.   I reviewed the Psalms daily, four at a time.   Finding a verse that was meaningful for me and a song from YouTube, I posted them online at https://writingsdls.wordpress.com/heshvan-5785/. At four a day, I passed through the Psalms and then onto the Proverbs.  What I learned - there are a lot of songs on YouTube that were related to the verses I chose, that the Psalms tended to focus on calling out for help, condemning the wicked, and praising.   Along the way, I found other lists of attributes - one used by local Protestants at the church were the Bread Box Theatre is and another from the "considered" author Adon Olam, ibn Gabirol, that is based on the five senses.   Next year, I am planning to pass through the Zohar - one verse that stands out to me from each chapter with a song that connects.   

I am grateful that I have the opportunity to keep learning, that although I have health challenges they are not stopping me from being active, that I have a job that I enjoy, that I have loved ones near.   I am aware of the world outside my bubble by watching with Debbie the TV NBC news, Colbert, and the Daily Show.   So far, I am trying to not react too quickly, just waiting for the shoes to drop.  

Sunday, March 2 - Rona's birthday - 2 Adar

I realized this morning that I have gratitude that I am able to make connections in the world.   Rabbi David Aaron find in "Rabbi Abraham Isaac Kook, in his work The Lights of Holiness, contrasts secular seeing with spiritual seeing. Secular vision focuses on fragmented details—like looking at grains of sand under a magnifying glass—while spiritual seeing perceives the entire landscape."   

Rabbi David Aaron (February 10, 2025).   Seeing Hashem Everywhere.  Retrieved from https://www.rabbidavidaaron.com/seeing-hashem-in-everyday-life/ 

Sunday, March 9 - 9 Adar

Preparing for our voyage to the midwest.  Yesterday, I took the car to Lynch Toyota and got new tires, new spark plugs, and a warning that the steering rack was a concern.  Then went to AAA and got maps for the MapMom.  Then to the Lakeview Inn for a American Federation of Teachers meeting with Storrs Representative Greg Haddad.  Bar food and more getting to know Jessica's colleague who is worried that world languages will be diminished at UCONN.   I worried about Charter Oak - the CSCU's online college - that would offer Tuition-Free Bachelor's Degrees in teaching.  In the evening, we went to the Winter Blues Festival at the French Club.   I danced with a balloon - appreciating the vibrations.  Don't worry about a thing, everything is going to be all right.   

https://www.tabletmag.com/sections/belief/articles/joey-weisenberg-revolution-in-jewish-music 

Sunday, April 6 - 8 Nisan

We have our Mussar meeting this morning, but Debbie is still not feeling well after our return from the spring break voyage.   Debbie tested positive for COVID.  I haven't tested and am feeling well.   I have had too many things to do to be sick.

What have I learned in the last month?   My middah is still Gratitude.  Debbie and I went to a Contemplative Education group at the Comparative and International Education Society conference.   A special interest group that had most of the small number of people from the Peace Education special interest group I went to on the Sunday of the conference.  The leaders of both group are connected to the University of Maryland.   At the Contemplative Education group meeting, I spoke about Mussar.  We had an exercise on using a paper labyrinth for meditation,   I think I learned some patience and awareness after driving over 2800 miles on the voyage.   

We had a lovely weekend in Pittsburgh with Dan and Katie and the cats.   One of the cats like to jump on the dining table and on people's shoulders.   We drove here on Friday, March 14 and arrived in time for dinner.   We had the third floor bedroom and bathroom.  

On Saturday, we went down to the Duolingo Taqueria for lunch and ice cream at Millie's, a place where Dan and Katie had had a first date.  We went to the Frick Museum and played on the old cars and visited the small museum.   In the evening, we went to Benjy, Ally, and Amelia in a northern suburb for dinner.

On Sunday we went to Falling Waters and then had an Italian lunch in a train station with Katie's family in Uniontown.   On the way back, Dan showed us an atom smasher in a former factory.  Dan suggested that I study Yiddish since I seem to be at the end of the Spanish and Hebrew lessons.  Dan will have to go into downtown Pittsburgh for his job since the government is discouraging working at home.   

On Monday, we drove from Pittsburgh to Franklin, TN in time for the happy hour of mashed potatoes and broccoli at the Staybridge Suite.  We weren't hungry but we took a walk around the area - stores under apartments.   I was looking for a St. Pat's celebration but we didn't find any in our travels.  

On Tuesday, we picked up Eliot and Jean at the Nashville Airport (the people in Nashville are thinking of changing its name to Dolly Parton Airport) and then through traffic to the Nashville County library to see an exhbit on civil rights and women's rights.  Then to a gulten-free restaurant - Two Hands - in the south part of the central city.  We walked into The Gulch, Music Row, Whole Foods on the highway, and then back to motel for a happy hour and Boney Fish.   

On Wednesday, we went to Creekwood Arborteum to see an outdoor model train exhibit and lovely spring blooms, had a bar-be-cue dinner at Edley's, and then to the airport.  I fell asleep to a live broadcast of the 100th year of the Grand Old Opry.   

On Thursday, we drove to Indiana to visit niece Amy.  Along the road, we were listening to Amy Tang's Valley of Amazement.   

On Friday, we drove to Chicago to stay with Eliot and Jean for the evening.  We stopped at a Cracker Barrel for lunch in Lafayette.  Jean made a turkey dinner in honor of her birthday (March 22).   Lisa and grand-children Eli and Addy came over for dinner and breakfast on Saturday.

On Saturday, we drove into Chicago and moved into the Palmer House Hotel by Hilton.  There was a demonstration on Michigan Avenue so it was a challenge to park the car.   Our room on the 14th floor was pleasant and we enjoyed touring the hotel with its photos of people who had played in the Empire Room.   In the evening, we went out with Irv to a Kurdish restaurant in his city neighborhood.   

On Sunday, I went to the Peace Education SIG in the morning and we went to the spiritual dance session, but didn't stay because it was too crowded.   We went to Target for a coffee mug but I didn't get it.  I went to a session where veteran CIES leaders argued against their critics calling them colonialists and patriachs.  Sunday night was a game night. Debbie played RummyCube.   

On Monday, March 24, I went to a Special Interest Group meeting on Africa, hoping to see someone from the Congo.   Didn't.  Debbie and I went to a session on mindfulness and contemplative education that featured a paper labrynth.  I joined that SIG.  Next year, the CIES conference will be in San Francisco, with an emphasis on peace education.   I am beginning to plan to go. Then Debbie and I went to Russian Tea Room for brunch and to the Art Institute in the afternoon.   We went to the Flat Top Grill in the evening.  

On Tuesday, I spent some time in the general session.   After the session, Debbie and I went on a canal boat ride and then to Etaly for lunch.  At 4, I went to a session organized by Irv on the future of CIES and alternative ways of expressing learning,   Irv spoke about Jemmy Button, as a model of comparative education researcher and as a way to illustrate the use of film in CIE.   I am not sure he recognized that Jemmy Button's connection with Charles Darwin and the Beagle.  In the evening, we went to a reception hosted by several universities at Remington's on Michigan.  Debbie wanted an Old Fashion in the Palmer House lobby, so we enjoyed the lobby.   

On Wednesday, we packed up and headed to Cleveland for another Staybridge Inn - where they have happy hours from Monday to Wednesday.   

On Thursday, following Uncle Sam's recommendation, we went to Jamestown, NY to tour the National Comedy Museum and The Lucille Ball Desi Arnaz Museum .   On the way, I learned that there are no rest stops on the southwestern tier of NY.  We bought string cheese to go with our bread from Etaly at a Dollar General, a pit-stop.   We stayed at the Comfort Inn in Amherst, NY and had dinner at the Red Pepper restaurant.

On Friday, we had brunch with Cheryl Pleskow and the Genslers at Zoe's and lunch with Helen at Eagle House Restaurant.   Then on to Adelita's, aMexican restaurant in the Victor mall, with Uncle Sam;  Aunt Irene had the flu.  We drove home from there arriving around midnight.

What did I learn about my mussar practice?   I still am very grateful - we traveled over 2,300 miles in about 2 weeks without any accidents or problems with the car.   We had a good time together.  I learned the power of patience - when are we getting there? - by having time to think, to listen to a story, to share.   

Monday, April 21, 2025 - 23 Nisan 5785 - 8th day of the Omer

Pope Francis died this morning.   It had greeted people in the Vatican yesterday, but had been ill for several months.  

Passover ended last evening.   It was a good Passover.  We had two sederim with the boys from Boston and our neighbors. Debbie recovered from most of the Covid in time.  During the holiday, Matthew did a gender reveal by shooting a bomb in Jason's field that gave out pink smoke.   I am free to tell people that the baby is expected in October.   

21st day of the Omer

So much to do, so little time.   The semester is ending so I am waiting to watch the students cross the finish line.   My boss, my dear, and I have been going to student music and theatre events.  The 7th Eastern President (Dr. Karim Ismaili) was inaugurated.   Prof. Jessica Cooperman invited us, the neighbors, and her landlords - Julia and Jim - to WilliBrew dinner.   We talked about Muhlberg and the AAUP report on her former colleague who tweeted about the October 7
"victory".   

I have continued to work on thanks.   I have been exercising - 20 minutes of strength training and 60 minutes on the eliptic machine while doing my Duolingo most weekday mornings.  I am going off Zytiga and penisone, with hopes that my A1C goes down.   

I have also been working on hope.   My poltical life is fine - all my leaders are democratic except for the Orange Man.  But perhaps my investmets are due by 10%.   There are troubles in the world, the USA is no longer a good vacation spot, and people are being taken away on the street.   Gaza has become even more of a prison.   It was the 77th anniversary of the founding of Israel.  Arsonists are burning the new forests around Jerusalem.  

I am going to help out at the Lions' club pancake breakfast after Weekend Update is over.   Taking the van so I can help transport plants from Ladd's.  Then a cocktail brunch in Mansfield to support the heating/air conditioner system at the synagogue.  Then the Willimantic Symphony Orchestra at 2 pm.  Sovreignty won the Derby.   Life is always interesting and I am still hopeful.  

Gratitude and hope.   

I've always said there's no hope without endeavor. Hope has no meaning unless we are prepared to work to realize our hopes and dreams.

Aung San Suu Kyi,

politician, diplomat, writer, social activist, Nobel Peace Prize recipient

It has been a summer of gratitude and hope.  Gratitude (THANKFULNESS   Hod (hode)   הוֹד) is my main middah.   

I have been listening to Martini Judaism - For those who want to be shaken and stirred  - hosted by Rabbi Jeffrey Salkin - https://tunein.com/podcasts/Religion--Spirituality-Podcas/Martini-Judaism-p3560069/ .The other day, I heard Rabbi Arthur Green remind us that Proverb 90:10 - 

10 The days of our years because of them are seventy years, and if with increase, eighty years; but their pride is toil and pain, for it passes quickly and we fly away. ייְמֵ֚י שְׁנוֹתֵ֨ינוּ | בָּהֶ֨ם שִׁבְעִ֪ים שָׁנָ֡ה וְאִ֚ם בִּגְבוּרֹ֨ת | שְׁמ֘וֹנִ֚ים שָׁנָ֗ה וְ֖רָהְבָּם עָמָ֣ל וָאָ֑וֶן כִּ֘י גָ֥ז חִ֜֗ישׁ וַנָּעֻֽפָה:

The increase is a blessing, every day is a gift.  So I am grateful for each day and those who support me through them, starting with Debbie.  

Hope (HOPE  Tikva (teek-VAH)   תִּקְוָה) has been harder this summer.   I heard in the summer weeks that hope is a four letter word in both English and Hebrew.  That Hope was the only middah that was left in Pandora's box (jar).   Early in the summer, I had a discussion about the differences between hope and optimism - thinking that hope was more active, optimism was more a state of mind.  I hope that I respond to emails from those I know with - Hope that all is going well for you and yours.   

I looked into the etymology of Tikva.   According to

DivineNarratives Team (Dec 3, 2024).  The Meaning and Significance of Tikvah in Biblical and Jewish Tradition.   Retrieved from https://divinenarratives.org/the-meaning-and-significance-of-tikvah-in-biblical-and-jewish-tradition/ 

that "hope is not a passive state but an active, expectant waiting."   

An early reference in the Torah for tikvah - 

"In Joshua 2:18, Rahab is instructed to tie a scarlet cord in her window as a sign of protection for her and her family during the imminent conquest of the city. This scarlet cord, referred to as “tikvah,” symbolizes not just a literal hope for safety but a covenantal promise of deliverance and loyalty between Rahab and the spies."

This portion has a particular reference for me because it is in the readings for my and Fay's bar/bat mitzvah event.   

And hope, according to 

Etymonline (n.d.).   Origin and history of hope.  Retrieved from https://www.etymonline.com/word/hope 

"Old English hopian "have the theological virtue of Hope; hope for (salvation, mercy), trust in (God's word)," also "to have trust, have confidence; assume confidently or trust" (that something is or will be so), a word of unknown origin." 

The verb form of hope is more frequently mentioned than the noun form but both have been in decline since the 1840s.  There has been a slight rise since 2000.  

My routine has been to go the student center gym to do strength training on the machines for 20 minutes, 20 minutes or so on the rowing machine, and more than an hour doing my Duolingo and other puzzles while on the elliptical machine.  I have had trouble sleeping through the night and have been getting up before 6 am most mornings and falling asleep around 10 pm in my chair.  We have enjoyed our time with Fay and Matthew (and BonnytheDog) and with Aunt Goldie this summer.   In May we went to Talia and Rebecca's wedding in a Brooklyn brewery, drove with Rona and Dennis to Silver Springs, MD for the bat mitzah celebration of Selma Rose, and are planning to Pittsburgh for a family gathering at the end of August.  I taught two online courses and watched film series - Mission Impossible, Hunger Games, Superman, Aliens, with some in the Mansfield Cineplex.  The summer has passed too quickly.

Hope has been a struggle.   Although my health is well, I am worrying about high A1C that predicts diabetes.   My weight fluctuates by the meals - memorable Shabbat potlucks at congregants' homes, birthday Royal Buffet, chicken dinners, community concerts on the Shaboo green.   The situation nationally and in Israel worries me but it seems to always change.  I am uncertain about what is happening - there are conflicting images.  The cancelling of Colbert's program has confused and worried me.   For awhile, my montra was This to Shall Pass.   I have been watching the Jewish Broadcasting Service for more comforting news, with an understanding that it is a specific perspective that is not popular for much of the "western world".   

What am I doing to increase hope in the world?   I have been working on my fall courses.  For one of the few times in my career at the university, I will be primarily a teacher.   I will be encouraging students to take their activities in/for my courses to be of more value for them - by encouraging them to develop personal archives for learning, to participate in class for learning and for fun, to more manage what they want to learn.  We are moving our courses to a new form of Blackboard that is designed to be more accessible on phones (I call Know Tools.)   I would like to encourage my students to find more purpose and hope in what they do.

The summer has had the hopeful growth of a grandchild in our neighborhood for us.   I really think it is hopeful and miraculous.  Debbie and I attended a session of Expectant Grandparents and were reminded to be supportive of the new family.   I recognize that my life will change with the new addition, the new sprout on our family tree.   I have been resentful that our sons are not adding to the tree.   It is against one of the themes of my life.  I am sorry that I have these feelings.  They don't represent the hope that I have in making the world better by nurturing better people.  I brings me some joy that after a tree fell in our garden, Matthew has been cutting it up for wood for some future warmth for their home, that he has brought three chickens into their garden, becoming more productive with maple sugaring, and is enjoying life at their home.  

I just learned from 

Michelle Singh (August 5, 2025).  Guiding Students to Overcome Learned Helplessness.  Retrieved from https://www.edutopia.org/article/guiding-students-overcome-learned-helplessness 

to help students avoid the feeling of helplessness to have them consider - 

G—Gratitude: Something they’re thankful for

R—Reach: A goal or intention

O—Opportunity: An area where they want to grow

W—Win: Something they’ve accomplished

Gratitude and hope to take into the new year.  

1) I have learned about https://www.shmirashaloshonyomi.org/ - Chofetz Chaim Heritage Foundation - with daily messages on holding one's tongue.

Perhaps do a daily reaction to this message, what I accomplished during the day, and what I still need to do tomorrow.  

2) Heard Rabbi Sack's quote on hope - https://rabbisacks.org/videos/rabbi-sacks-on-optimism-vs-hope-jinsider/  - 

People often confuse optimism and hope. They sound similar. But in fact, they're very different. Optimism is the belief that things are going to get better. Hope is the belief that if we work hard enough together, we can make things better. It needs no courage, just a certain naivety to be an optimist. It needs a great deal of courage to have hope.

No Jew, knowing what we do about history and our own past so often written in tears, can be an optimist. But no Jew, who is a true Jew, can ever give up hope. And that is why Judaism is for me the voice of hope in the conversation of humankind.

And hope is what transforms the human situation.

Sunday - we have fallen back one hour so that the sun rises around 6.   

It was a month of thanks, hopes, and preparing for celebrations.   Mabel Fiona has come into our lives.  She is 26 days old today - born at 4:04 am on Tuesday, October 7, 2025 at the Manchester (CT) birthing center.   7/10 will not be forgetten by our people;  better remembered as the first day of Succot.  Now a sleepy red-faced, black haired small creature.  I am thankful that the new growing family lives just down the hill, passed the remains of a downed tree during a summer storm that Matthew is turning into firewood.   

The remaining live hostages were returned to Israel from Gaza this month in a very delicate month of peace, with challenges with the return of the bodies of some remaining, passed hostages.   The fall holidays concluded with the taking down of the synagogue succah - desuccination, preparing for the technology for the video projection of a vimeo of the history of Italian Jews for Kristalnacht, and my presentations on the supernatural in Jewish-American culture and writings around Halloween.   Although not all of the trees have lost their leaves, the weather has turned colder, while I changed my coats. 

Still first thankful, then working on being hopeful, and then trying to practice patience.   It is a luxury to see any change as a fire that needs to be stopped before it becomes a blaze.  I am thankful that I am still alive, losing weight by watching my diet, avoiding sweets, exercising at the student center gym 90 minutes or more most days, and swimming for about one hour once a twice a week, with two life guards listening to my rhythm in a nearly empty pool.  Midterm has passed with a few students disappearing and others finishing the course.   I have been emphasizing that everyone needs to prepare to participate in the discussion, with group discussion of the projects due before class starts then individual presentations.   Enrollment seems to be down, with our new president (not yet 1.5 years) holding a Halloween open house in his office, giving one of my students tea and honey as a visiting gift.   Annoyed by not getting compensated or recognized for being the first to offer LAC 400 - capstone course for the new liberal arts curriculum.  I am reacting by not being open to having an eager part-time faculty member taking my course syllabus and repurposing it and not going through a curriculum process.   I have also been struggling with setting up my required minimum distribution of my IRAs and learning about the game that financial advisors and insurance companies play.   Still I am thankful, finding that we have too much money that we will leave to our estate, very thankful that we are safe and warm and overfed, and that we have a village to support us.

Still hopeful that peace will come to the world, although there are armies in our cities, that many question why our people are insecure and paranoid, and more people are hungry and angry.   The world is becoming more like Orwell's 1984, with the Orange One becoming more like Big Brother every day.   Still believe in Maslow's wish that all will be safe, warm, and fed first.   The Earth provides enough for us all if we only learned to share.  I have a lot to share, need to find away to be more supportive of others.  Still I am worried that the new mayor of New York will be questioning of our people and therefore raised issues about immigration to the USA, catching a little of the disease about changing demographics and imagined? worry about the goals of some cultures to take over the world.   It is my misunderstanding that even peace might be fought over.   If only, the fight be without hurting others physically.  

And now I am learning to practice patience.  My boss, my night nurse, is working hard to organize a celebration of our lives - her birthday that ends in 5 and our 40th wedding anniversary.  Although we are calling it a fun(d)-raiser for WAIM, the Covenant Soup Kitchen, and HIAS, it is an opportunity to eat Rein's deli kiddush food, WilliBrew's beer, upper scale bar food, and champagne from our wedding (Cook's) and from the homeland (Korbel) and to celebrate our survival.   We heard a health guru on 60 minutes say to after 75, one is looking down a cliff to the end.  I will be getting some health tests tomorrow at Quest and find out this week if the numbers tell me if my diseases have returned.   I don't feel like they have, but I will need to be patience.  Drinking the leftover coffee from Bible and Bagel, and my presentation on the supernatural and leading services as I struggled with the OWL technology, while watching Saturday Night Live, gives me too much energy and fights against patience.   I need to keep telling myself that this too shall pass, as I will, and tomorrow I will not remember the seeds under my bed.    

Besides Thankfulness and Hope that I continue to follow as the light is slowing returns, I am trying to practice patience.   

I am beginning to plan for the future this month.   We have arranged for a conference trip to Savannah, GA at the end of February.  We had thought of driving but were uncertain about the weather.   Continuing to plan for a virtual conference in San Francisco at the end of March, some planning for our solar eclipse cruise in August.   Most importantly, we looked to the future with hope by contributing to Mabel Fiona's college fund. 

During these quiet times, I have begun to plan for my Shovavim practice.   Our local custom is to fast - dawn to dusk - on Mondays and Thursdays for the 6 weeks between Shemot and Mispatim.  This year, I will try to follow Rav Jeremy's 

Rav Jeremy Schwartz (n.d.).   Tsom Shovavim.  Retrieved from https://ritualwell.org/ritual/tsom-shovavim/

Then I will graze in THE ZOHAR by doing 6 searches per day using a term like OLD MAN (Yeiva Sava (Yeiva the Elder), Thankfulness, Peace, Hope, ...

Rav Michael Laitman (2007). THE ZOHAR.  Retrieved from https://archive.org/stream/THEZOHAR_201906/THE%20ZOHAR_djvu.txt  and other eTexts.

Google AI tells me that there are 6 themes for Shovavim - 

"Redemption from Impurity: Just as the Israelites were redeemed from the profound impurity of Egypt during these weeks, the period emphasizes the personal journey from spiritual low points to holiness.

Repentance (Teshuvah): The name "Shovavim" itself comes from the verse "Return, mischief-makers" (Jeremiah 3:22), symbolizing the call for deep and heartfelt repentance, particularly regarding personal holiness and moral conduct.

Guarding the Covenant (Shmirat HaBrit): A central focus is the introspection and rectification of sins related to the brit kodesh (holy covenant), which for men often involves guarding one's eyes and thoughts. For women, the focus is often on dedication, faith (emunah), and having a "good eye" (ayin tova).

Purifying Thoughts and Mind: A significant aspect of the rectification process involves purifying one's intellect and thoughts, often achieved through deep engagement with Torah learning and study.

Torah Study and Exertion: Diligent Torah study is considered a primary means of self-purification and spiritual elevation during Shovavim. The exertion in learning brings serenity and blessing.

Fasting and Charity: Traditional practices for this time may include reciting Selichos (supplicatory prayers), fasting, or giving charity as a form of atonement and spiritual rectification (tikkunim)."

Shovavim fits well into my lifestyle - waking up before dawn for a light breakfast, I will drink teas during the days - unless there is a campus event with food (January 15), a date at dusk on Mondays and Thursdays.   I've in-person courses on Tuesdays and Wednesdays at 4 in Webb 210.   I have been playing lots of videogames - DuoLingo for which I have a daily stream of over 3,000 days, Wordle, Quordle, Worldle, where taken USA and world photos, Connections, Strand, Sudoku, and JigBlock.   Still watching Twillight Zones taped around the new year.  

I am working on patience.   Patience for the future, patience as we watch Mabel Fiona grow - she's begun to smile at the bunny on her bouncer, patience as I wait to meet my new students.  Patience while carefully watching my health - I had some dizzy spells at the end of December.  Patience waiting for a more peaceful world.  

Monday, 16 Tevet - 5 January 

Woke at 6 am to prepare for the first day of Shovavim fast by eating some of the remaining cheese for the silent auction on Hanukah in a wrap with a halo orange.  Last evening, I revive my pad and did Wordle and Quordle on it before reading Rav Jeremy's liturgy for this first day.   It was about Adam's despair after Cain's murder of Abel and the 130 years before the birth of Seth.  It was because of Eve's persistence and hope that humanity continued.  

Today will be one of fighting despair.  I plan to go shopping at BJ's and look for a nut cracker and pick up my Synfroid before exercising.  I have hopes that I will get a first draft of LAC 400 done by this evening.  We may have time to be with Mabel this afternoon.   We are planning to read books to her this afternoon.

The world is in an uproar over the capture of the leader of Venezuela.  There are too many stories to tell, to many returns to the movies.  I am thankful, too thankful, as show on my waist line, that I have the food and freedom to go on.  

The Yeiva Sava (the Elder) maftir for this first day - 

"The General Jewish Perspective (which Yeiva Sava is part of)

The prevailing message within the tradition where Yeiva Sava originates is that despair ("yiush") is forbidden or never justified. Key themes include: 

• Hope as a Mitzvah: Judaism views the struggle against despair as a core part of its mission, a protest against passively accepting fate.

• The Potential for Change: The concept of teshuvah (return or repentance) highlights the belief that personal transformation is always possible, a powerful counter to feelings of hopelessness.

• God's Presence in Darkness: Even in moments of deep sorrow and destruction, the tradition asserts that a glimmer of hope can emerge, reminding individuals that strength is available through faith and connection.

• Community Support: Recognizing that despair can isolate, the tradition emphasizes the importance of community and mutual support (visiting the sick, comforting mourners) to help lift people from depression. 

Yeiva Sava's Role

In the specific parable where he appears, Yeiva Sava (initially disguised as a donkey driver) explains the nature of the Torah to two rabbis. He uses the metaphor of a maiden who briefly reveals her face to her unseen lover from a window, symbolizing how the Torah gives fleeting glimpses of its wisdom. 

While this parable speaks to the elusive and alluring nature of divine wisdom, it is focused on revelation and connection, not despair itself. His wisdom, like the rest of the tradition, points towards the possibility of understanding and connection with the divine, an inherently hopeful pursuit." 

I will focus today on the value and importance of collaboration, of us, rather than me, as a way of combatting despair.  

"Yiush is a passive feeling of hopelessness. The Torah says that if you lose something and do not retain any hope of getting it back, you relinquish your ownership."   https://judaism.stackexchange.com/questions/140276/why-is-yeush-seemingly-used-in-place-of-hefker-bava-metzia

Thursday, 19 Tevet - 8 January

I've reading glasses for my office.   On Monday at 12:40 pm, I went to my office for a TEAMS meeting to get the Blackboard Ultra courses activated for the spring semester - an administrator has to create the setting.   I forgot how I spelled Zayde and couldn't get into my password.   I took my desk reading classes home and rushed to get to the meeting in time.   Debbie's passed down laptop was connected to my account, so I was able to get to the meeting before the administrator, Anik, did.   We moved all but one of my 5 courses to Ultra so I no longer have an excuse to update the courses for the start of the semester in 13 days.

I had worn my desk glasses when I rushed out of my office, so put them in my coat pocket.  Yesteday evening, we went to Kohl's to add to our piles of clothes - I got 3 Bangladeshi jeans labeled Sonoma - blue jeans, dad cargo pants, beige slacks, a dozen Hanes socks, 4 Hanes boxer briefs.  While there, I looked for my desk glasses in my Dad's beige winter jacket's left pocket and couldn't find it.   When I got home, I found it in the pocket.  I didn't give up hope - but sometimes the finding is magical.

Yesterday, we lent the van to Matthew for their visit (his visiting brother, sister-in-law, and nephew, Fay and Mabel) to Groton to the Nautilis and the burning of New London monument.   I am having trouble learning how to be a good father-in-law and grandfather.   I feel a distance.  I am learning patience while learning my roles as being an elder.   The van has found its purpose - it was bought to transport families with children during their adventures.

I returned to Rav Jeremy's liturgy for this second day of Shovavim.   Clara Lemlich and Rose Schneiderman are mentioned, along with others we are asking the POSSIBILITY to remember.  

Clara Lemlich, a 23-year-old Ukrainian immigrant, rose to a position of power in the women's labor movement, becoming the voice that incited the famous Uprising of the Twenty Thousand in 1909. 

Rose Schneiderman was the only woman on FDR's National Recovery Administration Labor Advisory Board. She played a key role in shaping the landmark legislation of the New Deal: the National Labor Relations Act, the Social Security Act, and the Fair Labor Standards Act. 

From Rabbi Laitman's translation of the Zohar - 

It is written in the Talmud that an old man bends as he walks, as if he’s looking for something that he had lost. 

An old man symbolizes someone of wisdom, Hochma, for even without having lost anything, he looks beforehand for things he can correct in himself, and thus finds them. Hence, he does not require the previous degree of attainment to disappear from him. And if one does not discover new egoistic properties in need of correction within him, his previous degree disappears and a new one begins. However, this process is considerably slower than when one acts like an old man in search of shortcomings.

I had and have many shortcomings.  I do seem to be bending as I walk and I do seem to be losing something.  Still I have hope that all will be found. 

Monday, 23 Tevet - 12 January

This is the week for repentance.  I am needled by the mistakes I have made recently and in the distant past.  The hurts I have caused myself and others are mostly only remembered by me.  When one of the thoughts surfaces, I say "Lordy" and wonder how I survived into old age with all of my errors in life,

I seek relief in the liturgy, while having the Twilight Zone in the background.  

On repentance, Rabbi Laitman translates the Zohar -

The thing is that at the end of correction, when the great general Zivug of Atik manifests, great Light will be revealed in all the worlds, and in this Light everyone will return to the Creator in absolute love. The Talmud (Yorna, 86:2, “Introduction to the Study of the Ten Sefirot”) says: “He who attains the repentance from love shall have his sins turned to merits.”

Here, the prophet refers to the sinners claiming the futility of spiritual work: on the great day of the end of correction, when the Light of repentance from love shall shine, all the most malicious and deliberate, worst imaginable sins, will turn to merits, and their words shall be deemed not slight, but fear of the Creator.

The "Zivug of Atik" refers to a spiritual union or connection within the supernal realms, a central theme in Kabbalistic texts like the Zohar

Zivug of Atik" does not refer to a person but to a complex concept in Kabbalah, a form of esoteric Jewish mysticism.

Zivug is a Hebrew word meaning a "joining" or "pairing" (it is used in modern Hebrew for "life partner" or "significant other").

Atik (specifically Atik Yomin, "Ancient of Days") is one of the highest and most concealed Partzufim (divine countenances or aspects of the divine) in Lurianic Kabbalah.

Download Rabbi Latiman's translation of the Zohar at https://share.google/cOVLzoZYVL7tGqTao 

THE BEGINNING OF WISDOM IS FEAR OF THE CREATOR. So why is it called “fear of the Creator?” Because this is the secret of the Tree of Knowledge, by which Adam sinned, for the use of that point (egoistic desires) is punishable by death (disappearance of the Light). And great fear is needed to refrain from touching (using) it before all the other desires have been corrected. Nevertheless, at the end of correction, when even this point is completely corrected, death will cease to exist for all eternity. That is why it is called “fear.”

I did research for the MLK Shabbat this weekend and notices this MLK quote “Darkness cannot drive out darkness, only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate, only love can do that. ” - Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. Strength to Love, 1963.

Since Thursday, I have been working on preparing my courses for January 20.  We had friends, Elizabeth, Hedley, Todd, over on a rainy Saturday night with soups and foccacio before going over to Fine Arts concert hall to listen to a New Orleans group Take Us to the River - papa funk with the Nevele brothers.   On Saturday morning, we went to the Rise for Hunger event - didn't participate except to move some chairs,  The event produced over 14,532 plastic packets of grains, dried vegetables, and vitamins.   It was lead by Chris Grant (the Connector), our Lions leader.   On Friday night, after TGIS (Thanks Gd it is Shabbat) wine and cheese and study of Abraham Joshua Heschel's poem of his youth of reading his lover's face like Braille, we went to the River Room in celebration of Third Thursday and Willimantic Renaissance.  

Dawn, and the light, is coming earlier and it was still twilight when we came back from our walk last evening.  

Thursday, 26 Tevet 5786 - 15 January 2026

It was like an early spring day yesterday.   We got to spend time with Mabel and Fay.   Mabel enjoyed looking at herself in a mirror on a cloth book.  Fay took us for a walk upon Robin and down Pigeon and back and I wasn't too windy.   Fay is concerned about child care after the end of her maternity leave.  I told her that I should be avaiable on Mondays and Fridays and most of most of other days.   We talked about changing diapers  And we talked about the Temple discussion on Monday on the future of the congregation and the search for a new rabbi.   

I have been busy with preparing my four+ courses - the + is 4 MS in Ed Tech program.  I have been watching Twilight Zones that I don't quire remember.   Still going to the student center gym after 9 am for strength training - using the machines for twenty minutes, the ecliptic machine for a scrawl while doing my Duolingo - more that 3040 days now, and then rowing for 20 minutes,   I prepared notes for the Shabbat service that will discuss Rev. Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. and his connections to Judaism.  On I have been doing Rav Jeremy's liturgy and looking into the Zohar.   

It is interesting that Rav Jeremy's reading for this 4th day of Shovavim was on Ruth's acceptance of Naomi's people and Gd and that the liturgy ends in rebelious children returning.  There are rebellions in Iran and Minneapolis and other places this morning.  

The Zohar talks about the Loyal Shepherd. I did a search on loyaly and hope and found that the Zohar spends time exploring the letters of the alpha - bet and finds hope. I stopped searching and decided to start with Rabbi Lastiman to the Zohar and found these questions from Rabbi Shimon Bar-Yochai (Rashbi) - “What is the purpose of my life?” “Who am I?” and “How is the world built?”.  I read about the 125 spiritual degrees that complete the correction of one’s soul and the cave of the Idra Raba (great assembly).   

I learned from AI - 

The Four Worlds: The degrees are organized within the framework of the Four Worlds (realms) of Kabbalah, plus a fifth, highest degree (Adam Kadmon):

Assiya (Realm of Action): The lowest world, representing the physical world and the greatest concealment of the Divine.

Yetzira (Realm of Formation): A spiritual world associated with the world of souls and imagination.

Beria (Realm of Creation): The world of archangels and higher souls.

Atzilut (Realm of Emanation): The highest realm, where the absolute Divine truth resides.

Adam Kadmon: The ultimate level, above the four worlds, representing the "end of correction".

Subdivisions: Each of the five worlds/degrees contains five internal degrees, which are further subdivided, totaling 125 degrees in the complete spiritual ladder.

The subdivisions of Assiya are Nefesh, Ruach, Neshamah, Chaya, Yechida - dealing with the soul.   I am looking for the first degree.   

• The progression through these degrees involves moving from an egoistic nature (desire to receive for oneself) to an altruistic nature (desire to give or bestow upon others). A higher degree is characterized by a greater desire for altruism. 

On to my puzzles - JigBlock and Duolingo chess and to look at our finances - note our credit cards monthly payments on auto-pay,   I haven't been good at fasting this week.  On Monday, we went to a Temple meeting on the Rabbi search - I didn't want to rank order the attributes in the job description because I felt they were all important, although I do see a Rabbi active in the community is important.   There was lunch, featuring small tuna rolls.  Today there is a faculty session/lunch on belonging after a department meeting on a 5-year plan.  Will continue to work on my online components of my courses.  Making oatmeal and nuts for my pre-fast meal before 7 am this morning.  

Monday, 1 Shevat 5786 - 19 January 2026

It has snowed - a few inches at a time.   I have been busy preparing my four/five courses on Blackboard Ultra.  The plan is that each would have a notebooklm video introduction.   Writing while watching all Twilight Zones.  We have visited with Mabel one time at her home and one time at our home. Mabel sneezed at me and Debbie got a cold.  

There is a lot to despair these days.  The war in Gaza continues, Iran exploded and then the flames were tamped down, Minneapolis's police are at war with ICE.  I went to the Calvary Baptist Church for a MLK celebration of this life sponsored by the local NAACP chapter.  There was some hope - remembering that ICE means violence these days.  The keynote speaker - a budding politician from Thompson - called out a kid who was using his cell phone at the meeting.   I use my know tool most of the time at a meeting, but still pay attention.  It does annoy some people.   

I have been playing Duolingo chess too much.   There is the ELO rating system.   An ELO score of 1,000 is a beginning level.  I have been vacilitating from 900 to 1100.  I also play lots of video games each day.  Debbie was ill most of the weekend, but still she enjoys shoveling the little snow.   After sitting too long, I went for a dusk walk in the woods to test out my boots.   I fell at the doorway - I think I might have darked out for a bit of time,   I should be more careful.  I am aging.

About play in the Zohar - In the section attributed to The Letters of Rabbi Hamnuna-Saba -

It is said that when the Creator thought to create the world, all of the letters were still concealed, and even 2,000 years before the creation of the world, the Creator gazed into the letters and played with them.

I am glad that play is supported.  There is a lot of learning about oneself in play.  Winning and stories bring hope.

Thursday, 4 Shevat 5786 - 22 January 2026

We have had snow that has disrupted the opening of the university - now in its second day of classes.   I had a great time with my students in International and Cross-Cultural Education.  They surprised me in how quickly they picked up on developing Personal Archives for Learning (PALs).  I played lots of youtube clips - including Lift Every Voice and Sing, Dr. King's I have a Dream, Black Bird, the Willimantic my hometown song,   They didn't talk to each other much.  

The Thursday reading for Bo mentioned Abraham Joshua Heschel and Dr. King -

When America was mired in racism and war, and Judaism was mired in habit, Abraham Joshua Heschel didn’t despair. He opened a generation’s eyes to awe, and, with Martin Luther King, his feet led their feet in marching for justice. 

What were Rabbi Heschel's connection to the Zohar?   In a study on the Theology of Rabbi Heschel at 

Much of Heschel’s work seeks to free Jewish theology from the constraints of Maimonides’s philosophical concept of an absolutely transcendent God who is independent of humanity. To this, Heschel counterposes the concept of divine pathos—that is, of a God who searches for man, who, indeed, is in need of man. It emphasizes the interdependency of the divine and the human. 

https://firstthings.com/the-theology-of-abraham-joshua-heschel/

(First Things, the influential journal of religion and public life, is published by the Institute on Religion and Public Life (IRPL), a non-profit organization founded in 1989 by Lutheran pastor turned Catholic priest Richard John Neuhaus).

I will strive to find the divine in every moment.  

Monday, 8 Shevat 5786 - 26 January 2026

We are snowed in - about a foot of snow.  The community is also shut down.   Over the weekend, a second murder by ICE agents of a USA citizen.  We hear less about the abuse of others by these "law enforcers".  We are deep in the winter of our discontent.

But first Rav Jeremy's liturgy while listening to a Twilight Zone and the NPR news.  I have been eating quesdillas for before breakfast.  Sunrise is at 7:06 this morning.  

Today's study will be on HOPE in the Zohar.  Where does Rabbi Laitman find HOPE in the Zohar?  

In the section attributed to the Vision of Rabbi Chiyai, Rabbi Laitman translates

54. Who among you turns darkness into Light and savors bitter as sweet even before he came here, that is, while still living in the other world? Who among you hopes and waits each day for the Light that shines when the Lord distances, when His greatness grows and He is called the King of all kings of the world?  For he who does not wait for this each day while living in this world, has no place in the other world either.

Light was an image from last week - this MLK quote “Darkness cannot drive out darkness, only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate, only love can do that. ” - Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. Strength to Love, 1963.

From the section on the Night of the Bride 

On the whole, each degree is separated from one another. Night is an aspiration to attain the Creator. And while each night is full of darkness, now all the nights (states of feeling emptiness, hopelessness, heaviness of efforts, the Creator’s concealment) gather together and form a unified vessel of reception of Supernal wisdom, which fills the entire earth with Knowledge of the Creator, and the nights shine like days.

I focus on the gathering together to avoid this hopelessness so that the nights will shine like the days.

And there is hope and a discussion of the problem with unconditional love in the section on the Second Commandment - 

The loved one immediately stops fearing that he will be loved less; neither can he hope that the love for him will grow. And this leads to a situation where the son grows lazy and stops expressing his love with good deeds. And as they lessen, his love lessens, too, until it is reversed into its opposite—hatred, for he deems everything his father does as worthless and insufficient in comparison with what the father’s actions out of “absolute” love should be. Therefore, the union of love and fear within man brings him to the state of perfection. 

H-B- ZA-M. The Zohar calls them, FEAR, LOVE, TORAH, COMMANDMENT, respectively.

Thursday, 11 Shevat 5786 - 29 January 2026 

The university was closed on Monday and Tuesday.  Debbie arranged for the Bennett family to clear our driveway and sidewalk for $120.  The learners in my 4+ classes mostly got back to the courses.  Dan and Katie called and we talked about their snow and street cleaning.   Debbie called Charlie but he was in a bad mood. Nate told her that there is nothing new.  We haven't seen Mabel and family since last week.  Mabel hasn't been sleeping well.  Fay told us that she is smiling more and has learned to roll over.  Debbie went back to Bloomfield for a doctor's appointment and next steps for her veins.  

I spent some time with a student who had gone to Thailand to share my photos.  I downloaded them from FlickR and saved them in my Spring 2026 files.  We were so much younger then.  I have been using a ski pole to get over the snow drift at the end of the road.  I saw President Ismaili at the club fair.  He told me that his dog had dragged him into a snow drift and he had a hard time getting up.  We lost a student who passed away in a resident hall on Wednesday morning.  Our social justice pedagogy group develop skits on pandemic diseases for James' microbiology in health science class.  Office hour, a celebration of MLK, Ray made an appearance, and then class for sharing of PALs and SDG groups to prepare a group project to work on the goal.  I came home to do the laundry and do the Jigblock challenge after the midnight.

Seeing the divine in every moment has helped remove despair.  I will do Rav Jeremy's liturgy with a program on the Shoah in the background.  We had gone to a lecture by Sam Kassow on Monday evening about a woman Yiddish writer who had memorialized her time in Warsaw, a book that he translated.  We haven't heard from Jessica.  I will check in with her.  

I am studying darkness in the Zohar as translated by Rabbi Laitman, as found at https://files.kabbalahmedia.info/files/eng_t_ml-sefer-zohar.pdf.  

In other words, there are two opposite states: perfection and its absence, Light and darkness.  They are felt by him who merits it.

I question perfection - I believe we are works in progress.

Every new creation is founded on the sensation of darkness, as it is said: the Creator emanates the Light out of Himself, and creates darkness out of nothingness. Man’s sensation of darkness signifies his readiness to receive the Light. 

I am not sure there is ever nothing.  We call nothing dark matter.  Even nothing has a before.

Existing in knowledge only means that man is under the rule of the impure forces (Klipa) of the left side, which renders him totally unable to feel the spiritual, leaving him in spiritual darkness. 

This calls for both knowledge and faith. 

Therefore, the souls that have attained the Light of the world of Atzilut transform all darkness into Light and all bitterness into sweetness. 

Might darkness also be sweet?   We need the darkness to sleep.

However, if we make efforts to overcome them so they stop influencing us and weakening our love for the Creator, we will thus turn these locks into entrances, darkness into Light, and bitterness into sweetness. 

I have been thinking of fearing the Creator.  It seems better to love the Creator.  

This is so because it is impossible to raise the MAN without fear. The absence of fear of the Creator is referred to as Malchut’s reign at night, in the state of darkness. In the absence of Light, all the restrictions and suffering are revealed, as they are opposite to the property of day, mercy. 

This connection of fear and darkness is troubling.  Must we fear the dark? We can always turn on a light.

... one who belongs to the masses—who works in his egoistic desires—is constantly filled with self-reverence and thinks that on each new day, he adds to the previous one, and nothing seems to disappear. This makes his spiritual growth impossible. Only one who truly ascends the spiritual degrees feels like a newborn baby before his Creator at each moment. 

I like this idea of renewal each moment.   I like the idea of saving memories but building on.  

On the whole, each degree is separated from one another. Night is an aspiration to attain the Creator. And while each night is full of darkness, now all the nights (states of feeling emptiness, hopelessness, heaviness of efforts, the Creator’s concealment) gather together and form a unified vessel of reception of Supernal wisdom, which fills the entire earth with Knowledge of the Creator, and the nights shine like days 

Bringing the darkness of all the nights together allow for the nights to shine like days.  I will start again on page 303 next week.

Rav Jeremy's notes on this Thursday of Parashat B’shalah reminds us of Begin and Rabin who had the courage to start a peace process, like crossing the red sea.  I am wearing my t-shirt of PEACE this week as a prayer for peace.  During this time of domestic war and ongoing attacks on protesters by their own government, there is a need for peace.  I played peace songs in class yesterday. 

We saw an almost full moon while coming home from visiting 99-year Aunt Goldie.  We worked on taping together Debbie's grandfather certificate of naturalization and discover that he became an USA citizen at the age of 24 on February 13, 1914.  We also discovered that a star player on the UCONN men's basketball team, a graduate student in economics, pursuing a certificate in nonprofit managment, is Alex Karaban, which is derived from Korban, a sacrifice.   How could one not be thankful of the charming mysteries and connections in the world, the entertaining ideas.  How could one not hope for the funny things, the cosmic jokes, that occur in the world if one looks.   

This evening we will celebrate Tu b'Shevat, the time when the sap begins to flow and it is the start of the trees new year.   Might it be Mabel Fiona's new year?  When Mabel was born, the text read Mapel.   I predict she will grow up to be a botanist, an arbolist.  

We were coming back from a banquet in New London at Ocean Beach's Port N'Starboard, honoring the Lions CT District C's clubs' Humanitarians of the Year.   Our club honored the director of Project Hope, was the No-Freeze Shelter, down the hill from us at Valley and Mansfield Avenue.  The banquet was memorable because I had two helping of dinner, lots of cod over greenbeans and rice, Jean who was a Humanitarian of the Year in the 2000s, and that it was cancelled several times because of pending blizzards. We rushed there from the celebration of the Song of the Sea at the synagogue, featuring our local choir of 4+ singers, Shir Ami, and Rav Jeremy on guitar.   

Yesterday, Rav Jeremy was working on the idea that the slaves from Egypt might not be of one mind, that there might be four groupings.   I asked my students how they might define themselves as learners from recent writings about learner disengagement.   The four groups are resistors, passengers, achievers, and explorers.   Still doing my analysis for the presentation in Savannah at the Scholarship of Teaching and Learning organized by Georgia Southern University.  

Other cosmic jokes during the month include the Halal lunch on the last day of Muslim Heritage Month at Eastern on Friday, few students but the Naan went quick; Mabel getting upset when I moved her from her view of the Paw Patrol on TV; getting a swim last Friday while the swim team watched; playing 622 JigBlock games and earning just a 1019 ELO after over 500 chess games with people throughout the world using my KnowTool.  

It has been a mischevious Shovavim.   I seemed to have eating events on several of the days - a lunch to discuss ways to encourage students to belong in their courses, a t-shirt give-away with hot chocolate and cupcakes for the new athletic E, MLK day.   MLK day featured a Calvary Baptist Church service organized by the local NAACP.   I have been reflecting on Hope, Despair, Fear, and have gotten an introduction to the Zohar through the online version by Rabbi Michael Laitman.  

I learned about the Yeiva Sava (the old man) whose key themes include: 

• Hope as a Mitzvah: Judaism views the struggle against despair as a core part of its mission, a protest against passively accepting fate.

• The Potential for Change: The concept of teshuvah (return or repentance) highlights the belief that personal transformation is always possible, a powerful counter to feelings of hopelessness.

• God's Presence in Darkness: Even in moments of deep sorrow and destruction, the tradition asserts that a glimmer of hope can emerge, reminding individuals that strength is available through faith and connection.

• Community Support: Recognizing that despair can isolate, the tradition emphasizes the importance of community and mutual support (visiting the sick, comforting mourners) to help lift people from depression

I was troubled by THE BEGINNING OF WISDOM IS FEAR OF THE CREATOR.  Why fear?  Why not just marvel, that the universe is wonderful and things happen.

It is almost time for the Sunday NPR puzzle, so my boss has come to open the blinds and remember me. 

15 b'Shevat 5786 - 2 February 2026

The new year of tree started with mixed wines and grape juice on 4 stations of activities - planting, paper folding to make leaves, postcard writing on environmental issues, a video on climate change and its effects.   The sap is rising and spring is on its way.

The Shovavim reading was about Esther and Mordechai not despairing.   I am thinking that despairing is a sign of impatience.  All will turn out as it should if one waits.

I will search for what we can learn from trees and the cold in Rabbi Laitman's Zohar.  

“Then shall all the trees of the wood sing for joy” (Tehilim, 96:12). 

“O, mighty rocks, great hammers of thunder, Bina stands upon a pillar, so enter and assemble.” At that moment, they heard the mighty voice of thousands of trees, which was saying, “The Creator’s voice breaks the cedars.” 

The outsiders (desires for correction) have no part in the Supernal Tree, especially not in its body. Their place is under the wings of the Shechina, and no further. 

The eleventh Mitzva is to give a tithe of the fruits of the earth. Here there are two Mitzvot: to separate a tithe of the fruits of the earth, and to bring the first fruits of the trees, as it is written, “Behold, I have given you every herb-yielding seed, which is upon the face of all the earth” (Beresheet, 1:29). 

The twelfth Mitzva is to bring the first fruits of the trees as an offering, as it is written, “And every tree in which is the fruit of a tree yielding seed” (Beresheet, 1:29). All that is worthy of Me shall not be eaten by you. I have given you My permission and I have given you all the tithe and offerings of the trees. “To you,” and not to the subsequent generations. 

And despite the fact that man has yet to merit liberation from his egoism, the impure forces have no power over him on that night. Thus, he can receive the bodies and spirits in his Zivug on the side of the Tree of Good, but not from the impure forces 

(There were many references to the Tree of Life and the Tree of Knowledge of Good and Evil.  Trees were referenced 95 times.)

One reference to cold - The letters Kuf and Reish indicate the evil side, as they form the impure side, called KaR (cold), which lacks warmth and life, for it draws its sustenance from Malchut when she turns from living water into ice. However, to create an opportunity to exist, these letters attach the Shin to themselves, thus creating the combination KeSHeR (tie, knot), which embodies strength and survival. 

18 b'Shevat 5786 - Thursday, February 5, 2026

The reading for today mentioned Rabban Yochanan ben Zakkai being carried out of Jerusalem in a coffin to ask for Yavne and its sages, the start of rabbinic Judaism.  Yesterday, I crashed the WAIM volunteer luncheon with Debbie at the Royal Buffet.  Mark, my bicycle repair person, sat across from me and I learned about his life, selling his family home in Huntington, LI, since last we met.   I talked about the exploring nature of learners when he talked about his artist son who works for Amazon.   In EDU 357 class on Tuesday we talked about the UN Sustainable Development Goals;  the UN had updated their websites and we had to research for them.   In LAC 400, we talked about the trolley dilemma.  One of the swimmers lead the discussion. I have been analyzing the course surveys, mining them for my presentation before the social justice group next Wednesday and for the presentation in Savannah at the Scholarship in Teaching and Learning commons at the end of the month.

In honor of 15 b'Shevat, I searched for birth in the Zohar.  

After all, there cannot be any posterity or birth of new generations without the Light of Haya. 

However, no birth is possible without the forces of resistance, since, as is written: “The seed that is not shot like an arrow does not beget.” 

In Kabbalah, the word “body” implies desire. A desire or a body can be egoistic or spiritual (altruistic). The gradual passing of the egoistic body and its replacement with the altruistic one is called man’s “spiritual birth.” 

Then I searched for desire in the Zohar - a word that appears over 700 times in Rabbi Laitman's Zohar - 

a soul is a vessel, a desire filled with Light. However, the Light inside a vessel is determined by the desire. Hence, the spiritual desire, the intention to act for the Creator’s sake is called “a soul.” Naturally, if one does not yet have such an intention, he does not have a soul. 

So then, man’s corrected desires are called “the souls of the righteous.” 

Even in our world, the degree of man’s inner development alone determines his properties, thoughts, and desires. 

What is the future of desire?  Can desire be taught?