they tell me

there are no expectations.

but if that were so,

then why can’t i breathe?

why is it difficult

for me to stabilize?

for me to count to ten?

why do i stop at nine?

why do i feel the room

closing around me?

why can’t i get out

and be thought-free?

why do my goals

have to be a disguise

for who i really am

deep on the inside?

at this point,

it’s hard for me to

recognize

the person staring back

in the mirror,

there is a little girl

who feels hopeless

with tears

streaming down her face,

she calms down

and remembers that

even hurt is temporary.