they tell me
there are no expectations.
but if that were so,
then why can’t i breathe?
why is it difficult
for me to stabilize?
for me to count to ten?
why do i stop at nine?
why do i feel the room
closing around me?
why can’t i get out
and be thought-free?
why do my goals
have to be a disguise
for who i really am
deep on the inside?
at this point,
it’s hard for me to
recognize
the person staring back
in the mirror,
there is a little girl
who feels hopeless
with tears
streaming down her face,
she calms down
and remembers that
even hurt is temporary.