Pancakes: Social Media and Texts
Pancakes: Social Media and Texts
here are some assorted tweets or instagram posts that i imagined in my head. they literally never shut up
--- after they get together they are not quiet on twitter. ryan pretty much only uses twitter to keep up with people from the main group in pancakes anyway and his profile is private, so he doesn't really care about what he says very much. axe's profile is very public and he keeps up with a lot of people, he's just insane ---
@AxeHarmon: Me and Ryan haven't had sex in four days it's a new record!!
maybe like. 3 hours later
@AxeHarmon: Spoke too soon :( 0 days since our last sex
@atokad927: @AxeHarmon jshdhdhshzjsjhdjsd SHUT UP
--
@ryanxcirino: you ever text your man something chill and casual and he replies with the nastiest sext for absolutely no reason
--
@ryanxcirino: axe is texting me apologies bc i hung up on him but im literally near tears laughing because i called just to talk and made him lose a pokemon battle and bitter as he can manage he said “thanks for interrupting me. i hope you know you're dating a loser now.”
@ryanxcirino: and he was dead serious and sounded so broken by the fact, like god ryan, i am despicable for losing, how have you ever loved me and how could you ever love me again
@brreeeeee: @ryanxcirino literally me when i lose at anything
--
@ryanxcirino: i love the man but i dont have a single fucking pair of clean sweats because hes physically incapable of wearing his own clothing
@AxeHarmon: @ryanxcirino Maybe I hid them all
@ryanxcirino: @AxeHarmon why would u do that
@AxeHarmon: @ryanxcirino Sorry was me cumming on your thighs 4/7 days last week not clear enough
@ryanxcirino: @AxeHarmon JAJDJAJXJS DELETE THAT RWEET RIGHT NOW
--
@AxeHarmon: Most males would be glad to wake up to a blowjob
@ryanxcirino: some males prefer to sleep late and blowjob later
@AxeHarmon: @ryanxcirino You came on my face dont act like that
@NCirino13: I literally hate Axe and Ryan
--
@AxeHarmon: After topping for the eighth time this month I'm concluding Ryan told me a lot of lies the night we met but the biggest lie was when he told me he’s vers
--
ryan posting a picture of them together on instagram <3
ryanxcirino not to have feelings on the internet but
Comments
axeharmon If you don't wanna have feelings on the internet come have em in my text inbox boi
ryanxcirino shut up
-- ryan, tweeting something while slightly baked and watching cowboy bebop --
@ryanxcirino: howdy partner
@AxeHarmon: @ryanxcirino You called sweetheart???????? 💞💞💖💗💚💙💓💙💙💖💙?
@NCirino13: @ryanxcirino @AxeHarmon Hey quick q, why do you guys always put shit like this on my tl
--
@AxeHarmon: It is a beautiful day to be in love with Ryan, good morning folks I've got a lap full of pancakes and probably cum on my cheek
@AxeHarmon: I was told to delete my last tweet :( But anyone who has me on notifications knows what's going on
@atokad927: @AxeHarmon WKJDMAKZKAKDKE
one side effect of writing pancakes was that i had this chaotic collection of characters in my head, and they were chatting 24/7. i wrote some of those conversations out. the vast majority of them didn't fit into pancakes, but there are a few sections i think are funny or sweet, so i wanted to share them even if they didn't fit anywhere.
--- remember when they made each other playlists? one of axe's standard requests from friends is a playlist of their favorite songs. here's one of those exchanges. ---
R: alright u ready for this
R: this is honestly the best playlist ive ever made
A: I’m actually trembling with excitement please send it right now
R: sjkhljdfh shut up
R: [link] so here’s my fave songs don’t @ me about some of em
A: I would NEVER I’m so excited
A: I’m about to learn sm about u bye I’m about to cry rn
ryan just gives that message a thumbs up because he does not know how to respond to cute boy
--- this conversation between ryan, dakota, (and natalie) would be happening about 75% of the way through pancakes, probably ---
ryan and dakota's text log
R: hey i have a legit question
R: like forever ago you mentioned that axe kinda like cares for everyone
R: and idk im kind of getting in my head about it i guess
D: Oh my fucking god
R: what
R: i was just trying to see if you had ever gotten the vibe that he actually liked me
dakota means to send it to natalie, but accidentally sends it to his groupchat with the cirino sibs.
D: [screenshot] Oh my fucking god
D: Sorry wrong chat
R: wtf you were going to send that to natalie
N: LMFAOOOOO
N: I’M CACKLING IN THE LIBRARY
R: why are you guys so mean
R: its an honest question and i am stupid be nice
--- after they sleep together, axe has to alert his besties (A = Axe, K = Kay, P = Paxton, T = Tyler) ---
A: Ladies and gentlemen
A: I bagged him
K: YEEEEEES
P: I knew first since Ryan bitched me out on the phone
T: you bagged him 6 mos ago tbh
A: Okay. I re-bedded him
A: Air mattressed I suppose
K: did you dtr??
A: Kind of?? We just agreed that we'll take our time but we're together ish. but he asked me to come back over after work ❤️
A: So maybe then
T: keep us posted ofc
T: be ur selfie
A: Always am
A: Is it too soon to say I love you
T: yes
P: it's been one day bro
A: Ugh but look at him
A: [image]
T: you have interesting taste in men
A: Please he's fucking fine as hell no one can change my mind
--- after they get together, they "seal the deal" with what basically amounts to a two day sex marathon. here are some texts for after that's over ---
A: Miss ya
A: Took a thousand pics this weekend
A: [36 images]
A: Fallin HARD buddy
R: shut up
R: i took some too ofc i just haven't edited yet
A: Give em to me raw 😜
R: i hate u
R: [23 images]
A: You make me look pretty
R: i just record you as is dude
A: Yeah but I feel like I get what you see in me when I look at pictures you took of me
A: What's with the hands shot
A: Got something to say
R: no
R: nothing i haven't already said/moaned honestly
A: ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️
A: When can I see you again
R: whenever
A: Now
R: no im about to shower
A: NOW PLEASE
R: shut upppppp
--- after they've been dating for a while, ryan reconnects with an old friend named evan, so that's who "E" is for context. hadir is evan's gay awakening but don't worry about that whole sideplot. i think "you're the love of my life AND my whore" is one of the funniest things axe has ever said ---
A: Damn
A: Dakota would look really hot in a snapback too
D: [image] here you go harmon go beat off if you must
E: i HATE
E: hadir looks good af in hats
R: i don’t even own a snapback
A: [image] I look like one of those grunge skater boys who wear Thrasher hoodies
E: i want to die that was me in high school
R: ya and you actually looked good doing it unlike him
A: Dakota’s so cute tho I just made that your contact photo babey you’re beautiful
E: hadir’s asking if axe is dating both of you
R: no but lowkey he’s dating all of us i’m just his whore
D: kind of real
A: Sweetheart don’t put yourself down. You’re the love of my life AND my whore
B: I literally HATE y’all
--- dakota likes to read bad romance novels. i will not be taking questions, comments, or criticisms. ---
R: hey baby what are you up to
A: Hey you!! I'm listening to an audiobook per Dakota's request
R: what book
A: Don't judge us it's called Bad Boy For Hire
R: it
R: what
A: It's a gay romance novel it's dumb and cute and Dakota said I needed to read it but I was like read? Me???? And so he bought me an audiobook because he's my sugar buddy
A: It is really fucking cute the bad boy reminds me of you
R: im just gonna not ask anymore questions
R: you wanna come hang out and listen to your weird audiobook while i do laundry
A: YES
--- 69 days anniversary ---
A: Happy anniversary sweetheart
R: its been like 67 days whys this an anniversary
A: No it's been 69 we got together at 3 am
R: youre counting this as an anniversary
A: Hear me out because I have a rocking idea for how we celebrate
R: shhshshhs shut up
--- ryan and kenzie hanging out and making sushi together <3 ---
R: i showed my mom my sushi and she sent me heart eyes emoji and said it looks delicious
R: she's so supportive and i like
R: am realizing how true it is that u date people like ur parents
R: :/
A: Hhhshdhdhd
A: Me loving u knowing full well you're so similar to my dad
R: depression, stupidity, useless degree
R: dreamboats
A: I'm showing him that
R: NO
--- why is six ur favorite number ---
R: dumb question but i just remembered once you said six is your favorite because it's the first perfect number what's that mean
A: Oh okay it's kinda cool so a perfect number is one where the sum of the factors = the number
A: So for 6 if you factor it, and exclude 6 itself, you get 1, 2 and 3 and 1 + 2 + 3 = 6
A: Dope
A: 28 is the next one and it's factors are 1, 2, 4, 7, and 14. So 1+2+4+7+14 = 28
A: Neat math fact
R: nerd
R: that's so obscure like what old white man sat down and was like hmmm. ya this is a thing
A: I think it was Euler
A: Or wait no Euclid
A: It was kind of both of them
R: baby i love you so much but that's enough math for today
R: send a nude
axe immediately screenshots that and posts it on twitter with the caption "and they say romance is dead"
--- dakota mentioned he had a weird dream in the groupchat so everyone needed to know, obviously. to bribe him into sharing, ryan promised to share about a sex dream he had about natasha bedingfeld (yep.) ---
D: idk!!! celebratory wedding night threesome i don't pretend to understand my brain or what dream harmino were thinking please talk about natasha now
R: what i want to talk about our threesome
R: who bottomed
R: nvm i answered my own question :/
N: LMFAOOOOOOOO
R: that's lowkey cute tho idc like sharing our wedding night with u im not mad abt it
R: like even if we dont do a threesome wed probably do that anyway lmao because me and axe would be at home enjoying our just married life and id be like damn i miss dakota and call u up
R: honeymoon? alone time? absolutely fucking not dakota comes with or marriage cancelled
D: shut up
R: youre an exception to every rule dude like
R: i know axe is like the loml serious true love whatever but ur my other half
R: hes just a like. loud irritating limb
R: or like a mysterious growth on my arm that won't stop shouting compliments and doctors cant remove it but it's not cancerous so it's fine
R: okay i lost track of the idea there but u know what i mean
--- when ryan and axe are having disagreements, ryan prefers to text and axe prefers to respond with audio messages. this is the tail end of one such disagreement ---
Axe's audio: I love you, sweetheart. I really do. A disagreement's never going to be enough to make me rethink things. We're gonna be fine. We love each other, and we want to work it out, and that's 90% of the battle. Thank you for being with me.
R: i wanna staple that last audio to the childhood trauma section of my brain and just let it work like a bandaid
A: Okay I. love you so much but that's a semi disturbing image are your therapy appointments really going well
R: akdjskckkd shut up
--- kit starts a conversation with: if you guys had to fuck one person in this gc besides who you're dating who would it be? honest question and the stupid groupchat discusses. here is an outtake ---
K: but also i dont trust men to act normal after having sex with their friend
B: honestly yeah
R: every girl ive been friends with and had sex with i lowkey fell in love for a min so ur valid
A: Don't I act normal? :(
K: axe, baby. sweet baby boy. too innocent and stupid for this world
R: SDJGDJSGSGK
--- whatever they're gross, this is post get-together ---
R: me: ur a FREAK
also me: chubbing up at the thought of u massaging my thighs :/
A: Ksjskekznsknx
R: no offense but wanna massage my neck while you're at it lmfao
A: Of course I do sweetheart
A: Just gotta stay gentle with ya
R: shut up you're always gentle with me
R: even when you're like. pounding me you're still gentle about it somehow
A: It's called being in love with you
ryan sends a screenshot to dakota and wants to unalive
--- sometimes they send each other money as a joke that's kind of a serious loving acts of service thing ---
A: Why’d you just venmo me $10
R: for the head
A: We're dating??
R: yeah and it was good head, go buy yourself a coffee
A: You just treated me like both a prostitute and your sugar baby but damn. Love you
R: anytime now good fucking night im taking a nap
--- "my man actually has a brain cell????" ---
R: hi tired of saying i love you and not acting like it i wanna see you
A: Use your time off to rest up and get some alone time, I'll always be here later
R: if were using that argument then i should be spending every moment with u because if you ever leave or die ill be all i have left
R: so there's always time for alone time later
A: [surprised pikachu meme]
A: When ur man suddenly has a brain cell ?
R: JDJSKZIENZKABDKSHEJAJZIANF
A: I feel like I just got the tablecloth yanked out from under me
R: i cant stop laughing ur so startled i actually had a point for once
A: I felt like the Mr Krabs meme where the world started trembling around me
A: Ur intelligence…
R: shut up
--- ryan gets grumpy when axe goes out of town ---
A: Ryan told me everyone's mad at him what's the goss??
B: all I'm gonna say is… when you're not around to fuck the attitude out of that man he is unbearable
D: we got into a proper argument because i threw in a load of his laundry and washed one of your hoodies he was apparently sleeping with like a creep
N: I still have him muted on all social media I'm so sick of him rn
A: Sweetheart why ya making everyone's life hard
R: idk but like come suck my dick so i can be nice again
B: sjxjjdxdxnznssgd i hate y'all
--- axe being a stupid drunk ---
A: Hey where are you @?
R: martin’s
A: Oh
A: Okay I guess Imean is he like. Hotter than me
R: oh my fucking god
R: martin’s the grocery store
A: OH
A: I waslike martin is such an oooold name would ryan really
A: DAmn I’m stupid
A: Love u tho
A: Always sweetheart
R: ya ya stop being sweet go get a glass of water
A: Your wish is my command
A: Real quick you should wish for me to blow you. Fun right
R: sjhifjiodhjsld
R: shut up
R: have fun with your family love you more
A: U DONT
--- ryan being vain and also stupid ---
in the groupchat minus axe and reema (reema hates being in a lot of group chats, the assumption is that bree will pass on anything worth knowing)
N: Ahsakd I'm dying Ryan walked out to my car dressed like I. don't even know what but his hair was fucking awful and I was like “Do you want to change?” and he said “No” and I was like “... Axe is coming” and he was like “Are you Fucking kidding me” and got back out and walked his ass upstairs again to change I'm screaming
K: omg
K: that's so fucking funny
N: Now he looks like he's about to damn cry and I asked if he was alright and he said “yeah Just. can we go I need a hug from dakota”
N: Are yall for real
D: bring him here 💚