Saturday December 16

The news today is all about the awful story of three hostages being accidently killed by IDF troops in Gaza. The country is reeling. Shock, grief, anger, on top of all the shock grief and anger already there. Hard to know even where to direct it anymore, but it seems that Netanyahu is the default address for delivery. Other headlines around the world are also continuously publishing articles demonstrating the amount that his government knew, the financing that they allowed for Hamas, and all the other reasons to blame him. One slim hope to hold onto in terms of the ongoing media war is that once Bibi is ousted, there can be a somewhat cleaner slate for perhaps less vilification of Israel as a whole. I'm sure that's just wishful thinking. But it's hard not to try to find something good to hope for on the other side of this war. For Israelis, we're well into 3 months now of a waking nightmare that just seems endless. If it were a movie plot, the audience would have left long ago because there is just no let-up in the intensity of ongoing horror. 

The poor boys who killed them will likely never get over it. I can't imagine how they must be feeling right now. The bits and pieces that are coming out of Israeli news (nowhere else of course) of what the troops are encountering and experiencing in Gaza generally are awful. Here's an image from social media (a really excellent influencer activist and journalist, @henmazzig):

It has been difficult to think about writing anything else today. The fact that the head of the Mossad has flown back to Qatar to restart hostage negotiations itself is enough to tear me in two -- bringing the hostages home by any means necessary, and breaking the capacity of Hamas to do any more damage, seem like completely antithetical goals; and yet both are imperative right now. For all the triumphant headlines in Israeli news media over the past few weeks, showing dozens of Hamas fighters surrendering, recounting all of the targets hit, and all of the areas cleared of terrorists, I don't think anyone here feels like Israel is winning the war. Increasingly, it feels like Hamas won the moment it ransacked the southern border, and has only been able to claim victories since. They have succeeded in terrifying every Israeli man, woman, and child (and the spillover effect has done the same for the majority of diaspora Jews as well) and sinking 2/3 of Israeli adults into severe psychological distress; they have succeeded in demonstrating the unpreparedness of the IDF and shattering the myth of the army's invincibility; they have won the media battle; they have won the undivided attention of all social justice activists; they have won the universities; and they have won the hearts and support of Palestinians across the region. All of these victories ensure that this war, and all of its spin-off battles that I just listed, will not end anytime soon. Even if Sinwar can be killed, even if every tunnel is filled with seawater, even if all of Gaza can be somehow secured and patrolled by Israel, the ultimate objective of eradicating Hamas -- or any similar threat to Israel, and to the Jewish people, whatever it calls itself -- seems like a distant dream. And dreams are becoming extinct in the ongoing nightmare of this reality. 

My daughter and I had to move apartments yesterday as my previous lease was up (thanks to those who sent kind birthday wishes; we did manage to have a nice, if quiet, little celebration yesterday just the two of us), and we are now about 5 kms down the coast from where we were. In the beach immediately outside of our apartment building there are volleyball and soccer courts that are always busy, and the constant sound of matqot racquets and balls. This is a much busier area than where we were before. It's closer to the city centre, and the beach is much more populated with cafes and restaurants all along the promenade. We walked through it today for the first time and everything was open, even on a Saturday, and teeming with people. We heard the same mix of Hebrew, Arabic, and Russian as we had further north, and the same kids on bikes and scooters (we passed two skate parks), families picnicking by the beach, spilling out of restaurant patios, and walking dogs, people working out (there are a variety of outdoor gyms along the beaches here), people jogging, a (very good) female busker singing on a microphone, a group of young people painting on canvases in an amphitheater area. Lots of people moving around. It all seemed normal, like what you would find walking along any beach promenade on a decent day, except it seemed off. I thought that maybe it was just me that was off, my mind not quite with us as it has been inclined to not be for the past 2.5 months. I wondered if it was that there were a number of civilians with pistols strapped to their waistbands or with rifles slung over their shoulders as they strolled along. We are used to seeing soldiers in full uniform bearing arms as they walk through crowds, all over Israel every time I've visited here, but this is the first time I remember so many non-uniformed people openly carrying weapons. My daughter and I agreed that if we had been walking through the southern US and saw that on a Saturday afternoon on a beach, it would make us uneasy. But here, where it feels like we're all on the same side, it didn't faze us -- if anything, it was reassuring. So it wasn't that. There was a lot of chatter, music coming from restaurants and cars, general noise that would accompany crowds of people on a beach promenade in the afternoon. What was feeling wrong? I was sure it must just be my own mood. But as I reflected on it afterwards, wondering if the not-quite-right feeling was in my head or in reality, it struck me that there was one thing that was hauntingly absent. We walked for an hour and a half and through hundreds if not thousands of people, and we didn't hear any laughter, not even once.