here are the lyrics to our music since finn is too lazy to write them on the official website that shows lyrics on streaming

I gather all my friends and meander up to the graveyard

And we walk the trodden path o'er to my favorite tombstone

Yes me and all my friends enjoy our lovely nights off

And we're completely clear of mind when we all take our pants off

Then we piss piss piss, piss on the grave

We gotta piss piss piss, piss on the grave

Yeah we piss, piss, piss on the grave

Go on and piss piss piss, piss piss piss on the grave

We all place our bets to see who's the most hydrated

The winner goes to Jimmy who peed for 5 whole minutes

Jimmy gets a gift card to old man Darryl's pet store

To buy a muzzle for his gator who's been eating all the cattle

And then we piss piss piss on the grave

We gotta piss piss piss, piss on the grave

Yeah we piss piss piss on the grave

Go on and piss piss piss, piss piss piss on the grave

We piss a darkened golden hue, it's a sign of dehydration

Except for good ole Jimmy whose piss is clear as the air we breathe

If light went through his steady stream he'd turn it all to rainbow

But since we've come here late at night we never see the spectacle

As we pull up our pants we hear the bushes rustle

And out jumps the groundskeeper with a flashlight and a pistol

He yells "aw not you again" as we quickly run and scramble

And we hop the fence of the graveyard right by the convenient railroad

Then we jump, jump, jump on a train

We jump jump jump, jump on a train

We jump, jump, jump on a train

Then we jump jump jump, jump jump on the

The groundskeeper pulls his pitchfork out and he stabs the ground and he starts to shout

And the earth glows red and begins to shake and a rotten arm bursts out from the graves

The zombies line up one by one with their weapons drawn and their red hats on

And the groundskeeper points his pitchfork staff and the zombies sprint down the railroad tracks

An undead man with a scarecrow’s grin rises from the ground and the chase begins

Buried on his tractor, he revs the engine and chases us as his tires spin 

Some zombies from the civil war with missing limbs and bloody sores 

Aim their musket barrels at our crew, we look to Jimmy, this time we’re doomed

it's a redneck eruption, they pull up to the function

And blow all your brains out with automatic rifles

With green skin and dried guts and rotting half their limbs off

They can't think but they fight well, yeah these zombies ain't slow as hell

Jimmy had a genius thought and pulled his pants way down

Unleashing a torrent of yellow rain, zombies slip and fall to the ground

We sprint to the connector pin and heave it up and out

With a grinding sound and a gust of wind the train cars drift apart

Just when we think that we're home free a zombie grabs Jimmy’s leg

Pulling poor old Jimmy right off the car and tumbling to his death

No time to stop and watch in horror as they plummet to the clattering tracks

Jimmy's sacrifice gave us one last chance as we make our escape at last

it's a redneck eruption, they pull up to the function

And blow all your brains out with automatic rifles

With green skin and dried guts and rotting half their limbs off

They can't think but they fight well, yeah these zombies ain't slow as hell

We are going to blow up Logan Green's House

Zombie hamster in the yard

Zombie ashes in a jar

The apocalypse is coming on October 31st

If we don't find the hamster and blow it up first

We are going to blow up Logan Green's House

He doesn't stand a chance, we will turn it all to dust

Aidan was a bomb dropper in World War II

He will fly above his house in a hot air balloon

30 miles up he will fly into space

And drop a nuclear bomb all over the place

We are going to blow up Logan Green's House

He doesn't stand a chance, we will turn it all to dust

It isn't what we want to do but we know it's what we must

Because if we don't succeed it is over for us

Generating wind, generating wind

Generating wind, zombie ashes get blown about

The balloon begins to make a force field descend

To trap the hamster in

And also the blast radius of the nuclear bomb

On Logan Green's house

Boom boom boom, we will turn it all to dust

It isn't what we want to do but we know it's what we must

Because if we don't succeed it is over for us

We are going to blow up Logan Green's house (x7)

We are going to blow it up

We are going to blow it up

Boom boom boom!

Boom!

Boom!

Boom!

BOOOOOOOOOMMMMMMMMMMM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1

Eating 60 wings…

Eating 60 wings…

Eating 60 wings…

Eating 60 wings

Eating 60 wings

Eating 60 wings…

Eating 60 wings…

Eating 60 wings…

Eating 60 wings

Two men holding hands in a corporate building

The CEOs of a marketing scheme and they're making lots of money

The multi level marketing, build it up like a pyramid

Pyramids like in ancient Egypt that were built by aliens!

The gay aliens are coming to scam your grandma

Recruit 3 people then they each recruit 3 more

They don't understand the earthly ways of business

But they love kissing men and morally questionable practices

Gleep glorp one of them said and it means I love you

₩€~£|{€€{¥□♡●◇¿ b they said in return, it means I need more money

They tried recruiting cows but they had no moolah

They went on Shark Tank but they ate Mark Cuban!

The gay aliens are coming to scam your grandma

Recruit 6 people then they each recruit 6 more

They don't understand the earthly ways of business

But they love kissing men and morally questionable practices

They came from the planet HD189733b

Where it rains glass sideways and they outlawed gay marriage

But love knows no bounds so they jumped in their spaceship

And moved their operations all the way to our planet!

The gay aliens are coming to scam your grandma

Recruit 12 people then they each recruit 12 more

They don't understand the earthly ways of business

But they love kissing men and morally questionable practices

They came up from the depths of hell

With their rotten corpses stinking smell

To give us rights takes theirs away

So they take their page from the good ol days

To redirect where the power goes

They plant their spies in the way down low

They spread their virus like a weed

To turn the clock back to fit their needs

Succumbing to sickness (recrudescence)

Eroding the present (recrudescence)

Returning to cavemen (recrudescence)

Letting them take your soul

They escaped from the burning wreck

With their money hoarding sinful stench

Forcing the weave of their grubby hands

In the livelihood of every man

They dig their trench in the river of green

With the world's biggest sponge suck the whole world clean

Corruption lives in the heart of the rich

The one with the wealth is one son of a bitch

Succumbing to sickness (recrudescence)

Eroding the present (recrudescence)

Returning to cavemen (recrudescence)

Letting them take your soul

They want constituents to bend the knee

Pull the wool on our eyes so no one can see

The deception they use to fulfill their greed

No laws no compassion no morals no creed

Our freedoms seep down through the grate

Fester in the sewers to fuel their hate

When the future finally comes to pass

We can take up arms and get their ass

Succumbing to sickness (recrudescence)

Eroding the present (recrudescence)

Returning to cavemen (recrudescence)

Letting them take your soul

What's with those weird fucking scissors

They got the blades backwards or some shit

Why does it hurt to put your hand in them

It's just really inconvenient

We should kill all left handed people

Why should we cater to them

We should kill all left handed people

It doesn't matter they're just 10 percent

Why can't they play our guitars

The fancy stuff's on the left hand anyway

They gotta flip it around

Or get a fucked up one specially made

When they write on a whiteboard

They drag their hand back over the words

And then they smudge all the text off

And get their hand messy

We should kill all left handed people

Why should we cater to them

We should kill all left handed people

It doesn't matter they're just 10 percent

We made those awesome mice

With a slant on the top for comfort

And cool buttons on the side

But dumbass lefties can't even reach them

They got that desk at the end of the row

With the flip up table on the opposite side

Why do they need to rest their arms

When they could rest in a grave

We should kill all left handed people

Why should we cater to them

We should kill all left handed people

Life will be better when they're fucking dead

The lamprey clings and feasts on Jack

And slowly it invades your mind

You’re just a cell you can’t fight back

You watch as it builds a new hive

You wonder how this came to be

Thought you took care of your body 

It likens you to lichen see

Soon you will be the new disease

Hold your neighbor, hand in hand

Acknowledge your fellow man

It’s cause they got that router fear

They wanna get them outta here

The parasite it drives you mad

With broken legs and muscle stitch 

There’s lots you would do if you had no mind

You shouldn’t scratch that itch

Hold your neighbor, hand in hand

Acknowledge your fellow man

It’s cause they got that router fear

They wanna get them outta here

The fish’s only real wish is 

To keep the table without cleaning the dishes

If the lamprey ever cared for you then you’d be at that table too

But I'm not trying to spread disease

Hold your neighbor, hand in hand

Acknowledge your fellow man

It’s cause they got that router fear

They wanna get them outta here

Hold your neighbor, hand in hand

Acknowledge your fellow man

It’s cause they got that router fear

They wanna get them outta here

Go ahead, shit.

Going to a party

All my friends are gonna be there

Happy birthday

Jeffrey D

Pull up to the mansion

On the top of a mountain

With foreboding moonlight

Shining down from the sky

Walk past the butler

He knows who I am

Take a seat at the table

And we wait for the man

He comes down from the stairwell

We uncover the platters

Dish out the appetizers

Human fingers on the bone

Then the lights go out

And we hear a sound

Ole Johnny's gone, nowhere to be found

With a bloody spot on the seat where he was

We scatter and hide in the other rooms

Grab a weapon first, we'll be hunting soon

Running for my life in the mansion halls

With a knife in hand and blood on the walls

With the group split up hunting down the clues

See another guest, turn you into food

I turn the corner and I see a figure

Stab him in the belly and I eat his liver

Look him in the face, it's my old friend billy

Acted straight on instinct, didn't mean to kill him

Sneak back to the lobby in darkened cover

Looking for the killer so i ask the butler

Said he thought he saw somebody trying to flee

But his memory ain't what it used to be

Then BAM the lights, I run and hide

When they come back on the butler's died

Head chopped clean off rolling on the floor

With a chunk of his brain trailing out the door

I follow the tracks through another hall

Past the billiards room, play a game of pool

Loop back around to the atrium

Nowhere to run, I can see the man

Jeffery Dahmer takes the stage

Carving up a carcass with a hidden blade

Guess he had a birthday wish in mind

Drumstick in hand he begins the fight

Won't let him do what he did to the rest

Gotta stay alive to avenge the guests

My determined mind hatches up a plan

But I have to move fast if I want to win

A stab and a swish push me to the wall

Somersault away cause I gotta look cool

No weapon on me, no way to win

He lunges toward me with a wicked grin

But I quickly flip before he deals the blow

Sink my teeth in his neck down to the bone

Tear his head straight off with my unusually strong jaw

I guess he forgot that I like it raw

(Hospital): Everyday I am filled with so much suffering. But also so many bagels.

(School): Please stop vaping in my bathrooms. It’s bad for my body and yours too.

(Bank): Y’know… you’d think I’d see a cut of the money inside me at some point… oh well… 

(Megachurch): JESUS LOVES YOU REPENT!!! NO I’M NOT HELPING THE HOMELESS THEY'RE GOING TO HELL!!

(Theater): I am filled with laughter and whimsy… but everyone backstage talks too much for me to hear the jokes..

(Barn): So I think the pigs painted something on my side? It feels like words… I didn't know pigs could write… I haven't seen the farmer in a few days…

(Fire Dept.): I wish I could ride in the fire trucks…

(Burning Home): AAAAAAAA HELP I'M ON FIRE!

(McDonalds): Man it’s so greasy in here… anyway, you want fries with that?

(Museum): I have a large collection of bones

(Crematorium): I have a large collection of bones

(Leaning Tower of Pisa): Can someone push me back? The humans keep trying but like 300 feet away

(Hall of Presidents): I went out with the Disney World castle and he lied about his height on building Tinder.

(Castle Ruins): Upon these grounds thirty score years ago, I was once home to a great mortal man, chosen by GOD HIMSELF. But now… the men of this world have left me to rot, and teens climb my aging walls and spray paint their organs upon my great face.

(Convenience Store): For the last couple weeks this guy comes in at 2 am every night. Gets a burrito. Leaves. I feel bad. In an hour he comes back for another.

Carter: Hey guys, sorry I’m- wait! Logan’s not here! FINALLY! I DON’T HAVE TO SIT IN THE CHAIR!

Logan (cutely): hi guys :3

Carter: NOOOOOOO!

Finn: Don’t worry Carter, today we have a new punishment for you. Instead of sitting in the…

Aidan: (BANG BANG BANG)

Finn: Today, you're gonna be sitting in the…

Aidan: (BANG BANG BANG… BANG)

Carter: No, what could that possibly be?

Finn: It means that you're gonna be sitting in the…

Aidan: (BANG BANG BANG… BANG)

Carter: The what?

Finn: Didn't you hear? I said, YOU'RE GONNA BE SITTING IN THE THE CHAIR OF SHAME 2!

All: CHAIR OF SHAME 2 (x8)

Carter: You know what? No! I hate this! Every single show, every single album, I'm always the one who's sitting in the chair of shame!

Finn: Chair of Shame wasn’t on the album.

Carter: Shut up!

Finn: But… I thought you liked it.

Carter: No?

Finn: But I made this one just for you, this is different. I made it more comfortable.

Carter: I guess… I guess it’s a little more comfortable than the last one.

Finn: Good, now will you get back in the chair so we can finish the song?

Carter: I guess.

Finn: Good boy.

All: CHAIR OF SHAME 2 (x16)

Movement I: ‘Loaves and Fishes’

I gave all I had to feed the poor

I used my resources to loose the door 

Thanked me profusely, declared me their king

All for bringing loaves and fishes

Established to create meaning

Hark! I hoped they would be seeing

All the love that we had been bringing

When we made them loaves and fishes 

The rich say that they’ll reach paradise 

But sharing they don’t emphasize

The needle’s eye is where the trick is

As they hoard the loaves and fishes

We dreamed of giving to all folk

That dream is still a far off hope 

The way they all have misinterpreted

My loaves and fishes twisted, twisted

Movement II: ‘Republican Jesus’

Loaves and fishes or you're a fool

To save yourself you'll heed our rule

Thank us profusely, declare us king

Your opposition won't remain

We preach to regain control,

Speaking from a place of power

A quest to purify every soul

Speaking from our ivory tower

Order, passion intertwined

Radical faith justified 

Republican Jesus, called divine

Homogenous, our lives consigned

The interests of those elected

From sublime faith we were selected

But persecution, hate, and greed

Shape our sectarian regime

Republican Jesus, just a fiction

Here to save your own convictions

Don’t believe the misconception

Love thy neighbor, no exceptions!

Love thy neighbor, no exceptions!

Movement III: ‘Switzerland Crucifixion’

SWISS CRUCIFIX

NOT THE RIGHT SHAPE FOR ME

SWISS CRUCIFIX

HANG ME ABOVE THE CITY  

SWISS CRUCIFIX

ONE SIZE DOES NOT FIT ALL

SWISS CRUCIFIX

THEY DON'T CARE WHO TAKES THE FALL

SWISS CRUCIFIX

CONFORM TO THE CHAIN OF COMMAND

SWISS CRUCIFIX

STRUCK DOWN FOR TAKING A STAND

SWISS CRUCIFIX

PERFECTLY EQUAL IN LENGTH

SWISS CRUCIFIX

IN HUMAN DEATH LIES NOT ITS STRENGTH

Movement IV: ‘im not religious’

I’m not religious

A long time ago in a far away land

Waves crashed on a beach with sun-kissed sand

Normal at first but as you go deeper

The woods turn dark with twisting creepers

Complete silence on Agony Island

Venturing further, a sweet temptation

You enter a cave to the screech of a raven

Bones of the dead, you’re filled with dread

As darkness surrounds a nightmarish crown

Around your feet, red hot heat

Tendrils of pain spiking your brain

You scream and cry, pain reaches your thigh

Crawling up your waist with considerable haste

The evil inside

Your greatest fears arrive

You scream again

But there is

Complete silence on Agony Island

Complete silence on Agony Island

Complete silence on Agony Island

Complete silence on Agony Isle

Flying god crabs

Flying through the sky

Doing the funny sideways crab walk thing

Flying god crabs

Shooting lasers from their eyes

Making crop circles in the shape of crabs

The entire U.S. military

Wants to kill these crabs

They are wanted for second degree murder

Forty-seven fighter jets

Flying at the crabs

But they just bounce off

Flying god crabs

Flying through the sky

Doing the funny sideways crab walk thing

Flying god crabs

Shooting lasers from their eyes

Making crop circles in the shape of crabs

They descend upon the Earth

With unnatural speed

And shoot their fire breath

All over the skyscrapers

Twenty-seven million dead

From fourth degree burns

Roads littered with corpses

Flying god crabs

Emerge from the sea

To cast their judgement on society

Thousands of crustaceans

Ominously rise

Intent on causing mankind’s demise

Flying god crabs

Trample the land

Flying god crabs

Flying god crabs

Impale some famous people 

They are liberals

…

Glowing brightly in the night

Rising from an excavation site

Will it commit some crimes? It might

It will kill some humans, all of them white

Its electrons are moving to different states

Bioluminescence, it creates

Off to ruin somebody's date

Those who oppose it shall meet their fate

Wanted for its crimes of war

Justice foretold in the ancient lore

Evil it must answer for

The sins of the luminescent dinosaur

Constituents flee and they scream in horror

As its massive foot lands on the bread store

The beast lets out a mighty roar

Quite odd behavior for a brachiosaur

Police try to stop it, shooting pepper spray

But their foe is determined to give them a bad day

Forty feet tall, it lights up the sky

Thunder booms, more people die

Wanted for its crimes of war

Justice foretold in the ancient lore

Evil it must answer for

The sins of the luminescent dinosaur

The beast did wreak havoc for 6 days and 6 nights

And on the seventh he rested

And on the eighth he did wreak more havoc

And on the ninth, he rested again

And amidst the terrible beast’s slumber, they came

The Government Wizard Task Force, comprised of the world’s finest government wizards

To cast the beast away

They uttered incantations, invoking ancient power

But the beast awoke, and expelled its glow stick fluids

And melted all 26 government wizards’ flesh and innards like 403° Kelvin butter

But their magical aura resurrected them into zombie government wizards

And they started punching the beast with raw strength never before seen in a wizard

In an epic brawl that leveled the town and several nearby municipalities

And finally, the zombie government wizard captain delivered a single blow 

So powerful that the beast flew up into the air

Pierced the surface of the moon

Fell back through the hole that it just created

And landed, banished in Djibouti

And the world rejoiced, except for Djibouti

Luminescent dinosaur

Luminescent dinosaur

Banished in a legendary war

Its story shall be told forevermore 

Evil it has answered for

The sins of the luminescent dinosaur

I really want

Some bread

It would be

Optimal to get

Bread at the bread store

The other day,

I had a sandwich

But there was 

No bread

So I replaced the bread with

Cheese and ham

Oh, how I want

Bread

How I desire it,

Bread, I need bread

I should get some bread

Crunchy crust, or

Soft middle

Perfectly balanced

Lightly toasted on 

The edge

A fine dusting of

Flour, freshly baked

Deliciously warm,

Butter alongside

A loaf of bread

Yeah, how I want 

Bread

How I desire it, 

Bread, I need bread

I’m gonna get some bread

Now I’m on 

My way to the bread store

To get a loaf of bread

For my sandwich today

The other time I had bread

Seems so long ago

A whisper of the past

I want bread so bad

Hop in the car,

Drive down the street

To the store

To the bread store

Hopefully they have good

Bread, I don’t like wheat,

I like rye and sourdough,

But never wheat bread

Pulling into the parking lot

Unbuckling my seatbelt,

Grabbing my wallet,

It’s time to get some bread

Exit the car,

Soon I’ll be there

Soon I’ll be at the store

Soon I’ll be at the bread store

Now I’m at

The bread store

The smell of baking bread

Floods my senses

The smell of baking bread

Drives me senseless

All of the employees

Bustling, hustling

Checking out items

For the customers

The bread section

Is just out of sight

I know where it is

Down aisle 3 then right

I’m getting closer

To the aisle

The aisle of bread

Yeah, the anticipation

I plod through the store

Awaiting my bready reward

Oh the tantalizing focus

Of buying a loaf of bread… 

Now I’m in aisle 3

Where they store the noodles

And other grains like rice

The bread is just around the corner

I take a right

But what’s this?

Where’s the bread?

How is this possible?

Why?

This can’t be happening to me

I’m distraught

It’s all gone

The bread… the bread…

Where did it all go?

I was just here yesterday

And yet, all the bread

Is gone from the shelves

Where’s the bread?

I’m browsing the shelves

How could this happen

To me?

Scrambling, I sprint

Through the abandoned aisle

The bread… the bread… 

It’s all gone, there’s none

There’s no bread at the bread store

A thousand shrieking voices flood my brain

Screams penetrate through the noise of rain

A rending sound, an awful cry of pain

I start to run, I’m think I’m going insane

What should I do? I stumble away

The creature always chasing

A thousand needles pierce my skin

Through a daze of pain I'm praying

For my life, for my soul

I don’t want them to be taken

The goose demon has my thoughts

My mind is broken, shaken

From the night sky on feathered wings

It's just the sound of silence

It’s a ghost of despair, it’s always there

Stalking me through the fire

It roars around me, above me, beneath me

It’s always in my head

I can't escape the goose demon

I’m always filled with dread

We’ve played this cycle for years and years

And nothing ever changes

Whenever I feel it drawing near

I know that I'm in danger

The goose demon, it flies from the sky

When it chooses a victim, they will die

And the goose demon, it descends from above

Its sole purpose to eradicate love 

Its eyes glow in the dying light

As its teeth snap for my skin

It’s come to take me to the night

My face is ashen, a skull-like grin

This is the last day I’ll be alive

It quacks and swoops down at me

I cannot escape the demon this time

And I scream, but there’s nothing left to see

I feel its teeth dig into my flesh

My vision fades out to black

Blood spurts and it digs in like barbed mesh

And I lose all thoughts of fighting back

It takes me away into the night, 

A wretched vengeful spirit,

I pray that I will find the light

But my soul will never see it

He used to be a rich man

Cool and epic energy

Gucci sunglasses

But one day

The mafia stole his money

And credit card and mother’s maiden name

They hacked his bank account

And took a bit each day

Until he had had one cent to his name

And then he had to sell 

His Gucci sunglasses

But those were stolen from the buyer too

Step Hen’s bank account has reached an all time low

He starts a new job as the

Grand Thick Sausage Governor of the United Empires of the Holy Lands of Asbestia Under the New Gods of Torment

Fifteen dollars a minute

His employer doesn’t suck

It doubles for every minute after

He rises out of debt

Cash exponentially grows

Good job, Step Hen!

He used to be a poor man

Without Gucci sunglasses

Actually that's still true

But now he has money

Million dollar bills

Thrown in the air 

He goes to the Gucci store

To regain some swag

And buys a swaggy purple cape

Then he buys a box

Marked “VERY DANGEROUS”

2.982 thousand dollars

Off he goes to take his revenge!

His swaggy purple cape flies through the air

When he enters the mafia headquarters

Which is an office building

His swaggy cape is quite the shade of purple

Just like my favorite color, which happens to be purple

Did I mention that it’s purple?

In his weirdly deep pocket

He reaches and he grabs

A Gucci pistol loaded with 6 rounds of Gucci ammunition

As he draws his Gucci pistol

Several mafia members try to stop him

What fools, thinking they can stop Step Hen

Then he calls to the Mafia boss

The chair slowly turns around to reveal

Sir Bals a Lot

Step Hen does the unthinkable

He challenges the boss

To a shooty pew pew duel

He walks out of the 500 story building

Sir Bals a Lot jumps out of the window

Sir Bals a Lot and his Balszy Steed!

They face each other, dramatically

Step Hen shoots the bullets into the air

Each splitting into 8 and ⅔ bullets as they fly

Some fly as high as 199 kilometers

They return to Earth in a negative parabola fashion

But they all miss Sir Bals a Lot

But then a rogue bullet from the depths of hell

Emerges from the soil

And pierces Sir Bals a Lot

He falls to the ground

And Step Hen takes his sunglasses

Which were conveniently placed on the corpse

And dramatically

Step Hen dramatically says

I am vengeance

The dark spawn of night and despair

The dark spawn of night and despair

The dark spawn of night and despair

The dark spawn of night and despair

Who dwells in the YMCA pool

Her voice like a demon hoarse and fell

She searches for children to bring to hell

Nothing can sate her appetite

So she looks for targets for a tasty bite

Her monstrous body fills the pool

As her clawed talons reach for you

Before you know it it’s too late

She’s snatched you up, eyes filled with hate

The dark spawn of night and despair

The dark spawn of night and despair

The dark spawn of night and despair

The dark spawn of night and despair

Who dwells in the YMCA pool

Everywhere you swim she sees

She revels in her victims’ screams

You think you can run

You think you can hide

But when she catches you you’ll wish you died

In the lazy river

Always in your head

“Please don’t splash my phone,” her evil voice said

Even when you’re settling down for the night

She’s in your dreams, what a terrible fright

Beware the dark spawn of night and despair

Beware her dreadful, malignant stare

Beware her as she stalks her prey

For when she finds you it’s too late to be saved

The dark spawn of night and despair

The dark spawn of night and despair

The dark spawn of night and despair

The dark spawn of night and despair

Who dwells in the YMCA pool

Scrambling away, you catch your breath

As she chases you from the pool to your death

You stumble, you fall, you turn around

She seizes your neck, you’re about to be drowned

A scream escapes your frightened lips

But she’s already got you in her grip

She enters the water with you in tow

Only one will survive, and it’s not you, no

There’s nothing you can do as she drags you away

She’s played this game day upon day

Soon you pass out, but that’s a relief

As she tears your flesh with her wicked teeth

The dark spawn of night and despair

The dark spawn of night and despair

The dark spawn of night and despair

The dark spawn of night and despair

Who dwells in the YMCA pool

The dark spawn of night and despair

The dark spawn of night and despair

The dark spawn of night and despair

The dark spawn of night and despair

Who dwells in the YMCA pool

His footsteps shake the earth

His voice sounds like thunder

Legends are spoken at the hearth

Even known down under

Destroyer of many a foe

He’s never lost a battle

Doesn’t plan on doing so

Through generations

Always on the top

A champion

Puts evil to a stop

Anywhere you go

His name is common knowledge

Ignore what high schools tell you

For he didn’t go to college

Evildoers no they can't outrun

He is our hero

Eternal Soup Champion

Brewed with broth from the depths of hell

And cursed with the knowledge that the dead men tell

Emerged from the earth to take revenge

On the ones who have wronged him

The French

Although his methods are questionable

In the eyes of most he is still a hero

The mind of a man in a mixing bowl

And the gift of powers eternal

The eternal soup champion

An undying light

So full of energy

Never backs down from a fight

A robber leaps at him

With his gun outstretched

But the champion turns

And he snaps the robber's neck

A tiger lunges out from behind a tree

But the champion is always ready

He grabs its paws and shoves it away

And the tiger runs back to its daddy

If you are ever in distress

You know who to call

Dial 1-800-555-SOUP

He’ll turn around and face your foes

And kick them in the balls

Hidden away

Lurks in the mud

Bringer of terror

From below and above

Beasts of chaos

In their domain

Lay bodies of those

That they have slain

Their massive jaws

Will crush our bones

As we attempt

To invade their homes

The war goes on

To steal their teeth

But mankind's downfall

Waits beneath

Apocalypse Hippopotamus

Apocalypse Hippopotamus

Apocalypse Hippopotamus

Apocalypse Hippopotamus

Apocalypse Hippopotamus

Destroyers who've lived through time

Unstoppable force, war just a playtime

Destroyers who've lived through time

Unstoppable force, war just a playtime

Destroyers who've lived through time

Unstoppable force, war just a playtime

Destroyers who've lived through time

Unstoppable force, war just a playtime

Apocalypse Hippopotamus

Apocalypse Hippopotamus

Apocalypse Hippopotamus

Apocalypse Hippopotamus

Apocalypse Hippopotamus

Apocalypse Hippopotamus

Apocalypse Hippopotamus

Apocalypse Hippopotamus

Apocalypse Hippopotamus

Apocalypse Hippopotamus

Ahhhhhh!

Apocalypse Hippopotamus

Apocalypse Hippopotamus

Apocalypse Hippopotamus

Apocalypse Hippopotamus

Apocalypse Hippopotamus

Apocalypse Hippopotamus

Apocalypse Hippopotamus

Apocalypse Hippopotamus

Apocalypse Hippopotamus

Apocalypse Hippopotamus

Ahhhhhh!

Orange Julius

Is a pretty epic place

They make good smoothies

And other stuff too

Orange Julius

Reminds me of Julius Caesar

Except a smoothie place instead of a dictator

And also located in the Fox River Mall in Appleton, Wisconsin instead of in ancient Rome

And also orange

Orange Julius

Is a pretty epic place

Earlier I said they make other stuff than just smoothies

And it turns out there are also hot dogs too I guess apparently

Orange Julius

Has some employees

Like the recorder soloist from the hit song Balszy Steed by Too Much Parmesan

And also the guy who thinks Linkin Park revolutionized rock which is of course completely untrue obviously it was Weezer who did that

Orange Julius

I’ve been there like one time

So let’s go online

To see what other people think

It has no reviews

On Yelp.com

Apple Music

And Oxford Dictionary

Orange Julius

Orange Julius

Orange Julius

Located in the Fox River Mall in Appleton, Wisconsin

Orange Julius

Orange Julius

Orange Julius

Located in the Fox River Mall in Appleton, Wisconsin

Orange Julius is a pretty epic place

Yeah