“Remembering that I’ll be dead soon is the most important tool I’ve ever encountered to help me make the big choices in life. Almost everything — all external expectations, all pride, all fear of embarrassment or failure, these things just fall away in the face of death, leaving only what is truly important. Remembering that you are going to die is the best way I know to avoid the trap of thinking you have something to lose.”

- Steve Jobs -

From ancient times when our ancestors whispered around campfires, stories have helped us make meaning of the world. These mental models molded our perceptions, forming the basis of cohesion from small tribes to complex civilizations. In these narratives lay a natural blind spot, for these stories of creation or broader ideologies, subtly creates a tinted, dualistic way of seeing the world, and 'othering' those who lived outside of a particular interpretation of reality.

Creation stories, and the exploration of our mortality is a foundational theme in many cultures. As Ernest Becker put it, "Man is literally split in two: he has an awareness of his own splendid uniqueness in that he sticks out of nature with a towering majesty, and yet he goes back into the ground a few feet in order to blindly and dumbly rot and disappear forever. It is a terrifying dilemma to be in and to have to live with."

Building on this concept, cultural anthropologist Ernest Becker introduced the idea that the fear of death drives much of human behavior, a concept he termed "terror management theory." According to Becker, we find comfort and a sense of stability in our religious and cultural beliefs because they help us deny the terror of our inevitable death. These beliefs and practices give us a sense of continuity that extends beyond our physical existence.

From an evolutionary standpoint, fear has always played a crucial role in survival, prompting our ancestors to avoid danger and thus pass on their genes. However, the existential fear of death is pervasive and profound, leading us to seek solace in cultural and religious narratives that offer explanations and ways to cope with the end of life. These narratives not only shape our identity but also establish standards we strive to meet, reinforcing our belief in the significance of our cultural and religious worldviews.

However, the stories we create to ease our fear of death can also lead to division and conflict, especially when one group insists on the absolute truth of its beliefs, thereby challenging and undermining those of others. Becker points out that this often results in labeling opposing views as 'evil' and justifying violence against them. This dynamic is evident in religious conflicts, civil wars based on economic ideologies, and genocides that target minority groups, often beginning with assigning blame to a scapegoat.

This scapegoating leads to an ironic unity among those with the dominant belief, as they join in mutual disdain for the scapegoat. While this may create temporary peace among the 'victors,' the deep-seated anger and the cycle of blame persist. This delusion can also arise at the level of an individual. In his book Breath Becomes Air, Paul Kalanithi was diagnosed with terminal cancer at thirty-six. Prior to his diagnosis, he was driven by a need to transform neurosurgery through his research. As he progressed through his treatment, the cost of his career to those he loved became evident. Sacrifices that he had made in pursuit of his life’s work started to unravel as his time horizons started to shrink, and this provided him with deeper insight. "Everyone succumbs to finitude. I suspect I am not the only one who reaches this pluperfect state. Most ambitions are either achieved or abandoned; either way, they belong to the past. The future, instead of the ladder toward the goals of life, flattens out into a perpetual present. Money, status, all the vanities the preacher of Ecclesiastes described hold so little interest: a chasing after wind, indeed."

Søren Kierkegaard, a philosopher, expressed how religion once provided an answer for the man to resolve this paradox of death and life, and it was through religion that man could become comfortable with the idea that he would die. A person who had deep religious faith could then both remain a being of this world while simultaneously transcending that identity through their belief in the eternal promises of their spiritual practice. In an age of increasing secular beliefs, the role of religion has be replaced by different kinds of distraction.

In "De Brevitate Vitae" (On the Shortness of Life), the philosopher Seneca spoke of how people waste much of their time on meaningless pursuits, including the drive to find ways to extend their lives. Seneca counters the complaint that life is too short, by demonstrating how the wise treat time as their most valuable resource and pursue meaningful introspection and create an intentional life in service of their chosen purpose. Nobel prize winning psychologist Daniel Kahneman, surveyed the group of women and compared how much satisfaction they got from their daily activities. They reported that they derived more satisfaction from prayer, worship, and meditation than watching television. However, they spent an average five times longer watching television than engaging in any spiritual activities.

A few decades earlier, Ernest Becker wrote "The modern human is drinking and drugging himself out of awareness, or spends his time shopping, which is the same thing. As awareness calls for types of heroic dedication that his culture no longer provide for him, society contrives to help him forget...[We] literally drive ourselves into a blind obliviousness with social games, psychological tricks, personal preoccupations so far removed from the reality of our situation that they are forms of madness, but madness all the same."

Distraction thus serves as a an imperfect solution to the psychological conflict between self preservation and inevitable death. Friedrich Nietzsche wrote that “haste is universal because everyone is in flight from himself”. On this path, there is the loss of the potential for exploring death not as a morbid finality, but as a perspective that could gently guide and filter the many choices life presents to us. It is a tool that helps define our priorities and personal meaning. 

​Contemplative practices allow a gentle and gradual inner exploration of death.

Thich Nhat Hanh, a Zen Buddhist teacher, created a variant of the Buddhist canonical five daily recollections that were aimed at cultivating a relationship with death and dying. 

1. I am of the nature to grow old. There is no way to escape growing old.

2. I am of the nature to have ill health. There is no way to escape having ill health.

3. I am of the nature to die. There is no way to escape death.

4. All that is dear to me and everyone I love are of the nature to change. There is no way to escape being separated from them.

5. My actions are my only true belongings. I cannot escape the consequences of my actions. My actions are the ground on which I stand.

These contemplations and associated practices like the Mindfulness of Death meditation serves to inspire the contemplatives to develop motivation toward practice by cutting through the illusion of seemingly infinite time. “Letting go” practices in the moment of death can be liberating. The thought of us not being here anymore doesn't faze us as much as it used to. Instead of dread, the process can be one of profound peace; letting go into a fascinating mystery, letting go into a moment of freedom.

Albert Camus famously stated, "The only serious philosophical problem is suicide," in his essay "The Myth of Sisyphus." He argued that life, devoid of meaning, might seem unworthy of living, yet he also believed that suicide resolves nothing, as death holds no more meaning than life. Camus viewed life's absurdity not as a dead end but as a pathway to embracing life's potential. The essay draws on the Greek myth of Sisyphus, condemned to endlessly roll a rock uphill, only for it to fall back each time. Camus reinterprets this eternal struggle as a metaphor for human existence, suggesting that, like Sisyphus, finding joy in our tasks, despite their inherent futility, can lead to a fulfilling life. He proposes that embracing life's absurdity allows us to find beauty and meaning in the mundane, transforming our perspective on existence.

How many more summers do you have left? What is the cause you wish to serve? What gives you meaning? With a little courage and introspection, mortality can be a catalyst to explore questions like these that allow for life to be lived from a place of profound insight. The cultivation of peace and equinamity in the face of death, while challenging initially, allows us to relate to other fears and anxieties in life in a more gentle and curious way.