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You accept it with good will and a smile
Nothing good will come out if you don't balance your drug intake
By balancing your drugs intake, it means regulating them by distributing a fair amount across each category so as to maximoze the high experienced
Why is drug balancing so important?
Let Shirou tell you a story
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Heroin. Transference of force
Marijuana. Manipulation of matters
Opium. Cultivation of energy
Cocaine. Movement of creation
Long ago, the four nations lives together in perfect harmony. Elements of a greater system designed to support the laws of the known universe. They are distinctive driving force that complements each other just as much as opposing them, so much so that it is a given fact that all those who comes under them suffer just as they prosper
It was a fragile balance, but balance nonetheless
Then it all changed when the Marijuana nation attacked
With unrelenting force and absolute addiction, they conquered us who had grown weak over the temporal illusions of peace and tamed by the mental high they offered. With honeyed scent and weedy taste, the three great nations were brought to their knees
Only the King of Drugs who has mastered the four elements could hope to stop them
However, when the world needed him the most...he vanished wihtout a trace, and thus the elemental nations as we knows it, fell into despair
A hundred years later, two candidates appear amidst the fallen civilization of the Cocain nation
One is a young boy with the idealistic dreams of becoming a hero
The other is a bitter war veteran tired with the reality of war
Their skills in the meth lab shown mastery of all four aspects. Cutting and cooking their way to the absolute perfection, they are, without a doubt, individuals who would change the fate of the nations with their talent
An adventure awaits them upon a chance meeting. There will be difficulties. There will be hardship. There will be times of misery that would test the young men's mentality to it's utmost limit.
However, without fire steel can't be forged, and without adversity friendship cannot be fostered. Will Archer and Shirou overcome these tribulations together? Could two drug benders with clashing ideologies work together for a new future, or would they succumb to the weight of their responsibilities and drown the medical world in darkness?
Fate/ Stay Night: Breaking Bad
This, is their story, and their journey to bring balance to a world only addicted to Marijuana
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It starts out as average a morning as it could be.
A morning filled with the scent of breakfast drifting through the air, enrapturing those in its vicinity in an appetizing trance as their nasal scent was assaulted with the heavenly drug that was Shirou's cooking
But sadly, the ferocious predator will not be appeased by such trivial a delicacy
"Shirou!" Standing in the middle of the living room and yelling at him from behind is one Taiga Fujimura.
A woman in her twenties who teach at his school, with brown hair and a wild temper that reminds him of a beast in Amazon. Left unmentioned is the fact that she's a lazy moocher who loves dwindling down his food supply every chance she gets
"Did you just called me a tiger!?"
"There are no tigers in Amazon"
"Ah, sorry I- Don't change the damn subject!" She screamed. The tone of her voice approach critical level of noise, borderline on an abominable hybrid between a screech and a guttural roar that could shatter one's ear drum "Who are all these girls, and why are they here?"
The girls in question looked up at the mention of their name
Rin waved her arm from a corner. Glancing stealthily at her fellow female, Saber stuffed another faceful of rice into that black hole she called her stomach and snatch up a new one with a blur of her hand
"Uh...this is Saber" He raised an eyebrow "And this is Rin. They are here to...buy some weed?"
"Um, yes, we are here to...buy some weed"
"Yes, I am the number one weed-consumer in Fuyuki"
Rin nodded, so is Saber who's reaching for her third bowl of rice this morning.
Unknown to her, Shirou had accidentally mixed some of his concotion into the rice amd is too afraid to admit it
Hopefully her Magic Resistance A or Servant constitution would provide some decent amount of resistance to his drugs
Hopefully
Observing the two female, Taiga then glanced over them. Eventually, her eyes met his and narrowed
"Are you thinking of cheating on poor little Sakura?"
The question stumped him. Naturally, he did not know what to make of the inquiry
Was it suppose to be an accusation, a question, or a compliment to his hacking skill?
Shirou did not understand what she meant by that
Was he and Sakura in the middle of playing a video game? He did not remember installing a cheat code, and he would not go as far as to do so just for victory's sake. A multiplayer game battle should only be fought honorably and fair
Worst case scenario, he would just hit the TV several times out of rage
But then he would need to buy a new TV...which would be expensive
Confusion overtook him. The teenage boy looked to the Servant beside him for help
Sizzle
The sound of omlette hitting the pan echoed inside the Emiya's living room
Breakfast seems to be the only time where Shirou and Archer seems to get along relatively fine
Of course, by "relatively fine" it actually means "not trying to kill each other or making snide remarks regarding another's ideal". Irregardless of that fact, meals are the only occasion where they can work together cooperatively instead of getting in the other's way
Archer, wearing Sakura's pink apron, was busy making his own brand of traditional breakfast combining both Western and Eastern food
"Ne, Archer, what does Taiga means when she said I'm cheating on Sakura?" The red head teen asked the tanned man
A shiver travelled down the Servant's spine
Involuntarily, he scowled at the sight of the Emiya asking him about relationship advices out of all people
"It means you're not being frank enough toward her" He began speaking, carefully selecting the sharpest and bluntest words that could penetrate through that thick skull of Shirou
"From the impression I have from that tiger's screeching" He whispered that first part "The girl seems to like you"
"Uh-huh" Shirou nodded "I like her too"
"Y-you do?"
"Yeah, you know, like a friend"
Archer resisted the urge to slam the boy's head on the nearby chopping board
"No. I means she like you in a romantic sense!" He said harshly "As in, the two person who are very close together do handholding, both your tongues goes kissy-kissy and then licky-licky, then your sausage goes into her clammy donut hole, before the two of you reach heaven together as your sausage poured cream into her donut!"
"..."
"Then you give her a ring on the finger and kill both her relatives"
Shirou mulled it over
"In other words, I first need to stufff my sausage into her donut hole"
"Yes, basically!"
"Anything else I need to know before I do just that?"
"Hm. Not really" Archer creased his eyebrow "I would say to watch out for the worms. The way they stick to your flesh is really annoying"
"How does it feel like?"
"Like I'm being given a massage from the inside...except it's really itchy every time I thrust in" Archer scratched his chin "You go deep enough and they'll start biting and sucking on your sausage, which does not feel as good as it sound"
He dumbly nodded
Wow
There is so much to know. That Sakura likes cream-filled weiner-donut, that she don't like cheating in video games, and that she has overprotective worms as her pet which also happens to like sausage
Either it's some cryptic bullshit means for a deeper undertone, or he's just looking too much into it
...
Nah, he's sure it's just what it is. The other meaning would be too weird
What kind of dumbass would use food analogy on sex anyway?
"Shirou, don't turn your head that way, answer the question!"
Taiga's question pulled him back to reality
"The question, ah right, am I planning on cheating on Sakura? No, I will not" He nodded " Also..."
Shirou pulled out a cocaine syringe
In one smooth motion, he plunged it into Taiga's neck and pumped everything inside
Thud
The woman fell to the ground motionless, foam coming out of her mouth
Pocketing his tool, he returned to cooking their breakfast, but not before throwing a question Rin's way
"Alright.' now what were you guys here for?"
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The walk to school is as average and uneventful an event as ever
On one side of his is Rin. On the other side is Saber who's wearing her civilian outfit - a white blouse with saphire colored skirt that Rin had given her
She will be their escort until they arrive at school. Under much rejection and protest, it was decided she would hang out the perimeter while class is in session. That way Saber can freely intercept them if anything happens
Why are they going to school during the middle of a Holy Grail War anyway?
"Because our absence will be noticed by the school, and, by extension, any decent Master well-versed in information gathering. Truency would only make us stand out more than we already are"
That is the explanation given
So now even though he may die any time, he still bave to attend classes like usual
Life is fun
"So, Emiya, about the battle with Berserker last nigh, I would like to ask how you manage to beat him" she frowned "Even with our combined power its not even enough, yet Archer reported you successfully establish an alliance with his Master"
"Ah, that?"
Shirou interrupted her
"I give myself an IQ boost"
"You give who-self a what boost?"
Rin believe the fight from last night must have made her gone deaf, because the thing sprouting from this boy's mouth sounds like inconceivable bullshit to her
"Yep, I just kinda" He made a pumping motion with his finger "Give myself a drug shot. Not physically as I've ran out of them. I just manipulate my body to react that way"
"You...manipulated your own anatomical function to get high?"
"Yeah, exactly. I just analyzy the reaction given when injecting myself with Cocaine the first time, then replicate them using Gradation Air inside my own body" He shrugged "If applied correctly my brain can work at 200% of its optimal efficiency for a short time, 220% if I use Reinforcement on it"
Does Magecraft works like that?
Rin felt her reality being shaken to its core
"Following common logic that would mean you get smarter the more drugs you consume"
"I still prefer the traditional method though. Doubling your IQ isn't the most pleasant things if you're not accustomed to it
"I see, how does that feels like?"
"It's not that incredible. Like you're looking through the fourth dimension. All your thought progress are accelerated to match the information input from eyes, which are enhanced to visually perceive more than it normally allow. If you concentrate hard enough, you can see the flow of Mana in the air"
He shrugged
"It's not that much, to be honest"
Not that much? Not that fucking much?
That's the bullshittiest bullshit she'd ever heard
She wanted to scream at this absolute buffoon in front of her. Desperation and a hollowed sense of resignation filled her at the thought that this crackhead can be such a genius in Magecraft
Seeing the flow of Mana is akin to the level of a Mystic Eye. If it was so easy she would be a True Magic user right now
"There must be a drawback right?" She pleaded "Tell me there must be a drawback"
"Well yes there is" He hummed
"If you do this, shit gets pretty weird in your head. Get too careless and you might end up in a room with that gremlin"
"What gremlin?"
Shirou only grunted
"Let's get to school"
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The first two periods passed in a relatively peaceful atmosphere
However, it was almost lunch when a sudden premonition hit him
"Excuse me, I have to go take a shit"
Ignoring his classmate's disgusted expression, he crossed the hallway. Shirou checked between each floors to see if there are anyone, before nodding to himself
It was a simple thought
What if another Servant is in the school?
Obviously they will have to hide from the general student's eyes, but that fact will be negated if they can support their Master at a distance
That lead to his second point, there is a possibility that another Master might be at school, hidden among their number just like Rin, waiting for a chance to attack them when their guards are down
He soon stimulated his nerve to reenact the high from before. His vision sharpened, allowing him to pick out three Mana signature near him
The other two are unknown. But to see them here in this building is too farfetched a choice to call it a coincidence - more like a deliberate decision msde for tactical purpose
There's a high chance they are both Masters. The risks are too great to be let loose
To this case, there is only one visble course of action
His conversation with Rin reveales that Magus usually don't possess in depth knowledge about the workings of addictive substance made by modern human - since interactions with manmade items would weaken their Mysteries significantly
Then...that would mean they don't have much resistance to either cocaine or all that shit
Of course, while it would not make sense at first glance, the second point is heavily tied into this fact
School shooting is a rare occurance in Japan
He walked into the toilet. Closing the door behind him, Shirou take a deep breath
"Trace. On"
Several items materialized in the air
A Balavaca mask to hide his face
An AR-15
And grenades that are loaded with weed
Pulling back the operating rod, he put his hands to the basic firing position: One hand on the grip, the other on the forestock. The iron sight stared back at him as he took aim
Nodding to himself, he turned back out from the restroom
"Hey dude" he greeted a passerby student
"Hey dude, sick nerf gun. You from the crafting club?"
"Sort of. Listen dude, you know who teaches fifth period in class A2?"
"That would be Mr. Kuzuki, dude. He's pretty chill"
"Thanks, dude"
"You're welcome, dude"
What a fucking weird kid
Watching him walk away, Shirou shook his head. He decided to continue on
The way to the first signature is the closer one. It lies in the classroom, a fact that greatly worries him but he dìd not let it show too much.
After all, teacher's seat are almost always easier to shoot than the student's
He opened the door
All at once, every sound inside stopped. The chattering of the student, as well as the teacher's lecture came to a sudden halt upon witnessing the length of his gun
He ignored them all, focusing on the sole figure in front of him
Or rather, he focused on the Command Seals peeking inconspicously from the cuff of his sleeve
Amber eyes flickered up to meet with emotionless black ones
"Good morning, Mr. Kuzuki"
Before the teacher could react using any assassin instinct bullshit that he could probably pull out from his ass, Shirou gunned him down
The bullets shattered the window as everyone screamed. Males and females alike duck under the tables they use as makeshift shields
Shirou dumped the entire magazine on the teacher to make sure he's dead. He continued pressing on, but realize the bullets had ran out
Click. Click. Click
Kuzuki's dead face stared back at him. The Command Seals on his hand faded away as per expected of the Master's demise
"He ran out of bullet! Now's our chance!" A random student say as he bolted from his position
If this is a manga, he would be the protagonist who saves the day and get himself a girlfriend in the progress
"Ora, you're going to hell for thi-"
Unfortunately he is not the main chsracter, so useless dialogue is useless
Shirou used the rifle stock to hit him on the head, knocking him out. With one swift movement he fetched another mag and finished reloading
BANG BANG BANG
He fired into the air, silencing the ensuing screams of panic from his fellow students
"Calm down, this is not a school shooting" He smiled gently
The smile did not help that much with the Balavacka mask covering his face, but he tried
"Anyone knew where Shinji is?"
"T-the cafeteria"
"Thank you very much"
He continued down the stairs, where a certain student suddenly felt scared for his life
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Author's Note: I always like to imagine what would appen if Shirou is trained by a serious Kiritsugu who's wholly focused on winning the war.
After rewatching Fate/Zero and see that hotel scene I can't help myself lol
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