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You will get smarter
But you will still be a monkey
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Monkeys don't often get bananas, because they just simply weren't at the right place
Just like people
Sometime, people found themselves in places they weren't meant to be
Which proves that people are monkey.
The world's dumbest doctor and the world's smartest detective sitting in the same room, who can you tell is the monkey? Is it either? Neither? Both? The theory presents all existing conceptions of intellect as nothing more than preconceived notions of pretentiousness. Homo sapiens constructed logic and IQ from their mind in an attempt to emphasize and promote individuality among species, condemning uniformity in favor of a hierarchy that they called "society" under the false pretense of choice.
But what is choice, really? Are we eternally bound to the presupposition that the less reigned in we are the more choices we will be able to make, thus that makes us "free"? Free as the monkeys that run wild on the forest fields, spraying pee in each other's face and suffer no social bias for it?
In our current society it is not normal. It is digusting. It is unacceptable to pee on another monkey's face - unless you are somehow black. The black monkeys pee on the other monkey's face and called it "fun", while the white monkey was labeled "culturally offensive", iregardless of the deeds mentioned are "right" or "wrong"
Can we call such system as intellectually transcendant when some of our species are still refusing to equip masks, making claimation of the earth being flat, and supports Trump in his political campaign?
Is it presumptious of us, preposterous even, to pride ourselves on the ability to make choices, even when nine times out of ten those choices are wrong?
Nonetheless, bananas are good
Shirou hates bananas
"Fucking hell"
Shirou Holmes took a sip of his favorite whisky, the straw in his hand contracted, before he proceed to stuff himself full of the white powder lining neatly in front of his desk.
With a quick inhalation the rush of pleasure assaulted his mind, prompting him to sit back down again, swallowing the substance down the hole of his nasal passage
"It would appear we are in quite a predicament, my dear assistant"
"An astute observation, Holmes! Truly marvelous!"
Watson beamed
"What next? Are you going to inform me that dead people are not alive because they already died when killed, or that people have birthday to celebrate the day they were born?"
"Nothing of the sort, dear. As evident by the living proof of Einzbern's servant, Berserker, it can be concluded that the answer to such a notion cannot be anything than an absolute negative"
The detective intertwined his arms in front of his face. In the fire of Baker's street 420B's living room, the light cast off a tired expression on his gaunt face- the look of a man who's submerging himself in the deepest of calculations regarding their newest case
Right now in this finite space there only exists two presence
Him, the one and only consultant detective of the Holmes line.
And her, Watson, his imaginiry friend and drug-buddy
Where and when she first appeared is unknown. Maybe it's somewhere afer he had first begun taking this drug, maybe it's a hyperactive part of his mind stimulated by the drug that projected this image of the girl in front of him
"So what shall your game be, Holmes?"
Because as far as he know, doctor Watson is not a female in Doyle's work
Speaking of which, why is he calling himself Holmes just now? It makes no sense. Shirou want to laugh at his silliness
Instead he pushed his hair back
"Berserker's still there after Archer's Noble Phantasm destroyed him. The possibiity of it being mere regneration is invalid considering have pulled it out from the start. The work of Magecraft is unlikely considering the Einzbern's specialty combined with his class does not yield good compatibility. In that any form of is most likely from the Servant's part"
Getting out from his seat, he started pacing
"Berserker is pseudo-immortal. There's frankly no other way it can be expressed more clearly that does not borders on the Grail War's rule. Irrespective of how much we pit our two Servants against him, the situation will reverse itself once our mana supply dried out. Tohsaka let that happen, we are lambs to the slaughter to him"
"You need something to level the playing field" Amelia commented, blonde hair swaying as she tilted her head to one side. A bright smile graced her face "Most unfortunate, your options are limited when it comes to one enhance by madness like him"
"Of course" He admitted "Still, the limited choices do not prevent actions from being taken and measures to be laid"
As long as there is a will, there is a way. Even if the enigma that is being opposed is truly an unresolvable mystery, the route and the clues that will finally arrive at the truth of it will "appear" without exception
The Magus detective's brain whirred with activities
Every possibility compressed into a single thought, every thought examined in a hypothetical manner, every hypothesis turned over and tested out in a field of reality.
What will be the ultimate solution to such a dilemma?
The theoretical maneuver that require absolute precision, or the practical maneuver that require a great dependance on luck?
Something clicked in him. The dull clacking of his footstep paused amidst the irritated atmosphere wafting the room
Of course-
-Following that logic, once the impossible have been eliminated, whatever remains, no matter how improbable, must be the truth
He took another whiff of the aromatic substance, feeling his brains clear of any impurity or doubt
"It is not the end of the path" Shirou anounced, standing in the middle of the room with white powder falling from his nose
"Could it be that you have come up with a plan?"
Watson has a role to play in all of this. He does not know why it is, but the feeling that she is probing him with her queries is something he could not help but notice
"Indeed I have"
Cool blue eyes observed ember ones, amusement and curiosity dancing with a quiet sense of resolution. Glancing down, he observe the notebook sitting neatly in her lap, ink pen waiting patiently
The urge to narrate his line of thought overwhelmed him. He opened his mouth
"Simple. The key to a trasure chest may have been lost, but it does not mean it cannot be found. The pieces of the puzzle may be too innumerable to form a comprehensive picture, but that does not mean the task of assembling them impossible"
"It is my belief that the nature of all things can be determined through nothing but the power of observation. Human believed in the inteference of supernatural forces in this spin of fate, something that I shall rectify"
"As I stand here, I shall reveal the truth, one layer by another"
Lens spread and light shone. The theatrical tools focused on the single detective in it, not dissimilar to an actor in a stage
And like all good play, the mystery will eventually be unfoiled
"Because it is Elementary, My Dear"
Watson's pen blurred across the pages, the opening narrative taking shape with the first word. While a simple doctor, her narration would be one of the major point within the legend of the world's greatest detective.
Just as much as Holmes is capable of glimpsing at the truth of the matter, it is her who can recognize that truth and materialize them to other's reality, showing a glimpse within his brilliant mind between the pages of record she'd written
Our investigation was cut short as the Banshee's screech tore through the misty night, awakening many from their deep slumbers
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"Wake the fuck up, Shirou! Who in their goddamn mind would black out at this time?"
Rin's panicked voice is what greeted him as Shirou's sense returned to reality
His eyes fluttered open. The boy stared in confusion at them...before memories of the recent happenings refurfaced from his head
"Shit. How long did I get knocked?"
"Get knocked? You mean-"
He brought out his hand, revealing the trace of powder still lingering. Shirou's eyes opened half-lidded
"Drugs help my senses get more acute" He divulged "It's...a fundamental part of my Magecraft"
No it's not
Archer deadpanned.
The red Servant's coat fluttered in the wind as he carried Rin his arms. It took a moment for him to realize Saber is also having him and iliya wrapped in one arm with the other holding her sword
It took him another full second to realize why
A roar washed over the street. The building in front of them exploded forward and Berserker burst out, swinging the club at them. Both Servant dodged the strike by mere inches - one by using Mana burst to change her direction midair, the other threw his Master up, turned to spirit form and phased through the giant's body
Rin was left screaming as she soared through the air. Archer chose to materialize the moment she was about to touch the ground and scoop her up once again
Without their Instinctive skill guiding them, that hit would have surely connected. It does not take too much to know what would become of them then
Saber split to one side while Archer ran up the side of the building, disappearing out of sight shortly after. The giant lunged at the former, crashing into the ground as she spun out of the way at the last second
Without pausing he smashed his club at her , the jagged edge grinding against her invisible blade as she did so
This is bad
His Servant is fighting this abomination by herself while carrying two people in her arms. If Saber is not at a disadvantage before, she's fucked now
"Saber, go to that building. Fast!" He urged.
With a grunt of acknowledgement, the Servant stomped the ground and propel herself out of Berserker's way, the road crashing beneath them from the sheer force in her deflection.
She dashed several times more, each time using the tall buildings around them to serve as leverage. As they reached the zenith Saber's body crackled with blue Od, filling her body near instantly
Mana Burst pulsed beneath her feet, launching both of them upward. Shirou felt the ground rapidly retreating from underneath him, grasping Iliya tightly so as not to let her fall
At this speed a human would normally had a severe case of whiplash, the fact that she resorted to them showed how dangerous their adversary is in his agility.
Shirou almost lost his shit when Berserker jumped 500 meters in the air, closing the distance between them at an alarming rate as the heavy mass of muscle swings his equally heavy mass of death at them
He watched as the giant whizzed by them by inches.
Luckily Saber can change direction midair, or they would have died now
Feeling his heart calming down, the boy eyes narrowed in thought
Pseudo-immortality...there are pieces that he's missing here
"I shall reveal the truth, one layer by another"
He inhaled. Focus, he must concentrate to think of a solution to this. She cannot fight in this state, Berserker is focused solely on attacking him, and Archer need time to recharge his mana. The situation is not looking good for them. There must be a way
Wait
Something clicked in his mind
That's it. They had missed one thing and it's-
The sight of the rapidly approaching office building snapped him out of his reverie. Shirou's eyes widened
Saber jerked her knees. The sudden backlash as they landed caused him to lurch forward and fell to the ground along with Iliya in his hand, rubbles and window glasses from the brutal crash falling atop of them
For a moment, he could feel the young girl's body pressed against him
Her smooth skin, their pale disposition, and the sound of quickened heartbeat just below her shirt. There's no doubt if he took off the girl's clothes now, he could hear her heart thumping loudly within
Her heart. How could he have missed this?
"Master, what are you doing?"
Saber's voice brought Shirou out of his trance
For some reason she was looking at him like one might look at a decomposing rat found in their garbage. The grip on her sword tightened as if wishing to strike him down
It took him less than a second to determine the reason. The unconscious girl pinned underneath him didn't help the situation much
"Hold on now, I'm sure whatever you are thinking of me is probably not true" He smiled nervously "I am...a righteous man. Though my hormone is still that of a teenager's, there's no way I would stoop so low as to resort to these kind of things"
"Funny. That's what Merlin said too"
The look in her eyes tell him he's fucked, and not in a good way
"NIGGAAAAAAAAA"
Fortunately, the giant homie is here to save the day
Berserker fell through a hole in the ceiling into the building, landing on the stone-tiled floor with a loud crunch. The rubble around him exploded from the force and causing Saber to raise her blade
Mana Burst flared up. With three steps she was already in front of him, ready to protect her Master from any harm. Shirou's eyes widened as the blade started glowing, the Noble Phantasm began to unravel-
No, not yet.
The glowing hot sensation rushed through his body
"Hold your blade from Berserker"
His voice echoed inside the room. An absolute command
Shirou felt a burning sensation within his rigth arm where the Command Seals lay. Saber's eyes widened as her sword halted midair, just shy of touching Berserker. The giant, instead of taking the opportunity like she had expected, dashed through her and toward the red head teen like a missile
SHIROU
He did not hesitate. Ember-colored eyes showed an unfaltering determination as the boy stood there while covering iliya from behind.
The howling wind created by shockwaves across from them blasted through him as the giant approach. A lumbering mass of raw, undeniable power coursing through every inch of muscle adorning the Servant's body as he roared
He is a monster out of one's worst nightmare. A single flick of his finger would be enough to kill a man like Shirou
Yet the boy calmly stand there, eyeing the incoming storm with a coolheaded clarity. Taking in a deep breath, he held out a single hand
In another timeline, this would be the ultimate face off to a hero who had abandoned his ideal
'Trace. On'
In another timeline, this would be the moment he truly realize his ideal
'I am the bone of my sword...'
In another timeline, this is the moment he shines the brightest
'Ufotable, please just give us the Fate route adaptation already'
Yet, this is not that timeline. Neither here is there. The Kaleidoscope is infinite in nature and divergence are endless. Shirou Emiya is not a constant, therefore the person facing Berserker is not facing his greatest challenge in faith
And the reason he stands here fearless is not because he is unconcerned with death
Rather, he knows death can't harm him
Shirou moved his hand
A single middle finger was laid open for the world to see
"NIGGAAAAAAAAAA"
The club descended, smashing against the ground in front of him. Dust and rubble exploded forward, showering the room in a layer of grime that was blown back by the shockwave that followed moments later
Their force unrelenting. Their strength terrifying, Everything about that single blow was aimed to not only kill a human being, but also to obliterate whatever remains of its target
Yet he is unharmed. Standing just inches from where the blow landed, Shirou Emiya stared into Berserker's maddened eyes. The giant stared back, not saying a word despite the fierce expression on his face
Death cannot touch him, and therefore he is not killed
"As expected, the truth is easy to deduct"
If he was alone, he would have done a fist pump of victory
Why hadn't Berserker killed him? How could he have pursued them through the street, despite having lost sight of the Servants and unable to sense them from a far distance? Berserker should have had his mind shrouded with insanity, just enough to blind him to rational thoughts
He could not function effectively as a Servant without rational thought. Therefore, either it is due to a Personal skill or an aspect of his legend that's unknown to them. At least, that's what he thought. Turns out Berserker's master is even more adept at playing this game than him
He could hear the girl's accelerated heartbeat when pushed against her. Why has it sped up? Merely a biological reaction or mental panic taking hold?
Turns out, the truth is surprisingly simple.
"You have been awake all this time, aren't you Iliya?"
Shirou turned back to the Einbernz Master.
Pale white skin shone underneath the empherial glow of the moon, and crimson eyes full of annoyance stared back at him. Not even a speck of dust lay on her even when the blow had been struck near her
The little girl clicked her tongue
"You made me waste a Commadn Seal just to keep you alive, Onii-chan" She huffed "How did you know that I'm awake?"
A little evidence here, and a little deduction there. It's a work of logic with some unnecessary flair added to it that eventually led to quit the anticlimatic conclusion. Nonetheless, he grinned
"Well, it was...only elementary, my dear"
<><><><><>
It's already past midnight.
With the fight between Berserker somewhat coming to a ceasefire/stalemate, the two Masters had agreed to lay a neutral pact with each other until the next day, where further discussions can be had between them
As two Command Seals had been used to restrain the Servants from each other, there was nothing they could do about it
Iliya had made it clear she will meet them at another time. Until then, further inteference will not be made, which means he can stop worrying about her...for now
Shirou yawned. The strenuous activities done in the past few hours had tire him out. His eyes drooped down, a heavy weight settling on them, beckoning the redhead to a peaceful sleep
Alas, if only his Servant had let him do so
"That was a reckless maneuver, Master!" Saber's stern tone seemingly pierced through his ears despite their low pitch. Shirou sighed, trying to ignore them
"Not only do you expose yourself into a dangerous situation, but also stops your Servant from interfering just because of an unnecessary intuition made on questionable basis. Are you so naive as to think a chance to befriend an enemy Master worth the risk affiliated with said actions?"
God he did not have the brain power for this. Shirou needs his drugs or he'd go insane. Right now
"A situation cannot be dangerous if there is no danger in said situation"
There. He said his piece. Hopefully it explains everything she needed to know
"Wh-What? Please do not make light of such problems. Do you know how worried I am to see him barrelling toward you at the speed of sound? Just a single glancing blow is enough to blow up your innards and spatter every pieces of molecules on your body to the wall. It ought to have been better if-"
"....."
"Master? Master?" Saber looked behind her. Her Master had fallen somewhere behind her, his face settled into a peaceful expression with slight drool coming from the side of his mouth
Ah, that's right. Somewhere between that severe addiction to drug and enigmatic thought process is just a normal human. She mentally chided herself for forgetting that fact
Honestly, why must she always be paired with such undesirable Masters in every wars she participated?
"Come on, let's get you up"
With a sigh, Saber approched her fallen Master
A piggyback would give too much opening for a sneak attack from Assassin, and a princess carry would give her little time to reach for her weapon. That's why she hoisted him up in a potato sack carry.
Humming, Saber carried her Master back to the house, jumping over the gate and into the bedroom where she placed him in his bed - conveniently grabbing some snacks lying on the way to much it herself
The night was silent. Even the cricket's chirp had died out in the cold of darkness, bringing with it a contemplative mood that befell the Servant's mind
Looking at her Master's peaceful face as he was laid down on the cover, she could not help but note how different he is than Kiritsugu in the last time she met him
The Fourth Holy Grail war has been a disaster
Will this time be different, or is history doomed to repeat itself again?
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Author's Note: I don't know why I just add Watson. Maybe it's the drugs coming up to my brand
If you don't know what version this Watson is, count yourself lucky
I regret knowing of Hololive
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