Chapter 3: When Life Sucks

Life sucks balls

That is the universal truth of the world, and anyone who even attempt to form a counterargument toward that statement must be in a delusion of the most grandeur

Which either means a) they are mentally disabled, b) they are hopelessly optimistic, or c) they are high as fuck

Shirou is sure his case is one of those three

He just can't tell which one

As he, Tohsaka Rin, discount Van Hellsing, and some British girl walked down the path to a local church, there is only one thought crossing his mind

It all begins when...

...Well fuck that, a flashback would be better

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"Konnichiwa, Emiya Shirou"

When he was five he has the misfortune of meeting a priest from the local church-

"May I have some time to talk about our lord and savior Actually Satan?"

The man smiled down at him

-A very unpleasant priest, by the name of Kotomine Kirei

The encounter itself was nothing much. Just a few simple greetings here here, a few existensial crisis regarding his ideal of becoming a hero there, and some fun time betweem them afterward

You know, normal young boy and Catholic priest interactions, provided they did not include private sermons and the likes after church

He was treated for the first time to Mapo Tofu

He hates Mapo Tofu

"What the fuck, Shirou?"

That was Kiritsugu's reaction when he saw Kirei's and Shirou's smiling face as they walked hand in hand toward his home

It's amazing how the man, as sick as he is, still managed to do a sommersault and parkour'ed his way out from the restroom with his pants still stuck between his legs and 

a growing shitstain on them

"Get the fuck away from my child..." He loaded an Origin round in the chamber

With a skillful twist of his wrist, the catridge snapped shut. Kiritsugu leveled the gun at them

"Or you'll suffer the wrath of my atheism, Kotomine"

"...Dad, why do you have a Thompson Contender hidden in your ass?"

"Paranoia, son. I've kept it inside for nearly two years now and it does not hurt as much as it used to when I go take a shit"

The implication of that sentence is disturbing on a whole other level

"You know Japan have a regulation on large-caliber guns, right?"

Kiritsugu stopped

"I've impregnated a nine year old kid, cheated on her with my student, pissed off King Arthur, caused a genocide, and commit several war crimes to the United States of 

Marble in the past. Being American is far from the top of my naughty list for Christmas"

"And just so you know, Shirou. Santa isn't real, neither are heroes of justice. They're both fictional characters created by some guy named Stan Lee in the hope of selling his stupid comics"

The boy burst into tears

Kotomine Kirei's lips twitched

For a moment the two man stared each other down as the boy sobbed in the background, one with his hand behind his back and the other's tightening down the trigger

Just like the old days of the war

"How heartless of you, Emiya-san" He stated, a smile widening on his face "Breaking your son's dreams while threatening a man of God with no hesitation. With that sadism, I'd have fallen for you had I been a woman"

The older Emiya pointed the gun at Kirei's crotch

"I CAN MAKE YOU A WOMAN RIGHT NOW, MOTHERFUCKER!" He screamed "The next time I see you trespassing private property, I'm pulling out the .50 cal!"

Kirei shrugged. He turned his back and calmly made way toward the front entrance, sending a smile at Shirou that caused a chill down his spine

The priest's silhouette disappeared around the corner, but the unease remains. It was only after the sound of footstep had faded away did the older Emiya lowered his firearm

Needless to say, the next few minutes were spent in a relatively tense atmosphere. Both father and son remained silent, the other wiping away some of his tears

"...Shirou"

"Yeah, dad?"

"Tomorrow I'm going to teach you how to use a gun"

"W-what?"

"Also we will continue on with your Magecraft training. I still have some paper on the Emiya's research, so we will make use of that"

Kiritsugu spoke in a serious voice

After all, one of his worst opponents has been found to be alive after the war. The fact is, he's pretty sure he'd shot that goddamn priest through the chest and spattered his heart on the floor that last time they met

The man survived. That begs the question: Who else has? Who else also participated in the war and was assume to be dead, but whose body has never been found?

Preparations have to be made

However, his time is running out

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Time

Or to be more correct, Time Alter

The basis for this Magecraft lies in the creation of Bounded Fields. Its user conceptualize them inside one's body to separate their innate flow of time from that of the World, thus create an abstraction ennabling them to manipulate that designated time field for a set amount of duration

By doing so, one can speed up or slow down their anatomical function and in essence accelerate their movement speed past the human barrier. At the height of his career, Kiritsugu took down a Command Seal-powered Executor using this technique

However, for Shirou Emiya who does not have the necessary understanding of his father's Magecraft and low Prana reserve, the best he can replicate are rare bursts of Time Alter: Double Accel. He can move at twice his normal speed at the cost of tearing out his internal organs once the technique was cancelled

This was due to what is known as the "World Correction Effect".

To be short, basically if you give the world a middle finger, it gives you back ten of them plus a burning ticket to the road of fucked-up'ville where you'll spend an eternity regretting the choices you've made. Due to that limitation, he cannot use them more than twice a day 

However, when he ingested that "Root" thing the boy found there to be less strain on himself later. Whether it it actually nutritious food that is the key to being a strong 

Magus or he just got lucky with some random magic ingredient, he now find himself being able to pull off his father's magecraft with ease

But Shirou's not stupid

He knows enough not to fuck himself in the ass and land in a situation that would effectively put him in misery until the rest of time later, so he's going to refrain from showing his cards unless absolutely necessary

Because

There's

No

Way

That's

Going

To

Happen

"Achooo!"

"Archer, are you alright?"

"He's alright Rin. Your Servant's being mocked by his past and future self for the choice in his attire. Kid's probably dreamed of being Batman at some point but found out he lack the money for that"

"Listen here you little shi-"

"No. Listen here you little shit, I don't know who you are or why in the goddamn world you're trying to kill me. The only thing I know is that if you don't drop this bullshit attitude toward me you'll come to regret it later"

"Oh, and what are you going to do if I don't?"

I am the bone of my sword-

-Unlimited Blade Works. 

The Root whispered that phrase to him, an odd sensation coursed through his body

Shirou blinked, forcing it down in favor of pointing at his classmate

"I can kill your Master here, thus cutting the Mana holding your existence apart" Shirou shrugged indifferently. Rin's eyes narrowed in return

"You think you can actually beat me just because I'm a Magus with no skill? I think you're making a horrible decision, Emiya-kun"

"On the contrary, that would be the best decision" He inclined his head "Saber here is enough to intercept Archer before he could defend you from our clash. 1v1 at close proximity, I can take you on" 

What he said is not a threat

It was a statement, one that he will carry out

For Rin Tohsaka who has never faced with a genuine death threat and Archer who could tell the bark from the bite, the boy in front of them suddenly becomes more dangerous than they'd initially thought

"D-don't be so sure of yourself" She stood her ground "You're just bluffing. A no-name Magus like you would not be able to pull off the required strategy to beat me in combat"

"Is that so? You are a Magus. So tell me, what does the name Emiya means to one such as you?"

Realization and shock 

Of course, the name should have been familiar to her. 

"You..."

"I see you have done your homework" Observed the redhead as the atmosphere around them tensed. Rin jumped back from him with one hand gasping the jewel behind her

The streetlight flickered. Saber's blade glint as the black-clad bow materialized in Archer's hand. Wind whipped around his coat, fluttering it in the wind

He is Shirou Emiya

However, he is also the son of Kiritsugu Emiya

The Magus Killer that successfully assassinated thirty-seven highly trained Magus, all with only one bullet in their head as the reaper's mark

Shirou Emiya hold an unseen advantage compared to her who comes from a family of prestige. 

Their branch of Magecraft can easily be determined, while the boy's ability is completely unknown from her point of view

'No, maybe if I can use a Command Seal to grant Archer increased speed he could finish him before Saber step in-' Her eyes flickered toward him 

However, that would simply take too long. The time needed to kickstart the seals must be shorter than the Servant's reaction speed, but with the distance between them right now she cannot take the risk

'Maybe if I can use my Magecraft-' She desperately thought

No, the close proximity between them would mean she will be caught in the blast. A bait-and-switch maneuver is entirely out of the equation

'If I deploy a defensive jewel-' Sweats poured down her forehead

Unavailable. They are designed to work against other average magi, not the treasured weapon of a Heroic Spirit from times long past

There are approximately four other options with over 50% chance of success. However, that is only if Rin assumes she can win against the Magus Killer's successor in combat

If that too is taken into account, their chance dropped down onto less than 10%. An unfavorable probability given her Servant's luck stat in contrast with Saber's

They are, to bluntly put it, completely subdued as long as they close to him

'To gain a facade of trust as he milked my intel for all its worth, then deliberately put us in a situation where we cannot fight past' She gritted her teeth 'Good game, Shirou Emiya, good game'

'To have planned this far ahead and made appropriate countermeasures, I suppose he's not bad as a Master' Saber mused, eyeing her summoner with an impressed glance, before frowning 'But, an Emiya? Why do I feel so unsure about this?' 

'Damn I wish I hadn't forgot my drugs at home' Shirou's hand twitched 'Not using it makes me feel smarter. I hate being smart!'

'He's different'

But amongst them all, it was Archer whose gaze on him is the most intense

'This Shirou Emiya is not the same naive fool fighting for his twisted justice, but...how?'

In-between countless timelines, the boy's presence always revolve around two themes. Two pins that defined his entire existence. It is that of a blade, and that of justice

So what exactly occured to change him to this extent? Not only was he stronger than he remembered, the boy also shows the trademark ruthlessness of any Counter guardians before him

There was a cough. All eyes turned to Shirou. Unexpectedly, with just one motion he had captured their complete attention for different reasons

"Right, I just want to make clear that there are no further discourse among us in the foreseeable future. Now I believe you're talking about meeting the meditator of the war to register your identity as a Master?"

Just like that, the tense atmosphere dispersed. Rin blinked as she shook her head

"O-of course. While it is not a mandatory thing, it could be said this meeting is a pre-war formality of sort. As a chosen Master you are obliged to participate, you know?"

The drug's effect wore off slowly as the cogs in Shirou's brains spun  

There is simply too many variables to such a risky move. 

What if one of the Masters is the meditator themself or someone who is affiliated with them? Risk of vital information being leaked

What if one of the other Masters decide to camp just outside the Church for a chance to engage? Risk of being ambushed

What if the church itself is a trap with a time bomb waiting to explode inside? Risk of death 

Only an idiot with no brains would do it 

"Okay, let's do it"