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You grab her by her tight little pussy and-
Wait no
"Onii-chan~" Reality pulled in around Shirou Emiya. The Devil's temptation incarnated spoke to him with those sweet voice of her
The graveyard's wind sent chilling shivers down his spine
Up afar, the metallic clashings of Saber and Muscle echoed across the clearing. Each impact enough to rumble the ground beneath his feet, as testaments to the strength they possess
"Where are you? Let's come out and play~"
Shirou Emiya is, by the loosest sense of the word, not a lolicon. That's why he did not reveal himself immediately to the white-haired girl in front of him
But there can be no other choice
To win this battle, what needs to be done...needs to be done
Ember-colored eyes closed in resignation. With a prayer to whatever deity there is out there, he silently pulled the zipper down
'I am the bone of my sword'
His twenty-seven Magic Circuits thummed to life moments later
<><><><><>
40 minutes earlier
"Who could have guessed you would be one of the chosen Masters, Shirou Emiya?"
"Fuck me because I don't have a single clue"
He spoke, cautious as to level both his middle finger at the priest in front of him
The middle finger is an important device in day to day communication
Without it, some would not be able to express themselves freely among this judemental society of ours. Therefore, it is always necessary to show them your middle finger when speaking to a close friend or relatives who comes to visit you
But don't do it to your mother
Seriously. Don't
"Anyway, I'm not sure why you would be a meditator in the first place. Knowing you there's probably dead children buried in the basement beneath us"
The priest's hand twitched
"I'm going to pretend I didn't see your hand do that"
"Believe me, Emiya-kun. This suspicious priest is actually our best choice for a mediator right now"
It was Rin who spoke from the side in defense of her guardian
"How so?" He queried, lowering the middle fingers. Surely there must be at least a saner priest out there right?
"Well, despite his rather unsettling nature-"
"Hehehehehe"
"- and that pedophilic laugh of his, Kirei is a trained Executor through and through" Rin's eyesbrows twitched as she said this "If there's anything we can trust him with, it's that he will abide by the law of this war and ensure everyone did as well"
"So far you've been telling me about this Holy Grail War and it's law, but I fail to see how a normal priest would be able to stop a Heroic Spirit from rampaging across the town and killing half the residents here"
"It would be better to go after the Master instead" The man smiled "Believe me. I...have my own methods of dealing with them"
"Oh?"
"First, you starts with the normal dose"
"Oh?!" Could this man be one of his people?
"Then you secretly up them up until the lethal dose. Right then, you stopped just shy of killing them and let them experience the feeling of withdrawal by themselves"
Shirou is intrigued "What concotion did you use? LSD? Hash? White Lady? Don't tell me it's the motherfucking chromosome"
"Trade secret. I'm afraid I cannot tell you" The priest smiled "Unless you're referring to my less lethal blend, in which case are you willing to do some small business with this humble man of God who has in no way sinned?"
"Do you need to say any more? Shut up and take my money" He reached into his pocket.
There was only 500 yen. However, Kirei is pleased
"I'll accept your generous donation to the Church. May God bless you and your children, Shirou Emiya"
"Stop! Stop right there!" Rin screamed
"What the hell? Do you realize you are conducting trades of illegal substance inside sanctuary of the Church itself? Shouldn't you feel ashamed as a priest to indulge yourself in canal pleasure such as this?!"
"To be fair, churches in the past have used psychedelic drugs as a mean to communicate with their holy god, so it isn't entirely illeg-"
"SHUT UP ARCHER, AND KOTOMINE DON'T YOU DARE ROLL A JOINT WHILE I'M IN FRONT OF YOU"
"SHIROU, DON'T YOU DARE TAKE A SMOKE TOO! YOU'RE UNDERAGED!"
The two males ignored the yelling bimbo as both took a big, fat inhalation of the good shit
"To be fair, this is my first time getting high in a church" Shirou commented
"And how does it feel, mr Emiya?" Kirei asked, swishing away some of the ashes lingering on his fag
"Fucking fantastic"
<><><><><><>
The chilly air greeted them as they walked outside
Rin's coat fluttered in the wind as she walked forward, purposefully ignoring the male beside her
Shirou's eyes are half-lidded. He has to give it up to Kirei, the man's knowledge and skill in the making of such powerful magic potions canot be underestimated
That means he has to be wary of him later on. The priest could easily drug them both and get away with it had he wished so. That act of comradery isn't going to fool him
"Master" Both Servants greeted their respective summoner. The blonde stood to Shirou's side as Archer materialized next to Rin. There still exists a tense silence betweeen them, though thankfully not as intense as before
His eyes darted between the two, before returning to the blonde-haired lady. If he remembered right she had insisted to be called Saber before going here
"Can't you just make yourself disappear like he does?"
"My circumstances are different, I'm afraid" Saber admitted "The conditions of my summoning makes me unable to enter Astral mode. I can heal, however"
"That's good" He nodded, before narrowing his eyes. The boy's fingers twitched in paranoia
He had just realized their voice reverbated way louder than it should have been when they first come here. The night is silent...too silent for his taste. Something feels wrong. Something is wrong
"Hey, does anyone think the air smells of FBI and jailbait?"
"What?"
"I mean do you smell Loli in the distance?"
"I have no idea what you're talking about. Stops being high on drugs"
"Hello, Onii-chan. Nice night we have here"
Heads were turned. The two Heroic Spirits tensed as a presence made themselves known on the other side of the road
The lamp flickered in the night as the mana density inceased. Underneath it shone the silhouete of a single girl with pale white skin, almost as white as the snow-colored hair she possess. She wore a magenta blouse and a hat of the same color
It would have been a cool entrance for a potentially antagonistic character
Sadly, Shirou is being semi-high on...you guess it...drugs
"I know it!" Shirou pointed his finger at the girl "You are the one who tried to seduce me earlier"
Like a cold bucket of cheddar cheese had been poured on the atmosphere, everyone turned to him with looks of "What the fuck, Shirou" on their faces
"W-what?" She stuttered "I don't know what you're talking about. Don't listen to him, I have never met this man in my life!"
Ugh! Why does he have to completely ruin her menacing introduction like this? Now they will not take her seriously. No, had they took her sriously in the first place because of his reaction?
It is true. She did personally greeted him just several days before to instill the sense of fear into the boy she'd grown up hating all her life. However, his reaction is not that of absolute terror like she'd expected
No, it was that of honest to god surprise, as if the entrance she'd just made wasn't something the magnificence of which should have sent terror into his spine but rather a flashy show for children to marvel at
Would that mean it's because of her?
Is he saying she's short, therefore she's harmless?
The girl's innocent smile twisted into that of an angry snarl. She is a mature woman. A woman, with proper boobs and a proper butt. Nobody's going to look down on her as a little girl and survive
"Actually, forget it. I'm Iliya von Einzbern and I'm here to kill all of you!" The girl hollered "SLAP THEIR BITCH ASS, BERSERKER!"
"NNNNNIIIIIIIGGGGGGAAAAAAAAA"
The sound sent chills down their spine.
It was an old war shouts, used in times where ancienct gods walk amongst men. It was a word, contained with so much power that any lips that was spoken though would get sealed by the masses.
A roar sounded from the darkness. Something blurred through the darkness and landed in front of her in a protective stance. Dust and rubble exploded forward, sending out whipping winds that pushed the group back from their position
"niiiiig...ggaaaaaa" The giant growled menacingly
It was a blackened abomination tainted with madness signature of the Berserker class. Being one of the vessels to which Heroic Spirits are summoned in, Berserkers enjoyed an increase in their parameters at the cost of their wavering sanity
However, paired with certain Heroes whose legends reek of mindless slaughter, this class is a game changer of its own
What? Class affinity?
Berserker receives twice the damage from all Servants?
Grow up, this isn't a childish Gacha game where Buster spammers can thrive with their miserable existence. This is the TYPEMOON world with real consequences, where compatibility is not thrown out of the wind by ignorant author who only wish for OP Servants with a dash of fanservice in them
The Servant, Berserker, slowly stood up, flexing the ripped muscles visible from his naked upper half. He towered over them like a giant, standing at something over 3 meters tall.
But his impressive stature wasn't what caught Shirou's attention
No, it was rather the gigantic stone club held in between his palm
"I want that...." Shirou muttered
Yeah he definitely want that
"No you don't" Archer muttered with a hint of dread in his voice. He dashed back and vanished into the darkness
"Wait, Archer? Archer?! Where did he go?" Rin screamed, as if the sight of someone having the common sense to run the fuck away from that scary ass giant is unexplainable to her
"Come on, don't you abandon me here with these two dumbasses!"
That's..slightly more understandable. Uncalled for, but understandable. He suppressed the need to ingest more drugs to numb the headache he's having
"Saber"
"Yes, Master?"
"The club he's holding is a jagged weapon imbued with legends of a powerful Heroic Spirit" His finger twitched "However, it does not have any magical properties and is rather easy in mental structuring. In that it is the case, whatever that thing is it's not his Noble Phantasm"
His mind already registered the sword's form in his mind. With a little bit of practice he could Project the same blade as this Berserker. With a little more training he would be able to wield it at the same efficiency at him
But that's for another time
"Understood. I will be careful" Saber reached out a hand and grasp the helm of her raincoat. With a flick of her wrist it came undone
Wind gathered around the tip of her weapon
Wind not meant for attacking, but rather concealing
Bererker roared. Saber charged head on. He swung the club, she brought her blade up. Their weapons clashed. Everything around them exploded. A flurry of strikes dispersed the lingering smoke. Clash of steel flashed within the darkness. Repeatedly.
He roared and smashed repeatedly. She deflected them all with skill and grace. The battle had barely started, yet destruction was evident in the area surrounding them
"She's not going to beat him" He could hear Rin by his side. Ember eyes meet chilling blue as the two Masters gazed at each other
"I've checked his stats, they're almost A in every aspects. He's a killing machine designed to crush the existence of our Servants with ease" The heiress gritted her teeth "Against a being like him, we hardly stand a chance - the class compatibility is screwed up"
She is suggesting this to him in hope of him running away. Whether it is out of concern for him or the need to have a Servant by her side, he did not know. However it did trigger a solution within his mind
"Perhaps...."
Shirou's drug-addled brain kicked into action
For after all, drugs help clear a person's mind and obtain enlightenment. In combat, that effect is clearer than ever before
"Perhaps he may be overpowered against Servants. But we don't need to go after the Servant...where we have the Master herself in front of us"
His gaze return to the Einzbern. The little girl stood over the park's balcony as she overlooked the Servant's fight
Upon noticing them, she offered a friendly wave
Cowabunga it is, then
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