The Last Greed: A Glimpse into a World of Lost Abundence

Fettuccine Cookie did not know why she was in a burlap sack.

  She knew it was a burlap sack: brown and dark and as scratchy as the legs on a scarab beetle. And that the sack had a weird “cheddar cheese & red pepper” smell, very sharp and very musty. And that the sack must be on the ground; she could feel the hard gravel against her back.

  But… why… me in sack?

  She thought about it very hard: think, think, think, why would she be in a sack? What did she remember?

  Sitting on the cliff. She remembered sitting on the cliffs overlooking the Cheese Mines. She remembered looking down at the canyon. She remembered pretending to hear the chittering of cheesebirds instead of the whistling desert winds. She remembered looking up at the brilliant golden sunset, stained with sapphire and amber. She remembered thinking how today was not the day. So tomorrow! Maybe tomorrow would be the day.

The day that everyone came home.

  But then what happened? Had she heard a sound behind her? Had she turned around? Had she seen something?

  She did not know. It was too much for her glitchy-scratchy head to recall, especially while she was smothered in burlap.

  Out… must get out… 

   Rolling onto her tummy wasn’t hard, but she had to squiggle around to find the bag’s knot. It was tied very tight, and it would not budge when she squished it. A little bit of noodle unraveled from her finger and folded until it could just barely push through the knot. Then she pushed it a little further. As she pushed, she gradually made her noodle a little bit wider until finally, her entire hand was out of the bag.

  Yay! Me free!

  Fettuccine Cookie didn’t know what to make of the world she crawled back into. The sun was high in the sky, but the sky was still tinted like a sunset. The sand had gone all coarse and hot, the same color as the sky but on the ground. When she sniffed at it, it felt even hotter. She had the vague urge to kick something, but the glitches in her head quickly ate that thought away. 

  There was a little black circle of ashes with bits of paper and half-sticks left over from a campfire. And there was a sort of tent, a tough sheet of cotton stretched out and tied to some rock piles.

  Fettuccine Cookie gave a little coo of surprise.

  There was a whole tiger!

  No, not a whole tiger, she realized, half a tiger. Just the lower half, actually. The top half looked like a sleeping cookie. 

  Fettuccine Cookie inched closer. The lower half was curled up like a kitty cat and the upper half—the half with a flowing scarlet mane and an orange stripey face—was using her arms as a pillow against the sand.

  Fettuccine Cookie had seen animal-type cookies in the Golden City before. Lots of cookies liked giving themselves crane wings and gazelle horns, but none of them looked like this cookie did. And this tiger cookie looked so sleepy! Her poor paw pads were all torn up, and her back was all covered in scratches. 

  After noticing there was no blanket around, Fettuccine Cookie took the burlap sack and laid it over the sleeping tiger cookie.

  “Sweet dreams…” She whispered, then she walked to the edge of the plateau.

  Her eyes almost couldn’t handle the unbroken amount of red and orange that spanned the horizon. There were no trees, no bushes, no towns or settlements, no hills, no ponds, no rivers, no hills, no valleys, and very few buttes of marbled sandstone. In this place, there was only the sand, the sky, and the wind that blurred the two together.

  And then there was something else. She could barely make out the shape in against the sandstorm but kept catching glimpses when the winds left a gap: glints of gold that made her chest flip every time. She hopped to the left, twisted to the right, and tried to make out the only real structure in the wasteland.

  Stop! Stop wind! Please? Please?

  Her hopes flew higher and higher. Was that it? Could it be? Was she sure she was not imaging it?

  “Woooooooo!”

  When the wind finally eased, the structure burst onto the landscape. Massive skyscrapers, blinking neon signs, little fluttering cheesebirds, and gold! Gold! Gold! Gold! And more gold on top of even more gold!

  “Wooooo! Home! Woooo! Home! Woooooo! Home!” Fettuccine Cookie couldn’t stop cheering, couldn’t stop leaping into the air. It had been so long! It had been so long! 

  “Woooo! Woooo! Woooo!” 

  Then she heard a roar.

  “Wooo?”

  The burlap sack was in shreds. The tiger cookie was awake and very angry.

  “You!” Her eyes slits locked onto Fettuccine Cookie. “Get back here!”

  “WOOOoooOO!” Fettuccine Cookie stepped back at the same moment the tiger cookie pounced. The two cookies tumbled straight off the edge of the plateau. The tiger cookie didn’t seem to notice, burying her claws into Fettuccine Cookie’s shoulders while the frightened cookie flailed. 

  “Wooo! Woooo!” She could feel the warm ground coming up beneath her, with all that sharp sand. “Woooo… stop!”

  Her noodle wrappings pulled away from her legs and into her arms, swelling her hands until they tripled in size. With a hard shove, she threw the tiger cookie off her. The tiger cookie hissed and howled, but Fettuccine Cookie ignored the noise as her oversized hands broke their fall. She felt the sand scratch at her bandages, leaving little scars on the old noodle dough. The tiger cookie crashed into her other hand.

  “Wooo…. Still hurts…”

  The tiger cookie must not have heard her, since she immediately began clawing at the dough to set herself upright. Fettuccine Cookie retracted her arms, dumping the tiger cookie onto the sand.

  “Heh heh… So, you have some power.” The edges of the tiger cookie’s mouth crept into a sneer. “Good. I feared you’d be too puny to please him.”

  When the tiger cookie raised her hand, a flaming nut hovered above it. 

  “Now then, trinket, come along quietly.”

  Fettuccine Cookie stepped back. She didn’t like the fire. She didn’t like the tiger cookie either. She did like the glittering city of gold and took a backwards step towards it.

  “Don’t move.” The tiger cookie growled. Her ball of fire flared.

  Fettuccine Cookie took a really, really tiny step backwards.

  “I said don’t move!”

  Aside from the trembling, Fettuccine Cookie stopped moving. The tiger cookie began slinking closer—a predator ready to pounce again.

  What now… what now? Ooooo… wind, where’d you go?

  As if on command, a huge gust of wind blasted over the wasteland. The tiger cookie covered her face.

“Home! Home!” Fettuccine Cookie leapt into the wind and ran as fast as her legs would carry her. Over the fiery sand beneath her feet, in spite of the fiery sand in her eyes, she ran and ran and ran!

  There were shapes in this desert she hadn’t seen from the ridge. As she scurried across the sand, she caught the glimpses out of the edges of her eyes: spears and swords half buried in the sand; scraps of fabric fluttering in the winds; shattered shells, scales, and tufts of fur that rolled like fallen leaves across the sand. So many distractions, yet Fettuccine Cookie kept her eyes locked on the great golden gates ahead of her. She pushed her legs to their breaking point as she heard the tiger cookie closing. Fettuccine Cookie would not be stopped! She would not! She would–

  “OooowwEEEE!”

  Something hard slammed against her back, burning her bandages and cutting straight to the dough. Fettuccine Cookie cried out in pain as the force of the blow threw her forward. From some vague space, she heard:

  “I am Burnt Cheese Cookie, the Keeper of the–.”

  But she flew straight past him and slammed into the gates. 

  “Woooooo.”

  Fettuccine Cookie slipped down the side of the golden gates and landed in an upside-down heap. Burnt Cheese Cookie looked down at her.

  “…gate.” He finished. “Are… you alright?”

  “Mmmm… hurts…” The noodle wrappings on her back were completely scorched, the loose strands dangling at her sides like tentacles. Her back was even worse. She could feel the flaking chunks of third degree burns and smell the melty alfredo leaking behind her bruise.

  She shut her eyes tight. She breathed in, slowly. She breathed out, slowly. She breathed in. She breathed out. Slowly. Slowly. With each easy breath, she felt the glitches crawling out of her dough. Like teeny weeny bugs, they nibbled away at the burnt lumps and the drippy cheese. They licked the blackened edges of her noodle and laced them back together. She breathed in. She breathed out.

  When she opened her eyes again, she was as good as new. And Burnt Cheese Cookie was still looking down at her.

  “Woo hooo!” With a wriggle of her legs, she flipped herself over and threw herself around his legs. “Me back! Me… is home! So happy! Happy!”

  “Get back here you little imp!”

  “Eep!” Fettuccine Cookie fled to the back of Burnt Cheese Cookie’s legs just as the tiger cookie came charging up.

  “Enough of this chase!”

  When the tiger cookie reached forward, Burnt Cheese Cookie slammed his staffed.

  “I am Burnt Cheese Cookie, the keeper of the gate.” He repeated. “You will take not a step forward. To enter our kingdom, all Cookies, noble or lowly, must– “

  “I do not care for your pathetic city or your grating speech! I’m only here for that!”

  Fettuccine Cookie trembled under the tiger cookie’s pointed hand.

  “Hold your tongue.” Said Burnt Cheese Cookie with a scowl. “I will not permit insults against the Golden City.”

  “I do not have time for this!” She scowled back. “The Great Destroyer will be here any moment now!”

  She made a grab for Fettuccine Cookie, only to be blocked by Burnt Cheese Cookie’s staff once again.

  “Stand down.” His voice sharpened into steel. “Or do you wish to be tested through a battle against me.”

  “I could tear you apart with my bare hands! You’re nothing but a– “

  She cut off her words. With a snarl of disgust, she took a few steps back.

  “Wooo! Go… away!” Fettuccine Cookie hugged Burnt Cheese Cookie’s legs again. “Thank… you! Much thanks!”

  She looked up, ready to see the edges of his mouth lift in a secret smile.

  Instead, his mouth kept its somber line.

  “All cookies, great and small, must be tested.” He said. “That includes you, young one.”

  Fettuccine Cookie stared. She tilted her head to the side so that whatever glitch had messed with her hearing would crawl out of her ear canals.

  “Should you succeed, I will allow you passage into the Golden City. But should you fail, you must return to the desert from where you came.” Burnt Cheese Cookie gently yet firmly pushed Fettuccine Cookie from his leg. “This trial shall be fair, suited to one so small, but first I will weigh your soul.”

  Fettuccine Cookie’s face wrinkled. She smacked the side of her head to fix her hearing and waved her arms.

  “No no! It… me! Mummy!” She insisted. “Go home! Home!”

  As she cried out, Burnt Cheese Cookie lifted her soul—a sparking green mess of glitches and tangled beams of light—onto a set of golden scales, which sat on a platform beside the gate. When the soul landed on the scales, the feather on the other side plummeted downward.

  “Your soul exceptionally light. The lightest I have ever seen.” He mused. “A far cry from your soul, tiger.”

  “I never asked you to weigh it.” The tiger cookie spat. She reached for Fettuccini Cookie again, this time more subtly, but the young mummy glued herself to Burnt Cheese Cookie’s side. She pulled at his linen skirt.

  “No! No trial. Go… go home! See… my friends! See…” A sudden sparkle appeared in her eyes. “Jackal! See jackals! Please!”

  “You are familiar with the trials? That is a good omen.” Burnt Cheese Cookie nodded. “Yes, you shall measure your greed against the fangs of the mighty desert jackal!”

  A flash of brown leapt over the gates of the Golden City, landing its impossible jump perfectly before the cookies. The desert jackal barred its fangs, readied its slender legs into a fighting stance, and snapped menacingly at Fettuccini Cookie. Once again, Burnt Cheese Cookie removed the young mummy from his leg (though positioned himself squarely between her and the tiger cookie).

  “Now then, if your greed is mighty enough, you should have the strength to face down this–“

  “Friend!”

  Fettuccini Cookie threw her arms around the jackal’s neck. The other cookies stared. Even the jackal stopped growling, though only for a moment. Then he shook her away and returned to snarling. Fettuccini Cookie put her hands on her hips.

  “No… no growling! Else no…” She reached into her noodle wrappings and pulled out a small cheese ball. “Treat!”

  The jackal growled some more as she held out the cheese ball. It took a tentative step forward. It sniffed at the little orange shape. Fettuccini Cookie kept perfectly still until, finally, the jackal licked up the biscuit.

  The jackal’s tail began to wag.

  “Yes! Good boy!” Fettuccini Cookie scratched the jackal behind the ears. “Good boy! You miss me? Good boy!”

  In a matter of second, the jackal had rolled over onto its back, and Fettuccini Cookie was rubbing its tummy with delight.

  “…passed.”  Said Burnt Cheese Cookie.

  “Wooo!” Cheered Fettuccini Cookie.

  “Arck Arck!” Barked the Jackal.

  “Enough of this foolishness!” The tiger grabbed Fettuccini Cookie by the arm and yanked her away from the jackal. Deprived of its tummy rubs, the jackal leapt to its feet and chomped down on the tiger cookie’s arm. The tiger cookie didn’t flinch.

  “Away from me!” A flaming nut appeared in her free hand, and she slammed its flames straight into the jackal’s muzzle. The jackal fell back.

  “Friend!” Fettuccini Cookie pulled the noodle wrappings away from her captive arm, shrinking it just enough to wriggle free. She ran to check on the jackal, the tiger cookie darted after her, and Burnt Cheese Cookie once again set himself between the two.

  “Young one. You have passed the trials. Let my jackal lead you into the Golden City.” His voice was steady, even as he moved his staff left and right to block the tiger cookie’s advance. “Her radiance is holding a ceremony at the Great Pyramid at high noon. You should hurry; she will surely wish to welcome you to our kingdom.”

  Fettuccini Cookie was checking the jackal’s nose for burns when she heard those wonderful words. Her heart soared. Her head fluttered. Even her noodle glitched with glee

  “Goddess? Here? Here!” The jackal licked her cheek and pulled her towards the golden gates. The gate slowly pulled open, just enough to let the pair inside.

  “Hurry, young one. I will join you once I…” He knocked the tiger cookie back with his staff. “Finish dealing with this intruder.”

  “If I wish to enter your miserable city, I will! And I’ll do it without your gate!” The tiger cookie tried to dart past him one last time, but Burnt Cheese Cookie’s staff moved too quickly. All she could do was glare through the closing gap. 

  “Do you hear me, you pathetic little trinket!? Don’t think you’ve escaped! This city is nothing but a– “

  With a puff of sand, the gates shut tight. The jackal gave one last growl before nuzzling Fettuccini Cookie.

  “Good boy.” She scratched his ears and pulled another treat from her wrappings. There were three left.

  Hmm… me make more… make much more… now that… me is…

  With the golden gates sealed behind her, Fettuccini Cookie could drink in the view. Hundreds of golden skyscrapers formed a cityscape of impossible luxury. Massive neon signs flashed advertisements for a thousand upcoming festivals. She could see and smell the cheddar palm trees as they swayed to the rhythm of the city, growing far higher than was natural. Above it all, she could see Mozzarella Cookie’s ivory tower and the little blips of the Marzipan cookies as they rushed in and out with their daily tasks. Yet above even that stood the Great Pyramid, the most golden and mighty structure of all, overlooking everything with its brilliant sheen. All of it exactly as what she remembered. 

  “Home! Home home! Wooo! Wooo!” She couldn’t help jumping up and down again. At long last, her wait was over.

  The jackal barked and pulled gently at her arm.

  “Wooo! Yes… goddess… must see.” With one more scratch to the ears, she hurried to the crosswalk. 3, 2, 1: the red figure turned green, and fleet of glitzy cars hit the breaks. Their drivers erupted into complaints.

  “Ulgh! Not another light! I wanted front row seats for her radiance’s ceremony!”

  “Oh ho ho! You think you’d get a front seat when I’m in front of you?”

  “Ha! I called ahead and reserved ten front spaces, just to ensure I got a full view of our great queen! How’s that for greed?”

  “Not as greedy as getting there first myself and parallel parking on your spots!”

  “Well, I’m not missing out first chance to see her majesty in weeks! I’m getting there first, and I’m taking every space they have!”

  “As if you could!” 

  “Is that a challenge!?”

  Fettuccini Cookie skipped her way over the crosswalk. The bickering sounded like a whole orchestra of goblet drums. 

   Nobody walked in the Golden City, so she and her canine companion had the whole golden sidewalk to themselves. She hopped between carved hieroglyphs and took her time breathing in the savory scent of the nearby fondue springs. 

  Oooo! Need bath! Loooong bath.

  The last time Fettuccini Cookie had tried to clean herself, she’d gagged on the curdled milk of the abandoned riverbeds. The thought of soaking for hours in the warm molten cheese before rinsing off in an ice-cold milk shower made her dough tingle. Maybe after that, she could find a bed too! A silky soft bed with no rock pillows or gummy centipedes crawling through her ear canals.

  “Watch it kid!”

  A crane-winged cookie swooped inches away from her head. The jackal growled, but Fettuccini Cookie only waved.

  The longer she walked, the more crowded the city became. Above her, cookies and cheesebirds soared on glittering wings. Beneath them, party-clad cookies floated in mid-air with party poppers in hand. Traffic crept up on the streets and with it came honks and shouts and shaking fists. There was not a scrap of silence as the whole city moved in the same direction. Fettuccini Cookie couldn’t help but join in the noisy parade.

  “Woooooo! Woooo! Woo! Woooooo! Woooo!”

  “Awaaaaaa!” The jackal joined in with its high-pitched howls.

  “Wooooooo!”

  Awaaaaaaa!”

  “Woo woooo!”

  “Awaaa! Waa Awaaa!”

  Fettuccini Cookie breathed in deep and threw her head back.

  …the sky was still red. The sun was still tinted the color of jam

  She let her cry out anyway.

  “Woooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!”

  When she lowered her head, she continued to watch the crowds. She saw the children bouncing in the backseats of dune buggies. She saw the marzipan cookies zip left and right to issue citations. She saw ox-headed cookies. She saw cat-eared cookies. She saw crocodile-toothed cookies.

  And there, far across the street, behind the cars trapped in traffic, she saw the only other cookie in the whole city who was walking.

   The jackal nudged at Fettuccini Cookie’s back, but she didn’t move. She watched the other walking cookie. The cookie had her face buried in a holographic scroll. The cookie’s face was buried so deep that her glasses threatened to fall off her face. 

  When the jackal nudged Fettuccini Cookie again, she took off the traffic. The drivers all turned their irritation onto her.

  “Get out of the road!”

  “Hey! Even I’m not breaking the law to see Golden Cheese Cookie!”

“Where are those marzipan cookies when you need them!?”

  Fettuccini Cookie didn’t hear them. She yelled.

  “Olive Cookie!” She crawled beneath a monster truck and popped out onto the other sidewalk. “Olive Cookie! Olive Cookie! Olive Cookie! Olive Cookie!”

  Olive Cookie kept walking. She turned a corner, and Fettuccini Cookie scrambled to catch up.

  “Olive! Cookie! Wait! Waaaaait!” Her little heart rattled in her mummified chest. Still Olive Cookie walked, as ignorant to her purser as she was to everything else. Fettuccini Cookie kept running

  Don’t leave! No! No! Don’t leave! Don’t leave! No no!

  Fettuccini Cookie focused her noodle into her legs and gave a mighty push. Her legs threw her forward, straight into Olive Cookie’s back.

  “ACK!”

  The two cookies slammed into the sidewalk. Olive Cookie’s scroll vanished. Her pith helmet flipped onto the ground like a helpless beetle. The archaeologist grunted. She tried to get up, only to find Fettuccini Cookie clinging to her back.

  “Olive Cookie! Wooo! Found you! Woooo! Miss you… me miss you!”

  “M-miss me?” Olive Cookie pushed her glasses back onto her face. “I wouldn’t call that a miss! I’d say you hit me dead on!”

  She tried getting up again, but Fettuccini Cookie’s wasn’t budging.

  “Heh heh! Uh… are you trying to be my new backpack?”

  “Wooo!” Fettuccini Cookie nuzzled her face into Olive Cookie’s back. The clothes were just as oily and earth stained as the young mummy remembered. 

  A bark from the jackal pulled Fettuccini Cookie back into reality. She finally released Olive Cookie, who hopped to her feet and dusted off her pants.

“Wow! That was exciting!” Olive Cookie returned her helmet to its rightful place. “And you– “

  “Missed you!” Fettuccini Cookie bounced in place. “Missed so much! Where go? Where? What made… sounds? Scary sounds… all, ok? Wooooooo miss you!”

  She threw herself around Olive Cookie’s torso.

  “Uh…”

  Fettuccini Cookie hugged tighter. Olive Cookie grunted.

  “Oh boy! You’re a really good hugger!”

  “Wooo! Oooo!”

  “…so… Umm… hey…” 

  “Wooo?” Fettuccini Cookie’s shining eyes looked into Olive Cookie’s sweaty face.

  “Th-this is a little awkward… Uh, well. You know, I’m a world class archaeologist– “

  “Yes! Yes! You… best! Best!”

  “Heh, th-thank you!” Olive Cookie rubbed the back of her sweaty head. “Uh, but you know! That means I have to do a whole lot of remembering! Lots of dates and facts and all sorts of information about lots of different civilizations!”

  “Wooo wooo!” Fettuccini Cookie nodded. She’d heard so many stories about the ancient proto-continent born from the Sugar Swan, and of how cookie cultures split into dozens of different cultures after a great calamity undefined by history, and those bigger cultures trickled down into the hundreds and thousands of cities and towns that Crispia had today. They were all Olive Cookie ever talked about!

  “Well, that mean I can have a hard time remembering other things. Just yesterday I was looking for my glasses, and they were on my face the whole time.”

  Fettuccini Cookie nodded. It wasn’t just yesterday, though. Every other morning when Olive Cookie rolled out of her sleeping bag, she’d take a full minute to frantically slap her face… as if she hadn’t already put her glasses on! Every time it happened, the two of them always end up laughing. Such a silly start made those days extra sweet.

  “Yeah, it’s pretty funny.” Olive Cookie beamed. “So, um… don’t take it the wrong way when I ask this, ok? It’s not personal! Not one bit!”

  Fettuccini Cookie nodded and nodded.

  “Ok! Here goes! Um…. Do we… know each other?”

  Fettuccini Cookie blinked. She shook her head to the side. More glitches must be blocking her hearing.

  “Because maybe we do! Seriously! That’s totally possible! I’ve met a lot of cookies on my expeditions! Too many, if I’m being honest, but like I said! With all the different dig sites I’ve been too, it’s really easy for me to forget some of the cookies I meet! Really! It has no bearing on you being memorable or not!”  

  The longer Olive Cookie babbled, the more Fettuccini Cookie felt her heart sink. Slowly, as if her entire body was filled with quicksand, all her hopes and dreams drained into her shaking hands and unsteady feet. The jackal nudged her shoulder. Fettuccini Cookie didn’t respond

  “A-and I’m sure I really liked you!” Buckets of panic-stricken sweat were slipping off her forehead as Olive Cookie babbled faster. “I m-mean! I do! I like you right now! And once I remember where I know you from, then I’ll like you even more! Why don’t you tell me where we met!? Was it one of the Soda Island!? Or-or maybe Yogurca!? I met lots of nice cookies in Yogurca! I bet I just forgot your face is all. Since there were so many– “

  “No!” Fettuccini Cookie gulped back her tears. “…left me… hurts… me hurts…”

  She smacked her chest, urging the errors in her body to chew away her devastation. The glitches wouldn’t come fast enough.

  “I… I’m really sorry!” Olive Cookie stammered. “Please… just tell me where we know each other from! Ok? I’ll make it right! I promise!”

  Promise: The word dragged a tear from Fettuccini Cookie’s eyes. Then came another. And another.

  “You promise… you… said… would come back! But…” She looked up pleadingly. “Must remember! Must! Too lonely! Wait too long!”

  Olive Cookie knelt down and used a bandana from her pocket to wipe away Fettuccini Cookie’s tears.

  “I’ll remember! I will! Just tell me! What was the last thing you remember about me?”

Fettuccini Cookie sniffed back some cheesy boogers and rubbed at her arms. The jackal licked her cheek.

  “Running… we… run away…”

  “Ok! That’s good! I know all about running!” Olive Cookie nodded, a bit too encouragingly. “Was it from a rolling boulder? Or maybe a snake pit?”

  Fettuccini Cookie shook her head. She knew what it was like when they were running from the old traps of Cheese Kingdom. Olive Cookie would screech and yelp. Fettuccini Cookie would lasso a safe ledge for them. They’d watch as the spikes or spikes or boulders passed them by. Then Olive Cookie would laugh— “Another day, another amazing discovery”—and add new mark to her temple map. 

  But that day was different.

  With the temple walls collapsing all around them, there were no ledges left to lasso. Dust and sand rained down until they could barely breathe, let alone laugh. Olive Cookie’s map was gone with the rest of her backpack. All that she had was clenched in her slippery fingers: an old shovel and the hand of Fettuccini Cookie. They ran, even as the hieroglyphs and ancient relics were buried under the rubble. They ran, even when Olive Cookie’s eyes started spinning and her legs landed at dizzy angles. They ran, even though Fettuccini Cookie didn’t know why. They ran and never once looked back.

  “Went to… goddess’s sarcophagus.” Fettuccini Cookie scratched the jackal’s ears. “Said… wait! No come out!”

  “A sarcophagus?” Olive Cookie’s eyes narrowed. “You mean, like the ones they use here?”

  “Yes! Yes, and you promised! Said… stay in! No come out! And… shut on me! Not open! Push… Me pushed… but…”

  “I locked you in?”

  “Yes! But promised… you promised! And…”

  Fettuccini Cookie rubbed her head. It’d been suffocating in that sarcophagus. The air had been musty with parmesan and embalming incense. She couldn’t see her hands, or the lid, or the flickering lights of the temple torches beyond. No matter how hard she’d pushed and shook at the coffin, the heavy lid wouldn’t move. All Fettuccini Cookie could do was listen as the world outside rumbled and roared. In her memory, the voices all blurred together.

  “Ha! There’s nowhere to run now, cookie!”

  “G-Get back! S-stay away from me! You you… oversized cows!”

  “How dare you! Don’t you know who I am!? I am the general of the Saff–”

  “You’re a real b-bully! Th-that’s what! L-leave me alone!”

  “You really think you can hurt me with that puny shovel!”

  “M-maybe not… b-but I won’t let you take these relics! They belong to a museum! Not to you!”

  “Everything here belongs to the Great Destroyer! And unless you want to end up like those birds, you’ll stand down!”

  “…f-fine. Ok, I will! Just… leave the sarcophagus be. It’s p-probably too heavy to take anyway.”

  “You arrogant cookie! You’re in no position to bargain!”

  “What’s taking you so long! We’re supposed to–Huh!? Why’s there a cookie here!?”

  “Worry about your own tasks, Pepper Pangolin Cookie! I'm handling this thief myself!”

  “Is this why you ran off!? You’re supposed to report this stuff to everyone!”

  “And lose my last chance at earning his favor!? You all would like that, wouldn’t you?”

  “Well I’m not getting crumbled for not telling Nutmeg Tiger Cookie about this!”

  “Don’t you dare! That tiger will take the credit for this cookie for herself!”

  “Then why don’t you stop me with those dull horns of yours!”

  “I won’t hesitate to–Aaaaaggggg!”

  The noise kept growing and growing until the echoes shook the entire chamber. And still Fettuccini Cookie could not break free. She’d heard shouts and snarls and Olive Cookie’s shaky screams in between. She’d smelled crackling spices through a gap she could not see, a gap she searched for with all her might. She’d swelled her noodle wrappings with all the force she could muster, praying that they’d be enough to break through. She’d ballooned in size until the whole coffin was filled with her pasta.

  Then the noise stopped.

  So she stopped.

  She listened.

  “I… You saw that! She attacked first! I…”

  “You bull-headed idiot! We were supposed to bring back everything in one piece! Why else would he only send the generals!?”

  “This is all your fault! If you hadn’t butted in, this wouldn’t have happened!”

  “I’m not the one who ran off when we’re supposed to be–”

  “Those are your claw marks on that dough! You’re as much to blame as I am!”

  “Urk!”

  “What!? No retort for that!?”

  “Nutmeg Tiger Cookie is going to come looking for us any minute! Gah! I can’t end up like Cilantro Cobra Cookie! I can’t!”

  “Just… gather the pieces! I’ll tell her we found it like that! And you’ll keep your mouth shut!”

  “What about the sarcophagus!?”

  “Leave it! Unless you want to explain why there’s fresh jam and claw markings on it!”

  The voices stopped. Fettuccini Cookie heard sand rustling and hooves clopping.

  But where… where was Olive Cookie’s voice?

  Even all of Fettuccini Cookie strength wasn’t enough to break the sarcophagus. Not even when noise grew fainter… and fainter… and vanished entirely.

  Only once she’d expanded to a sickening size did Fettuccini Cookie finally find the hair-thin gap. She’d widened it with her noodle and thrown open the coffin.

  The snap of the lid had echoed through the chamber and off into what remained of the passage. Moonlight had shone through the holes in the ceiling. All the broken torches laid atop mounds of rubble, black with ash and thick with claw marks. Fettuccini Cookie had run left. She had run right. She had circled the chamber a hundred times, wooing into the desert silence.

  She was alone; there was nothing left but an empty coffin and a pool of jam too oily to dry.

  “But… said you come back.” Fettuccini Cookie’s voice quivered. “So… wait…  no birds and… no soulcheese but… would come back. Promised would… promised…”

  She pulled a strip of noodle and wiped her cheese-dripping nose. She breathed in, slowly. She breathed out. She breathed in. She breathed out. The glitches were finally eating the sadness away.

  “Lonely… so, so lonely… forgot me…”

  “Hey, look at me.” Olive Cookie put her hands on Fettuccini Cookie’s shoulder. Fettuccini Cookie raised her head.

  “I’m sorry you had to go through all that. You’re a really nice cookie, and even if I can’t remember what happened, I do want to be your friend. Can we start over? Can I be your friend now?” 

  Fettuccini Cookie sniffed. It wasn’t as good as remembering, but… this was still Olive Cookie. So, Fettuccini Cookie nodded.

   “I know! Why don’t we go to Golden Cheese Cookie’s ceremony together?” Olive Cookie got to her feet and took Fettuccini Cookie’s hand, just like she had that day. “Maybe if we spend some time with each other, it’ll jog my memory!”

   Fettuccini Cookie held Olive Cookie’s hand tight. Munch, munch, munch went the glitches in Fettuccini Cookie’s head. All those lonely days and nights… they were in the ruins, far far away. Olive Cookie was right here, right now.

  “Oooo! Be friends.” Fettuccini Cookie decided. “See… goddess!”

  “Ark!” Went the jackal with a helpful lick.

  “All right! Let’s get going before these golden buzzards take all the good spots!”

  Even though the scarlet sun was inching closer and closer to high noon, the two cookies didn’t run. Instead, they let the vehicles rush past and the cheesebirds zoom overhead. The two cookies walked, hand and hand, with the desert jackal trotting close beside them. The longer they walked, the more the glitches chewed away at the sad lonely memories.

  See goddess… must remember! Yes! She must!

  And her heart grew lighter.

  “By the way, you came from outside, right? Have you heard of the Dark Flour War?” Fettuccini Cookie watched as Olive Cookie’s eyebrows knitted together. “Or Dark Enchantress Cookie? Do those ring a bell?”

  Fettuccini Cookie tried to sift through the cobwebs in the back of her mind. Those words weren’t alien per say, but the more she dug into them, the more pixelated they became. She had to shake her head.

  “Oh well! It was a long shot.” Chuckled Olive Cookie. “Maybe I’ll just Smoked Cheese Cookie about it. He knows a lot about wars.”

   Oooo! Smoked Cheese Cookie! 

  A little bounce snuck into Fettuccini Cookie’s step. Smoked Cheese Cookie had always been very strict about her glitches. Maybe he would remember her. Or Mozzarella Cookie! She had all her files and notes. Even if she’d forgotten, she could look it up in her database! And they could have creamy alfredo soup and play chess, just like they used to! And after that, Fettuccini Cookie could visit the other jackals and the snakes! And then, the nice warm bath. Olive Cookie could come too! 

  By the time they reached the steps of the Great Pyramid, Fettuccini Cookie was glowing nearly as bright as the magnificent structure. Thousands of cookies had flooded the base, a few resting in special chairs or sitting in their parked vehicle, but most stood to keep as close to the steps as possible. The chatter of the crowd was deafening: a blend of tweets, squeals, and greedy grumbles that rose all the way up to the near-noon sky.

  “Whoa! Stay close, ok?” Olive Cookie pulled Fettuccini Cookie out of the way of a low-flying cheesebird flock. 

  The jackal barked twice. On the far side of the crowd, Fettuccini Cookie could see Burnt Cheese Cookie’s ears peeking out from behind a parked chariot. The jackal barked again.

  “Good boy! Thank you…” Fettuccini Cookie tossed the jackal a final treat as it ran towards its master.

  Only one cheeseball left: she really did need to make more. Just as soon as the ceremony was over.

  With a little elbowing, Olive Cookie and Fettuccini Cookie found a half decent spot near the center of the crowd. A neon lamppost gave them an anchor while the surrounding cars protected them from greedy spot-snatchers.

  “Upsy-daisy!”

  Fettuccini Cookie gasped as she was heaved into the air and set upon Olive Cookie’s shoulder. 

  “Oof! Heavy! That worked better in my head!” Her shoulders were shaking, so she leaned back against the lamppost for support. “Phew! But you should really have a good seat! The ceremonial appearances of Golden Cheese Cookie are supposed to be fantastic, after all!”

  “Wooo!” Fettuccini Cookie clapped her hands. 

  “I think it’d almost time. Look! On the top step! There’s Smoked Cheese Cookie and Mozzarella Cookie! They’re the queen’s general and head advisor.”

  Fettuccini Cookie squealed. It was a bit hard to see them from this distance, but she could make out his bird headdress and grim expression on the left and her smooth white hair and careless smile on the right. Fettuccini Cookie expanded her arm as she waved, hoping one of them would spot her. Alas, their gaze was fixed on the sun.

  When the red sphere finally reached the center of the sky, the audience began to cheer. Party poppers popped, palm fans waves, cheesebirds gave whooping chirps, and Fettuccini Cookie joined in.

  “Woooo! Woooo! Woo ooowooo woooo!” She waved her arms so that the loose noodle strands flapped. She looked like a little bundle of pasta pennants. Olive Cookie laughed and joined in the applause. The crowd was a shaken can of cheesy cola waiting to burst.

  But, after a few minutes of cheering non-stop, the fizz wavered. The cheering died down, and a few cookies glanced at one another. Though she was still determined to keep waving, Fettuccini Cookie squinted up at the steps just in case she missed something. All she saw was Smoked Cheese Cookie and Mozzarella Cookie giving each other looks. Fettuccini Cookie squinted harder.

  Smoked Cheese Cookie nodded his head backwards and raised his eyebrow.

  Mozzarella Cookie shrugged.

  They both turned their heads to the far back of the pyramid where no one else could see. 

  Smoked Cheese Cookie turned back with a worried look.

  Mozzarella Cookie smiled and shrugged again.

  Smoked Cheese Cookie scowled and threw up his hand.

  Mozzarella Cookie smirked and winked. Suddenly, the various billboards and floating screens switched to a high-definition stream of the pyramid. Then she cleared her throat, a sound that resonated thanks to a hidden microphone.

  “Without any further delay, may I present, her majesty.”

  The crowd rose back into a crescendo, even louder than the first time. Fettuccini Cookie waved her arms twice as hard and searched the sky for the glittering goddess. The sky remained empty… and red.

  “Look! There she is!” 

  Fettuccini Cookie followed Olive Cookie’s pointing back to the top step. A third cookie had appeared at last, and the crowd was going wild.

  Fettuccini Cookie lowered her arms.

  Who… is that?

  That cookie had a stained linen dress. That cookie had drooping flaxy hair. That cookie had cheap strips of fabric tied to her bare arms. That cookie had a shattered stone headpiece. That cookie held nothing in her hands. That cookie was small. That cookie was plain. That cookie was somber. That cookie had no wings

  Yet that cookie stood on the highest step with her face projected on a dozen floating screens. The crowd kept right one cheering, a few even fainting, for this… whoever this cookie was.

  “Where… goddess?” She shook Olive Cookie’s head. “Where goddess?”

  “She certainly isn’t what my research described…” Olive Cookie wiped off her glasses and looked again. “But this is my first ceremony so… I mean, I can’t exactly say I’ve met her before.”

  “No! Noooo!” Fettuccini Cookie searched the skies again. “Not goddess! Where? Where… is she!?”

  As seen across a hundred screens, that strange cookie raised her hand. The cheering screeched to a halt.

  “It appears that everyone is here.” Her voice was a poor imitation of the one Fettuccini Cookie remembered: a cold monotone that neither gleamed with pride nor sparkled with greed. “Good.”

  The audience cheered again. This strange cookie stood like a statue. Her yellow eyes were dark and hollow. Her mouth was carved into a line. When the cheers faded, it was based on the whim of the audience. Every cheesebird and cookie leaned closer, sharing an anticipation thicker than the richest cheesecake. Still Fettuccini Cookie searched. The sky burned red and remained empty. 

  Out of the corner of her eye, Fettuccini Cookie saw a smile scratching at the strange cookie’s cheeks. The mummy’s head whipped back. A smile was better. Closer, at least.

  “Well then, I suppose I shall ask you…” The strange cookie’s smile didn’t reach her dull eyes. “What do you want from me?”

  A cookie in sunglasses cleared his throat. Even in a sea of thousands, everyone heard.

  “Go on, tell me. You must have all come for some reason.” The strange cookie smiled wider, but not brighter. “Did you plan to stand out here in the sun all day? Staring at me of all things?”

   Nobody looked away. Nobody spoke. Only the general and the advisor, the cookies standing behind her, dared to look confused.

  “What? Did you expect a show? I’m not a performing camel, you know. If anything, I’m a caged canary.” The strange cookie caught a chuckle in her hand. “Come now! Tell me what I should do!”

  Silence blanketed the crowd. Fettuccini Cookie clung to Olive Cookie’s head. Olive Cookie reached for her hand.

  Go away… where goddess! Bring back! Bring… her back!

  “Nothing? Really!? How delightfully boring!” The strange cookie’s head flopped to her left side. “What about you, Smoked Cheese Cookie? Do you have anything interesting you’d like from me?”

  Smoked Cheese Cookie forehead filled with furrows. His eyelids lowered.

  “Please! Please, go ahead! Tell me what you want from me!”

  Mozzarella Cookie passed him a skeptical look, one that didn’t stop him.

  “If I were to ask you for anything, your radiance, I would ask you to explain where we are.”

  “Oh? Is that all?” said the strange cookie.

  “I should say it’s a great deal.” Smoked Cheese Cookie turned himself to face her, a gesture she did not return. “You have said this place is the Golden Kingdom, yet its sands burn hotter than the Parmesan Desert and its sky burns scarlet. No cookie seems able to step foot outside these walls and all one sees on the horizon is a war-torn wasteland.”

  That got a rise from the crowd. Fettuccini Cookie could see their knotted eyebrows and hear their agreeing whispers.

  “If it pleases her magnificence, I am sure that all your subjects would appreciate an explanation– “

  “Oh, no, no, no!” The strange cookie waved her hand. “Not that! Do you know how many times you’ve wanted that!? At least seventy-seven! And that’s just during this ceremony!”

  Smoke Cheese Cookie’s face wrinkled as the strange cookie flopped her head to the right.

  “How about you, Mozzarella Cookie? You despise boredom! You wish things to be interesting! Surely you can think of something for me to do?”

  “Hmmmm… what do I wish for you to do…” Mozzarella Cookie placed one hand on her cheek and the other behind her back. “Ah! I wish for the you to unlock the control tower’s memory banks, your radiance.”

  “Hmmmm?” The strange cookie hummed back. “And whatever do you mean by that?”

  “I mean that the database for the Golden Kingdom is incomplete. As far as our recorded history is concerned, we didn’t exist prior to a week ago.”

  “What!?” Smoked Cheese Cookie’s response mirrored the crowd’s. “Why didn’t you tell me of this!?”

  “Because it seemed like an interesting puzzle. I certainly wasn’t baked yesterday, but no matter how much I pecked at the gaps in the data, I couldn’t figure out where the rest of our history had disappeared to. Therefore, the only solution is that her excellence has snatched them from the system. She’s the only one who has the power to do so.”

  The strange cookie burst out laughing.

  “Power!? Me!? Oh, it’s funnier every time you say it!” She wheezed. “I’m sorry to tell you, Mozzarella Cookie, but I did no such thing! That data isn’t there because that data doesn’t exist!”

  “What is that supposed to mean!?” Smoked Cheese Cookie clenched his staff.

  “And what more, you’ve already come to that very same conclusion. Seventeen times? Or perhaps eighteen? I really can’t keep track of a thing these days…” The strange cookie giggled. “So, I suppose that makes you just as dull as the rest of them!”

  Mozzarella Cookie didn’t respond. She was lost in her own thoughts, muttering into her unseen microphone about data and missing days.

  “Your majesty,” Smoked Cheese Cookie spoke coldly. “Have you nearly finished this… charade of yours?”

  “Oh yes! Yes, I suppose I have! I’m really only stalling anyway. Usually it takes everyone much longer to get here, but you’ve all been positively punctual! Why, I may as well finish it all now!”

  “Finish what, your radiance?”

  The strange cookie didn’t answer. She strode to the furthest edge of the stairs and threw up her hands.

  “Listen well, citizens of this Golden Kingdom. Since you have nothing to ask of me, your goddess shall ask of you instead! I have only one order, one command, that you shall certainly fulfill! If you have half as much devotion as you appear to, I am sure you will submit with delight! Will you not!?”

  The crowd was split. Some forced themselves to cheer and clap, cramming away their doubt. Some could not manage that, standing still with their uncertainty painted on their faces.

  Olive Cookie, with her quiet, uncertain claps, was the former.

  Fettuccini Cookie was the latter. A chill ran down through her dough as the strange cookie’s smile quivered on her cheeks.

  “Your goddess orders all of you to stand here… and crumble.”

  Gasps and chirps overtook the crowd. Mozzarella Cookie’s head shot up. Smoked Cheese Cookie stepped back.

  “You heard me!” She laughed. “I wish for all of you to stand here and wait as you’re burned alive and grinded into crumbs! Don’t fight! Don’t scream! Don’t even flinch! Lay down on the ground and let the life be torn from your dough! Why else would I gather you all here!? All of you spread out like this! Why, it’s like fishing for perch in a cheese platter pond! Can you imagine anything more boring than that!?”

  The crowd was in an uproar. Everyone had come to Fettuccini Cookie’s conclusion.

  “That’s not our goddess!”

  “Who are you!? What have you done with the queen!?”

  “Imposter! Someone stop her!”

  “She’s defiling the image of Golden Cheese Cookie!”

  Angry fists were raised. Angry wings were flapped. Jackals barked and Marzipan Cookies buzzed in a futile attempt to keep the peace. Fettuccini Cookie covered her ear canals as the surrounding car horns wailed.

  “D-don’t worry! Th-there’s probably a really good explanation for this!” Olive Cookie could barely be heard over the chaos. All Fettuccini Cookie made out was her stuttering tone. The same tone she had on that day.

   As the entirety of the Cheese Kingdom began to riot, the strange cookie laughed and laughed.

  “This response again!? I truly have spoiled you all, haven’t I!? All you greedy, selfish, self-centered creatures! Well, look at me! This is the cookie you’ve thrown in your lot with! This is the weak dessert you have made your goddess! You have no one to blame but yourselves!”

  “That is enough!”

  “Smoked Cheese Cookie! Wait!”

  Mozzarella Cookie shouted at the same moment Smoked Cheese Cookie took the strange cookie by her tunic.

  “You will not speak of these people that way! You impudent, capricious little brat! What is wrong with you!?”

  His outburst only stirred the crowd further, urging them to climb the golden steps themselves. The cars that had shielded Olive Cookie and Fettuccini Cookie took off the moment their paths were clear. Now the crowds pressed in on all sides. 

  “H-hang on!” Olive Cookie clung to the light post, her eyes clenched shut. Fettuccini Cookie clung to Olive Cookie’s head, her eyes wide open. The waves of outrage churned in all directions, all flowing with single-minded wrath towards the Great Pyramid. 

  Only Fettuccini Cookie saw the skyscraper fall.

  It was barely a blip in the skyline, a golden tower stuffed with diamond windows and topped with olive skewers. One second it was there, the next it was sinking into the ground.

  “Wooo! Wooo! Woooo!” Fettuccini Cookie shook Olive Cookie’s head, too frightened to speak words.

  “J-just hang on! It’ll be over soon! It’s g-gotta be!”

  A golden obelisk with flashing neon hieroglyphics tilted to the side, then collapsed entirely.

  “Wooooooo!”

  “D-don’t freak out! J-just stay calm!”

  Building after building toppled like they’d been built with wooden blocks, their splintered shards bursting into flames. With each fallen structure, the trail of destruction grew closer. 

  One. By. One.

  “OOoooooOOOOOO!” Fettuccini Cookie jumped from Olive Cookie’s back and pulled at her shirt. “OoooOOoOoO! oOOoOooOOOOOoOOO!”

  The crowd’s rage burned so hot that none of them felt the temperature rise. They had nearly reached the top step, where Mozzarella Cookie was frantically read errors on her holographic dashboard and where Smoked Cheese Cookie still held the strange cookie. That strange cookie laughed all the harder.

  “Oh good! It’s time! Finally! It was taking so long! I can’t wait!”

  “Wait for what!” Smoked Cheese Cookie shook the laughs out of her.

  “This might be it! Finally! Finally! After all this time! Finally!”

  “What might be it!? Answer me!"

  The crowds flooded the top step. Burnt Cheese Cookie raced to stop them. Mozzarella Cookie called another wave of marzipan cookies. Fettuccini Cookie pulled on Olive Cookie’s shirt. Olive Cookie opened her eyes. Smoked Cheese Cookie glared. The strange cookie laughed.

  And tears streamed down her face.

  “We might finally be allowed to rest… in peace.”

  The Great Pyramid burst. 

  Bricks went flying, pillars shattered, cheese melted, screens smashed, and blinding scarlet flames encased it all. Cheesebirds evaporated into ash. Cookies were burnt to a crisp.

  The aftershock ripped Fettuccini Cookie from her friend’s side and threw her into another lamppost. She felt a single snap of pain in the back of her head.

  Then, just as it had in the sarcophagus, her entire world went black.

II.

Fettuccini Cookie breathed in. The air passed straight through her punctured lungs.

  Fettuccini Cookie breathed out. The air scratched against gaping holes in her throat.

   Hurts… no like…

  Fettuccini Cookie breathed in slower. She waited for the harsh spices to reach the hungry jaws of her glitches, then let the remaining air cool her blackened sugar bones.

  CRACK!

  The sound rattled in her head as her bones snapped back together.

  CRACK! CRACK!

  Each sound marked a new spot for the glitches to chew. The charcoal stains in her dough faded. Her tender noodle rewrapped around her torso. Once her lungs could fill again, the process moved faster.

  CRACK! CRACK! CRACK! CRACK!

  One last snap pulled her spine straight. She was back in one piece.

  “Wooo.” Fettuccini Cookie sighed.

  But… what happen?

  The red sun blazed through the gaps above. She could see chunks of gold pillars and bricks piled up around her. It could have reminded her of that day. Instead, she expanded her arms and pushed off her blanket of debris.

  “OOOOOO!” She shrieked.

  The Great Pyramid was in shambles, its location only marked by a mound of scarlet sand and dull yellow bricks. And that was only the beginning. Shattered screens flickered their final farewells before fading to black. The roads lay in broken plates, flipped over to show their dull undersides. Skyscrapers were disfigured into mangled melting shapes, each as unique as their original designs. Gold leaf dripped like fondue with a sharp metallic stench. Over it all burned impossible flames that Fettuccini Cookie tasted through her nose. There was no flavor to their spice. Nothing sweet or sour or even savory: there was only the scorching heat that burned her tender tongue. She lifted her noodle wrappings over her face. Only her eyes peeked through.

  Where me? Where… everyone?

  One uncertain step at a time, she wandered through the rubble.  She climbed over a scorched palm tree trunk and pushed past the liquid remains of what was once a limousine. She heard the fire crackle and the gold drip, but didn’t hear a single living soul.

  Lonely… again?

  “No!” She answered herself with a few smacks to her head. “No lonely… lost… only… missing.”

  She crawled beneath an upturned chariot and found burnt fabric underneath. She uncovered an engraved dog collar, but no dog. Then a copper shimmer caught her eye. She splashed through an oily red puddle and scooped up the treasure at its center: a pair of round glasses with broken glass spiked around the edges.

  “Olive Cookie!” Fettuccini Cookie jumped for joy, kicking up the burnt crumbs that drifted in the red puddle. “Was here… must… be hiding…”

  The more she searched, the more clues she found. Smoked Cheese Cookie’s staff was buried under a sand pile. Mozzarella Cookie’s bracelets were trapped under what remained of the golden steps. Burnt Cheese Cookie’s hood was torn in two: half under a sparking screen and half burning in a pyre of feathers and fur. The heat dried the red puddles to her legs, causing her noodle wrappings to chafe against her dough, but she barely noticed.

   She had not imagined them. They had all been there. The only question was where they were now.

  “Woooo!” With her findings safely gathered in a sticky red pile, she called out. “Cookies! Birds! Vipers! Jackals! Where go!?”

  She walked around the bent lampposts and the burn piles, ignoring the sharp glass that slashed at her feet. Her glitches closed the wounds in seconds, and she could not afford to get lost herself. She peered through the spicy pillars of smoke that ran all the way down the black cheddar highways and towards the empty wastes beyond. Nearing the edge of the city, she turned left down what remained of a back ally. Even the dumpsters were now only piles of metal mush.

  “Woooo! Wooo wooo! Where? Where are… you!?” She stopped to cough and shouted louder. “Where!? Where!?”

  Then through the gap at the end of the ally, she saw a blur of yellow fly past. 

  “Cheesebird?” She scampered to the opening and peeked around the corner. 

  It was the strange cookie, looking even more strange than before. 

  She lay like a ragdoll abandoned by a greedy child, her arms and legs awkwardly sprawled around her. Fettuccini Cookie could see the red stains coating her linen dress and the fabric strips tied to her arms. She could see the dark bruises on her face and the burn marks on her legs. Her stone headdress was all but rubble; only a hollow triangle remained. Fettuccini Cookie saw her chest moving, if only barely.

  “She hurt…” Fettuccini Cookie took one step out from the alley. Then the ground quaked. Every nerve in her body screamed at once: MOVE!

   Fettuccini Cookie jumped back.

  It moved like a bolder, crushing the earth and leaving indents in its footsteps. Her heart pounded. Any delay and she would have been crushed.

  What… what is?

  Still reeling, she scrambled forward.

  Huge. That’s what it was. The hugest cookie she’d ever seen. He had a huge body with huge arms and huge hair and huge legs and a huge axe in his huge hand and huge scowl of huge, jagged teeth. She could barely wrap her head around his size, especially not when her dough kept urging her to run. She did not listen to her dough. She watched as he loomed over the strange cookie, who looked even tinier than before.

  There was only one thing that wasn’t huge: the golden spear in his other hand. The spear looked more like a stick. 

  “Stand.”

  His deep voice sent chills down Fettuccini Cookie’s newly reformed spine. 

  But the strange cookie didn’t stand. She dragged herself onto her knees, lowered her head to the ground, and folded her hands.

  The huge cookie roared. With a single kick, the strange cookie flew into a mound of metal scraps.

  “OOOO!” Fettuccini Cookie covered her mouth, but her cry was drowned out by metal clanging. The strange cookie rolled off the pile, and the huge cookie stormed after her.

  She dragged herself onto her knees, lowered her head to the ground, and folded her hands.

  “Enough!” The huge cookie lifted her in one hand and flung her back the way she came. Her body landed a few feet away from Fettuccini Cookie. The mummy could see the glass shards clinging to the strange cookie’s wounds, the metal rust rubbed into her dough, yet the strange cookies’ eyes looked the worst, as dull as Fool’s Gold.

  When the strange cookie tried to roll over, the huge cookie ran the gold spear straight through her chest. Fettuccini Cookie jumped; the strange cookie barely flinched. The strange cookie tried to roll over, but the spear pinned her to the ground.

  “Go ahead.” The huge cookie’s eyes narrowed. “Struggle! Try to carry on with that pathetic display when you can no longer speak!”

  At once, the strange cookie stopped. Her body fell limp. She folded her hands over her throat, right above where the spear was planted. Her mouth opened, her lips moved, but no sound came out.

  “ENOUGH!” 

  Fettuccini Cookie watched his axe rise. She watched it come crashing down. She watched it reach the strange cookie. She thought the strange cookie would move, that she would dodge, that she would say something. Anything!

  Something flashed in front of Fettuccini Cookie’s eyes: a scarlet sorceress with an army of demons.

  When the image vanished, the axe had landed. 

  A squirt of jam.

  A burst of crumbs.

  And Fettuccini Cookie screamed.

  “NOOOOOOO!” Her arms swelled. She raced from her hiding place and reached for the axe blade. She pulled blindly. She pulled with all her strength. She pulled even as the axe landed again and again, as if she wasn’t pulling at all.

  “NOO! NOO! NOOOOOO!” She screamed, louder and louder, refusing to look as she stretched her noodle to its limits. “NOOO! NOOO NOOO NOOOO! NOO–“

  The axe came towards her, but not by her own power. Its blade swatted her stomach and sent her flying off into the sands.

  Hurt… hurt...!

  The landing knocked the wind from her. She could feel the warm wetness, the squishy things wanting to fall out, but she threw her arms around the gash in her stomach and shut her eyes

  She breathed in, she breathed out—In, out, in, out—as fast as she could. She urged her glitches to chew faster. She clenched the wound shut with her bare hands.

  Faster… please fast… must… must help!

  The glitches crinkled across her dough. Their speed left a scar across her stomach, not that Fettuccini Cookie cared. She tied her noodle wrappings shut herself. She took one more breath. She sprang to her feet.

  She fell back down.

  Huge….

  His shadow engulfed her body. His gaze was heavy and piercing, like red hot pokers stabbing through her empty head. Fettuccini Cookie trembled. She tried to slow her shaky breaths, but her body wasn’t listening. Her brain wasn’t working. All she felt was afraid. Afraid and more afraid.

  M-move…. Move!

  Just as her legs began to wake up, the huge cookie’s hand dug into her head. He dangled her high in the air.

  “Wooooo! OOooOOO!” Her scalp burned as she struggled against his grip. With her eyes clenched shut, she tried to pry his huge hand from her hair, but he held with the grip of a viper’s fangs. Her noodle wrappings were stuck—each time she to funnel them into her arms or legs, the pressure on Fettuccini Cookie’s scalp grew sharper. She kicked and squirmed. Then he caught one of her legs within the pinch of his fingers.

  SNAP!

  All her struggles turned into screams as pain flooded her foot. When his fingers lifted, her hands rushed to hold her broken piece in place.

  She breathed in. She breathed out. She pressed it against her ankle as the glitches stitched her leg back together. She breathed in. She breathed out.

  “Such an interesting treasure!” The huge cookie laughed. “And just where has she been hiding you, I wonder?”

  When he reached for her legs again, she lifted them up to her chest, wrapped her arms around them, and shut her eyes tighter.

  No hurt… go away… go… away!

  The words couldn’t reach her mouth. The most she could manage was a faint whisper as she waited for the pain to come.

  “I wonder… do you wish to see your goddess again?”

  Fettuccini Cookie’s eyes popped open.

  Goddess?

  That was a good thing. She wanted her goddess back.

  But… the huge cookie’s face didn’t look good. His grin was like a crocodile, and those were bad. And he’d hurt her, which was also bad.

  So, why was someone bad offering something good?

  “Well?” His voice drove the answer out of her.

  “Y-yes… bring back… goddess.” She squeaked.

  Then she squeaked again as he carried her back towards the ally. This was the spot where the strange cookie had been; however, now there was only a pile of brown pieces, red liquid, fabric scraps, and gravel. With her head stuck in the huge cookie’s hand, Fettuccini Cookie strained her eyes searching. There was no strange cookie anywhere, and certainly no goddess. Out of the corner of her eye, she noticed a shiny red triangle on the huge cookie’s chest, scary yet strangely familiar.

  When the huge raised his other hand, a faint golden light appeared deep inside the stone. Fettuccini Cookie watched as the surrounding sand shifted from a harsh red to a golden yellow. The sand swirled together; it lifted the broken pieces into the air and, one by one, put them back together. Some became legs. Some became arms. Some became the head and some the torso. Each seam filled with shimmering sand, then vanished without a trace. Fettuccini Cookie watched in awe.

  Gold… pretty gold…

   Once every piece was in place, the red liquid rose in a thin stream and funneled into the cookie’s mouth, filling the arms and legs until they were thick with life. When the sand finally cleared, it left behind a fully formed cookie.

  The strange cookie.

  The strange cookie who fell to her knees, lowered her head to the ground, and folded her hands once again. Only this time, Fettuccini Cookie could hear the strange cookie’s wispy words.

“Please let me crumble.” 

  The huge cookie raised his huge eyebrow and slanted his huge smile.

“Surely you know by now that I do not answer to worthless pleas. If you wish for anything, you will fight me for it.”

  “I cannot.” Said the strange cookie. “My soul is weary. My mind is vacant. My strength is gone. Forgive me, for having broken so soon, but I can no longer be of entertainment for you.”

  “Do you think that is within your power to judge?”

  “No. I do not. That power is yours alone. All I can do is wait to be swallowed by the Tide of Change when you see fit to unleash it.”

  “So you continue to say.” The huge cookie’s axe twisted lazily in his hand. “But surely you know how difficult that is to believe, considering the kind of cookie you are. What of your treasures? What of your kingdom?”

  “I have none.”

  Fettuccini Cookie felt a crack in her heart as the strange cookie continued.

  “All that I once owned belongs to you. I have no powers. I have no kingdom. I have no treasures. I have no plans. I have no hope. I have no past, present, or future. Even my dough is no longer my own. All that I had and all that I am has been rightly conquered. I have nothing left to offer you.” 

  Fettuccini Cookie blinked back a tear.

  Poor… cookie… sad… where goddess? She… help… she–

  Her thoughts were broken by a sharp yank on her hair.

“Nothing left to offer me?” The huge cookie dangled her just above the strange cookie. “Not even this?”

  The strange cookie raised her head. Her eyes were even more terrifying up close, as dark and endless as a pit of quicksand. Those eyes saw nothing, not even the frightened mummy in front of her.

  “It is already yours.”

  Fettuccini Cookie eyes widened.

  “Well then! It appears your goddess wants you no longer!” He yanked Fettuccini Cookie back again and held her inches from his cruel smile. The stone on his chest darkened, smothering the golden light beneath jam-colored shadows. “In that case, I think I shall test the limits of your little power. Let’s see how much you can stand.”

  Fettuccini Cookie pulled up her legs. She covered face. She hid her arms. She tightened her dough, bit her lip, and prepared for her glitches to repair whatever was coming.

  And still she was not ready.

  The pain began inside her, at the microscopic cores of her life powder, and spread outward like wildfire. It tore through her dough, dissolving bone and muscle without discretion. And it burned. It burned hotter and hotter, and she couldn’t hide from it. Fettuccini Cookie screamed and flailed, forced to watch as her body dissolved from the inside-out in bursts of shadowy red fire.

  Her glitches followed close behind. For the first time in ages, she could see them: the flickering green pixels born from the insects that had nibbled at her soul. Evey time the fire formed a hole in her arm, the glitches scrambled to cover it with fresh dough. When her jam veins snapped, the glitches snatched the loose ends in their jaws and fastened the veins together. Even when her candy eyes melted, the drips sunk back into her dough and returned to her eyes once again.

  But she continued to burn.

  The red fire and the green glitches were at war all throughout her body. Every time a part of her dough was restored, it became a fresh place for the agony to begin again. She could not go numb. She could not pass out. She could only scream like wild boar as the burning went on and on—she barely even registered the huge cookie’s delight. 

  “It seems I have an indestructible treasure! Though nothing remains indestructible for long, does it? I wonder how much entertainment I can squeeze from it.”

  With the few moments that she had her arms, Fettuccini Cookie tried ripping her noodle from the huge cookie’s grasp. Tearing out her hair hurt far less than the flames did, but her glitches didn’t care. Against her wishes, they stretched out the broken strands on her head and looped them right back into place. Fettuccini Cookie couldn’t hear her screams or feel her tears. She certainly couldn’t see the strange cookie, whose head had turned away and whose hands began to twitch.

  Suddenly the pain stopped. Fettuccini Cookie gulped for air as the last gaps in her body closed.

  “How delightful!” The huge cookie watched the last few glitches disappear into her dough. “Hmm, I wonder…”

  Just as her glitches began to chew away the memories of the pain, the huge cookie dug his fingers into her scalp.

   “Let’s say I was to crush this head,” He mused, his fingers digging deeper. “Would it come back in one piece? Or would a new one sprout? Perhaps it’d reform around my hand? Ha! I say we find out!”

  Fettuccini Cookie tried to push his fingers away, but that only made him squeeze tighter. The pressure bruised her dough, crushed her noodle hair, and slowly, slowly, cracked at the sugar skull beneath. She kept flailing. She kept screaming.

  No hurt! Stop! Hurt! No hurt! Stop! Stop!

  It did not stop. It dug deeper, harder; she felt the cracks inching wider and wider until finally, she heard another scream.

  “AAAARRRRRGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHH!”

  The strange cookie charged forward, the golden spear clenched in her hands.

  All at once, the huge cookie stopped squeezing. With the back end of his ax, he swatted the strange cookie away.

  Or had he? The strange cookie landed so smoothly on her feet that it looked like she’d jumped there herself. The moment her feet touched the ground, she charged forward with another jam-thirsty cry. Again, the huge cookie knocked her back, and again the strange cookie landed with cat-like grace. Fettuccini Cookie gulped for air as the two cookies squared off: a one-sided game handball where the ball always bounced back.

  “That’s more like it! So much for your suicidal charade!” The huge cookie struck harder, forcing the strange cookie into an unsteady landing. “But surely you have more strength than this!? Surely you–AGH!”

  A cloud of golden sand shot directly into the huge cookie’s eyes. He coughed and blinked, unable to wipe the sand from his face. The strange cookie charged faster. She cried louder. She took her final step and leapt into the air, carried by the wave of golden sand behind her.

  Fettuccini Cookie looked up into the eyes of the strange cookie. Buried inside that cookie’s gaze lay a spark—a single golden coin buried in the dunes. As the light flickered, the golden sands clung to her back. The sands crackled like static, twisting and turning until they formed a single crooked wing. The feathers were scraggly and sparce. The hollow sugar bones were visible beneath the plumage. None of that mattered to Fettuccini Cookie as her heart swelled and eyes watered once more.

  Then, as she plummeted back down to earth, Golden Cheese Cookie drove her spear straight into the huge cookie’s face.

  The huge cookie fell with a grunt, the spear tip buried in his head. Fettuccini Cookie flew from his grasp, tumbled through the air, and landed in the waiting arms of her goddess.

  “Goddess! Goddess!” Fettuccini Cookie threw her arms around Golden Cheese Cookie’s neck. Her tears trickled onto Golden Cheese Cookie’s back. “Miss you! Miss you! Miss you!”

  Golden Cheese Cookie said nothing, only tightened her grip on Fettuccini Cookie and ran back to the main streets. Fettuccini Cookie kept squeezing, kept crying, and kept sniffling.

  “Miss you! Miss you! Miss you! Miss… miss!”

  Then her sobs caught in her throat. The huge cookie was laughing.

  Fettuccini Cookie raised her head to find the huge cookie already on his feet. Jam poured down his face. It stained his teeth, but his grin grew wider; it dripped into his eyes, but his gaze grew wilder; and when he tore out the spear with swipe of his hand, his laugh grew into a fiery frenzy.

  “IS THAT WHAT YOU CALL NOTHING!?”

  When he turned his head, Fettuccini Cookie’s heart stopped. She shut her eyes tight.

  “Go… away! Go… away!” She murmured as she was carried down what remained of the highway. She felt the heat of the flames and smelled the spiced ashes. She heard the huge cookie’s laughter, close one second and far off the next, punctuated by the crashes of broken buildings, but kept Fettuccini Cookie kept her mind fixed on Golden Cheese Cookie. Her goddess had returned, her goddess was here. Everything was going to be ok.

  She held those thoughts as tightly as she did Golden Cheese Cookie, who jumped and swerved between the carnage. Fettuccini Cookie felt the crooked wing’s frantic flapping—too weak to fly but kicking up as much sand as possible while driving her forward. Fettuccini Cookie felt every jump, every dodge, every dive as they kept ahead of the huge cookie’s axe. Then, when the huge cookie sounded a bit further away, Golden Cheese Cookie took a huge leap.

  And landed on nothing.

  “WOOOOOOOOO!”  Fettuccini Cookie’s eyes opened to see they were falling into darkness. She caught the faint shapes of pillars and stones before landing with a burst of sand. Fettuccini Cookie was dumped onto the ground. Then Golden Cheese Cookie raised her arm towards the gap above them and dragged it back with a groan. The debris shifted slightly, just enough to topple the gap closed.

  Now there was nothing but darkness.

  “Wooo?” Fettuccini Cookie crawled forward. The sand was cooler down here, not quite as coarse and tinged with far sweeter spices. Turmeric, cardamon, maybe even ginger, though Fettuccini Cookie couldn’t quite name the smells. She reached blindly into the blackness until she found Golden Cheese Cookie in a heap. 

  “Goddess?” Fettuccini Cookie shook Golden Cheese Cookie’s arm.  “Ok? Is… hurt?” 

  Fettuccini Cookie heard the sand shift as Golden Cheese Cookie dragged herself to her feet. She grabbed Fettuccini Cookie’s hand.

  “Keep close.” Said Golden Cheese Cookie. “We must move quickly.”

  Even when her eyes adjusted to the darkness, Fettuccini Cookie couldn’t see a thing. Other than the touch of her goddess’s dry hands, there was nothing to guide her but the sounds. She heard Golden Cheese Cookie’s other hand scratch again the stone wall and her crooked wing drag through the sand behind them. She heard the thunder rumbling from above and heard fragments of the ceiling thump when they hit the ground. She did not hear traps click or cheesebirds chitter or serpents hiss, but she could almost imagine being in the Cheese Ruins with Olive Cookie. Except this time, she was with Golden Cheese Cookie.

  Maybe… explore… all together… soon…

  With a few glitchy sparks, she could even imagine that the thunder was coming from a sandstorm or an earthquake: something scary, but familiar.

  Yes… together… all soon…

  Without warning, Golden Cheese Cookie turned. Fettuccini Cookie felt the edge of a stone entryway, then felt the sand give way to smooth tile. Even without light, Fettuccini Cookie sensed the space had grown smaller, tighter, a bit like a sarcophagus. 

  Soon… very soon…

  Then there was light.

  Fettuccini Cookie rubbed her eyes. It was only a match but compared to the darkness it felt like a second sun. The light multiplied as Golden Cheese Cookie lit a group of strange lanterns—shallow terracotta bowls with petal-shaped rims and oil-drenched wicks. She dug them out of the sandpiles and set them up on the shelves. The room was full of shelves, most of which were built into alcoves on the walls and a few of which were broken. Those remaining carried a handful of little jars and bottles. 

  “Woooo?” Fettuccini Cookie wandered up to a shelf and sniffed at a jar with its lid missing. Black powder flew up her nose.

  “Choo! Achoo!”

  “Mind the pepper.” Golden Cheese Cookie dug through a shelf of terracotta shards until she found a brown pouch.

  Fettuccini Cookie nodded, still sniffling.

  “Stand to the side. This should only be a moment.” Golden Cheese Cookie knelt on the tile and began tracing a pattern in the remaining sand.

  Keeping close to the entrance, Fettuccini Cookie watched as Golden Cheese Cookie drew a huge sandy circle with her hand. She added swirly shapes around the inner rings in word-like sections, though they were nothing like the hieroglyphics that Olive Cookie fawned over. Once the circle was complete, she began to trace the shapes with the contents of the pouch: a twiggy, purple powder.

  “What… is that?”

  “Saffron.” Said Golden Cheese Cookie. “Now be quiet.”

  Fettuccini Cookie covered her mouth. She watched and waited. Waited and watched. She counted the chipped lanterns and watched the flames flicker off the broken glass. Her gaze wandered out to the passage, which, in the faint hints of firelight, really did look like the Cheese Ruins. She could see the stone pillars and stone slabs that made up the walls. While these ruins were much, much bigger, there was no gold anywhere, making them inferior by default. If she looked close enough, Fettuccini Cookie could make out pictures on the wall. She peered closer to see the little cookies with their hands in the air, and the unfamiliar flowers, and the floating lanterns, and, if she squinter very hard, she could almost see something in the middle of it all. Something with lots of arms. Something red.

  Just as she considered moving a lantern for a better look, the painted wall cracked from a massive tremor. Fettuccini Cookie squeaked and dove to Golden Cheese Cookie side.

  “Careful!” Golden Cheese Cookie held her back as she poured the last of the saffron into the circle. “There. That should be right. Stand in the center.”

  “Ooo? Stand… where?”

  With a sigh, Golden Cheese Cookie picked up the mummy and set her down in the purple ring. Fettuccini Cookie turned a full circle; the squiggly shapes still didn’t make any sense.

  “What this?”

  “It’s what’s going to take you back to Crispia.”

  “Cris… py? Where… Crispy?”

  Golden Cheese Cookie didn’t answer right away. First, she lifted a broken shelf and pulled out a scroll from under it, a scroll with more of those squiggly shapes. Her grimace deepened as she studied it.

  “Once you return to the desert, start from the entrance to cheese mines and travel straight until you find the Curd Oasis. It should be a long walk but if I remember Adventure Cookie correctly, it’s your best chance at finding help. He might even have returned by now.”

  Golden Cheese Cookie kept talking as she read over the scroll—something about gnomads and trading old relics—but Fettuccini Cookie had already stopped listening.

  Return… to… desert!?

  Fettuccini Cookie hopped out of the circle, nearly smudging the pattern.

  “Don’t!” Golden Cheese Cookie shrieked. “That’s all the saffron I have left!”

  “No go!” Fettuccini Cookie grabbed her goddess’s arm. “Stay! Is home! Want… stay home! Friends! No… no lonely!”

  Golden Cheese Cookie sighed again. 

  “This place is no one’s home.” She firmly removed Fettuccini Cookie and returned her to the circle’s center. “It’s a prison, and if you do not escape it now, you may never have the chance.”

  “Noooo! No! No!” Fettuccini Cookie pushed against Golden Cheese Cookie, who held her in place by the shoulders. “Olive Cookie… here! Burnt Cheese Cookie… here! Smoked Cheese Cookie… here! Mozzarella Cookie… here! Birds here! Jackal here! Vipers here!”

  She pointed a noodle finger up at Golden Cheese Cookie.

  “Goddess! Goddess here! Must… stay! Want… to stay!”

  Golden Cheese Cookie’s scowl softened. Carefully, she stepped into the circle and lowered herself down to eye level.

   “But we aren’t here. We aren’t… none of us are… alive… anymore.”

  Fettuccini Cookie tilted her head; Golden Cheese Cookie hung hers.

  “He crumbled me, Fettuccini Cookie. He’s crumbled me and every last one of my… those cookies. Everything you’ve seen here exists by the Light of Change. Without it, we’re nothing but cheese dust in the wind.” Her lips lifted into a sad smile. “It’s my own fault, of course, the greedy fool of a queen too arrogant to let anything go. Perhaps if I had moved on sooner, back when I lost it all the first time, we wouldn’t be trapped as we are now.”

A few feathers fell from her crooked wing. Fettuccini Cookie wondered how to put them back on.

  “But you… somehow, you and your errors have slipped through the cracks. There’s no reason you must suffer our fate! You can return to Crispia. You can live a full and happy life in the Cookie Kingdom, or the Hollyberry Kingdom, or the Cacao Kingdom, or the Vanilla Kingdom, or wherever else your heart desires! And you can warn them. You can tell them about what has happened here, tell them to strengthen their defenses so that, when he finally grows tired of me, the rest of the world might have a chance.”

Her eyes clouded over; whatever gold they’d held before was hidden behind a sandstorm. The edges of her smile twitched, just like— Fettuccini Cookie realized with growing horror—that strange cookie from the ceremony.

  “A noble queen stalling for time, a selfless martyr who crumbles after facing every hardship, all for the sake of saving the world; it would make for quite the legend, wouldn’t it?” A laugh crept in her sorrow, soft yet spiteful.  “Surely, my old friends would be proud. After all this time, they will finally be able to call me a true hero. And all it cost was everything!”

  “Wooooooo!”

  Fettuccini Cookie’s swollen arms shoved the strange cookie away. The strange cookie stumbled backwards, out of the circle.

  “F-Fettuccini Cookie! What are you doing!?“

  “No leave! No lonely! Never! No! No! NO!” When Fettuccini Cookie ran, she dragged her noodle strands. A huge cloud of saffron stained sand flew into the air behind her. The strange cookie cried out in anguish, but Fettuccini Cookie didn’t look back. She plunged blindly into the hallway and its darkness without hesitation. She ran blindly, her empty head still struggling to understand.

  Goddess? Where goddess!? Where… she go!? 

  Had the strange cookie swapped places after the fall? Or had she imagined being rescued by Golden Cheese Cookie? Whichever was the case, Fettuccini Cookie had to find her! She had to!

  “Goddess!” The thunder had gone quiet, leaving Fettuccini Cookie’s voice echoing endlessly through the ruins. “Goddess! Where! Where is… where!?”

  Her feet kept sinking in the thick sand. She could hear the strange cookie calling her name, the words tinted with a kind of fear that the real golden goddess would never stand for. But Fettuccini Cookie could also see a faint, faraway light, flickering like a firefly. 

  “Wait! Goddess!” She scrambled faster, reaching one arm towards the light. “Me… coming! Don’t… no leave me! No… alone!”

  The light grew larger, brighter, warmer…

  Then it came barreling towards her. Fettuccini Cookie was barely able to jump out of its way.

  “I knew it! I knew this was your scent!”

  In one swift movement, the tiger cookie pounced onto Fettuccini Cookie and twisted her noodle arms behind her back. 

  “I told you! I said that you hadn’t escaped me!” The tiger cookie’s fangs looked even sharper beneath the shadows cast by her flaming nut. “However you stumbled into this place, you’ve saved me the trouble of looking for you!”

  “Wooo! Let go!”

  Fettuccini Cookie tried to pull away, but the tiger cookie’s claws dug deep into her dough.

  “I would stop squirming if I were you, trinket. At this point, I’m sure the Great Destroyer would forgive a few scratches on such a small…”

  “Nutmeg Tiger Cookie?”

  The tiger cookie’s threat faded.

  The strange cookie stood there, squinting through the dim firelight.

  “…how. How are… I thought you’d…”

  “Joined my ancestors?”

  “I…. I saw you… they were all–”

  “What you saw!” Nutmeg Tiger Cookie growled. “Was a swarm of traitors receiving what they deserved! But I am no traitor! I have never turned my back on the Great Destroyer! That is why I still live!”

  “You still live.” The strange cookie murmured. “That is… good. I’m happy for you. Truly, I am.”

  “Oh, spare me your lies! I am not some spineless pangolin or backstabbing kulfi that you can fool! I am the greatest of the spice beast generals! The only one fit to serve him!” Her claws dug deeper into Fettuccini Cookie’s arms. “And once I offer this trinket to the Great Destroyer, I will be the one to stand by his side.”

  “No… no please. Nutmeg Tiger Cookie, I beg you! Do not give him that child!”

  “And what will you do to stop me!? Fight!?”

  The strange cookie’s mouth wavered, open to speak but unable to form a word. Her hands hung at her sides, as worthless as the wing dragging behind her.

  “Tch! Why the great destroyer has toyed with you this long I’ll never understand.” She tucked Fettuccini Cookie, who fought to free her noodle wrappings, beneath her arm and turned away with a snide smirk. “All this time and you’re still nothing but a weak, pathetic little thief.”

   “I am sorry.”

  Nutmeg Tiger Cookie turned back. Her claws tightened, her face darkened, her nut’s flame wavered.

  “What?”

  “I am sorry… for what happened to the spice beasts.” The strange cookie folded her hands and hung her head; it made Fettuccini Cookie sick. “But please… don’t take it out on her. Take it out on me. It was my fault, wasn’t it? Surely, you’ve thought as much!”

  “I thought no–“

  “It wasn’t my intention. I swear it was not! I… I only wanted to escape. I only wished to stop… watching them crumble… and I tried everything else. And so did they! They were as terrified as I was! But… if I had understood… if I had only accepted my fate sooner…” Her voice grew higher, faster, with the quaking of her words. “Please, Nutmeg Tiger Cookie, please! You must understand, you and I and all our people, we had no hope! We never had any chance! Our ends were decided the moment he revived! But this young cookie… she is immune to destruction and abundance! I know! I once tried to repair her glitches myself! If she remains here, her suffering will only drag on and on and on and on and on and on!”

  Teetering on the of a breakdown, the strange cookie stepped forward. Nutmeg Tiger Cookie raised her hand… but her hand was shaking.

  “Not one. More. Word. You sick-headed cookie–“

  “Let her run. Please, I beg you, let her run and hide! I cannot crumble in peace  knowing what he might put her through! And I cannot bare this life any longer! I… I cannot fight any longer! Please, don’t make me keep fighting! Let at least one of our people–”

  With a flick of her shaking claws, the Nutmeg Tiger Cookie threw the strange cookie to the sand. Fettuccini Cookie saw the bloody gashes, ruby red in the firelight, as they dripped from the strange cookie’s face.

  There were those flickering images again: a scarlet sorceress, an army of demons, a golden queen rushing forward, and then…

  “You dare think I share your weaknesses!? That I have any sympathy towards this worthless trinket or those traitorous beasts!?” roared Nutmeg Tiger Cookie. “They were weak! Cowards! They did not deserve to live and neither do you! You, who stole my master’s soul jam! Who tainted the minds of even the nutmeg tigers! Who’s mere existence has created this wasteland! How dare you even speak to me about–!”

  Nutmeg Tiger Cookie gagged as pasta from Fettuccini Cookie’s hair crushed her throat. Her claws tore the noodle from her neck, only for Fettuccini Cookie swollen arms to take their place.

   “GO!”

  Fettuccini Cookie’s hand grew to the size of elephants, encasing Nutmeg Tiger Cookie in pasta.

  “AWAY!”

  She slammed the tiger cookie again the left wall. The ceiling shook, a cloud of sand erupted. Nutmeg Tiger Cookie gritted her teeth. She tried to call her flaming nut but couldn’t so much as raise her arm.

  “GO!”

  She swung her arms right. The tiger cookie crashed through the right wall, destroying what remained of its painted mural.

  “AWAY!”

  Back and forth swung Fettuccini Cookie’s arms, each blow harder than the last. The sand rose like a fog, revealing the faded stone patterns beneath.

  “Fettuccini Cookie! Stop! Please!” The strange cookie screamed and coughed, but Fettuccini Cookie would not listen. She raised her arms high over her head. In her hands, the tiger cookie tried chewing through her noodles, but the glitches were faster—much, much faster. Fettuccini Cookie’s arms tightened as she prepared for the final blow. Her focus was so intense, she barely felt the strange cookie grab at her shoulder.

  “Stop! He’ll hear you! We need to– “

  But it was far too late for that. 

  When the ceiling exploded, the rocks shattered like dandelion puffs. Fire leapt through the hole, scorching the sands black. Sunlight burned through the newly formed skylight.

  From where she stood, Fettuccini Cookie did not see the axe blade incinerate her swollen arms; she could only feel the pain and scream as the strange cookie thew her body protectively over the young mummy.

  Breathe in. Breathe out. Breathe in. Breathe out.

   When the glitches finally set to work, Fettuccini Cookie arms felt naked. So much of her noodle was gone that she could see the dark dough of her teeny tiny arms. She could not move them. She could not move at all. The strange cookie encased her entirely. Between her trembling grip and the mounds of fallen debris, Fettuccini Cookie could hardly see.

  “So this is where my prey has scurried off to.” The huge cookie’s voice boomed even louder in the ruins. “An abandoned burrow? I’m surprised you even remembered this place.”

  “Great One!”

  Nutmeg Tiger Cookie’s voice came from somewhere behind a chunk of ceiling. The huge cookie turned towards it.

  “And another surprise! One of those Spice Beasts, hidden away in the rubble.”

  “N-no… no! I was not!” The fire in the tiger cookie’s voice was all but gone. “I would never hide from you, O Great One! I am your servant! Your faithful follower! Nutmeg Tiger Cookie!”

  “Hmm… that name does sound familiar… a general?”

  “Yes! Yes, I am! The general of the nutmeg tigers and all the spice beasts beneath! I am honored you remember!”

  “A general without an army?”

  “…I was betrayed! Those cowards went behind my back. They deserved to be crumbled!”

  “And a thrilling chase that was!” The huge cookie gave a booming laugh. “But then, you surely recall my words from that day, don’t you?”

  An eerie silence followed, only broken by the lapping of the flames.

  “Yes… It seems you beasts have forgotten your place… You have forgotten who you serve… you… have forgotten that your continued existence is owed to my whim… now, let us see how proud you are… when I erase each and every one of you from the face of the earth…”

  “So you were there! Then surely you understand!” The huge cookie stepped closer to the tiger cookie’s voice. “That by continuing to live, you defy me.”

  “But it was not my fault!” Her voice cracked. “I… I crumbled them myself! When I discovered their scheming, I crumbled the generals! That is the extend of my devotion!”

  “And in doing so, you deprived me of a battle I rightly deserved.”

  “I… I…” Fettuccini Cookie saw the tiger cookie’s hand peek past the debris. “Th-that trinket! I was the one who brought it here! That thief had it hidden away in the remnants of her first pathetic kingdom! But I found it! I scoured that desert and brought it here, for you!”

  “You think I would not have found it myself? That I somehow needed your aid?”

  “I… I…”

  “Do you think you are the first to try and appease me with a sacrifice? Kings, Emperors, Sultans... there have been countless civilizations who thought they could bargain with me. They would offer up some sad little life that they believed to precious, and for what purpose? To maintain their power. To preserve their land. To be boring.”

  The huge cookie leaned over. Fettuccini Cookie could just barely see the back of his head.

  “Is that not what you also wish for? That you, a general who could not control her army, who could not even restrain one measly cookie, could return to the place she once stood? You wish to bore me?”

  “Please, O Great One! Please give me a chance!” Her voice was beyond recognition. “I can be of use to you! I can bring you entertainment! Just grant me a chance! Please! I can… I can…”

  “Then again, perhaps I am misremembering you. After all, the nutmeg tiger that I recall hovering around me celebrated the Tide of Change. And yet, it seems to me…”

  The huge cookie’s axe glinted in the flames.

  “That you do not understand Change at all.”

  When the axe fell, Fettuccini Cookie was blinded. The strange cookie’s hand had covered her eyes. All she knew was a dull thud and the sudden scent of warm, spicy jam.

  “Raise your head, Golden Cheese Cookie.”

  Fettuccini Cookie felt the huge cookie’s steps reverberate through the floor. They shook almost as much as the strange cookie did. 

  “This is what it looks like to have nothing.”

  This thud was lighter, like a coconut falling from a palm tree and rolling across the ground. A warm and spicy coconut that Fettuccini Cookie was not allowed to see.

  “And yet, you dare to claim you have nothing? You say a few hundred cycles is all it takes to break the one who stole half my power!? A few hundred, when I have witnessed thousands!?”

  The strange cookie did not respond.

  “This is not the first time you’ve pretended to submit. You may whimper and rebel, but your stubbornness? Your will to live? It will give me what I want eventually. Does it get you some satisfaction to withold my pleasure?”

  The strange cookie did not respond.

  “Or perhaps you really have hit your limit? Perhaps you’ll claim all that was all only the last flicker of a dying flame!?” mocked the huge cookie. “Tell me, my powerless little prey, are you going to present me an offering? Would you trade that trinket in your hands for a peaceful end? For you and your people? All the rest you desire for the price of one unbreakable toy. Is that how far the mighty golden goddess has fallen?”

  The strange cookie did not move. Her grip would not tighten, nor would it loosen. She simply stayed there, as if she’d lost her life already.

  Fettuccini Cookie felt her glitches nibble at her arms. The amount of noodle she’d lost would take a long time to repair. The pain of losing, the memory of the hurt, would also take time to erase. But it would go away. Eventually.

  Somethings did not go away. 

  That night with the scarlet sorceress was one of them. It was carved into the back of her mind and covered up with a silk sheet.

  The rest of the pain, however, was very similar to one another.

  When the first bugs nibbled her soul cheese, ejecting her broken soul from the Golden Kingdom. 

  When her golden goddess left to see the other heroes, promising to return as soon as possible.

  When she’d gotten lost in an abandoned cheese mine shaft and had to be retrieved by a squad of cheesebirds.

  When the sarcophagus had finally swung open, only for Olive Cookie to be nowhere.

  When, for days and weeks and months, she’d waited on the ridge watching the sun set over the Parmeshan Desert and wondered if tomorrow would be the day—the day everyone came home.

  The day she would not be lonely anymore.

  The day that this strange cookie had given up on.

  But that she would not.

  Fettuccini Cookie threaded her what little noodle she had left around the cookie covering her. The cookie tensed, but before she could cry out, the noodle wrappings had already lifted her away in mummified cocoon.

  Then, with that cookie safely tucked behind her, Fettuccini Cookie pulled herself to her full height.

  The top of her head couldn’t even reach the top of the huge cookie’s leg.

  She breathed in. She breathed out.

  With her embalmed innards shivering inside her, with her glitches still slowly eating at her wounds, she gave the huge cookie a scowl.

  “No!” Said Fettuccini Cookie. “This… is my… my treasure!”

  As that cookie began to fight against her noodle imprisonment, the huge cookie remained silent. Fettuccini Cookie scowled harder.

  “No… no take! No! Is… my treasure. Me want! You… no! No take… from me!” She raised her bare hands into fists. “Leave… alone! No hurt! Else… else me… me fight! Me fight for… my treasure!” 

   His stare threatened to crush her completely. Even so, Fettuccini Cookie would not look away. She refused to blink, even as sand and ash drifted past her eyes, even as the noodle struggled to keep the cookie still. She would not back down.

  Until finally…

  “You say that cookie belongs to you?” 

  Fettuccini Cookie gave a stern nod.

  “Now that is a first.” The huge cookie spoke slowly, his expression unreadable. “Tell me, would you really throw your life away for her? The broken husk of your goddess?”

  Fettuccini Cookie glanced back at the cookie, whose eyes were clenched shut against the claw marks on her face. Maybe it was Golden Cheese Cookie who had saved her from the collapsing ceiling. Maybe it was the strange cookie. There was no way to tell, and yet…

  “No broken.” Fettuccini Cookie insisted. “Is… good cookie. My… friend. If hurt… fix! All better… no… hurt. My treasure!”

  She raised her tiny fists higher, still unable to reach even his waist.

  A sharpened smile stretched across the face of the huge cookie.

  “So then… you wish to restore her to her former glory?”

  “Yes! All good! Fix home… find… my friends… happy! No lonely… all treasures… all mine… so… no hurt… go away!”

  Fettuccini Cookie stared with all her might. She stamped her little foot in the stand. And then, 

  “Now that sounds entertaining!” The huge cookie laughed. “Very well! I will grant you a reprieve from my destruction. No civilization worth destroying was built in a day, and I’ve grown bored of constructing them myself. I shall even let you hold onto those abandoned treasurers you’ve chosen to claim, for a little while. And in return, I shall expect to see a kingdom worth annihilating.”

  Suddenly, the huge cookie was leaning over her, just as he had done to the tiger Cookie. Fettuccini Cookie tightened her legs to keep them from shaking.

  “Do you agree, Fettuccini Cookie?”

  It was strange. The huge cookie didn’t look like he was going to hurt them right now, yet the cookie wrapped in noodles had suddenly frozen stiff.

  Fettuccini Cookie wasn’t sure what to say, she wasn’t entirely sure what he was even offering, but… it sounded… good? At least better?

   “Woooo!”

  “So be it!” The huge cookie stepped back and ran his hand across the blade of his axe. “As it happens, I am long overdue for a visit to the fairies. Considering the millenniums we beasts spent imprisoned, their kingdom deserves my most aggressive show of gratitude.”

  When the huge cookie turned away, Fettuccini Cookie almost didn’t believe it. Not even when he began walking off into the distant black of the ruins.

  Me… did it… me did it! Me save… friends… save treasures!

  “One last thing…” 

  Before he left, the huge cookie cast a final look over his shoulder.

“Keep a close eye on that crippled bird you’re borrowing. I shall be quite disappointed if she is not here when I return. Even more so if it’s too easy to pluck her again.”

  “Wooo?”

  Fettuccini Cookie’s uncertainty went ignored. The huge cookie merely walked away, his footsteps continuing to shake the ground long after he was out of sight.

  Finally, Fettuccini Cookie could relax.

  “Wooo wooo! Me did it! Me… save day! Wooo! WoooOOOOoOO”

  Once she’d jumped for joy a few times, she remembered the cookie behind her. She removed her noodles, allowing that cookie to fall to the ground.

  “Woo wooo!” Fettuccini Cookie hurried over to her. “Me win! See? You… is safe!”

  It took the cookie a moment to reply. When she did, her words came with a bitter laugh.

  “I hope you’re proud of yourself.” The cookie murmured. “Now we’ll be trapped in this cycle even longer, all because of you… you greedy little thing.”

  Fettuccini Cookie’s heart crinkled.

  “But I suppose I cannot blame you. The fault is mine and mine alone.” That cookie slowly pulled herself to her feet. “After all, I was the one who nurtured such greed. It has always been my fault. Even before–”

  Without warning, Fettuccini Cookie threw her arms around the cookie. Though her arms were slowly regaining their wrappings, they were still too small to go all the way around.

  “You… me treasure.” Said Fettuccini Cookie. “Means… no more lonely… no alone… me promise… real promise…”

  That cookie stood still. 

  Then Golden Cheese Cookie gently put her arms around Fettuccini Cookie.

  “I promise too.”

  The moment was followed by a new collection of voices from above.

  “Calm down everyonez! Pleaze! Do not panicz!” 

  “Hmm, my data appears to be highly corrupted. I’ll need to run a full system reboot.”

  “On top of rebuilding the servers I’m sure… What in rotten cheese is going on?”

  “W-well whatever happened, it was a real doozy!”

  “I’ll have my jackals search for her radiance at once.”

  “WOOOOOO!” Fettuccini Cookie shouted with her hands cupped around her mouth. “WOOOO! WOO WOOOOOO!”

  A moment later, Olive Cookie’s head appeared through the hole in the ceiling.

  “Oh! It’s Golden Cheese Cookie! She’s down here! And with what appears to be some kind of mummified cookie!”

  The mummified cookie jumped for joy. Golden Cheese Cookie groaned.

  “Olive Cookie! Olive Cookie!” Fettuccini Cookie grabbed Golden Cheese Cookie’s hand and began preparing a noodle for their climb back to the surface.

  As she did, Golden Cheese Cookie turned her head. 

  Just out of reach of the red sunlight, peeking out from behind a pile of rubble, were a few locks of vibrant orange hair. Golden Cheese Cookie stared at them as they slowly crumbled away.

  “May you find peace among your ancestors.” She prayed in a murmur that even she couldn’t hear. Then she closed her eyes.

  She breathed in. She breathed out. She slowly dragged her crooked wing through the sand until it was safely folded against her back: a sad gift from an old friend.

  She breathed in. She breathed out. She prepared herself for what was to come.

  Mozzerella Cookie would badger her with questions. Burnt Cheese Cookie would demand a hasty reconstruction of the gate. Smoked Cheese Cookie would order a search to uncover the source of the destruction.

  And Fettuccini Cookie… who knew what she would do?

  The thought was as frightening as it was comforting.

  For despite all the hollow change she had suffered, Golden Cheese Cookie did not know what this cycle would bring.

  And perhaps, neither did he.