MBSI

Hi my name is Christopher Rodriguez, you can call me sweets. I am the creator, owner, and designer of MBSI THE AWARENESS BRAND.

My mission is to teach awareness as well as design clothes. In the future I plan to start a College and addiction rehabilitation center to educate and treat those who suffer from a dual diagnosis. For more information on that please watch my missions videos on YouTube.

Today I will be telling a condensed story from the development of my mental illness up to the conscious self aware person I am today.

I will also explain the stages of awareness as they have happened for me. I can only speak from my own experiences, although people I have conversations with about there journey have similar experiences, stages, and conclusions about awareness.

Awareness is observing while consciously understanding.

I my experience there are 5 stages of awareness and they are repetitive forever, allow me to explain.

Stage one is a catalyst the the destruction of the identity

Stage two is the catalyst to rebuild character into awareness

Stage three is the repetition of stage 1 and 2 over and over until conscious awareness is achieved

Stage four is the conscious self reflection of stages one two and three. While learning to cope heal and become self aware.

Stage five is a repeat of stages one through four at a faster pace. At this point one has a choice to either regress or move on to a new level of awareness.

At stage five one is now consciously self aware of who they are and who others are.

When saying who I am now, it is in reference to the thoughts and beliefs that make me who I am.

In my awareness the principles, values, limitations, attributes, wisdom, emotions, negative and positive beliefs, the core reasons why I think and behave a specific way is who I am.

My stage one experience, the catalyst of identity destruction was in 2009, one year after I graduated high school. I was at a bar underage drinking. A few people were hanging around outside. I asked a stranger for a cigarette. He gave me one I lit up and deeply inhaled instantly I felt a strange sensation. I exhaled and said damn that's a good cigarette. I thought I was lightheaded from the cigarette, but later that night I became delusional. We parked by a river I got out of the car and began cursing at god in the sky. The clouds, in my perception covered the sky, blackened with red hues at the bottom edges. I told my friend I could walk on water. He tried to stop me, but it was to late I had already plunged into the freezing water. Did I mention it was mid February? Obviously the cigarette was laced with something, most likely PCP.

My stage one lasted four years. I do not remember most of it. When family tells me stories of the way I acted I feel a shamed. I completely disassociated from my identity. At that time I don't believe I had much of a conscious self or any awareness of who I was or any control over my behavior and thoughts.

My stage two the catalyst to rebuild self awareness was a wonderful loving woman. I remember the exact moment I got a glimpse of my self and realized I was absent for so long. It was 2013, I was released from a psychiatric hospital. We met a few months later. One day in her apartment she held my hand tightly and said this is what you're missing Chris. I looked at her in a blank stare, with a feeling I didn't understand. She continued saying this thing you are missing is the only thing wrong. I asked uh uh what is it. She answered love and told me she loved me. I didn't know how to react I felt the love but i was still living in my mind of identity destruction. We were in a relationship for 3 years. We are not in a relationship, but we are still friends and I love her very much.

My stage three experience began in 2016, it was the choice to come back into self awareness while repeating stage one and two. I thought I could start life over and forget the torment of my mind. I. Did things like work and college. After a few months I couldn't handle the mental anguish, so I quit. Over and over repeatedly start jobs and college to later quit because of the limitations of my thoughts. So I decided to focus on healing. From 2016 to 2018 formed myself into a new person, through stage four. The conscious self reflection of the beginning of this mental illness. Throughout that time I became more aware then ever I felt well, looked well, and thought well.

Stage five hit me like a train wreak. The catalyst was on May 31st 2018. My brother Joshua Capriotti suddenly passed away at 26 years old. Our loss still pulls our hearts down, deeply into the bottoms our chests. We remember good times and where there in the bad. He was doing so well, in school, at work, but inside himself, he felt alone. Although I doubt very much he died not knowing we loved him “To the moon and back. I passed through all of the stages in one year. So did every family member. We are a lot less of ourselves with such a big part of the love we had in this world- now gone. Forever 26 Big Cap 91…. Continue the journey Brodda We love you.

I still have mental illness, but now I am able to cope because I chose to keep fighting for the mind I own. I may have limitations, although now I see them as dangerous obstacles to avoid. I've had the determination the entire time. When I picked up the tools to gain conscious self awareness, I also gained a renewed life.

By telling you my experience, my intent is that you or someone you know may gain hope for a renewed mind. I still have my bad days, but now they are less intense and and more so less often. Medication, cbt as well as dbt therapy, meditation, exercise, healthy food, reading, writing, and the support of people in our lives. All of these things are vitally important to consistently include in the daily maintenance of a healthy mind.

I like to say awareness is easy and that’s true, but the journey is difficult. My hope is to make your journey a little more comfortable by giving you the wisdom I’ve gain from my experiences.