The Bewitching Queen of Aeaea

After hearing from Squidward how Circe had turned my men into nematodes, I quickly headed to her house. Halfway to my destination, Hermes, the giant-killer, crossed my path. His face glowed like a young man in his prime.

"Hold up there, buddy," said Hermes as he strutted towards me like a cowboy in a spaghetti western.

"Where are you headed this time? Are you planning to go up to Circe's house and try to free your men? Hell, you'll never end up home that way! Here, try this. I mixed a drug that will defend you against all the tricks that Circe will spike her drinks with. Also here is a secret little herb. Don't smoke it! It's only for protection."

Hermes walked me through thoroughly exactly what Circe will do when I get to her house.

"And then, once you've got her cornered and she wants to sleep with you? Make her promise that she will not harm you and your men for the rest of your journey!" cried Hermes.

I laughed a little bit.

"Why do I always have to be the one to sleep with all these goddesses?" I said.

"Man, in my younger days I used to mess around with Circe, and she turned me into plankton once. For a couple of years, I would try to eat some secret recipe belonging to a greedy crab at the bottom of the sea. It was weird, man! All I'm saying is be careful," retorted Hermes.

I thanked him for his message. With his job done, the giant-killer glided away into the sky and like a wombat honing down on a branch, landed on Olympus.

I quickly approached Circe's house.

"Drink this, and hold this herb. Seems simple enough!" I said to myself.

Once there, with my little starfish hands and my little starfish fingers, I knocked on her door and rang the doorbell.

*buzz* buzz*

As the footsteps approached my heart sank. I thought I was about to die until out came the most beautiful Goddess I have ever seen in my life!

"Oh, you must be Patrick! Your friends have told me all about you! Please come on in!" asked Circe.

"Please sit down, and have a drink. You must be tired!" said Circe as she handed me a glass.

With my left hand, I grabbed my sword, and with my right hand, I drank the glass.

"Now turn into a plankton like your little pathetic friends, Patrick!" yelled Circe as she flipped her wand at me.

But nothing happened. I pulled out my sword and quickly rushed her like an angry bull chasing the matador.

With her pinned against the wall and my sword to her throat I asked,

"Any last words?"

"NO! HOW CAN THIS BE!" cried Circe as she fell on her knees and hugged my legs.

"Who are you? Where did you come from? Why are you so cute?" asked Circe.

"I am Patrick, son of Spongebob! You messed with the wrong star. Now free my friends and let us go!" I said.

"Oh, Patrick. I love you. Let us go to bed!" Circe cried.

"Okay!... But wait! You must promise to not harm me or my men!" I snarled back.

"I promise."

After having gained Circe's word, I quickly went to bed with her. All the maids made everything pretty and I was completely taken care of.

The minutes turned into hours and the hours turned into days, and pretty soon I forgot what I was doing.

It wasn't until one morning that I woke up, and I saw a baby bird fall from its nest and the mother bird was weeping, that I remembered my quest.

"Circe, the time has come for me to go home," I said.

Circe giving me some breakfast pancakes said furiously,

"Why do you want to go home? Am I a god not good enough for you?"

I looked down and the pancake was burned.

"Oh Circe, do not be mad with me. If only you could understand what it is like to be mortal, you too would long for you and your men a safe journey home to their family." I said back gently.

Circe agreed. She went into her basement and found her little aquarium and one by one took out the nematodes. She then cast a little spell, saying, "Krabby patties" and the nematodes turned back into those loyal and brave men who fought Troy.

Larry the lobster ran up to me and cried,

"Patrick! We must get out of here! She had us turned into nematodes! There is no telling what she'll do next!"

"Calm down, Larry. She isn't going to hurt us," I retorted.

Circe once again put up her lustrous and hospitable facade.

"Oh, you men must all be hungry. Here, have a seat! I promise I won't trick you guys this time!" she said enthusiastically.

The men, having no other choice, sat down and enjoyed the food.

Somehow, Circe convinced me to get Squidward and the rest of the crew up here as well for one last supper before we all left.

After eating, we all drank and were merry. We were so merry, that we did it the next day, and the day afterward.

Pretty soon, we had spent a couple of months hanging out with Circe drinking and playing video games. Squidward, my trusty comrade, came up to me and reminded me of my home. I had nearly forgotten my goals!

So once again I ran up to Circe and said,

"Circe, we must go home for real this time. We can't keep doing this! Our family are waiting for us!"

"Oh, Patrick! If only you knew what trials are ahead, you would not want to go back home. First, you must go into the underworld where Persephone is and then talk to Tiresias. He will lead you from there."

I cried and after I informed the crew everyone started crying like babies.

Circe led us back to our boat, which started to accumulate some water damage from being left out untended for too long.

We got on the boat and proceeded with our journey.

Author's notes:

This original story is from Book 10 of The Odyssey. After having escaped he Cyclops, Odysseus and his men end up on Circe's island. Originally, he sent a fleet of them to scout the place and only Eurylochus returned. He informed Odysseus of how Circe turned the men into pigs. Odysseus heads up to Circe's house, but before that happens, he encounters Hermes who tells him about Circe. Hermes then gives Odysseus some potions and a root to protect himself from her spells. Once there, Odysseus must drink and make Circe promise that she will do him no harm. Once that is all done he must go sleep with her.

Odysseus does all the Hermes asks and then Circe convinces Odysseus to bring the rest of the men up into her house and dine. Once Odysseus convinces the whole crew that Circe will not harm them anymore, they all end up staying for a whole year! Odysseus, after realizing all the time lost, requests to leave the island. However, Circe has a new quest for him. He must go down to Hades and ask Tiresias, a blind seer, how he can get home.

This story focuses on the theme of Nostos and how one can lose their way. Odysseus lost a whole year as a result of being sidetracked on the present pleasures. Still, nonetheless, however great the moment is, he chooses to press forward and journey home.

For my story, I replaced Odysseus with Patrick, Eurylochus with Squidward, the men turned into pigs by getting turned into nematodes, and I named one of the men Larry the Lobster. I also replaced Odysseus's dad, Laertes, with Spongebob.

Furthermore, I made this story first-person as these are Patrick's own reflections of his journey. The shift to first person, compared to the second person narrative in the previous story, is consistent with how Odysseus switches to first person in The Odyssey when he shares his adventures to the Phaeacians.

Bibliography:

Robert Fagles, The Odyssey