Restorative Circle

When it feels like a conflict process is at an impasse or standstill, it can be useful to bring the whole group together. Adding more voices and perspectives can help everyone involved get a better grounding of how a situation or behavior is received in the community and can help guide towards a path forward.

Preparing for the circle

• The person initiating the process should message everyone in the community to request a restorative circle.

• The circle can be scheduled for an upcoming house meeting or separately, but should be at a time when everyone can attend.

• Someone from the community should volunteer to facilitate. The role of the facilitator is to make sure everyone is heard. Ideally this would be someone least embroiled in the conflict but in a small community that may be impossible.

• Prepare the Restorative Circle Worksheet

  • The people involved in the conflict should list out the topic(s). At this stage there may be other topics to address aside from the one that began this process

  • They should also provide a short description of background context and what has happened already.

  • The people involved in the process can either work collaboratively to fill this out, or if that is too challenging, can each write their own portion and add it to the sheet.

  • Once those sections have been filled in, the sheet is sent to everyone in the community. Everyone is expected to reflect on and respond to the questions.

Holding the restorative circle

Opening

Begin by setting an intention of building understanding and connection. One great way to do this is with an appreciation circle, where everyone shares something they appreciate about each person in the circle. If there are too many people, each person could share something they appreciate about the person to their right and left. The facilitator may also choose a different activity to set the intention.

Sharing out

• The person approached in the process begins by sharing any background they wish to share and their responses to the questions in the worksheet

• The person initiating the process follows

• Afterwards every other person in the circle will share. Some people may have little to say, but it is important that everyone try to share something to demonstrate their connection and involvement in the process.

Developing a plan

• Once a process has reached this stage it is important that there be a clear plan, captured in writing, for what to do next.

• People so far not involved in the conflict are encouraged to share ideas and suggestions, especially if they have capacity to offer support.

• The plan should include scheduling a follow up circle to check in on the process.

• If the group is struggling to come up with solutions that would properly address the issues at hand, a plan can also be to take time, reflect, and reconvene during the follow up circle to finalize a plan.

Things to keep in mind

• The group should not take notes during the circle. Everyone should feel free to share without having what they say entered into a record.

  • People are welcome to take personal notes if it will help them remember ideas.

  • Someone in the group should note down whatever final agreement is reached.

• The facilitator is responsible for making sure everyone has a chance to speak. They can also utilize some of the following tools to reduce tension or recenter the group.

  • Suggesting a break

  • Silence

  • Ritual - it may be beneficial for us to develop some specific rituals to support something like this, it is not something we have at this time.

Closing

Close the circle with a go-around where everyone shares something. Everyone is invited to share whatever closing thoughts they have, but they are also encouraged to share something they learned and/or something they feel hopeful about.

Follow up restorative circle

Prepare for and begin the follow up restorative circle in the same way as the initial circle, by filling out the worksheet, holding an opening intention setting activity, and having structured intentional share outs. 

After the share outs, evaluate the situation. It will often be clear how people feel, but consider doing a thumb-o-meter or other polling method to gauge what everyone thinks:

• 👍RESOLVED: if it feels like the situation has more or less been resolved, celebrate🥳! Use the time to create some type of celebration. Conflict is hard and we navigated our way through it together!

• PROGRESS or OPPORTUNITY: if the situation is not resolved but it seems like there is progress being made or the share outs highlighted a new opportunity that seems promising, make a new plan and schedule another follow up circle.

• 👎STALLED/ BROKEN/ DETERIORATING: If the situation does not feel meaningfully better and there are no promising ideas for how to move forward, it’s time to escalate the solutions. The right next step will be context dependent. Here are some options:

  • New Plan: Sometimes reaching a final breaking point leads someone to come up with a new plan. Are there other ideas worth trying? Note that this new plan should be substantially different from what was tried already, and everyone involved should feel optimistic about the likelihood that it could work. Trying something slightly different that is not likely to succeed will only increase existing tensions.

  • Outside or Professional Help: Is there a friend of the community that can come talk with us to help us view the situation from a fresh perspective? Should we hire a professional mediator to help us talk through the issues? This option should also only be used if people are open to new creative ideas. Otherwise the effort will only waste time and resources.

  • Separation: If there is no viable solution to address existing issues, it is probably best for someone to move out. Who should move out will often be clear based on the discussions that have already happened and the way behaviors do or don’t match community values and agreements. If it is not obvious, then the community needs to negotiate.

    • Moving out is not only hard emotionally, but also logistically and financially. If someone is asked to move out, ideally the community can offer them a generous and flexible timeline, and potentially some financial support.

    • Being asked to move out can be a step in a positive direction and towards more connection. Sometimes people’s preferences and needs change. If a community member no longer aligns with the community values and practices, or if someone develops needs that the community can’t meet successfully, it is best for everyone involved to no longer force an impossible situation.

    • We currently don’t have the legal power to force someone to leave. However, this process sets an expectation that if our behavior gets us this far in an accountability process, we will be asked to leave and we will comply with that request.