The funny 55s

#24. Cherry Boat - (BFDI 1)

Today, I will be talking about the Squishy Cherries. And you all probably know what I will be talking about. But to refresh your memory; The Squishy Cherries were a disaster. Their early-game losing streak was one of the most famous moments in all of BFDI. The team did so poorly, that as a team, they lost a record of 6 challenges in a row from episode 2 to 8. Our dwindling team of underdogs was undermined to five people before the team split. The Cherries were a giant disaster. With so many big and loud personalities constantly overshadowing each other. The team was divided straight down the middle between the girls Alliance, and the Cherry boys. And they were constantly at odds. As a result, there was never a time the entire team was smiling all at once. Here are some of my favourite examples from the show.

This team was never quite on the same page, and one of the best examples of their dysfunction was in the very first challenge. Where they awkwardly maneuvered through their dysfunction, and inavertedly fell backwards into a victory.

"Now how did we do that?"

For the first episode, it didn't seem like the Cherries were going to fail as much. With the removal of Flower, things changed. But it all started when the challenge was prompted. The Cherries impaitently waited for the Announcer to hear the first challenge.

"Are you ready to get to your first challenge?"

"Now for the first challenge ever"

"You must build a boat, get in it"

"And row it across the Goiky Canal. Got it, jackasses?"

"Now get out of my sight"

And so they get to work. Under the leadership of Pin, they are going to build a boat. It's going to be made from five pieces of wood, hole filler, and a lot of nails. Of course, this leads directly into the first disaster.

Firey mutilates his hand

"Be more careful"

Here comes Eraser. And as usual, he's about to do something stupid

Always look both ways

Then Eraser does his flutter, and dies all over again

"Don't do that"

Alright! Ten seconds in and it looks like we have already had a major setback. Lets have a check in with the Fuck-up counter.

Fuck-Up Counter: 2

Disappointing results from the Squishy Cherries. Meanwhile the Grapes are working in perfect harmony.

"We work all day, we work all night, we never learned to read or write"

But back to the Cherries. They are bound to screw up again. So lets take a deep look into what they are doing.

"Pretty boxy, but okay!"

Oh right, this is where we are going to be introduced to the legendary Cherry Boat. (Made out of solid oak)

Probably the best visualization of how the Cherries functioned as a team. It was big and bulky. Lazily put together. Easily breakable. And overall just a nightmare to look at. And yet all of the team members are forced inside it, stuck between the tight confines of their container. Unable to break free from each other, they barely work as a unit. Resulting in a misguided attempt at success.

Should not hold ketchup

And yes, this boat somehow wins them the challenge. Although let it be known that this is a RARE occurance. The Cherries would never find themselves in a position with this much luck.

And then we get to their rowing idea. Probably one of the greatest WTF moments in the show. Where the audience is probably thinking "Are they really going to do this?" The answer to that question is a resounding yes.

"These are our oars?"

"Cool! I'm an oar!

"Lets get in"

So they are finally getting on the ocean. Lets check back with the counter to see how well they are doing.

Fuck-up Counter: 4

"What? That's crazy"

We don't hear from the Cherries for a while, as the grapes are completing their speedboat. But when we do cut back to them, we see their messed up plan get even worse. Because a small leak leads to a bizzare chain reaction that works like a perfect Rube Goldberg machine. Cascading in Blocky being swallowed by a fish.

"Don't hold me underwater for thirty seconds!"

Okay, doesn't seem that bad. But this is the moment where the situation goes from bad to worse.

*squirt*

"LEEEEEEEEEK"

Blocky comes to the rescue

Harassment fish to the rescue

"Yeeeoouuuch"

"Aaaaaaah"

*Chomp*

Fuck-up Counter: 7

It doesn't even end there. Because out of nowhere. Coiny, Ice Cube, and Leafy are about to interrupt. As if they had been fired out of a shotgun, they are barreling towards the unsuspecting Cherry boat.

"Huh?"

There are so many mistakes in this screenshot

Shit eating grin

(Headphone buster)

*crack*

Oh and Pencil becomes a plug

Fuck-up Counter: 11

Now the team is in panic mode. The boat is breaking apart at the seems. A leak is threatening to sink the whole boat. And a massive crack on the side will inevitably fracture the entire boat into pieces.

Also someone tell them that wood doesn't fracture like concrete

But forget that, THE BOAT IS SINKING and no survivors will be left after the boat goes down. The Cherries need to think fast, get their stuff together and band together and come up with a plan. Something that can save them from the impending doom that is approaching them.

"There's too much weight on this sinking boat"

"We have to throw someone overboard"

(garborator noises)

Fuck-up Counter: 18

But there is some silver lining to the entire situation. Because Pen manages to spot something.

"Guys, guys! The finish. Its only 20 yards (18.22m) away. We can swim there!"

"But I can't swim"

And the world's greatest boat is now gone

Now it is time to say goodbye to the legendary Cherry Boat. Our little boy, oarless friend is no long with us, to sink into the Goiky Canal. It lived a life longer than anyone could have expected. It should have sank the instant it made contact with water. But somehow the boat didn't melt, and managed to sail almost all the way across the Goiky Canal, which is at least 500 miles wide.

Could be an engineer

So now, the remaining Cherries are on a final push to the end.

"Come on, Match. Come swim with us!"

"STFU and give me my sleep, OMG it is like totally a watery grave"

"I'll just go on my own"

"Hey, my nonexistant ears hear voices"

"Oh, everyone's just drowning Spongy"

Things just got real, the challenge is running to a close. And the challenge is so close it's coming down to a race to the finish line. Somehow, the Cherries have survived a terrible boat, internal conflict, the Death of a teammate, and a shipwreck. Yet the fierce band of Cherries have still managed to stick together, through the toughest of situations. For their only time, they might actually have a chance to win.

"What? That's crazy"

And now we get to the final showdown. It's going to come down to the wire.

But first, Bubble will die

Pen knocks Ice Cube away

And Pin pokes the hole

"The Squishy Cherries Win. Congrats"

And with that, the Squishy Cherries managed to win the first challenge. Out of no real action of their own. Watching them stumble their way into a victory was one of the most entertaining ways to start the season. To think that this was the opening challenge, and that the Cherries managed to win the first challenge. It paved the way to make their losing streak that much more infamous. And to that, we can thank the legendary dysfunctional Squishy Cherries for that.

Now to check the counter.

Fuck-up Counter: 2763

It has officially been broken by the Cherries just after one episode. I don't think there is much more I can say involving this topic, we all know just how messed up the Cherries were. And it only got worse from there on. Although their team did get decimated, the remaining five all went on deep into the game to all become some of the most legendary characters of the show.

P.S. I also love the small detail of Pin giving a little smirk when she gets an opportunity to throw spongy off the boat. That is so in character for Pin to do something like that. I don't care if it was a mistake, it just makes the scene better.

P.P.S. If you look closely in BFDIA 2, you will actually notice the Cherry boat is actually still there. Halfway sunk and with a dead Woody nearby.

The legend lives on

P.P.P.S. An underrated component of the infamous Squishy Cherry losing streak is that the people who were on that team. They had some of the biggest challenge beasts the series ever had.

Pencil won a record of six challenges. Often winning challenges back-to-back. And went on a near perfect immunity run from episode 15 to 18. Until she met her unfortunate demise, all due to a flawed points system.

Pin was a challenge beast out of the gate, she hit the ground running. Winning the very first challenge, and then winning the second challenge directly after. Getting two win tokens in only 4 episodes. Another victim of her power, she soon was overthrown and eliminated with two win tokens in her pocket.

Bubble came into the game late, but still proved that she could carry her own weight. Starting out slow in episode 14, she slowly gained momentum until eventually winning 3 out of the last five challenges.

Pen also won three challenges, boosting his score into a very good position. And Spongy also delivered, winning twice.

Eraser, Blocky, and Firey. Although not being the greatest winners, they still managed to win a total of 4 win tokens between them.

So it becomes incredibly hilarious when you go back to see the losing streak, considering that these contestants were more than capable and infact, dominated nearly every post merge challenge on the show. I guess the team must have been cursed, because their inability to function together must have been incredibe.

The most dominant dysfunctional team in BFDI history

P.P.P.P.S. There was actually a secondary article to this that was coming down the road. It was canceled, but the article title was "cherries lose to a bunch of rules" because its exactly that, the Squishy Cherries may have been dysfunctional, but they still held a decent chance in challenges. In episode 2, they got screwed by having to retrieve their team member. Costing them a lot of valuable time. In episode 3 all they needed to do was turn in their tests. In episode 4 there was a second half of a challenge, which affected a numerically disadvantaged Squishy Cherry team. Causing a tiebreaker which would be decided entirely by Snowball. In episode 5 Snowball messed up the Cherrie's bridge, and caused another tiebreaker to happen. Which played out the exact same way as the time before.

P.P.P.P.P.S. As one extra fact, in addition to the hypothetical article. I once entertained a fantasy experiment about what would happen if Blocky didn't get lost in that very first challenge. Here is how I predict the game would have changed.

Episode 1: Blocky does not get assaulted by a 2 inch fish. He joins the Cherries on the swim

Episode 2: Pencil, Match, Bubble, Spongy, Blocky, Eraser, and Pen all get to start the race at the proper time, This means Pen is not catapulted into the air by a wall. It also means that Pencil, Bubble, Match, and Spongy make it to the end. And unless they are terrible at finding things (which they aren't. Look at BFDI 13) This means at least Pencil, Bubble, Match, and Spongy make it to the end. Easily out-competing Needle and Teardrop in the bucket brigade.

Episode 3: Spongy probably writes the test without any distractions. As for the grapes, Golf Ball would have probably been eliminated, meaning they lost one of their highest scorers. Paving the path for the cherries to win yet again.

Episode 4: The Cherries already won part 1 of the challenge, and with a 10-7 advantage, they can easily beat the Grapes in the second half.

Episode 5: Snowball would have been eliminated by now, meaning he doesn't have the opportunity to destroy the challenge and force a tiebreaker. The Cherries probably could literally walk to another victory.

That's as far as I got on the thought experiment. But it does go to show how one moment almost definitley torpedoed the entire tradjectory of the Squishy Cherries. This was their sesaon to lose, and yet they somehow did.

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