#17. The Cranking Chronicles - (BFDIA 5)

In BFDI. Certain scenes are funny because of circumstance.

Other scenes were funny because they were unexpected.

Or other times it was a running joke.

But other times, and these are the best kind of scenes. Is when it's all character humour. Where a scene isn't resting on absurdity, and only focuses on how the characters would interact with each other in any given situation. This next scene I would like to talk about is full of character moments throughout the entire two episode run.

It happened when everyone had spent the episode getting brutally murdered, leaving six contestants to confront each other.

Coiny is awesome, I can't stress that enough.

Sick burn. (Pun intended)

So after some pointless bickering between the Firey Speaker Box and Coiny. It's time for the host to bestow the final 6 with a punishment challenge.

I'm not going to spend the time explaining why each character scene is so entertaining. It should be easy enough to remember how the scenes went. The next scene is such a mean spirited and underrated moment in the show. It just has to be included.

Any scene with Match is going to be entertaining. So let's hop straight into it.

This is where episode 5c ends, and part 4 begins. This is where the true cranking chronicles commence. It starts with a interaction between Ruby and Book.

Now I want to know your opinion on this.

There are two schools of thought. One group of people think that this was always intended to be the joke. Another group believe that it Michael and Cary forgot to un-include Ruby in the second half of the episode. I personally think that the first is still more likely, especially considering how sharp the writing had become by that point.

But onto the next scene. This is the scene everyone remembers from the pointless cranking storyline.

I always love this exchange so much, form the complete entitlement of Match to the downright bizarre rebut Nickel comes up with. It's not something so laugh out loud unless you are familiar with the characters.

So far Match is winning this argument, there's no doubt about it. Nickel has been tossed and thrown around, slapped, humiliated and bewildered. But now he has the chance to get the last word. And what will he say to even the score? What possible insult can he come up to put Match in her place? There are endless possibilities.

• He could tell Match she's lazy

• He could tell Match she's fat

• He could tell Match she's uglier than Pencil

• He could tell Match Firey isn't interested

• He could tell Match she's not coming to his birthday party (™Scissors)

• He could stab Match

Instead he chooses none of the above. This snark better be good. Is it?

Nope, not at all, Match continues her breaktime as if nothing was even mentioned in the first place.

As we can see, Match's behavior is already starting to rub-off on Nickel's speech patterns.

See, Nickel. THIS is how you insult someone. Match insults like a eighth grader, she knows what someone is insecure about, and uses that to her advantage. Meanwhile Nickel just gets angrier and angrier. Before Match pulls out another trick.

Match is going for her second breaktime, but she's running out of valid excuses to not do work. She will have to get more creative in the future.

Nickel and Match are really such a underrated pairing. I wish we got more scenes of the two of them interacting with each other. Because watching Match roast the life out of Nickel for 30 minutes would be a wonderful addition to the season. Unfortunately, at the start (and end) of the episode, Match was eliminated. Meaning we would never get to see the pair interact again.

But back to the episode. After 78 days, the final segment of the cranking chronicles will come to a close. The HPHPRCC™ has finally served it's purpose. Now we get some useless bullshit to fill in the rest of the episode.

What results is a mad scramble to solve the problem before time runs out.

Of course, this just leads to a lot of bullshit between the start and the end of the scene.

Okay here's where the writers were actually bullshitting us. Because it turns out this is just one huge screw-the-audience joke. Because instead of a terrifying deadly explosion, the HPHPRCC™ disappears without a trace. Leaving the group bewildered, tired, and giving Book the biggest ego boost of her life.

P.S. When coming up with the HPHPRCC Acronym, I decided to ask you guys for help in ideas. And while 90% of the ideas thrown at me were useless. They were so entertaining to read. About 95 percent of the people I asked sent me a 6-50 word string of expletives. So I have learned that I shouldn't ask you guys questions unless I want the answer to be incredibly vulgar.

P.P.S. Here is a me-fact: In 2013 I had a dream I was attending the viewing party of BFDIA 5e. I was really excited to see it, and all of the cast of BFDI was there, from Pencil, Book, Ruby, and even Match. Who I remember was sleeping in the corner on her breaktime. I find this interesting since at that point in time since I stopped watching BFDI due to the neurotic black comedy of BFDIA 5c leaving me with a poor taste in my mouth. I have no idea how I learned about Match having a breaktime in that episode.

P.P.P.S. I've gone on to say many times, that the scene wehre Nickel calls Match a "poo poo face" was also singlehandedly responsible for creating Nickel's BFB personality. If you don't remember. In BFDIA, Nickel was known as the downer, pessimst. In BFB, his personality was completley warped into the zany guy who says random gibberish and is supposed to sound funny.

That is no coincidence. He said one childish thing in BFDIA 5d, and it became his whole personality not but four episodes later.

P.P.P.S. I really hope someone got all the BS number-references in Book's manual.

P.P.P.P.S. Alien here. I am probably the reason for the sheer amount of vulgar responses, as I'm way more loose on humor than Remy is. Also goodnight and I must now disappear.

P.P.P.P.P.S. Before I disappear, This is Match when she is called to make a judgement:

Match: OMG, he/she is like, totally, guilty. I cannot believe this lowly little person is in court!!!

Judge: Get out.