Shumin: Hi everyone, I'm your host Shumin, and you're listening to The Extra Mile podcast, where we share conversations, reflections, and practical wisdom from Singapore's Down syndrome community. Today I'm joined by Carol, a wonderful and energetic mum of two. I've really been inspired by her passion for changing perceptions of Down syndrome in Singapore through openly sharing her family's journey with her son, Jacob. Carol, thank you so much for joining me today. To start us off, could you tell us a little bit about yourself and your family?
Carol: Sure. Hi Shumin. Thank you so much for inviting me to be part of this podcast. It is truly a privilege to be here and to have the opportunity to share about our family's journey. Hello to everyone who is listening today. I hope my story will encourage families who are going on a similar journey and perhaps help others see the beauty and potential of individuals with Down syndrome.
So, a little about myself. I'm Carol. My husband, Jensen, and I have been married for 12 years now, and we have two wonderful children, Jacob and Clare, who are turning seven and three next month. Professionally, I've spent about 20 years in the financial services industry, working closely with clients and advisers. In recent years, I've also been helping to shape the advisory landscape in Singapore by building tools and platforms. But if you ask me what has shaped me the most as a person, it hasn't been my career. It's becoming Jacob's mum.
We are also Christians, and our faith has anchored us throughout this journey. I once thought having a child with Down syndrome would be one of the biggest challenges in my life. But looking back today, I can honestly say it has become one of God's greatest gifts to our family.
Shumin: Carol, I'm always so moved to hear you say that with such conviction. I'm sure our listeners will really want to hear the journey of how you moved from seeing Jacob's diagnosis as a challenge to now seeing it as God's greatest gift to you. But before that, tell us a little bit more about Jacob. What is he like? What are some things that he loves?
Carol: If you met Jacob before knowing his diagnosis, I think you would simply remember him as the little boy with the biggest smile. He's incredibly affectionate. He loves hugging people, giving kisses, making new friends, and remembering people's faces. He also loves music, dancing, swimming recently—although he doesn't know how to swim yet—and, of course, like all children, he loves playing in the playground. Recently, he's quite a thrill seeker. He loves roller coaster rides, Viking rides, and anything adventurous. He genuinely enjoys going to school every day. So that's a little bit about Jacob.
Shumin: He sounds like such a great joy to be around. Is there a particular memory of Jacob that always brings a smile to your face?
Carol: There's one story that often makes me smile. It happened when he was just a baby, probably only one year old. Our helper has been with us since Jacob was born and is still with us today. She's terrified of needles. There was one routine health check, and she was almost in tears. Jacob looked at her, sensed that she was scared, and started tearing up too. That was when I realised that even as a baby, he seemed to feel what others were feeling. That empathy has always been part of who he is.
Shumin: Wow. I love that story. I see that same sensitivity in Mia as well. I think our kids do feel things very, very deeply. I can imagine that empathy and sensitivity have brought so many beautiful memories to your family over the years. You mentioned you have a younger daughter, Clare. What was it like when Jacob became an older brother?
Carol: When Clare was born, it took Jacob a little while to adjust. In fact, for one week, he didn't even want to go near her or touch her when she came home. But today they share such a beautiful relationship. Almost every morning before school, he'll kiss her, and they hold hands as they walk down to take the bus together. One thing Jacob has taught me is that joy is often found in the simplest things. He celebrates little victories, lives fully in the present, and loves people without any conditions.
Shumin: That's such a beautiful picture of who Jacob is. Carol, why don't you bring us back to the beginning of your journey with Jacob? What was it like the day you received his diagnosis?
Carol: I definitely remember that day vividly. I was at work, sitting in a meeting, when I suddenly received an email from the clinic saying that my screening results showed a high risk of trisomy 21. I didn't know what that was, so I immediately Googled what it meant. The moment I read "Down syndrome", my whole world just collapsed. It came to a standstill. I honestly couldn't hear anything that was being discussed in the meeting anymore. It was like those movies where everything becomes a blur. I apologised to my colleagues and told them I needed to go home because something had happened.
The moment I reached home and closed the door, I just cried. I even wrote Jacob a note immediately while I was crying. The weeks and months that followed were probably the lowest points in our lives. I cried every single day for about a month.
To be honest with you, we thought about abortion. We even contemplated it. That wasn't an easy thing to admit, but I think it's important to be honest because I believe many parents experience thoughts they never imagined they would have. It was really, really tough.
In the end, two things made the decision for us: our love for Jacob and our obedience to God. Those were the reasons we chose to keep Jacob.
Shumin: Thanks for sharing that with us so vulnerably, Carol. I know that's not easy to share. You mentioned a little bit about the days and weeks after the diagnosis. Tell us a bit more about what that was like. What were some of your biggest fears and worries back then?
Carol: Yeah, they were incredibly difficult. People who know me will know I'm the sort who doesn't worry much. But I think during that month, or those few months that followed, I had more worries than ever before. As I mentioned, I cried every single day for about a month, and I couldn't work. I was very thankful because my boss back then was very understanding. She simply told me to take a break and stay at home. We decided to go ahead with an amniocentesis to confirm the diagnosis. I still remember sitting in the counselling session before the procedure. The doctor used terms like "mental retardation", which was the medical term used back then. After hearing those words, I just stopped listening. My heart sank. It was so devastating.
Like many parents, I worried about everything. Would Jacob be accepted in society? Would he have friends? Would he go to school? Would he ever be independent? Would he suffer? And honestly, there were selfish thoughts too. We were thinking, could we accept it? Could we accept that our son had Down syndrome? All these thoughts just kept repeating every day.
Shumin: Those are very human fears, Carol. They're very real worries indeed. I can definitely relate to that heart-sinking feeling.
Carol, you were also sharing with me that while you were pregnant with Jacob, you prayed every single day that God would heal him. Could you tell our listeners a little bit more about what those prayers were like? What were you hoping for at that time?
Carol: Every single day I prayed. In fact, I was looking for the note that I wrote to Jacob. It wasn't a note that I was proud of. I prayed to God, "Please heal Jacob. Please heal him." My prayers were always asking God to remove the Down syndrome, to cure him, because I believed healing meant changing his chromosome.
But looking back now, I realise those prayers, even though they came from love, also came from fear. I simply wanted life to be easier for our son and for ourselves.
Shumin: So then, was there a particular moment—or even a series of moments—where something began to shift in your heart?
Carol: Yes, definitely. But it wasn't one dramatic moment. While I was still pregnant with Jacob, I became determined to learn everything I could about Down syndrome. I wasn't just looking for medical information. I was searching for hope.
And by the way, if anyone is listening to this, I hope you would approach Shumin or myself, because Google really isn't the best place to learn about Down syndrome. It's filled with so much negativity and so many fears.
So I was really searching for hope. I searched online and through social media for families raising children with Down syndrome. Eventually I found a few families overseas who openly shared their lives. Seeing their joy, love, and very normal family life comforted me tremendously. I even texted one of them just to thank her for her posts.
Around that time, Jensen and I finally felt ready to meet Karen and Samuel. They're close friends from our church who also have a lovely daughter with Down syndrome. I remember what Samuel said to us during dinner. He asked, "If God knocked on your door today and asked you to take care of His baby, whatever condition or disability that baby had, would you not do it?" That question was so different from everything I had read or been told. It completely changed everything for me. I remember going to God and saying, "Okay, God, let's do this together. I'm only the biological mum. You are Jacob's heavenly Father, and I'm counting on You to take care of him." Somehow, in that moment, so much of the pressure lifted. I experienced the peace that transcends all understanding. I had this deep sense of assurance that Jacob would be well taken care of—not because of how capable I was, but because our Heavenly Father loves him even more than I could ever imagine. I also remember telling my husband, "We can cry all we want now. But when Jacob is born, there should only be tears of joy, because he is never a burden. We chose to have him."
Looking back, I think that was the beginning of my heart changing. Of course, the biggest turning point came the moment Jacob was born. I remember hearing him cry, and it was love at first sight. Suddenly, the diagnosis faded into the background. I wasn't looking at a condition anymore. I was just looking at my beautiful baby boy.
Somewhere along the journey, I believe God answered my prayers—but not in the way I expected. Instead of changing Jacob, God changed my heart. Today, I no longer pray for God to remove Jacob's Down syndrome because I sincerely believe Jacob is wonderfully made in God's image. I thought I was praying for God to transform my son, but instead, He used my son to transform me.
Shumin: Wow, Carol. That's really such an incredible work of transformation that God has done, and continues to do, in your heart. Thank you so much for sharing that.
As you've walked this journey with Jacob, were there specific people, experiences, or conversations that helped shape it for you? You mentioned Karen and Samuel. What were some of the other people or experiences that helped you along the way?
Carol: Absolutely. Firstly, our family. An interesting point to note is that I didn't even tell my parents that Jacob had Down syndrome until two weeks before I gave birth. I didn't want to meet them because I felt they couldn't accept it, and I just wasn't in the right frame of mind. So my husband went over two weeks before I gave birth and told them. You know what? Surprisingly, they were so cool about it. In fact, my dad, of all people—and they were pre-believers then—said, "It's God's gift. It's God's gift to you." It was so amazing. So I would say our family was a great support.
Then there was our church community. Apart from Karen and Samuel, we also have a small group of parents with children with Down syndrome. Recently, we even had a new mum join us. We meet regularly, and we have a group chat.
Along the way, we also met wonderful doctors like Dr Bhavani, therapists, and Jacob's teachers, who were amazing. And of course, other Down syndrome parents, like yourself, Shumin. It's wonderful that we have this community as well. They all played such an important role.
I also remember meeting older children and adults with Down syndrome. They changed my perspective because, before that, Down syndrome was just a diagnosis. Suddenly, it had faces. It had families, friendships and joy.
I also witnessed incredible kindness from people all around us, and that reminded me that we were never walking this journey alone.
Shumin: Yeah, it truly does take a village, doesn't it? It's such a wonderful reminder to our listeners as well that there's never a need to walk this journey alone.
Carol, your faith has clearly been a significant part of your journey. What do you think Jacob has shown you about God that you might not have understood before becoming his mum?
Carol: Jacob has shown me God's heart in ways I never understood before. He doesn't love people because of what they can do. Jacob simply loves them because they are people. He's such a kind boy. He's quick to forgive. Clare and him—they love each other, but as with all siblings, it's a love-hate relationship every day. Yet he's always so quick to forgive. He doesn't hold grudges. He's so kind to his Mei Mei. He celebrates little things, lives in the present, and loves unconditionally. Sometimes I wonder whether we spend our whole lives trying to become more like Jesus, while Jacob naturally reflects so many of those qualities.
Having Jacob also brought Jensen and me closer together. We leaned on one another in ways we never had before, and together we found ourselves drawing closer to God. Looking back, what I once thought would break us actually strengthened both our marriage and our faith.
Shumin: I've heard so many stories of marriages being shaken by a diagnosis, so that's really encouraging to hear. It's also a beautiful reminder that our stories don't always unfold the way we expect them to. Maybe if you could go back today and sit beside that version of yourself who had just received the diagnosis, what is something you would say to her?
Carol: Firstly, I would hug her. Then I would say, "You're going to be okay." Your son is going to bring you so much more joy than sorrow, and he will teach you far more than you will ever teach him. Take one day at a time. Your life isn't falling apart. It's about to become more beautiful than you can ever imagine. And I would tell her not to let fear write Jacob's story before he's even had the chance to live it.
Shumin: "Don't let fear write Jacob's story before he's even had the chance to live it." Those are really beautiful words.
For anyone listening today who might have just received a diagnosis, or is still struggling to process or make sense of one, what would you like them to know?
Carol: Firstly, breathe. If I could, I would give you a hug as well. You don't have to process everything today. As I said earlier, don't just Google your child's future and your future. Go and meet someone with Down syndrome. Talk to us. Talk to parents. Visit their families. See the smiles. See the joy. See what is possible. Most importantly, know that you're not alone. There is an entire community ready to walk alongside you. Your child is not a problem to solve. Your child is a person to love.
Shumin: Thank you, Carol. That's really encouraging. Carol, as our time draws to a close, I like to end each episode with this question. What is one of the greatest gifts that Jacob has given you?
Carol: I think the greatest gift that Jacob has given us is perspective. Jacob completely redefined success for me, especially living in Singapore. Before becoming his mom, I probably measured life through achievements and milestones, like many Singaporeans do. But today, we celebrate kindness, joy, presence, love, and relationships.
And I think most importantly, we learn to slow down. Not everything needs to be so fast and efficient.
Jacob also gave me purpose. He has given me a purpose because of Jacob, I've met incredible families, I've become involved in advocacy, and dream about building stronger support systems so that no parent ever needs to feel alone after receiving a diagnosis.
And above all, I think Jacob has brought me closer to God, strengthened my faith, and I often say this: I thought God gave Jacob to me. But now, when I think back, I think God gave me to Jacob because I needed him far more than he ever needed me.
And that is why I can say today with complete conviction that being Jacob's mom has been one of God's greatest privileges and gifts in my life. Thank you.
Shumin: Thank you so much, Carol. Thank you for sharing your journey with such openness and honesty. It's been a real privilege to hear this story, and I know it will encourage many families who are listening today as well.
Well, if you'd like to follow Jacob's journey or connect with Carol, you can find them on Instagram at jacobawesomesim. Is that right?
Carol: That's right.
Shumin: And to everyone listening, thank you for spending this time with us. We hope this conversation has reminded you that while the journey may not look the way you first imagined, you don't have to walk it alone. Thank you for listening to The Extra Mile. We'll see you in the next episode.
Carol: Thank you.