notepad poems
(I have 100+ poems/sentences currently residing in my phone notepad, here are some)
(I have 100+ poems/sentences currently residing in my phone notepad, here are some)
Feeding myself with bits of nothingness to mend the ever growing hole of nothing. My sky is full of falling stars
And when the anger decides it wants to take over, it takes over fully.
Red hot, it spreads fire in my veins. I shimmer from end to end, vessel to vessel, flaming to burst.
Then it simmers down-- red to orange to white to blue. it goes away fast as it comes.
Sometimes when the red takes over, I let it go. I let it pour out of me and burst into the sea of blue. I let it control me till it becomes my eyes.
Then the blue washes over me: it becomes my heart and it regrets.
it washes away & it promises to be better.
But the red comes again. And the blue ,as always, cowers.
cant tip my scales into my demise
my shadow falls further in love, and love, neither in love, but in love, or in love, yet in love, so in love.
after words for departure by Louise Bogan
and so the heartbeat rose from its perch on my ribs and gleaned the silence.
then went back to its post and wore the "silence like a bloom."
Even my heart doesn't know what to do with this behemoth silence. It removes itself from its string, sits on the ribs, and just watches.
No emotion comes out, they are all hiding for the gaping silence is there and here.
Anger cowers, laughter frowns, sadness laughs happiness dims. They all hide.
And darkness arose wearing doom and gloom like a second skin.
The feeling of _______
my pulse pounding underneath my forehead making it hard to think, washing away the fog but bringing a new type of pain, intangible.
my body slumped over but standing tall, the push and pull of muscles & tendons wondering why they exist in a meaningless sack rooted smack dab in a void.
deep within my heart, I hear a silence, unrecognizable yet so close to overtaking my every being.
i stare at the other me flushed under the harsh light of the warm bathroom mirror. See myself in the cave I’ve built way beneath my crystal red eyeballs.
a hand comes to caress, slowly tracing a path down my jaw as sigh after sigh, tinged with despair, unwillingly exit my mouth.
to what do I owe this pleasure of naming this thing so ingrained in me, hiding till it can take its leave and showing up whenever it pleases?
It knows I never know how to handle it. That i either anchor myself and ride the waves to my doom or I feel my way dizzy into peeking in its mind;
a mind that is my own.
the feeling of _______
where do I go next when it doesn't fulfill me anymore? When the sighs come deeper and the stares, once filled with endless excitement, now blank.
i retreat.
& sit in this bright darkness and try to quantify why my body, my brain, are crumbling as I watch from within.
Oh, and the tears don’t fall because they don't know how.
stuck in the limbo of the feeling of ______,
the words don't come, they hide now,
washed in gray, hunched over, and screaming from every knuckle to every eyelash.
the garden of flowers on the wall, calls.
Rapid as they come, another dot lines up in the clouds.
The silent aging of nature moves the hand of the clock as it pleases:
Forward & forward, till time means nothing when my eyes glance up.
Still, the waves crash on the shore
Awash in blue, trudging on underneath the sea
-
I wish as my age comes and goes, I see the beauty in moving upwards.
That the stickiness of growing does not pass me by.
To experience is to feel and nothingness is the epitome of silence
From 16 forward, the day of birth has become one of great apathy
Joy never shows their face,
Leaving me to reconcile the barren land alone.
-
New in a way that is old
Twisting and spinning into what lies ahead.
19, nineteen, dix-neuf, diciannove, negentien.
To you, i say nothing and everything;
Holding words to a flame I can never douse.
I speak and the words walk
broken, intangible inside your soul alight
My dear, you are so much than those imbued with simpleness could see.
The air breathes about your being, molding its essence to the grace and glory you exhale.
I yearn to tangle and fall into the flowers filling the present
With you. You. And you
The water sluices down an exhausted body,
tangling with weighed-down planes,
to an eternity not comprising of exhaustion.
What we have now is not what's to come:
the thoughts breathe as they slice through
un-organic ,real-time, trans-cendence.
You carry what you hold-- no, this isn't about you.
I carry what i hold,
centering a body ridden with expectations, worry, burden, time
underneath this drainage pipe,
the water, tears i cannot shed. Rather, I will not shed.
What's to come in what we have now?
I sit in multiplicities,
At once existing in space and the liminal,
a brain short-circuited by the laboring slurp of a pastry-based tea;
gulping down silence such as the sun swallows itself whole to breathe, to be.
She said she was feeling some type of grief,
a mourning for the flash of redefinition one had to do under the guise of a pedestal spelling bee.
I said i was feeling my skull reverberate,
the school nurse's stressed tone asking-- the 7th time this week-- 'have you tried drinking some water?'
She told me that she poured it all into the water,
and let the water carry the grief through her body from her mind,
unto the letters,
into the ground,
To the tears she cannot shed.
I said i have water next to my blinking red clock and yet
the ping pong ball of a pendulum swings its way through my brain,
the water a pathway to the other side.
I cant watch my family go.
Another report means
We are going to Walmart soon.
I hear the rattle of the cart with their arguing sounds over "The List"
praying
over the exits.
Dear God im not sure where i can hide my
Brother, he cant run as fast
Maybe in the clothes, ill stay with him
My other brother and my mom can dash
They will be fine, yes ? They will be fine
No harm on their name shall prosper
I whisper i hold i push i look
I say lets go we dont have time wedonthave time
Mom says we have all the time in the world
My gaze says so did the 10 people dead 10 injured 5 people dead 10 injured
But she doesnt hear
till i am bawling mess on Aisle 8 : Baking
lets go mom, i beg you lets go. my selfish body cant hold this grief
maybe that one day will be distraction enough for them to get away
We cant go anywhere. We need to stay here.
Till its over, its over,
my prayers my prayers
Dont be in vain.
0% there. Please keep your computer on.
A descent from the ground.
The wind carries brisk steps.
Darkness tickles my nostrils.
The chill hazes my tongue.
10% there. Please keep your computer.
A group of men. One teetering on the mountain edge.
"Cinderella man cinderella"
Disjointed tones color their gaze.
They look at me.
My smudged shoes, eaten up by dust.
A police car passes.
21% there. Please keep your.
Mother says you are doing too much you are doing too much.
Double visioned, another lonesome person
Updates are underway. Please keep
Orange beams restrict our knowing
I look anyways
I hope she is not cinderella man, cinderella.
Mother says you are doing too much, i think you are doing too much
Please.