Coach Lynch uses intramural football as scouting program

Head varsity football coach Jordan Lynch has begun scouting intramural flag football players, claiming the true mark of a champion is dodging defenders while holding a Gatorade and a half-eaten burrito. 

As the intramural season has begun many players are using it as a fun way to interact with one another or get better at their trash talk game, but behind the scenes Coach Lynch has been watching with a keen eye for any suspected players that have significant talent. This has led players to start acting differently, such as exclaiming, “I’m not even trying!” if they lose the ball or make a mistake. 

Barda-Dowling Stadium has now become the home for a secret scouting operation where players must now “lock in” in order to impress the coach. As players go about the game, slight nods and glares at a note pad can be seen from the sidelines, leaving them in confusion as to why recreational flag football is suddenly so interesting.

”Why is Coach Lynch watching us?” Alonso Beltran, a sophomore at MC, says while walking to the field. “I’m not trying to play. Man I never thought of playing football, but I guess since he’s watching. May as well try.”

Now in the past students have always come into these events with joy and a laid-back attitude with the goal of having fun, but ever since the first game when players saw a nodding head coach of a state championship team they started to gather that this game was different from the rest. 

With a new batch of freshman and loads of talent Lynch was on a mission to retrieve that one hidden player who never thought of playing because his mom told him it was too dangerous. Coach Lynch plans to find that boy.

MC junior Logan Wessel was suspicious from the start. He referred to the look on Coach Lynch’s face during flag football games as one of concern which was unusual in the setting.

“I didn’t suspect much,” Wessel said, “but there was something off. Stern facial expressions, constant nodding, and the glimmer in his eyes as a player catches a sub par pass from a hockey kid starting as QB.”

Coach Lynch was overheard by a passing player saying, “If only I could get the hockey stick out of his hand, this kid could go somewhere.” 

Players started to catch on, pretending to mess up during intramural games to see what reaction the coach would have if the rumors were true, but Coach Lynch kept his secret hidden as he pretended to not watch the game and enjoy his footlong Italian sub; however everyone knows that a football coach not watching a football game right in front of him is highly suspicious, even if the footlong was delicious.