“From indulgences to Caramel Pops”--Mr. Murphy's addition to the Church’s scandal

For as long as they have been around, Catholic schools have always been obsessed with money. Whether it is a two-dollar dressdown for this, five dollars for the mission collection, or tuition getting raised five-hundred dollars, students already know the spiel. And don’t even get students started on the administration of MC really managing to cram it down students' throats when it comes to Walkathon. But a new opponent to parents' wallets is on the rise with math teacher Mr. Jack Murphy, as he is scandalously threatening to take even more money from students.

His plan involves selling candy during class periods to allegedly raise a couple bucks for the Carmelite mission collection. In particular, Mr. Murphy has a complete monopoly on all food in his classroom, with the only way to get anything to eat in his class is by buying it from him and not allowing students to eat anything they have brought in themselves. He has even gone as far as to propose a school-wide ban on all nutritional products to keep students hooked on his sugary fix.

Suspiciously, his candy comes with many incentives, as students who buy his candy are coincidentally getting better grades. This is causing juniors and seniors across MC to go nuts when they realize they can now buy their way to an A since no one at this school likes to do work anyway, this could be a good thing as there now is a temporary cure for senioritis.

There still is much debate among the student body whether or not the candy is the first sign of scandal at MC. Mr. Murphy already made it a mandatory requirement for his class to buy a license to a homework software just so his students can even complete the required classwork. Many students are already uncomfortable with paying even more money to a software corporation for an education when they already pay hefty tuition. All in all, buying software for homework was just a one time thing. What worries some people more is the fact that students' grades are getting raised because of this.

“Man, since I can't cash in on this sweet, sweet opportunity, I'm never going to get an A," said an upset senior, Bruno Kolom, who was outraged with Mr. Murphy’s decision to not take Apple Pay, claims his typical strategy of studying isn't working like it used to. “I guess at the end of the day it lowkey doesn't even matter. What does an A even do anymore?” 

Now this is not the first time Catholics have sold out for money. Long before MC existed, the church was already selling things for benefits. Back in the day, the church used to sell indulgences, which made some so mad that they ended up leaving the church all together because of it. This is a major concern to the administration that some might be offended in a similar way and transfer . Mr. Murphy denies that this scandal is of the same caliber and that it isn't even a scandal at all because the money is going towards "charity.”

Although Mr. Murphy would not comment on whether students' grades were going up in connection to candy sales, one thing is for certain: this movement certainly raked in “profit” for the “mission collections.” Students are now hurting themselves and their studies just to personally benefit from some sweet, sweet sugar. Mr. Murphy’s candy certainly is a win for all students who are looking to treat themselves for withstanding such a high-level math class.

All things considered, this scandal is a rookie move by Mr. Murphy, since no form of evil will prevail against Mrs. Norise’s Studium and its mission collection fundraising. The whole school already knows she is winning in the mission collection since she is notorious for consistently doing so. As a result Mr. Murphy’s actions are deemed ineffective. Her Studium currently leads the mission collection total, not even close to the amount Mr. Murphy has illegitimately raised.