Leadership Blog - June 2021
We squeezed a lot of lemons this year, and some of the juice was deliciously golden
By Eileen McGrath , Brearley High School English Teacher
As I revisited old journal entries from my college years, I came across an entry about the possibility of teaching online someday. I had just heard a presentation from a teacher who taught online and he made it sound like a fun, alternative way to teach. Well, college student Ms. McGrath, you got what you asked for in 2020-2021! I hope it was just as fun as you imagined when you wrote that journal entry seven years ago.
None of my college courses or life experiences prepared me to teach, learn or survive during a pandemic. At times, it was downright anxiety-inducing, and at other times it was the most inspired I’ve ever felt while teaching. This challenging time was filled with moments in which I had no idea how to cope, and other moments when I felt like I was finally learning how to adapt. There were periods when I couldn’t wait to get back to “normal,” and others that made me think I wasn’t ready at all.
As a teacher, I thought endlessly about how to create authentic learning experiences for my students regardless of whether they were physically in my brick-and-mortar classroom. I relied heavily on student feedback to gauge what they needed from me this year. Most of this feedback was in the form of check-in surveys I sent periodically to encourage my students to set some goals, practice gratitude and reflect on how they were really doing - academically, personally, mentally, emotionally, or in any other aspect of their lives they were comfortable sharing. These surveys were a valuable tool to get to know my students throughout the year, and they are one of the many elements I plan to continue using for years to come. I honestly don’t know why I wasn’t implementing them sooner!
Now that the year is almost over, the final projects have been graded, and the gradebook is up to date, I’ve been trying to take some time to reflect on how I’m really doing and how this year really went for me. I will share some of those candid reflections with you. If nothing else, I hope they allow you a look into the perspective of what it was really like as a teacher and, if you shared some of the same feelings, I hope you know you were not alone.
I finally understand the power of a “growth mindset.” In the education world, the term “growth mindset” has been thrown around often as a way to help students see their own potential and overcome challenges. It indicates a conscious shift from, “I don’t understand this” to, “I don’t understand this YET and here’s what I’ll do to learn more.” Prior to this year, I understood the idea of a growth mindset and tried to work it in every so often when I found opportunities, but this year challenged me to keep it at the forefront of my mind. I would try my hardest to remind students that they are still learning how to adapt to this challenging year. I made a point to remind them that it is important to think of the “big picture” and long-term goals, but it’s also okay if that’s too overwhelming to do at the moment. It’s okay to focus on short-term goals and celebrate little victories. It’s okay if you don’t succeed all the time -- as long as you’re trying your best and learning how you can do better next time. I’m grateful that this year gave me the opportunity to slow down and prioritize growth mindset exercises in my classroom, and I look forward to continuing this practice for years to come.
Gratitude goes a long way. At the beginning of the pandemic, I started keeping a gratitude journal. I purchased it with good intentions in 2019, but it sat unopened on my nightstand for over a year. Then, one day last April, all of a sudden I got the desire to open it one night before bed and write down three things that made me feel joy or gratitude from that day. As the pandemic continued, I found myself working this into my routine nightly. Yes, I know this sounds cheesy, but I think refocusing my energy every night before bed did help me this year. It helped me realize it wasn’t all about the grand gestures and major victories, but the small moments that I may not have realized were so impactful to my overall well-being. It was about finding joy in cuddling on the couch with my puppy before bed. The student who never talks in class finding the courage to finally share her idea for the first time all year. The phone calls with my mom to talk about last night’s episode of This is Us. The student who tells me she recognizes how much I care for my students and the work I put into making this year as good as it could be. The random conversations with colleagues that reminded me I wasn’t going through this experience alone.
Stop aiming for “enough.” At the beginning of the school year, teachers were asked to focus on showing grace and compassion in our classrooms. Have grace when students experience technical difficulties connecting to Zoom. Have grace when students struggle with the hybrid schedule and getting due dates confused. Show compassion when we are shifting between in-person and virtual learning because of spikes in COVID cases in the community. The list went on and on, and I did so without any hesitation because I knew it was what my students needed. I can honestly say that I wholeheartedly gave as much grace and showed as much compassion to my students this year as I possibly could. I gave so much grace and showed so much compassion to everyone in my life that I barely had any to give myself. I was so concerned with everyone else’s well-being, yet I would beat myself up when I stumbled throughout the year. I’d fall into a feedback loop in which I’d convince myself I wasn’t doing “enough” or, at the worst moments, that I was a failure. The truth is, I’ve come to learn that “enough” is just a way for me to compare myself to other people’s success. What I might consider to be “enough” may be completely different from what someone else’s “enough” looks like. “Enough” is all relative, and if I spend all my energy trying to keep up with everyone else and trying to do everything for everyone, then no one is truly being set up for success. However, what I do know is I am one imperfect person. I made mistakes this year. I learned from them. I had bad days. I had some good days, too. I had moments in which I didn’t care at all. And other moments where I felt so deeply and thought so critically about so many things that it all made my heart ache. But amidst all of that, I did the absolute best that I could this year. To teach. To learn. To survive. To grow. To just be. And I’m going to say that my best was “enough.”
I am looking forward to this summer. I’m looking forward to (finally!) getting married. I’m looking forward to the chance to relax. And I’m looking forward to taking some time to continue to reflect on what I learned this year. But, first, I’m going to give myself permission to take a break and take a much needed nap.
Have a wonderful summer, everyone in the Kenilworth community!