Menaka

Image Information: A cave painting of two apsaras. (Wikimedia Commons)

I wandered through the forest in a daze, unsure of where to go. Shakuntala was asleep, pressed up against my chest in her sling. I gently brushed her dark curls with my fingertips and absentmindedly thought of how much she looks like her father.

Her father...

My heart wrenched at the thought of him, and fresh tears sprung to my eyes. The memory of being banished by him, though from days ago, was still fresh in my mind.

I was returning from the river with a jug of water balanced on my head. Shakuntala was in her sling, babbling and cooing as I smiled at her. I entered our home and greeted Vishwamitra with a gentle kiss to his temple.

"Hello, my love, we have returned."

He tensed at my kiss and turned to me with a look of anger.

"Woman, how did you know where I was meditating three years ago?"

Shocked by his sudden question, I knelt by his chair and touched his arm gently.

"What? Where is this coming from? Vishwamitra, tell me what is wrong!"

At my plea, Vishwamitra shook free of my grasp, stood up, and glared at me. He hissed,

"You were sent by Indra to distract me! You never loved me, you viper!"

I gasped at his accusation as Shakuntala, sensing our anger, began to cry. I quickly attended to our daughter before turning to my husband, venom in my eyes.

"Yes, I was sent by Indra. Yes, my original purpose was to distract you from your meditations. But you are wrong; I fell in love with you soon after our first meeting and I still love you now. Just look at Shakuntala as proof of my devotion! Would I bear the child of someone I despise?"

At this, Viswamitra's eyes softened, but only for a moment, before he said,

"It does not matter, betrayal is betrayal. Leave now and be separated from me forever."

I shook my head, trying to forget his final words. As much as he questioned my love, his actions left me wondering if he ever loved me. I was young and foolish, eager to listen to Indra's command, but should I be punished so harshly for my past? And what about Shakuntala? Did he also resent her for something she was not responsible for? My heart ached from the thought of it all.

As the sun slinked behind the horizon, I began to set a simple camp for the night. Before Vishwamitra threw me out, I was able to pack fire-making materials, some food, and a flask of water. I made a simple fire and ate a small meal before nursing Shakuntala. Her gentle brown eyes, so similar to my own, looked up at me full of love and trust. I looked at my husband the same only days before. So much had changed so quickly, and I could never go back to how things were before.

Would I really want to go back to how things were?

The more I pondered that question, the more I knew I'd never want to live like that again. I trusted Vishwamitra as blindly as I had trusted Indra, the same jail with a different jailer. As soon as I was not useful to either of them, they abandoned me. But no more. I need to trust in myself now, for Shakuntala's sake. I need to provide for her and raise her to be able to provide for herself. I will no longer rely on another, not when their devotion is so fickle. I went to bed with Shakuntala nestled in my arms, determined that tomorrow, we would begin our new lives, dependent only on each other.

Early in the morning, I placed a sleepy Shakuntala in her sling and broke camp. I walked quickly, eager to leave the forest I had made my home for the past three years. When the sun was high in the sky, I reached the forest's edge, marked by a gentle stream. I walked parallel to the water's edge, following the current. Night fell, and I continued my trek, eager to reach my destination. Soon, the river slowed and pooled into a clear lake. I quenched my thirst with the cool water, and fell into a peaceful sleep in a clearing near the water's edge.

The next morning, I began to build our new home in the center of the clearing I slept in the night before. I mixed together mud for bricks and dried them in the sun. Day after day, slowly but surely, I built the walls of our home. It was a simple building with a large shared room for sleeping, a kitchen, and another room for storage. Shakuntala continued to grow, and as she grew, I taught her how to speak and sing, how to recite prayers and meditate on life's mysteries. I told her of her father and his abandonment of us. I never encouraged her to seek revenge, for even now I still loved Vishwamitra, but I encouraged her to learn how to take care of herself, to rely on her own strength. We gathered fruit from the surrounding forest and fished in the lake. Our life was simple, but filled with a joy I never realized I was missing all those years ago. This joy came from the strength I cultivated and carried after Vishwamitra's banishment. While it is important to open my heart to others, I now know that I must never let another person become my one focus.

I deserved to be a priority in my life, and I will never again weaken myself in the name of a fickle love.

Author's Note: I chose all of these apsaras for my Storybook Project because I felt a connection to the things they lived through and the emotions they felt. I was inspired to include a retelling of Menaka's story because I felt a need to tackle the emotions that come with deeply loving someone who does not feel the same about you and the sense of abandonment that comes when that relationship ends. Menaka might not have had the best intentions when she first met Vishwamitra, but she made up for this in her love and support of him. Even with all she had done, however, Vishwamitra's pride could not let go of Menaka's past mistakes. From his lack of forgiveness, Menaka learned that she cannot hold on to someone who is unable to forgive her mistakes, and consequently, cannot love her in a deeper, selfless manner. As women, it is so easy for us to look past signs of a shallow love and see the innate goodness of a person, but like Menaka, we must not settle for an unstable relationship. Also, as easy as it would be for Menaka to remain angry at Vishwamitra for his actions, she honored her past feelings for him and was able to still respect him even when he hurt her deeply. As important as it is to recognize when someone is not good for us, it is just as important to remember that they are still a person deserving of respect.

Bibliography: Menaka, Wikipedia