Anger

Everyone has felt angry at one time or another. Anger is a normal emotion, and there's nothing wrong with feeling mad. What counts is how we handle it (and ourselves) when we're angry. For some, intense feelings of anger can happen more frequently, turn into outbursts, and impact many aspects of their life, such as relationships with others, etc. Unmanaged intense anger can lead to health problems over time.

Contributors to an Increase in Anger

Pain: Being hurt, physically or mentally, is often an underlying cause of intense feelings of anger

Hormonal changes: Hormones can cause mood swings and confused emotions

Stress: People who are under a lot of pressure tend to get irritable and angry more easily

Personality: Someone who feels emotions intensely or tends to act impulsively or lose control

Role models: Growing up with family members who have over the top angry reactions to stressors

5 Steps to Control Anger

Before you react or do something you might regret - Stop & Think - before responding. Here are five steps to manage anger.

  1. Identify the problem.

    • Notice what you're angry about and why. Put into words what's making you upset so you can act rather than react.

    • Ask yourself - What's got me angry? What am I feeling and why? You can do this either in your mind or out loud, but it needs to be clear and specific.

  1. Think of potential solutions before responding.

    • This is where you stop for a minute to give yourself time to manage your anger. It's also where you start thinking of how you might react — but without reacting yet.

  • Ask yourself: What can I do? Think of at least three things.

  1. Consider the consequences of each solution.

    • Think about what is likely to result from each of the different reactions you came up with.

  • Ask yourself: What will happen for each one of these options? Will there be consequences? How might it impact me if I react that way? How will it impact the other person if I react like that?

  1. Make a decision (pick one of your options).

    • Take action by choosing one of the three things you could do. Look at the list and pick the one that is likely to be most effective with less negative consequences.

  • Ask yourself: What's my best choice? By the time you've thought it through, you're probably past any knee-jerk response.

  1. Assess your progress.

    • After you've acted and the situation is over, spend some time thinking about how it went.

  • Ask yourself: How did I do? Did things work out as I expected? If not, why not? Am I satisfied with the choice I made?

  • Taking some time to reflect on how things worked out after it's all over is a very important step. It helps you learn about yourself and it allows you to test which problem-solving approaches work best in different situations.

Coping Skills to Manage Anger Feelings

  • Exercise

  • Listen to music (with your headphones on)

  • Write down your thoughts and emotions

  • Draw or do something creative

  • Meditate or practice deep breathing

  • Talk about your feelings with someone you trust

Sometimes anger gets the best of us. If you happen to get angry with someone and did something you regret, make sure to take responsibility for your part in the situation when you're in a calm head space and reassess your coping strategies.

  • Take the time to process what happened, what triggered your feelings of anger and how you tried to manage or not manage the feelings.

  • Acknowledge that your angry reaction occurred.

  • Listen to what the other person has to say about their perspective of what happened.

  • Apologize for any hurtful things you may have said or done when you were angry.

  • Discuss ways to move forward and repair the relationship.

  • Adjust your anger management plan in the future and discuss the plan with others so they know how to help you.