You Can Learn A Lot

You can learn a lot when youre alone

at 1 in the morning

You see that loneliness gives you time

for reflection

Being lonely is only a curse when

you cant enjoy yourself

You see that you can do those extra ten

push ups as disgust reflects from the mirror to your eyes

Is that what it means to enjoy yourself?

You see that silence is pleasing

It brings peace when all you hear

Is the rush of waves crashing at the base

of your skull begging to pour out and flood the room you rest in

I wonder what it would feel like to swim in the ocean?

You can learn a lot when youre alone

at 3 in the morning

You realize that the color green has new meaning

Its not just the color of double-mint

35¢ gum that you eat to clear

your breath of the green Newport smoke

Its not just the color of buds being rolled

into a blanket of brown that

brings you to the clouds

Its not just a green label on a bottle

full of zombifying pleasures

Its not just the color of a text you

hope is not just your parents

I wonder what it is then

You can learn a lot when you're alone

at 4 in the morning

You question the validity of relationships

Compliments

Money

Love

Touch

You give them everything of value

And more

Yet you can’t even

Get a text

Or call

Or a hello

At the end of the day you aren’t sure

If you are even friends anymore

And in the darkness of the night

The loneliness

Makes you question

I wonder what life would be

In the absence of

Relationships?

Even platonic love

Is too painful to bear

You can learn a lot when youre alone

at 5 in the morning

You find that the color blue tastes different

Its not a rope choking you, making you

spit words up in an anxiety-filled fit

Its not a dark shade rather

Ombre

Shade of emotions & personalities

connected through one anomaly that

reforms your life

The color blue tastes like the tears that

flow out my eyes

But only when I’m alone

The color blue tastes like that crushing feeling

in your chest when the breath cant seem to find a way out

I wonder what it would be like without breath?

You can learn a lot when youre alone

at 2 in the morning

You find the flashes of color arent real

& you remember

The rainbow spectrum that coated your surroundings

As you found new meaning in life

& new appreciation for the miracles around you

As god whispers dirty secrets in your ear

A wolf jumped into my mouth & I howled at the moon

But no reply

I wonder why

You can learn a lot when youre alone

at 6 in the morning

You find the sunrise relaxing yet perplexing

Is that the sound of the world haunting over you

Or is it just your sleep deprived mind tricking you into a state of paranoia?

You hear the sound of your fan clicking & the chips of birds waking up to do what birds to

I wonder what that is

I wonder what it would be like with sleep

You can learn a lot when your only company is the bright red clock shining numbers into your cracked eyes

& you cant do anything but think

Johnny Lugo is a sophomore attending Wheaton college. Additionally he is part of the SOLE step team and an editor on the board of smudge. Although majoring in sociology and neuroscience, his passion for writing started young and never stopped.