We aim to stay familiar with the HOW concept and the requirements outlined in the HOW Sponsorship Guide. If something isn't listed in the Guide, it isn't a requirement of the HOW approach. Over time, personal practices, suggestions, or anecdotal experiences can sometimes be repeated as though they were official HOW requirements. These can easily become misconceptions about what the HOW concept actually asks of us. Sponsors have a responsibility to stay informed and to distinguish between the requirements of HOW and practices that may simply have become part of HOW folklore. Below, we take a look at some common misconceptions. So, pour yourself a cup of tea ☕ and let's separate the HOW facts from the HOW tales...
No. That is a common misconception. A sponsor may choose to have a personal boundary or agreement around slips, but there is no S.L.A.A. HOW requirement that says a sponsor must end sponsorship after three slips. Sponsorship is a relationship between two people working together in recovery. Boundaries and expectations are important, but they are something the sponsor and sponsee establish together.
No, not automatically. Being reliable and learning to respect boundaries can be an important part of recovery. A sponsor and sponsee can agree on expectations around daily calls, including what happens if those expectations aren't met. But there isn't a universal HOW rule saying that being late with a call means you are automatically dropped as a sponsee.
Not as a blanket rule. There isn't a requirement that everyone must stop dating until Step Nine, nor is there a requirement that someone must start dating once they reach Step Nine. The sponsor and sponsee work together to determine what action is appropriate, taking into account what the sponsee is working on in their recovery, including addiction or anorexia. A period of abstinence from relationships can give someone space to develop a relationship with themselves and with God, and to experience the spiritual growth that is central to the program. Rather than simply working toward a particular date or Step, a sponsor might ask questions such as:
- Am I experiencing a greater sense of personal wholeness?
- Am I seeing the Signs of Recovery in my life?
- Am I developing a relationship with myself and with God?
- Am I in a place where I can relate to another person without using the relationship to feed my addiction?
The decision about dating is ultimately something to discuss with your sponsor.
No. Step Nine amends can take time, and how and when those amends are completed is something the sponsor and sponsee discuss and agree upon. Recovery isn't about getting stuck on a checklist. It's about continuing to take the next appropriate action.
No. Working the S.L.A.A. HOW concept doesn't mean you can't attend or share at a non-HOW S.L.A.A. meeting. Likewise, someone who isn't working the HOW concept isn't excluded from sharing at an S.L.A.A. HOW meeting. There is room for different approaches within S.L.A.A., and members can participate in meetings that support their recovery.
I have to wait until Step Eleven before I start praying and meditating every day, right?
Actually, quite the opposite. In the HOW approach, a sponsee is encouraged to begin developing a daily practice of prayer and meditation from the beginning of their work, including when they start the first 30 Questions. Spiritual practice isn't something we have to wait until Step Eleven to begin. It's part of the foundation of the recovery process.
No. There is no universal HOW requirement that says a sponsee must wait a specific amount of time before reaching out to a former sponsor. Of course, individual relationships have their own boundaries, and those should be respected. But the idea of a mandatory waiting period is not a requirement of S.L.A.A. HOW.
Do I have to finish these Steps before I can work the Steps for anorexia?
No. If someone strongly identifies as anorexic, it may be more useful for them to work the Steps for anorexia first.This is something the sponsee should discuss openly with their sponsor so they can determine what approach is most appropriate for their recovery.
HOW is a concept and a way of working the S.L.A.A. program. It isn't a collection of additional rules that grow every time someone hears something repeated in a meeting or from another member. When in doubt, go back to the HOW Sponsorship Guide, the literature, your sponsor, and the principles of recovery.Let's keep the HOW concept clear — and leave the folklore to the campfire.
↟𖠰˚☀︎ᨒ⛺︎⛰︎ ོ ༄