A Few Poems

from my book

When Cancer Called My Name

Whispers While Waiting

Silence surrounds this
wing of the hospital,
except for the machines’ hum —
soft whispers in the air

with hushed human voices,
reverent,
almost prayerful

Strangers we are at first,
in chairs — side by side

Weeks passing slowly:
smiles
stories
time ticking

IV bags
full, emptied, and then full again
cycles without end,
leaving each of us exhausted

knowing more shall come:
more
and more

Whispers while waiting

Behind My Smile

~ What I Could Not Let Them See ~

Being cheerful is hard
Keeping a ‘stiff upper lip’
— nearly impossible —
Yet I do

Those around me —
I see the fear in their eyes
their hesitancy
to even reach out and touch me

I am not contagious
I just have cancer

What?

What did I just say?

I just have cancer?

I do have cancer ...
and it is never a just!

Yet my facial expressions
must never, ever
express my fears

I need to be strong
Stronger than ever before

Building the reserves I need to face ‘this’

I must not allow those who love me
to see or feel my
… concern …
… weariness …
… fear …

Stand taller
Smile
Be Happy to be Alive

When actually
I am
scared
trembling

dissolving
from

within

Dear Phlebotomist

A question I ask
of each of you who come
to draw my blood

I smile:
Are you a hunter?
A digger?
A persister?

When you fail to find my vein
will you continue on
and jab again?
Or will you call another
to stab
and probe?

Are you a
sure and steady sticker
or does your needle dance
as my vein collapses?

… Just asking …

So, I
might
be prepared

Doctors Practice Medicine

This phrase has haunted me
throughout my entire cancer journey:

Doctors practice medicine

What exactly does this mean?

Each patient is different —
unique reactions
to drugs, treatments, procedures

Doctors practice medicine

This means they practice on you!
new combinations
untested paths

for …

Doctors practice medicine

What they learn from you —
might serve the next traveler
on this unchartered, jagged road

It’s not easy
when you want — need — answers now
and they are still practicing

So, speak up — ask
take notes — join in — be part of the dialogue

Remember …

Doctors Practice Medicine

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