Crackilton

a novel by

S.E. Tomas

Copyright © 2015 by S.E. Tomas

All rights reserved.

1

I was in the passenger seat of my mom’s car, heading south on Highway 2 to Edmonton International Airport, when the craving first started. It came on suddenly and for no apparent reason. One minute, I was calmly looking out the window at a snow-covered field alongside the highway, thinking about the trip home, and the very next, all I could think about was doing a really big blast of crack.

At first I tried to ignore the thought. I hadn’t smoked crack for three weeks while I was in Edmonton. The last thing I wanted to do was to start smoking it again. The craving was intense, though. Even after my mom had dropped me and Emily, my five-year-old daughter, off at the airport, and we’d checked our luggage, gone through airport security, and boarded the plane, I was still thinking about getting high.

As time went on, the craving only got worse. After a while, it started to affect my concentration. I tried to watch a show on the seatback television during the flight to pass the time, but the urge to get high was so distracting that I could barely even follow the plot. I started to feel extremely edgy. I kept thinking about getting some dope and putting a rock onto the end of my stem. I kept imagining the way I’d always feel after doing the first hit. It literally made me break out in a cold sweat.

By the time we were an hour away from Pearson Airport in Toronto, I was jonesing so bad. I no longer cared about how I hadn’t smoked crack for three weeks, or how I’d told myself before going to Edmonton that I wasn’t going to smoke it anymore. For a second, I forgot that I even had my daughter with me. All I wanted to do, as soon as the plane landed, was rush back to Hamilton as fast as I could so that I could get some dope and get high.

When the plane finally landed, I picked up our luggage in the baggage claim area, jumped in a cab, and took Emily back to my ex-girlfriend Nicole, who lived in Toronto. After doing that, I got into my car, which I’d parked at Nicole’s place on my way to Edmonton, and then drove to Mississauga to pick up Christine, my girlfriend. Christine had been staying at her parents’ over the Christmas holidays. She was a graduate student at McMaster University, where she also worked as a teaching assistant, and had been on her break from school.

I was hoping that it would be a quick stop at Christine’s parents’ house, but I had no such luck. Christine’s parents had made a big dinner that night and they insisted that Christine and I go to the fridge and grab whatever food we wanted to take home with us. It was a nice gesture, but at that moment, I wanted to get high so badly that every second that delayed it was unbearable. Without being rude, I helped Christine get some leftovers out of the fridge as quickly as possible, made sure to say thank you to Christine’s mom and dad, and then we got out of there.

It took about half an hour to get to Hamilton from Mississauga. The roads were dry and it was late at night, so there wasn’t much traffic on the QEW. The entire way, I drove twenty to thirty kilometers per hour over the speed limit. I would have driven even faster, but every time I tried to Christine got nervous and told me to slow down.

My plan when I got off the freeway in Hamilton was to drop Christine off at home and then go get some dope. Christine didn’t know that I still smoked crack—it was a habit that she’d thought I’d quit when we first got together—so I had to make up a bullshit reason for why I was taking off.

“Baby, I’m just going to drop you off, OK?” I said, as we were approaching our building. “I want to go get some weed.”

Christine looked at me and sighed. “Do you really have to do that tonight?” she said. “It’s almost midnight, Jim. I thought we’d spend some time together before going to bed.”

“Yeah, I already called my weed guy,” I said. “He’ll get pissed off at me if I tell him now that I’m not coming over.”

Christine let it go without an argument. When we got to our building, on Ottawa Street, I dropped her off and then went to see Chester, the old guy that I went to to get crack in Hamilton.

It didn’t take long for me to get to Chester’s. He lived about five minutes away, on Barton Street, near Ivor Wynne Stadium. Barton was a main drag and the longest street in Hamilton, but a really long stretch of it, which included the area by the stadium, was really run-down with a lot of boarded-up storefronts. It was generally known as the place to go in Hamilton if you were looking for drugs or hookers.

When I got to Barton Street, I parked in a vacant lot and then walked over to Chester’s building. Chester lived in behind a store, so his door opened right onto the street.

A few seconds after I’d knocked on Chester’s door, the door opened. “Oh, hey, Jim,” Chester said, looking a little surprised to see me. “Long time no see.”

I hadn’t seen Chester for a while because before my trip to Edmonton, I’d been getting my dope from a crack dealer whose phone number I no longer had. Chester didn’t actually sell dope; he just acted as a middleman. He’d hook you up with a dealer and give you a place to smoke if you needed one.

Chester let me into his tiny, dirty apartment. We walked through the kitchen into a living room area, where there was a couch, a few chairs, and a coffee table in front of an old television set. At the back of the room, in a corner, was a single bed. Sometimes there were a lot of people sitting around, smoking crack in this room. Chester let people get high at his place all the time in exchange for crack. On this particular night, however, the place was empty. I didn’t even see Sal around, Chester’s roommate.

On the TV, Chester had a porn show playing. He’d been in the middle of watching it and getting high when I’d come to the door. Chester was the type of person who always got a sex buzz when he smoked crack. He almost always had a porn show on whenever I went over there.

I knew that I’d have to wait for Chester to finish smoking his shit before we could go out and meet the dealer, so right away I asked where Sal was. Sometimes if Chester was busy, or if he wasn’t home, I’d go out with Sal to meet the dealer. I was hoping that Sal was just down the street, getting a pack of smokes or something, but as it turned out, he wasn’t.

“Sal’s at his girlfriend’s,” Chester told me. “We’ll go as soon as I finish this, OK?”

I groaned quietly and sat down on Chester’s couch. Like everything else in the apartment, it was filthy and was covered in a layer of grime that you could feel on your hands as soon as you touched it. I knew that it wouldn’t be long before we’d get to leave the apartment, I was just jonesing so bad, and the apartment was so nasty and gross-smelling because of all the trash that was piled up everywhere from people constantly coming over to hang out and smoke crack, that it annoyed me that I had to wait.

Twenty minutes of sitting there turned out to be all that I could take. The breaking point came when I heard a rustling sound coming from the huge pile of trash over by the coffee table. I looked down, expecting to see a rat by my shoes, and then sat up a little straighter.

“Hey, Chester,” I said.

Chester had finished the piece he was smoking and was now just sitting there, watching his show.

“Are you going to call this guy or what?” I said. “I’m tired of waiting, man. Come on, call him already. You can watch this shit later. I want to get going. It’s late.”

By the way that I was acting, you’d think that I’d already smoked some crack. Once you smoke it, you’re extremely eager to get more and you don’t want to have to wait to get it. I’d had this craving for so many hours, though, that I just couldn’t wait any longer. I’d reached my limit for waiting.

Chester didn’t seem to be too concerned about how eager I was to leave the house. He stared at the TV for another ten seconds and then slowly reached for his phone. “How much do you want?” he asked me. “Four?”

“Yeah, four,” I said.

Forty dollars’ worth was my usual amount. No matter how much money I had on me, which was never much since the carnival season had ended a few months earlier and I’d started working temp jobs—I’d worked under the table that season and therefore wasn’t eligible to collect Employment Insurance benefits—forty dollars was about as much as I usually wanted to blow at any given time. I knew that I’d get through a forty piece pretty fast, but I also knew that by then I’d be far too paranoid, thinking the cops would be coming to bust down my door, to drive back to Chester’s in the middle of the night to get more. That’s how I always got whenever I smoked crack—totally paranoid. I didn’t used to get so paranoid when I smoked crack, or freebase, as a kid. But at some point, it just started to happen. Chester wasn’t like that, though. He didn’t get paranoid. He had no problem leaving the house.

Chester spoke to the dealer briefly and then flipped his phone closed.

“Where are we meeting this guy?” I said.

“Gage and King,” Chester said. “He’s going to meet us at the convenience store in about ten minutes.”

Chester got his ass up off the couch and then we finally left the apartment. We walked over to my car and then drove to the twenty-four-hour convenience store on Gage and King, which was only a couple of minutes away, to meet the dealer.

After waiting for about twenty minutes, the crack man finally showed up. He came up to the passenger side of my car, tapped on the window, and got into the backseat behind Chester.

A gust of cold air rushed into the backseat. It crept up the back of my neck. I turned to the dealer in my seat and gave him the money. The dealer handed me the dope. It was wrapped in a piece of plastic and tied off in a knot. Two seconds later, the back door opened and the dealer took off down King Street.

While we were still in the parking lot, I took a ten-dollar bill out of my pocket and gave it to Chester, like I usually did for a tip. I always gave him money instead of breaking off a piece of dope because I didn’t like to open the bag until I got home. It was a hassle and it took too much time.

Once that was settled, I drove back to Chester’s house to drop Chester off. After that, I headed home. Even though home was only a short distance away, it felt a lot further because all of a sudden, I really needed to take a shit. Having to shit was from the anticipation of having dope on me and knowing that in a few minutes I’d be smoking it. It happened every time I was about to smoke crack.

When I got home, I parked in the lot at the back of our building and ran up the wooden staircase to our apartment on the third floor. Christine had left the kitchen light on for me. I peered into the living room. It was dark and empty.

I took off my coat and went straight into the bathroom. When you walked into our place, the bathroom was directly to your left, as soon as you walked into the living room. It was a small four-piece with a toilet directly behind the door. The lock on the door was broken and the knob itself was almost falling off, so it was good being able to sit behind the door like that, on the toilet. It gave me a few seconds to react if I needed it.

Once I was in the bathroom, I opened the window a crack, put the bathmat up against the bottom of the door, and then grabbed my crack stem. My stem was literally just a piece of copper pipe about four inches long that I’d found one day at a temp job. Most people who smoked crack used glass stems, but I never knew where to buy glass in Hamilton. I just used whatever I could find. To prevent burning my lips when the metal heated up under the flame, I’d wrapped some electrical tape around one end of the stem. Christine thought that I used the stem to smoke weed, which was totally plausible and which I actually did sometimes, so I didn’t have to hide it from her. I had in on the bathroom shelf, in plain sight, next to my shaving kit.

As soon as my stem was in hand, I sat down on the toilet and took a shit. I’d barely eaten anything all day, so there wasn’t much in my system. I basically just peed out my ass for a few seconds.

While I sat there on the toilet, I tore off the knot in the plastic, took the dope out, broke off a chunk with my thumbnail—about ten dollars’ worth—and then put it onto the end of my stem, on top of my screen. My screen was just a piece of a stainless steel scouring pad that Christine had in the kitchen. After melting the dope into my screen a little bit, I did a really big blast, inhaling as much as I could while holding my stem upwards. Before I’d exhaled, I was already high.

The first sensation felt like I was looking out a window. I felt like I was so close to it that my nose was almost touching the glass. My heart rate jacked up. I started to sweat. My vision got blurry. I felt like there was water running down the other side of the glass, over my face. I heard this whoosh sound shoot out of each ear—a ringer, it’s called—and then my hearing intensified massively. Suddenly, I could hear everything, every little sound.

Downstairs, the neighbours had some music on. They had it really cranked up. They were a Native couple and they were always getting drunk and having these loud parties. Normally, in our bathroom you could make out little bits of muffled conversation coming from the apartment downstairs, especially if the people downstairs were talking loudly or arguing near their bathroom. That’s how shitty the insulation in our building was. Now that I was high, I could hear everything that they were saying to each other—even with the music on.

As soon as my hearing intensified, I started to feel extremely paranoid. Being able to hear all these little noises in the apartment—things that I didn’t notice normally when I wasn’t high, like the sound of Christine rolling over in bed and the bedsprings stretching, or the sound of the refrigerator compressor turning off and on—really started to freak me out. I started to get this vague feeling of paranoia. One minute I’d hear a creaking noise and I’d think someone was lurking somewhere in the apartment. Then I’d hear a car drive down Ottawa Street and I’d think it was the cops, coming to bust me.

These paranoid delusions were all that I was concerned about. Like any other time that I was high on crack, any legitimate worries that I had in my life didn’t even enter my mind. It was like they didn’t exist. The crack high just blocked them right out. The high was so intense that I was literally just sitting there on the toilet, thinking to myself, I am so fucking high right now, and listening to what was going on around me.

While sitting on the toilet, I found myself searching for little crack crumbs suddenly. I always got this strange compulsion to search for crumbs whenever I smoked crack. I’d get this feeling that I’d dropped a tiny crumb while I was smoking and that would get me started. It didn’t even matter that I still had more crack to smoke. I searched for crumbs regardless.

Because I was on the toilet, my pants were around my ankles. I reached down and started to check my pants for crumbs by running my index finger along the creases in the material. When I didn’t find anything, I started to check the floor. We had ceramic tiles in our bathroom. I checked the grout in between the tiles by my feet. I touched something that felt like a crack crumb. I picked it up and looked at it closely, but I couldn’t tell if it was crack or not because my vision was so blurry. It was hard to focus properly. I put the crumb onto the end of my stem very carefully—I was feeling jittery and I was afraid that I would drop it—and then I held my lighter to it for a second to see if it would melt.

About ten or fifteen minutes after doing the first blast, the high wore off. I was still paranoid and my hearing was still intensified because I’d done such a big hoot, but I was no longer high out of my mind. I immediately wanted to do another blast and get super high again. The urge to do this was pretty powerful.

Before I did another blast, I grabbed the towel that was hanging from behind the bathroom door and wiped my face with it. Even though I’d only done one blast, it had been such a big one that my forehead was dripping with sweat.

After wiping my face, I put another piece of crack onto the end of my stem, melted it into the screen a bit, and took another hit. Instantly, I was high again, although not as high as I’d gotten off the first blast that I’d done. Even though I’d done another really big one, it didn’t get me as high because I’d done it as soon as the first one had worn off. To get as high as I’d gotten off the first blast, I would have had to wait awhile before doing the second one. I could never wait that long, though. I could never resist the urge to do one blast right after another one.

Within forty-five minutes, I was done smoking the forty piece. I got four big blasts out of it. I did each blast about ten or fifteen minutes apart. Most people would probably get about seven or eight blasts out of a forty piece, but I always did really big blasts compared to most people that I’d seen smoke crack in my life. I had no idea how I was able to do such big ones. It was just the way I always did them.

When the dope was gone, I continued searching for crumbs. After doing this for a while, I wiped my ass, got off the toilet, and went into the living room to push my screen. Pushing my screen involved taking something skinny enough to fit into my stem—I used the plastic tube from inside of a pen—and using it to literally push my screen from one end of my stem to the other. Doing this scraped off some of the crack that had coated the inside of my stem while I was smoking.

After I’d pushed my screen once, I tapped the end of my stem onto the coffee table just to make sure that there wasn’t any loose crap in there. Then I held a flame to the end of my stem and inhaled. I got one last hoot by doing this.

As soon as the high wore off, I immediately wanted to get more dope. I wanted to keep chasing that first blast that I’d done. Even though it was impossible to get this high again, I still wanted to try. After doing a few blasts in a row, I wasn’t thinking too rationally anymore. I was pretty fucked up. I was just thinking about how great that first blast felt and all I wanted to do was re-experience it. I didn’t care how much it cost. If there had been three hundred dollars’ worth of dope sitting in front of me, on the coffee table, I literally would have sat there all night, doing blast after blast, until it was all gone. The only thing that stopped me from getting more dope was paranoia. I was so fucking paranoid, thinking the cops were outside my apartment, looking for me, that I couldn’t bring myself to leave the house.

Seeing as how I couldn’t get any more dope, I decided to just call it a night. I put my stem back onto the bathroom shelf, turned off the light, made sure that the front door was locked, and then went to bed.

In the bedroom, Christine was passed out. I got into bed beside her and pulled the blanket over myself even though I was still sweating. I tried to fall asleep, but I was still feeling the effects of the crack I’d smoked. Even though the crack high only lasted for about ten or fifteen minutes, it could take quite a while to fully come down from it. The paranoia and jitteriness, in my experience, could last for up to a couple of hours. Now that I wasn’t high out of my mind anymore and I was starting to come down, I started to experience all these horrible thoughts.

You can’t keep doing this, I told myself. You swore to yourself before you went to Edmonton that you’d stop smoking this shit all the time and hiding your drug habit from Christine.

These were the types of thoughts that I would think whenever I was coming down off a crack high. I didn’t like the fact that I’d been lying to Christine about my drug habit, so whenever I was coming down, that’s when I’d beat myself up over it. While I was actually smoking crack, I didn’t think about Christine at all. The crack just blocked all that right out. It was only when I started to come down that I started to think about her. The guilt could be really intense. Sometimes I’d literally have to snort a Percocet, or smoke some weed, to take the edge off. I didn’t have either thing on me, though. On this particular night, I just had to deal with it.

The thoughts lasted for about an hour. Shortly after that, I fell asleep.

End of Chapter 1

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Paul Weiss

★★★☆☆

September 16, 2022

Crack addiction makes an ugly story

CRACKILTON is the dark and definitely gritty “fictionalized” autobiography of a short period in the life of a now straight ( and we hope permanently “recovered”) crack addict. It’s a short read and the range of emotions that you will feel is huge when you think of how few pages the story covers and how little actually happens. You will feel hope and despair, anger, disgust, regret, sorrow, compassion, confusion, and sadness. Joy is not on the menu. CRACKILTON is interesting, informative, and provocative. It is not enjoyable for even a single moment but it’s something that people in a position of healthy and financially solid privilege should take a few hours to read.

Paul Weiss

Bernard

★★★★☆

April 24, 2016

The author of Crackilton sits at Bay & Front Streets in downtown Toronto every weekday morning during the morning rush hour. I see him almost every day, selling his book. There are signs at his booth that say "5-star rating on Amazon..." One day, I decided to check it out – I checked both Goodreads and Amazon for the ratings on this book, and while the sites gave only a handful of reviews, both sites offer glowing and authentic reviews.

So, I decided to buy the book. I approached the author at Bay & Front, and he was so excited to chat with me about the book. It was a pleasure meeting him – if you're ever in the area during the morning rush hour, I recommend you say hi and chat with him ... and buy his book.

Crackilton is not what I would call "high literature". It is told in the first person by a crack addict – the author himself is telling his story (with names and place names changed). The story is gritty, raw, and direct. It brings you into a world that most people cannot imagine and possibly aren't even aware of. It reminded me a lot of the movie "Goodfellas" – you are taken into a world that is dangerous and intriguing. You wonder how people can live like this, how they can survive like this. You sympathize with the antagonist – you are rooting for him even though, at times, what he is doing is completely immoral. You root for him to get out of his habit. You feel his pain and disappointment when he can't shake his habit. You are there with him, at his side, every step of the way along this story. You are his companion. You may not like everything he does, but he ends up feeling like a friend.

I would have liked a little bit more of a resolution before the story ended. That said, the book ends with a faint ray of hope. When I spoke with the author, he said this was intentional – that this isn't meant to be a "feel good story". This is an HONEST story, and Jim / Christine's destiny is not yet known.

At times, I wondered why Christine didn't seem to know more. Most of the times, all she would say to Jim was "Oh, OK..." The fact that she didn't speak up or stand up for herself a little more annoyed me a little bit. She seemed to be a bit too much of a doormat. Maybe she was in denial, or maybe she was too busy with her studies.

Overall, this was a very enjoyable read – definitely an eye-opener for me. I recommend you buy this book to support the author – he's a recovering addict and I commend him for his brutal honesty in telling this story, and for trying to make a life for himself. I wish him and "Christine" well...

Krista-Marie

★★★★☆

April 22, 2016

I bought this book from the author outside Union Station out of pure curiosity - I had seen him plenty of times before, exchanged smiles, etc and now he had a book! I was instantly intrigued. Before we parted ways, we had a great conversation and he told me that the book is a true story/depiction of his life and his battle with an addiction to crack. I was sold.

I started the book with an open mind and I was pleasantly surprised. The book occurs over one winter season and I was surprised at how many personal battles and ups and downs the author goes through in that time span. You get a real eye witness account into the struggle that addicts deal with - he wants to change, he feels remorse, but he is addicted and he struggles to change. I am looking forward to the sequels/prequels he mentioned to me were on their way because I feel invested in his story now. I want to see how things turned around for him.

One final note: the book was published independently and all revisions were made by the author and his girlfriend. I was surprised by how well written the book was and also I was surprised to have found only 3 mistakes in the whole thing (I've found more than that before in a book that came from a publishing house with multiple editors). Good job!

Suzanne

★★★★☆

July 19, 2017

I tracked down the author outside Union Station after reading an article about him in the Toronto Star . It was a quick and engaging read. It's a few months view of the authors life where he is struggling with his drug addiction. Since I lost my son to addiction, I found the day to day struggle enlightening. I wish more people understood that addiction is a disease, not a choice. I also wish there were more timely services available to anyone who wants help.

Thank you for your bravery Mr Tomas in sharing your story.

If you happen to be in Toronto and you see Mr Tomas selling his books buy one or both.

Victoria Kaulback

★★★★★

April 5, 2017

The book was a really easy read. I can relate a lot to the book, since I lived in that area of Hamilton for a while. At times throughout the book I felt frustrated. I feel like the book could have been longer. It really only depicted 4 months of his life (January-April). I was hoping to find out how his life changes once the carnival season started up.

Overall, I recommend you read his book! Especially if you live in Hamilton! Or if you live anywhere!

Jared

★★★★★

September 19, 2017

My wife finally bought me this book. We live in downtown Hamilton and one thing I've noticed in my time living here is that there are a lot of crack users. You can turn to your left and ask the person if they have any crack and if they say no, I can almost guarantee the person to your right will have some. It would be nice to see this developed into a film if just a documentary. It's exciting as hell!

What a page-turner. Living in Hamilton I recognize areas he references. No doubt, Hamilton has a crack problem. The neighbors in the apartment I lived next to ran a crack house. We got along okay with them, but it just felt kind of dirty, but people have their addictions, what can you do? Then we moved to another apartment in the same building because we needed a 2 bedroom instead of a 1. Guess what? The apartment next to us now is also a crack house. "Welcome to the building, there's a crack dealer on every floor, enjoy your stay." Supply and demand, I suppose.

Besides being able to relate to the conditions being....related, my impression is that this book has almost a Hemingwayesque quality. Straight to the point, telling a story, wasting no time. It could have been 600 pages if the author were just a little bit more arrogant and pretentious. The writer is instead honest and a really good storyteller. It took me 3 days to finish this book because I had to see what happened next and I'm a slow reader. It is a bit reminiscent of the ending scene in Goodfellas, where Ray Liotta is out of mind on drugs and paranoid that the helicopter is following him. Dude's just out of control and can't stop himself.

It's a thrill ride reading this book. I highly recommend it. I wish I could get my copy signed.

Barry Bridges

★★★★☆

October 21, 2016

I bought the book from the author outside Union Station in Toronto. It was a quick read (2 days) and is an autobiographical tale of a few months in his life where habit over powers sense of reason. Overall it is a story of craving , paranoia and delusion and of how sometimes willpower just isn't enough.

If you happen to be in Toronto and you see Mr Tomas selling his wares give the guy a break and buy a book

Nicola Clements

★★★★★

August 1, 2018

The best book ive ever read in my entire life , so raw and real.

LOVE THIS GUY AND HIS BOOK!!!!!!!

very very inspired by him pulling himself out of hard times.

Keep up the great work ... more books please !!!!!!

Nicola

Jhon

★★★★★

May 2, 2016

I bought this book from the author outside Union station Toronto. Once I picked it up I could not put it down great story easy read I highly recommend this book.

Cathy

★★★★★

September 12, 2019

What a storyteller. Follow the seedy and believable hardscrabble life of Jim and enjoy this gifted writer. The sequel came out in July 2019 and is also excellent. Hamilton Ontario -Woohoo!

Jane Mulkewich

★★★★☆

January 16, 2020

I read this book because it is set in Hamilton, where I live. Apparently the author panhandles and sells his books on the street in Toronto, and is known as "Toronto's street author". This book is semi-autobiographical, about a winter in the life of an unemployed carnival worker. He has a crack addiction and is hiding it from his girlfriend, who is a university student at McMaster. It is nerve-wracking and depressing to read about the day-to-day struggles of this guy who is trying to scrape together enough money for his next hit of crack, all the while trying to stop getting caught by either the cops or his girlfriend, and keeps saying he is going to quit, but he doesn't...

Mitch

★★★★★

January 21, 2020

I love a good read, and it usually takes me a few weeks to get through a couple hundred page book.... "Crackilton" was done during one weekend!

I'm from Hamilton and know the life, so the book really hit home, especially with the details of the city and the places I pass on a weekly basis.

I think S.E. Tomas is a wicked author / story teller who won't kiss a big publishers ass that wants a few words changed in exchange for cash.

I love his artistic style and can't wait to meet him in person to buy a few more books and get "Crackilton" signed. I'd advise anyone who reads this to follow him on social media and buy up his books!

Jasmyne Marie

★★★★★

June 5, 2020

I couldn't put both Crackilton and the sequel down since I received my copies.

I read both books in just a few dedicated hours, I really enjoyed both of S.E Tomas' books and I will definitely be purchasing all of his books eventually.

Excellent read, raw, gritty and at times rather humorous.

By the time I was reading the last paragraphs in the sequel, I was finding myself getting choked up because Jim turns a new leaf and finds a mustard seed of hope and that's all a person needs... Definitely will recommend to family and friends and I'll definitely be proud to add these to my book collection.

Thank you S.E Tomas ❤ I thoroughly enjoyed

Will Yum

★★★★★

September 3, 2019

Great read, set place in my home city. If you're from Ontario this a must read.

Zachary Taylor-sorbara

★★★★★

September 3, 2020

Absolutely amazing read. If you are a current drug addict or recovering this book will resonate with you. He is right on the money with the emotions and issues that arise from the lifestyle. It is real and raw. If you are from where this all takes place (Hamilton) you have to read it because it makes it so much better. I loved the book and can't wait to read the others. Very talented artist. Realest depictions of that subject matter I have read to date. Keep it up!

Sydney Gordon

★★★★☆

August 9, 2020

Read both crackilton books, squeegee kid and am getting though carny books , in a matter of days. I found the language to be easy and so relatable, there were moments where my body physically felt as the writer described himself feeling. I think the uncomplicated way he portrayed such a complicated world was great. I recommend reading all of SE Tomas’ stuff!

Rick

Read

July 2, 2022

Fictional Autobiography authored by a reformed "crack" addict. Humorous voice, engaging story. While I don't think a rating would do justice, this book gives a peek into someone else's world view--one probably very different from your own.

Lenore

★★☆☆☆

March 15, 2020

Interesting read in terms of being a part of Hamilton's culture but ultimately depressing. A short read with no real ending.

Frank Steeves

Read

June 6, 2020

Honestly best book I've ever read. you won't regret it.

Buy Buy buy. honestly can't wait to read the rest and I'll let you know soon as I'm done but it's so real even you wouldn't believe it.

Jay O'Neal

★★★☆☆

October 6, 2021

I preferred Squeegee Kid as I felt that it had more going on in it. This book has a lot going on - Jim is making deliveries, working for different dealers, using, job-hunting, etc - but it seems to go into less detail than Squeegee Kid. I was hoping to get more descriptions of how Jim felt inside at different points....how he felt when he was using vs aching TO use. Sometimes, the book moved on to the next event too quickly for my liking.

I couldn't understand Christine's naivety to Jim's use. He was borrowing so much money, using in close-proximity to her, never getting a real job, lying, and many other things. Throughout the book I was waiting for her to put the pieces together, but she never did.

The book takes you on a wildly fun ride, though. Following him through a sequence of getting money, getting high, and then needing money again always had me turning the page. The ending is inconclusive, but I suppose that's why there's a follow-up book....although there should be a prequel, too!

Patricia

★★★★★ Entertaining, Enthralling ... couldn't' put it down! An honest account of an addict!

Reviewed in Canada on April 7, 2017

Verified Purchase

Great quick read; I was enthralled and finished it in one day! Transports you immediately to city of Hamilton and it's gritty underside, and to the life of a reluctant addict, and all that it entails: the highs, lows, the lies, regrets, etc. But through it all, a sense of honesty and decency ... if you can believe that! Indeed, the real people depicted in this non-fictional novel are more entertaining (and most importantly, more endearing ... if you can believe that!) than any hollywood or indie film. .... would love to see that! But, I suspect, no actor(s) would be able to embody the simplicity and honesty of this man, his loving and supportive girlfriend, nor all the crazy cast of characters in his life. This book not only entertained me, but educated me, and promoted compassion for those struggling with addiction. And if a small book can do that, then, that's a good thing! Next up, Squeegee kid!

Samantha

★★★★★   Loved this book!

Reviewed in Canada on May 10, 2017

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I really loved this book, and could not stop reading it. When I finished it I went and bought squeegee kid and was instantly hooked again. Keep doing what you love and keep writing more books ☺

Nancy

★★★★★  Five Stars

Reviewed in Canada on May 29, 2017

Verified Purchase

Very raw books I love them.

Amazon Customer

★☆☆☆☆ One Star

Reviewed in Canada on August 15, 2016

Verified Purchase

The book was terrible. Not worth the read.

Amazon Customer

★★★★☆ Dougs review

Reviewed in Canada on March 6, 2019

Hey Gord! I thought you might like to hear my impressions of ``Crackilton.``Very well written. So much so that as I began to understand the reality of crack addiction, I had to put the book down. After a couple of months I felt better about it and continued. I was in the car with Jim and Bruce and Pablo. I was pissed-off when Jims welfare cheque was stolen by his neighbor. But most of all I felt the painful hopelessness of Jim wanting to do right by Christine.

In the story of drug addiction there may never be a happy ending. Often, the best you can hope for, is only to turn the page.

All the best

Doug

Amazon Customer

★★★★☆ Couldn't put it down!

Reviewed in Canada on June 7, 2016

I bought this book on a friday afternoon from the author outside of Jackson Square in Hamilton. I had a quick chat with him, he signed my book, and I started to read it immediately. I finished it in about a day. Just like the other reviews, it was a book that I couldn't put down, and I wanted more. It leaves you hanging at the end, and it really is a memoir, instead of a novel. I wondered at the end of the book, if my $20 I spent on his book was going to go to him getting high on crack that day. I felt that this book just scratched the surface of this man's life. I would have liked to know some of his family background, and I would buy the next book - if he ever writes one to hear about even just another three months in the life of a Hamilton crack user.

Amazon Customer

★★★★★ Great book, great insight

Reviewed in Canada on June 14, 2016

I bought this book from the author outside Union Station out of pure curiosity - I had seen him plenty of times before, exchanged smiles, etc and now he had a book! I was instantly intrigued. Before we parted ways, we had a great conversation and he told me that the book is a true story/depiction of his life and his battle with an addiction to crack. I was sold.

I started the book with an open mind and I was pleasantly surprised. The book occurs over one winter season and I was surprised at how many personal battles and ups and downs the author goes through in that time span. You get a real eye witness account into the struggle that addicts deal with - he wants to change, he feels remorse, but he is addicted and he struggles to change. I am looking forward to the sequels/prequels he mentioned to me were on their way because I feel invested in his story now. I want to see how things turned around for him.

One final note: the book was published independently and all revisions were made by the author and his girlfriend. I was surprised by how well written the book was and also I was surprised to have found only 3 mistakes in the whole thing (I've found more than that before in a book that came from a publishing house with multiple editors). Good job!

derek.pod

★★★★★  Authentic and captivating

Reviewed in Canada on April 13, 2019

I bought this book direct from the author at Art Crawl in Hamilton. I had read good things about it online and was excited to get a copy for myself. The book is well written, authentic and really captivates your attention. I ended up finishing the whole thing in a day. Looking forward to picking up one of his other books next time.

James B

★★★★★ Through the eyes of a crack addict.

Reviewed in Canada on March 4, 2016

A good novel draws you into another world and helps you see life through the eyes of someone different. In this book, set against Hamilton, Ontario's impoverished east end, S.E. Tomas takes us into the mind of a crack addict. Written in the first person, the narration is brutally honest, giving us a brutal lens into the the main character's mind, including, without comment, his self deception. For seven years, I have been working with men coming out of jail in downtown Hamilton and found myself speculating as to whether I actually new the person one character or another was based on. The only words in the book that did not ring true were the first two, on the front cover: “a novel.” S.E. Tomas's main character, Jim, sounded so much like the men I work with that it felt more like a memoir than a novel. This literary devise lets S.E. Tomas tell the story of a slow spiral through the voice of the man caught in it, and at the same time, creating it. It is a book well worth the read.

Amazon Customer

★★★★★  I could not put this down

Reviewed in Canada on August 31, 2018

I walk past the author every day outside of Union station, and finally stopped to buy this book. I have to say that I haven't found a book this captivating and raw in a long time. I'll definitely be back to buy Carnie and Squeegee Kid. A solid 5-star read, especially if you're from the area. He really paints a picture, and transports you into the story.

P.Sol

★★★★★  Depressing, captivating, worth the read.

Reviewed in Canada on May 13, 2016

I bought this book from the author outside of Union Station in Toronto. I have spent almost a decade in Hamilton, and after a quick chat with the author on the street, I was curious to read about this other side of the city that I knew little about. I know the neighbourhoods he references in the book well, but the subject material was still somewhat shocking to me. This is not exactly a work of fiction, it appears to be a personal journal and re-telling of a winter lived through the eyes of a highly functioning but poverty stricken crack addict. The book doesn't go anywhere, there is no plot, it just exists as time capsule of one person's life, and some of the impact it has on his loved ones (his girlfriend, and his daughter). I found it to be a depressing, but captivating read.

Amazon Customer

★★★★★ Honest, engaging, depressing and enlightening. You'll find it difficult to put down.

Reviewed in Canada on April 15, 2017

I purchased this from the author at his spot outside Union Station. I expected a rough, amateurish memoir. Instead, it was excellent in every regard. It's a small story of a small life, honestly detailing the endless loop of hustling, jonesing, scoring and hiding. It's labeled fiction, but the level of candid detail and specific references leaves the reader in no doubt that it's a thinly disguised memoir. And if you know Hamilton at all, you can practically visualize the entire story. It's engaging, interesting and very difficult to put down. Come Monday, I'll be buying Squeegie Kid from the author as well.

Aaron

★★★★★  Engaging, excellent Novel from the author's personal experiences

Reviewed in Canada on March 9, 2016

A fantastic first novel with a well-developed vernacular writing style. The author very effectively brings the reader into his life of crack addiction and the struggle of the working man in modern cities. I often wonder about the lives of those around me, and this novel offers quite an insight, clearly from personal experience of the author. My only complaint is that I was through the book far too quickly - I can't wait for his next novel to continue the story of Jim and Christine. I highly recommend the book, and if you're in Toronto, I recommend visiting the author on Bay St. outside Union Station in the mornings.

Amazon Customer

★★★★★ Fantastic read. I think it's incredibly important for stories ...

Reviewed in Canada on May 17, 2017

Fantastic read. I think it's incredibly important for stories of drug addiction be told in an honest manner such as it is in Crackilton so that we can understand what regular people deal with. It takes guts to put your life in print and share those intimate details with the public. Made respect to you Gord and your girlfriend for creating a great book. I'm almost done Squeegy Kid and it's awesome too. Get your copies folks.

homeofhappycats

★★★★★  I'm glad I bought this book

Reviewed in Canada on March 20, 2016

I enjoyed this book so much I read it in one day. I hope there will be at least another book to continue the story. It took me into a world that I knew nothing about, except for the locations which I am familiar with. It would be good if there was some way of notifying people when the next book is out. I want to know what happens to the people in the book.

Sarah

★★★★★ Amazing!

Reviewed in Canada on April 28, 2017

I wasn't sure what to expect when I ordered the book. I received it two days after ordering and was not able to put it down. He has such talent for writting and I can not wait to read his next book.

Tracy Pedersen

★★★★★ Five Stars

Reviewed in Canada on November 28, 2017

great read

Ron Antopolski

★★★★★ I read Crackilton in one sitting

Reviewed in Canada on April 18, 2016

I couldn't put it down! This is an honest, funny, sad, and above all entertaining snapshot of a seasonally employed carnival worker who feeds his crack addiction with anything he can beg, borrow or steal.

JP

★☆☆☆☆ Move.

Reviewed in Canada on October 15, 2018

The individual who sells this book in Toronto uses the extremely annoying sales tactic of leaving 2 large, bulky coolers (one of which he sits on) right in the middle of one of the busiest pedestrian crossings in the city in an attempt to have you notice him so you may possibly buy a book.

Get your coolers out of people's way and maybe you will sell more books, you are causing a traffic jam every morning and afternoon.

Dez

★★★★★ Great read!

Reviewed in Canada on April 28, 2016

Once I started reading, I couldn't put the book down. I'd pick it up every chance I got, even if it was for only 30 seconds! Great read!

Saj

★★★★☆ A very real depiction of the life and mindset of someone with true addiction

Reviewed in the United States on May 19, 2016

Verified Purchase

This describes the mindset and downward spiral of many (maybe anyone?) who have a true addiction, paints a very accurate picture. Not a feel-good book, as one would assume. Some have said that this is a true story but the book is labelled as fiction taking place in the very real city of Hamilton, Ontario. The monotonous tone, dullness and redundancy of the story is depressing - which in a way is genius because it brings you into the character/narrator; you feel his boredom. Maybe this is ignorant of me, but in my experience knowing and working with actual people who have true addiction and - just like this character - lack hobbies, interests, or the ability to occupy their time with something enjoyable, paired with their dependancy on one close person in their life, the likelihood of them being able to overcome the addiction longterm is slim to none.

I also had a really hard time empathizing with the character, which is also very true to life. I imagine that many people who are addicted have few or no people around them who empathize with them or understand where they are coming from. He is completely unaware of the extent of his using his significant other - yes, he says he feels horrible, etc, but at the same time complains about completely legitimate reactions that his girlfriend has to his mooching, using and other negative behaviours.

Phil Dauplaise

★★★★★ Must Read

Reviewed in Australia on March 16, 2016

Verified Purchase

Great book for parents to read to understand what your kids are going through, with how bad the ice and meth problems are in Australia now, people need to understand before they start judging people.

RP

★★★★★ Five Stars

Reviewed in the United States on June 27, 2016

Verified Purchase

Very well written!

Ryan Ell

★★★★★  A fascinating ride behind the eyeballs of a crack-addict

Reviewed in the United States on October 18, 2016

I loved this book. It puts you right inside the skull of Jim; a man who simply can't outrun his appetite for crack.

It's an absolute page-turner, too. Jim always has a bunch of real-world responsibilities to juggle while he seeks his next fix, and you find yourself right there with him hoping he'll get some relief, but still hold his life together. If you have any conception of crack-addicts as being lazy, this book will change your mind. All through the story you see Jim's resourcefulness as he struggles to hide his addiction from his loved ones. He always ALWAYS has an amazing, plausible excuse for his absences, lack of money, and other ideosyncrasies. All because 90% of his mind at any given time is being dominated by his best friend and enemy - crack cocaine.

If you are looking for flowery, literary descriptions about what it feels like to be on a substance (like in say, "Confessions of an Opium Eater") you won't get that here. Jim is way past the point of crack being a fun "blow your mind" experience. The months of Jim's life that this novel covers shows you the part in the addiction life-cycle where the person knows they are completely enslaved to chasing the ever-diminishing returns that the drug provides. The language used is simple, unadorned, and it really helps to characterize Jim as someone whose appetites don't leave him with a lot of time to be introspective about what he knows is happening to him.

This author succeeds where a lot of others would have failed. He somehow manages to make an interesting, coherent story emerge out of the cataloguing of every last little jot of minutiae that goes into scoring the next fix, getting his bills paid, and trying to keep his girlfriend/common-law wife from discovering his secret until the next carnival season rolls around and he's steadily employed again. Being a first-time author, I can only imagine S.E. Tomas had a really good editor to have come out with a product this polished. It avoids so many of the mistakes an amateur writer typically makes. There really isn't anything in the narrative that digresses from the theme, and there are absolutely no time-outs in order to give lengthy bouts of exposition. You find out about Jim and his life by watching him live it, and try to hold it together. And if you're fascinated by the extremes of human behaviour, as I am, then you will find Jim's story hard to put down.

And isn't that what makes a good story- that you just want to keep seeing what will happen next?

It's a novel, but I strongly suspect it's really a memoir. There is no way an author could have this much insight about the addicted mind without having inhabited it. My guess is that the author opted to avoid calling it a memoir so that he could tighten-up the narrative's pace. I highly recommend this book, and I'm so happy that I happened to be strolling past Union Station when the author happened to be hawking it; with all the flair and enthusiasm you'd expect from a carnival worker.

Amazon Customer

★★★★★  Good stories come from unexpected places

Reviewed in the United States on March 21, 2016

Good stories come from unexpected places. It was a damp, snowy day as I walked out of Union Station in Toronto on a Saturday afternoon. I saw a man standing at the intersection with a sign that said "Buy my novel". That's not something I see everyday. So I bought the book. I went home that night and read the novel in one sitting.

Crackilton is his story of life in Hamilton, Ontario with a crack addiction and a job as a seasonal carnie. S.E. gives a very vulnerable recount of his addiction and the influence that this has on his lifestyle and relationships. The story is both revealing and inspiring. Grab yourself a copy on Amazon or better yet outside Union Station.

Lynn Flatley

★★★★★  Stopped on the Sidewalk, Bought a Good Book

Reviewed in the United States on May 7, 2016

I also bought this book from the author, having great admiration for his resourcefulness and accomplishment in writing and publishing an actual book instead of simply panhandling in a very to job market. The book is an unvarnished account of the pointlessness, ridiculous financial waste, and ultimate selfishness behind opiate abuse. Which makes it all the more remarkable and hopeful that this book ever saw the light of day. Congratulations to the author(s) for producing a well written and worthwhile read and sincere best wishes to them and their loved ones in the years ahead. I definitely recommend this book and hope it reaches a wide readership.

Amazon Customer

★★★★★  It was a fantastic read and was written by someone with some first ...

Reviewed in the United States on March 2, 2016

I purchased this book from the author outside Union Station in Toronto. It was a fantastic read and was written by someone with some first hand experience. Highly recommend this book, very well written.

Amazon Customer

★★★★★  An accurate description of Hamilton or should I say Crackilton ...

Reviewed in the United States on March 16, 2016

An accurate description of Hamilton or should I say Crackilton. This true to life story has brought crack to the front stage and Hamilton into the spotlight.