Friend: “You in?”
Me: “I’m in.”

That’s pretty much how the phone call went as my dear friend passed the opportunity to me to paint a wall mural at a special needs school. I was so nervous. Up until that point, I’d only done one wall mural AT THE BACK OF MY CLOSET. So I was really lacking in experience to say the least. After a sit down with the school principal, some teachers and Miss NGO Namibia, we agreed on which wall I’d paint and the message, “Your dreams are valuable. You matter.” This message, thought up by Miss NGO, is meant to inspire children as they play; a reminder that they have something valuable to offer the world because they have a place in it. Initially, I thought this was just going to be an ordinary job. In and out. But no. During the nine days, God had a lot to say to me through this brief but very important message, “Your dreams are valuable. You matter…”

1.    I’m worthy. I’m valuable. I matter.

“What difference will it make?” is the question that made a visit in my mind every now and then as I painted. I scrolled through Instagram and saw a lot of muralists and artists with heavy portfolios and began to compare myself to them. I wondered what I could possibly add to what was already out there. Competition is tight! After seeing my friend on TV promoting his artwork, I realized that he had to have worked really hard to get to where he was. He had to believe in his own work, his talent and his contribution; that he was indeed making a difference. I realized that I have to believe too. But believe what exactly?

For we are God’s handiwork, created in Christ Jesus to do good works,
which God prepared in advance for us to do.
- Ephesians 2:10

All of us are here for something. All of us have purpose which God is more than willing to reveal to us. It won’t always be clear in the beginning and that takes bravery to step into. Competition is tight. But it’s not against other artists. Competition is against the old me who believes that no difference can be made. But to the new me, I declare:

Who can find a virtuous wife?
For her worth is far above rubies.
- Proverbs 31:10 (underline mine)

2.    Open to interpretation

After I pitched some sketches to the school before painting the actual wall, I was advised to simplify my sketches as the children have different levels of understanding images. I felt discouraged at first because I did not know how to paint something that ALL the children could understand and love. I wanted EVERYONE to love my art. Perfectionist mentality. But then I realised that everyone is like that: Everyone has a different way of understanding and that affects their perspective. So in the end, I can’t please everyone. I can only do my job as best I can, unto the Lord. And that’s the only thing I can control. The rest is open to interpretation. Paul the apostle said it this way:

Am I now trying to win the approval of human beings, or of God? Or am I trying to please people?
If I were still trying to please people, I would not be a servant of Christ.
- Galatians 1:10

3.    No contract. No pay. No work.

But can we talk about how gentleman’s agreement is a form of gaslighting? Friend! I fell into this trap TWICE this year because I was afraid I wouldn’t be able to find anything better. The job hunt after graduation had taken so long, I’d become weary and began to settle. I downplayed my achievements in countless emails, trying to make myself sound like, “I’m a hardworker, willing to work for experience.” I went five months without receiving a salary for the “jobs” I’d been working. Needless to say, I was feeling the effects of not receiving consistent pay. Not only was I struggling financially, I was also struggling mentally because I felt underappreciated, undervalued and even incompetent because I was not receiving pay for the work I was doing. This took a negative toll on my self-esteem. Don’t get me wrong – experience is good. But people with experience work for money, not more experience.  In several parables, Jesus explains how the Kingdom of Heaven works. I noticed a pattern and I will summarise it like this: Master has a field. Master gives His employees work to do. When Master returns, He rewards them for the work they did. Emphasis on reward. You can read about these parables in Matthew 25:14-30, Luke 12:35-48 and Luke 19:11-27.

God says that:

…without faith it is impossible to please God, because anyone who comes to him must believe that he exists and that he rewards those who earnestly seek him.
-Hebrews 11:6 (boldface mine)

If God can reward you for simply having faith, then what is a job? He showed me that I wasn’t believing Him when He says He’ll provide and take care of me. So I asked Him, “where’s the contract?” And He showed me this:

"This is the covenant I will make with the people of Israel

after that time,” declares the Lord.

“I will put my law in their minds

and write it on their hearts.

I will be their God,

and they will be my people.

No longer will they teach their neighbor,

or say to one another, ‘Know the Lord,’

because they will all know me,

from the least of them to the greatest,”

declares the Lord.

“For I will forgive their wickedness

and will remember their sins no more."

-Jeremiah 31:33-34

Another clause of His contract says:

Therefore do not worry, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’ 32 For after all these things the Gentiles seek. For your heavenly Father knows that you need all these things. 33 But seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things shall be added to you. 34 Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about its own things. Sufficient for the day is its own trouble.
-Matthew 6:31-34

God is not a man that He should lie (Numbers 23:19), but even God understands the importance of having an agreement written down on paper. God didn’t have to swear, but He swore by Himself and signed the contract - excuse me - the covenant - in the blood of His Own Son. So did I quit my current “jobs”? Not yet. But God gave me the courage to advocate for and speak up for myself. He showed me that I too, have needs that have to be met. And that’s human. Even Jesus, when He was on earth had needs. He needed food, shelter and had a need to do meaningful work. That’s not something to be ashamed about. With this in mind, I’ve taken some steps to ask myself what my needs are which will be followed by plucking up the courage to communicate them. Pray for me!

07 November 2024