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My mother raised me to believe in the good in all people, and to reach for the stars. She did it all on her own, too. Well, I am taking those lessons to heart now, as I reach out into the world for help.
She doesn't have much, and lives alone in the country in an old prefabricated home. It hasn’t been safe for a long time, and its structure, foundation, and utilities are failing. She can’t afford to fix the holes in the floors, or the ceilings that look like they are about to cave in. It is beyond clean-up or repair, which is why I am seeking help from Habitat for Humanity. I have no doubt that we can give my mom a better life, with all our resources combined.
My event is a chance for Minnesota people and corporations to do very real good, and help me reach a very attainable goal. I will remain dedicated to making sure that any donations or contributions are clearly recognized, as well. While this is a chance to help my mom live a better life, it is also a great opportunity for you to find positive recognition in our community.
I moved back home at the beginning of 2016, and things weren’t great for my mom. She was sick, and later told me that if I hadn’t come home, she thinks that she would have died. Now, I can be dramatic at times, and that obviously came from somewhere, but I don’t think she was exaggerating this time.
I spent most of my 20’s living the city life. I visited mom occasionally, but now I know that it wasn’t enough. She was still working for most of the time and, then, things were manageable. However, her old pre-fabricated home (the kind they build somewhere and then drive onto your property) was already showing its age long before I moved away for the first time. By the time I moved back, both the house and her physical condition were in far worse shape than ever.
When I went down for Thanksgiving last year, I was excited to get mom out of the house and take her to dinner somewhere. I called and texted, both the day before and that day, but hadn’t gotten a response from her at all. The same thing happened a month or two before, and after leaving early from work and worrying all the way from Minneapolis to her small town, about 40-50 minutes, I busted into mom’s place to find her fine and dandy, if not a little surprised that I’d appeared so suddenly. Last Thanksgiving, that was not the case.
The first thing I heard when I came in and called out for her was,
The first thing I heard when I came in and called out for her was,
“I’ve fallen!”
“I’ve fallen!”
It’s situations like these that I want to make sure never happen again. I’m not going to share the details, but the next 24 hours were difficult.
Difficult is also how she describes her first year of motherhood. She told me this when I sat down with her, her sister Roz, and my uncle Joe. I learned a lot, and to be honest, a lot of it broke my heart. I didn’t know that my dad hadn’t ever really been there for her, or that she moved here to Minnesota for no reason other than to get some kind of support from him. I learned that he hadn’t ever wanted anything to do with us, and while that doesn’t bother me personally (anymore), it DOES bother me me that he would do that to my mom.
All that is beside the point, of course, and by now it’s all a well-told story. We can’t do anything about it but go over the words, define and decipher their meaning, and learn from what we’ve read. I spent my 20’s trying to build a foundation for the rest of my life, and now it’s time for me to build one for her.
The best thing I learned about my mom from our chat was how much a part of her family I really am. Her mom loved to cook, even brining her fried chicken just like I do. My mom’s favorite memory of her dad is that he used to love packing up their car with supplies and water, a shovel for getting stuck in the sand, and driving them out into the desert when they lived in Arizona.
“He had a lot of cowboy in him,” she said. I'm proud to say that I feel like I do too.
We moved here, away from mom’s family, where my dad had a big, thriving family of (mostly) blond Swedes. Back then, mom’s sister lived in Arizona (where I was born, and where she stayed until just a few years back) with the rest of her family remaining where she’s from, Arapahoe, Nebraska. Her parents passed before I was born, so the Haggstrom’s were all the family we really had out here. I know that I’m a lot like my dad, but it’s really, really comforting to know that I’m a lot like hers, too.
I’ve never wanted to help my mom more than I do now, in this moment as I write this on a beautiful June day in downtown Minneapolis. I have a fire under my ass like I’ve never known, and I will not stop until my mother has a safe, secure place to live, and a very bright future.
Please join me in this mission, and we will make Rhonda’s 60th year the best freaking one she’s ever had.
Please join me in this mission, and we will make Rhonda’s 60th year the best freaking one she’s ever had.
-J
-J
Here’s a couple of highlights from our talk.
Who’s the oldest relative you remember (and what do you remember about him or her)?
“Grandma Roepke, she was tough.”
Hell yeah
What do you remember about your childhood home.
“The mulberry tree in Arapahoe. Then, after moving to Arizona, the monsoon rains in Tempe.”
I loved learning this.
How did your family celebrate holidays when you were a child?
“Food, lots of food.”
This one I felt, hard.
What was moving to MN like?
“I stayed in a nasty hotel the first week.”
This was a learning experience in and of itself. She had no one, but still, she persisted.
Tell me about the day I was born.
“It was an interesting day. I went to the bathroom, and my water broke. We called the doctor who told us to come in, but I only had a Fiat stick-shift. I drove myself to hospital with Roz at shotgun. The nurses were idiots, and you were coming out the wrong way. You had a giant bruise on your forehead when you arrived.”
Well, I know where I get my stubborn, independent side from.
What were your favorite school subjects?
“None. Hated school.”
“Recess,” per her sister, Roz.
And now I know where that part of me comes from, too. Another note from her on that was, “When you teach me, you teach me. Then get outta my face.” Hell yeah.
Who are some of your heroes?
“Roz, and Grandma.”
This was a really nice moment.
Is there a moment or event that radically changed the way you saw the world?
“I totally adored my first love, but then, as I went through life, I realized that he didn’t love me as much in return. It was because I am opinionated. But you have to have opinions, that’s important.”
F*** yeah they are.
What was the moment I frustrated you most when I was growing up?
“You would give me your dad’s angry look.”
I laughed at this one, but I hate to admit how true it is.
What was life like for you at 32?
“I met Kevin (the last guy she dated), and it was a pivotal point. I realized that I was the best one for the job.”
I hate to repeat myself, but f*** yeah she was. He was garbage.
What was your favorite time in high school?
“When I graduated early. Cause they didn’t teach me, just had stupid things they offered.”
Same.
Tell me about the place where you’ve been happiest, and when.
“Haven’t been there yet. It’s always been kind of a struggle.”
I don’t think Roz or I have the words to express how we felt when she said this. This, however, is the reason I’ve taken on this project.
This is my mission, and I need your help to make it happen. Thank you.
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