Have you ever messed up, like really bad? In a ‘there’s no way that your pride could ever recover from such an egregious mark on your legacy’ kind of way? Well, as a man who prides himself on his many experiences, I can happily say that I have. (Previous sentence is deeply rooted in bitter sarcasm, in case you couldn’t tell.)
I’m a knight under King Arthur, and a very trusted one at that. Perhaps you’ve heard of me. Sir Gawain? Humble and insignificant amongst other redeeming qualities? That’s me and around these parts, my name carries a hefty bit of a squeaky-clean reputation. I thought I was fit to carry it and do it a bit of justice. I wanted to serve Arthur well and be the perfect knight. I’m good at what I do, though I'm not the best by any stretch of the imagination. I do believe Lancelot is considered the best. It's really not much of a contest. Personally, I'd rather be known as someone who is kind and good. Brief digression aside, Arthur is a dear friend of mine. Serving him is easy because I want to do it. I’m a knight because I want to do it. This screw up of mine has toppled all of that to ruins in a matter of seconds. All of my hard work is gone. I don’t have anything left to salvage of my pride. You can't be known as 'good' when you mess up like I did.
Let me explain. I hope you don’t mind, but it’s kind of a long story, so please bear with me. It started last year, Christmas Eve. It all began with a fierce duel and knight in green. Oh, I don’t want to get too ahead of myself. Perhaps you’d like to hear what my story is about before I regale you with all of the intricate details? To put it simply, I, Sir Gawain, a loyal knight of King Arthur, am a cheater, a scoundrel, a charlatan, and well, you get the point and I have run out of words to describe my behavior. I fell prey to the ways of the world. I have sinned. I should be stripped of my knightly status and tremendous social standing! All of my fine clothes and regal lineage (that I am complimented on the daily for) should be removed at once! No, wait. That's a terrible thing to say. I don’t want that at all. I just... I don’t know how to forgive myself for this. I know this sounds silly, but I don't know how to stop replaying these bad choices. How could anyone else forgive me if I can’t?
Source: Sir Gawain and the Green Knight- translated by Jessie Weston
Header Source: Armored Knight (Needpix)