NYC Marathon

I'm so glad that I decided to start the marathon with Shaina. Had I stayed in the pink corral, I would have ran this solo, instead I spent about 15K or so with Shaina before she faded onto Bedford Avenue and went ahead of me. In retrospect, this marathon gave me everything I needed to never doubt myself. ALL my nerves and anxiety went away as soon as the Brooklyn crowds appeared in Bay Ridge. No one understands WHY I say this is the perfect race for me. I know all the struggles I went through this summer and the fact that this marathon went seamless for me, is beyond a complete dream come true. I executed something I never thought was possible because I thought that I'd hit the wall at some point. I thought that I'd get into my head at some point questioning why...and I thought I'd find tears at the end, but my face was dry. I cannot express how much disbelief I felt at the end... and it wasn't that I didn't believe I was capable, it was if I navigated successfully through each and every mile with fuel and hydration, and I did. I didn't think about the mile as each increased with time, and I didn't feel pain or struggle at any point. It's really shocking and odd to have felt this way.

1.30.2026: It has been almost 3 months since I ran the NYC marathon. I felt so much and wanted to express all my thoughts about my first marathon, but it is hard to just express the positive feelings I went through on that day alone without expressing months of tumultuous emotions that internally made me dejected, but externally made me put on a brave face smiling through all the exhaustion and fatigue that I was going through. No one will tell you training is easy. In fact, training is BRUTAL and if you get through it alive, the marathon is indeed the PRIZE. Here are my thoughts: As a first time marathoner on a team of veteran marathoners, it is NOT easy to experience training through my lens. Here you have people that know beginning to end, what to expect and have a wealth of knowledge in their various experiences.  In truth, I wanted to train with team members and thought by doing so, I'd "feel ready" but training with others weren't feasible, time and location. My pace actually slowed down the entire summer, and the hot weather pushed me to run way earlier than I wanted. Living in Brooklyn, I cannot just roll out of bed and run with anyone. I can however, roll out of bed and run solo in Brooklyn, and in my neighborhood. I had thoughts to join other run clubs just to run long runs, but I didn't want the pressure to run at a pace that became people's marathon goal. That wasn't ever my goal for my first marathon. If you know me, I believe in long runs that are adventurous, different, not the same routes every time, and basically I like running ridiculous hike routes or random places. So in this journey, I found myself knowing this is WHO I AM. I like running and making my own routes because it's how I have fun and it's how I get through long runs.  My marathon goal for NYC in 2025 was to finish and I didn't care what time I finished or what pace I was going at.  If you wonder why I felt that way: It's because TRAINING was hard, it was SOLO, it almost BROKE ME. If I truly cared about my pace or time for the marathon, then I would be running for the wrong reasons. The marathon for me was fun because I made the rules for myself. I ran for myself. I took the breaks that I needed, I allowed myself to have fun, and everything I learned from training, I put it all out there THAT DAY. I keep saying that it was the perfect race and quite honestly if I was being a critic on myself, I'd say, Angela, you are more than capable of running faster than a 11 min/mile! But no, that wasn't my training. I wasn't running any of my long runs on a disciplined pace or with others. I've always believed in putting in effort and getting something out of that. My efforts that day was the result from all the training I have done! The stats say a lot but it never tells you physical exhaustion or fatigue. My own expectations were exceeded. I could not ask for anything more, because the marathon I ran, was perfect. I can say so much more about that day and how everything went right. Nothing went wrong for me. I remember this time last year, I started training already and always chased for the feeling of readiness. I never got it. I remember John Ellis responded to my Strava post about never knowing when you're ready and that is OK. I didn't know what to feel days leading up to the big day. People told me that I should be excited and inquired about my thoughts and feelings. I truly wanted to respond with: I am SO SCREWED. Is it too late to back out? Can I just sleep in? I was not "feeling ready" and I didn't know what to expect. The one piece of advice that I truly valued that actually helped tremendously was one that I got from Alex G. on Slack. He had said to set up timed intervals for fueling every 30 minutes so that you will not forget to take in a gel. To be quite honest, when you run SOLO, you only have yourself to rely on, and you don't always know what is considered valuable info until someone else gives that input/advice. So when Alex G. said that, I immediately set those time intervals and planned on packing enough gels for that day. Even though before he mentioned that advice, my plan was simply to take gels at certain miles, it can be easily forgotten when your attention is all over the place. The timed intervals alerted me and I credit that as the sole reason why I never got the calf cramps that I dreaded on this marathon. Other pieces of advice that I sought from friends and colleagues were also helpful. When I asked Tahaiwa (coworker) for her advice, she told me to ignore the demons that show up (negative thoughts that show up giving me reasons to give up etc)  and she said it in such a way that the demons never even showed up at the marathon--- i never had headspace for them to ever show up! When I asked coach Alex F. for advice on one of the last heavy lifters day post volunteer, he told me to treat this marathon like one of my ridiculous hikes and let myself have fun.  At that moment I thought, yes, I've had the experience about distance and walked numerous times for that distance or close to it... only this, I have people cheering me on, AND it's twice as fast as walking. For the latter part of the advice, I realized that I took all my runs so seriously and for every run that coach had planned for me, I basically listened and met all of it, unless I asked him to tweak based on fatigue, etc.  Basically, I was a great student who followed his plan exactly as stated. I thought heavily on it and figured that perhaps my training was hard because I didn't "find my people" to run with. It actually made me sad that I didn't prioritize that. Instead, I relied on myself and struggled through training on my own just to meet a run plan. This actually taught me to have fun on marathon day. So what did I do to have fun? I interacted with the crowd. I found my people who were spectating. I engulfed myself with the crowds energy and I let myself drown out my sadness by embracing the love of everyone around me that day. 

The marathon taught me that I didn't run for someone or to fulfill a bucket list item. I feel like most runners become this version of themselves that largely fights for something personal in their lives. For me, I ran for my mental health, physical health, and emotional health. It also taught me that I will ALWAYS show up for myself even if no one else would. I've expressed that I've cried many times on my runs because it was very hard to run solo (it was also hard to keep going but I did that for me). It is also hard to ask others to run with me because I don't think anyone would want to start their runs in Brooklyn. As a runner, I like to travel to run, whether it's Manhattan, the Bronx, Queens or Staten Island,  but how is it fair that I always have to meet others at their starting point and not mines? I don't know anyone like that on the team or in general who would do every long run at someplace new each time (and runs my pace).  I hope that for my next marathon, I find a group of runners that do want to run like I do and runs my pace.  I'm expressing this now because I know it made me extremely sad and wanting to quit because running solo was very hard for me. My own routes were what made me motivated to actually run them. I struggled a lot in my life with belonging or relating to others. I've always tried to fit in, but I simply don't. I'm always so quiet around others because I can't relate or I simply don't belong. So yes, training was brutal because mentally, my head wasn't always in a good space. I don't think it was ever about my ability to run a certain distance. It was about the company, the lack of people that I didn't run with. Finally what I also learned about myself is that my past has caught up to me during training. If you didn't know, I've always had social anxiety and it isn't easy for me to socialize normally with others. I can be socially awkward and admit that I may even laugh at inappropriate times. I don't care to follow the crowds and I like to implement my own ideas.  The fact that training almost broke my soul and I almost lost myself in the process... I told myself, no, Angela, you won't go through that again. The people you surround yourself with, they have to be positive minded and understand YOU. 

I don't know what NYCM 2026 will look like for my training but I hope that my training is a positive experience now that I know the rundown of expectations. I know what mental struggles I can go through as well as the emotional toll I had.