V: 2019 isn't even halfway through, but this is already one of the most bizarre years I've seen for the charts. How can I prove this? The Jonas Brothers, Bradley Cooper and Billy Ray Cyrus have had #1 hits this year within two months of each other.
And I just wish I could like it more.
So to add a borderline unhealthy dose of positivity to this ranking, I've brought along my good friend Loeko.
L: Hi there! You might know me as that weird green guy lurking on Twitter who made that one Best Hit Songs of 2018 video that one time. As Void very subtly insinuated, I tend to be very enthusiastic and forgiving when it comes to rating music. What can I say, I got a lot of love to give!
In any case, I'm quite a bit happier (lol) with 2019's popular music compared to Void. I genuinely feel like the past few months have been really interesting, exciting and good! In any other past season, I might have had more opportunities to dig into songs that I don't like, but this season has given me a lot of good material!
However, said good material does not include:
VOID: 20th Place, Shit Tier | LOEKO: 18th Place, Bad Tier
V: I'm saving the full rant on this for December, but let this be said: Halsey is a fucking incel.
L: Honestly, I don't mind the lyrics that much. Her feelings of betrayal aren't a bad thing to write about, and she does it pretty well. It's just that this chorus rubs me in all the wrong ways. Music is subjective, so I wouldn't hold it against you if you liked it, but to me it quite literally sounds like nails on a chalkboard. The way the melody goes up and down in the chorus just seems...profoundly wrong. It's like at every turn, Halsey intentionally picked the absolute worst note that she could sing. The way she goes "too FAR AWAY TO HOOOLD ME" is probably the worst second of pop music so far this year.
VOID: 14th Place, Bad Tier | 19th Place, Bad Tier
L: Man, y'all tricked me into thinking this was interesting. Maybe his flows are more inventive on his other songs, but here it's nothing more than a distraction. I was gonna rate this a 2/5, but then I heard "Ain't no runnin', Thotiana, you gon' take these damn strokes" and I immediately went NO go fuck yourself I'm bustin' this down
V: I'm just more impressed that you were awake for the one verse.
VOID: 18th Place, Shit Tier | LOEKO: 15th Place, Decent Tier
L: The sentiment of the song is nice, it's decently written, the production is a little bit of a miss even though I like the bittersweet vibe it's going for. I'm still pretty emotionally detached from this song, but I don't dislike it.
V: Bastille's contributions are solid enough, but Marshmello tries to make this otherwise emotionally potent song into a party track and...no.
VOID: 13th Place, Meh Tier | LOEKO: 20th Place, Bad Tier
V: J. Cole may have some decent points interspersed throughout his bars, and his flow may be solid, but everything about this production rubs me the wrong way. The horns are ever-so-slightly muted, the bass is overmixed in the same way it was on a song like "Yes Indeed" by Lil Baby, and the autotune is horrific. So Cole, I'll give you credit for this one. T-Minus, you're better than this.
L: I'm almost the opposite. I think the beat is alright, but the lyrics are what's bothering me here. Admittedly, I've only heard J. Cole on this song and "a lot" with 21 Savage, which I actually like a lot (lol), but I really can't stand him. Something about the way he goes on and on about how "real" he is (whatever that means), and how the "fake ones" (whoever they are) are gaming the system and unfairly becoming successful, and the way he constantly sucks up to other established rappers really gets on my nerves for some reason. There's something so deeply cynical about his presence, and it's something I really cannot get behind.
VOID: 17th Place, Bad Tier | LOEKO: 16th Place, Decent Tier
V: I'll give Bruno credit for trying his hardest, and Cardi's certainly making an effort, but she doesn't really fit slower songs – this is why she worked well on "Finesse" or, for instance, "Bickenhead", and not on "Ring" or this. It also doesn't help that the synths are cheap and the vocal production makes Bruno sound drunk.
L: This song on the whole is okay, but I do really like Cardi's bit at the end of the bridge and how it changes up the flow of the whole song's progression. Also, I don't know what "basura" or "horchata" mean, so I'm immune to the effects of that line. Please help me maintain my innocence.
V: Okay, so basura is a term that describes the production here.
VOID: 16th Place, Bad Tier | LOEKO: 14th Place, Good Tier
L: It took me a while to realise that this is supposed to be about falling madly in love and not, uh, plunging into a dark abyss with no chance of returning to the surface. Still, though, I like what it's going for and I think both Bradley and Gaga give really riveting performances. I really love that bridge, too.
V: The bridge is a glorified ODB scream, and if the song was convincing in its emotional weight it wouldn't have crowd cheering in the radio edit.
L: I will concede there. The crowd cheering being left in is weird.
VOID: 19th Place, Shit Tier | LOEKO: 10th Place, Good Tier
V: Y'know, I think a lot of people's anger with this song is misplaced: the problem isn't that Ariana Grande made a trap-influenced song (going off "God is a woman" you'd think that would be a good thing), it's that her stiff flow doesn't match how her delivery isn't as loose and fun as it usually is. It also doesn't help that this is one of the worst beats of the year, with an extremely limp bass and the rest of the instrumentation sounding like it's actively suffocating me.
L: 7 rings is absolutely fascinating. It's basically a cry for help disguised as bragging. After all, I'm absolutely certain that Ariana Grande of all people knows from personal experience that money, in fact, does not solve all your problems. I'd totally understand if the haughtiness and the excessive materialism of its lyrics turn you off despite all that, but for me it makes the song a lot more interesting. Also, this song is catchy as all hell.
VOID: 11th Place, Meh Tier | LOEKO: 17th Place, Decent Tier
Both, in unison: It's fine.
VOID: 15th Place, Bad Tier | LOEKO: 11th Place, Good Tier
L: This isn't super remarkable, but it definitely isn't nearly as egregious as everybody else seems to think it is.
One thing I really need to highlight, though: that beat is fucking killer. It's like...insidiously catchy. It's so subtle and unassuming, but it's so hard to resist.
V: The nighttime synth most certainly is, but nothing else about the instrumentation, from the rickety trap skitter to the faint horns really sticks out to me. And of course, the central concept is stealing your significant other. Fun!
VOID: 10th Place, Meh Tier | LOEKO: 13th Place, Good Tier
L: Is it bad that I really like how this sounds? The piano line combined with the beat create some insane forward momentum, and both Drake and Meek Mill keep up with it really well. I don't really care for the lyrics very much, but at the very least I don't mind them either. Yes, that includes that one Beatles line.
V: Meek's flow shifts from autopilot to confused, and Drake's Playboi Carti impression on the hook slows the momentum to a crawl, but the beat does indeed go hard.
VOID: 12th Place, Meh Tier | LOEKO: 6th Place, Great Tier
L: I listened to this for the first time a few months back and thought it was okay. Over time, I heard it again and again, and I liked it a little more every time. It wasn't until very recently that I realized just how often this song gets stuck in the back of my mind, and by that point it was too late. I adore this song.
The melody is far from original, sure, but dammit if it doesn't work perfectly here. Everything here is crafted in just the right way, and frankly I've fallen for it completely. Maybe it'll wear out on me by the end of the year, but for now I think it's just fantastic.
V: Ava Max's aesthetic is great value Lady Gaga, the song's melody is a complete rehash of Jay Sean's "Down", and the percussion doesn't hit hard enough to give it that anthemic feeling that Ava's influences had.
VOID: 7th Place, Decent Tier | LOEKO: 9th Place, Good Tier
V: Khalid is good! Disclosure not as much!
L: I'm admittedly a little undecided on exactly how much I like this song, but I am certain that Khalid and Disclosure make a good combo here. Disclosure's weird little flourishes in their production makes a pretty good fit for Khalid's style. The instrumental also feels weirdly nostalgic to me, as if this is some R&B song from the late 2000's that we all forgot about.
VOID: 5th Place, Good Tier | LOEKO: 12th Place, Good Tier
L: Why on earth does this work so well? Why is this beat so sticky? Why does Post Malone bragging about blasting "Thnks Fr Th Mmrs" from his McLaren sound so good?
Also, stream "Wow" by Kylie Minogue.
V: I think it's because this song uses a more hyphy-influenced drum progression in the vein of a song like "Taste" by Tyga – and like with "Taste", the hyphy sound gives the snaps a real swing to them that works on basically every level.
Also, stream "Wow Wow" by Neil Cicierega.
VOID: 9th Place, Decent Tier | LOEKO: 7th Place, Great Tier
V: The writing's great, but benny blanco's mixing just doesn't work. The vocals are a bit too low in the mix, the kick drum is just a tad too high, it's little details like that that make the song pretty easy to get sick of.
L: Admittedly, I only really recently heard this song for the first time, so I haven't had the time to let it grow on me yet. I feel like there is an absolutely gorgeous song in there that I haven't had the opportunity to make a strong emotional connection with just yet, but for now I'm content with appreciating the beautiful production and the themes of melancholy in its lyrics.
VOID: 6th Place, Good Tier | LOEKO: 5th Place, Great Tier
L: "bad guy" almost feels like a parody of itself. It's lyrics are kind of what you'd expect from Billie, mainly about her being twisted and evil, but it's so playful and dorky that it turns her from the edgelord everyone says she is to a Saturday morning cartoon villain. Her sense of humor and ability to add dimension to her own image really shines through on here. I love it as much as I admire it.
Also, the outro is great. Y'all are weak.
V: I like all the individual elements of this, it's just that I don't think they add up to the sum of themselves – the drop is great on its own, but it feels out of place. The outro is solid, but it throws the momentum of the song off and kills a lot of the vibe.
VOID: 8th Place, Good Tier | LOEKO: 1st Place, Great Tier
L: Sometimes, I come across songs that I feel like are technically excellent that I otherwise don't feel much of an emotional connection to (such as "Talk" or "How Long"). Sometimes, I come across songs that I can admit have significant or even fundamental flaws that I otherwise love to death (such as "7 rings" or "Back to You"). However, occasionally I find a song that is both perfectly immaculate and emotionally evocative, and at that point I just fall head over heels for it.
It's hard to accurately describe how happy "Boy With Luv" makes me feel. Good god, it makes me feel like I'm flying through a sky of cotton candy with the love of my life. It gives me an almost bittersweet kind of joy, as if I can feel my burdens and my sorrows melting off my shoulders and being washed away. What makes it even sweeter is just how perfect every moment is. The way that the chorus drops with a clap and a "woo!" that feel like liftoff, the way that Halsey goes "I want it!", every little piece is flawless, and everything makes the whole song absolutely heavenly.
V: It's good.
that's it
VOID: 3rd Place, Great Tier | LOEKO: 8th Place, Great Tier
V: The premise of 'country song with trap beat' or 'trap song with country lyrics' is nothing new (see "Like a Farmer" by Lil Tracy), but there's a lot more with this one. First, the instrumental is built around a sample of "34 Ghosts IV" by Nine Inch Nails of all things, and reworking a NIN song into a country instrumental is honestly the most impressive thing about this. But that's not to discredit LNX or Billy either – Nas X pulls off a surprisingly good John Osborne impression with a lot more twang than I think anybody expected, and Billy Ray Cyrus actually has enough force to have people take him seriously 27 years after "Achy Breaky Heart". That's gotta count for something.
L: I like it a fair bit, but I just admire it a whole lot more. The idea that this guy merely a year older than I am made a country/trap song that got taken off of the country charts for not being country enough, only for another country artist to stand up for him, helping the song to go to #1 is absolutely wild and makes me feel incredibly powerful. As for whether or not I think this could be considered "country", I'd say that if "Meant to Be" spent nearly a whole year at the top of the country charts, I don't see why this couldn't be country.
Could you say that I have absolutely no respect for the genre whatsoever? Maybe. Do I care even a tiny bit? Nah. Let me enjoy modern classics that people don't consider "real country" such as this or Golden Hour in peace. Get off your high horse.
VOID: 4th Place, Great Tier | LOEKO: 3rd Place, Great Tier
V: It sounds really good.
it's that simple.
L: I've been rooting for this one ever since I saw the first teaser for it on Twitter at the very start of the year. It's just immaculate. The chord progression that constantly builds and pays off tension, the subtle yet crisp and punchy beat, the guitar licks that come in from the first pre-chorus, all absolutely beautiful and perfect.
Sam Smith (a non-binary icon who prefers male pronouns) is great as usual on here, and Normani's rich and sensual delivery turns out to be a really good fit on here. I'm glad that this song has finally come this far, and I'm hoping it sticks around too.
VOID: 2nd Place, Great Tier | LOEKO: 4th Place, Great Tier
L: My god, this is absolutely ethereal. Khalid has always been the master of the vibe, but here he has ascended from the mere mortal plane that we exist in to become a greater power.
This song was already great for the first two and a half minutes, but in the final chorus, it becomes transcendent. Firstly, hearing it for the first time when I thought that Khalid could only sing in his lower register fuckin' blew me away. Also, I have a very soft spot for vocoders or any other effect that makes a singer's voice sound robotic, especially when used in the context of lyrics that explore the human condition to some degree (e.g. "Oh, What A World" by Kacey Musgraves, any Daft Punk song that they sing in, etc.). Here, it's not quite as profound, but it is still completely mesmerising. The way it starts to sneak in under Khalid's voice in the final chorus before it completely takes over is hauntingly captivating.
All of that almost makes me forget that this is about hooking up with your neighbor. Almost. (I mean, the lyrics are still good, but...y'know. It doesn't really fit is all I'm saying.)
V: Yeah...what you said.
VOID: 1st Place, Great Tier | LOEKO: 2nd Place, Great Tier
L: Man, we were this close to a perfect score, huh? I'm really sorry, but the only reason I didn't rank this above BTS was because if I'm being honest, I don't really connect with the lyrics very much. I think I get the idea of it being about a couple that have gone through thick and thin and stuck together despite it all, and "You're the sunflower" is still tear-jerking on it's own, but Post Malone telling me at the song's emotional climax the same thing that my dad texted me at 10 p.m. on my birthday makes the lyrical content ring a little hollow for me.
That said, this is without exaggeration one of the most beautiful sounding songs I have ever heard in my entire life. This spacey yet locomotive beat combined with these absolutely gorgeous synths and the guitar that carry this beautiful melody create a sound so beautiful that I can't find enough synonyms for "beautiful" to complete this sentence.
On top of that, the performances that these two artists give are astounding. Post Malone makes a great fit for this song since it's very comfortably set in his ballpark, but Swae Lee is the real shining star here. His boyish voice and his reverb are absolutely perfect for this song, and nothing gets to me quite like the way the chorus comes in and he sings "Then you're left in the dust". This song in its entirety is damn near perfect, but that one moment is on another level so far above any kind of analysis. It honest to god makes me choke up sometimes.
Also, Into the Spider-Verse was incredible, but I personally connected with Bumblebee just a little bit more.
V: I've never even been in a relationship but I already relate to this song's lyrics more than anything I've ever heard. If that isn't a sign that everyone involved knocked it out of the park, I don't know what is.
VOID – 49%
LOEKO – 76%