Better Luck Next Time

CREDITS

Originally published September 22nd, 2026

Written by R. Jam

I hear a call from far away,

and this is what it had to say — 

Dear viewer on the TV screen,

You are lucky as a lady, indeed.

‘Cause it’s a winner, winner, chicken dinner.

A chiming, chortling sort, and ever the sinner.

So text 1-800-help-me-line.

Come one, come all, and don’t be shy! 

We’re here to help, didn’t you hear?

The solution you need is ever so near. 

Oh, but whoops! You were too little too late,

The offer’s expired and so has the date.

Now all you are is terrible quitter.

A drivelling, dreadful sort, and ever so bitter.

Dear listener, don’t ever change the tune.

A new chance to win will come again soon.

And oh — Peter, Peter, pumpkin eater.

Isn’t fortune such a cheater?