"Abschied"~ Revolution
Featuring "Belle V.", "DED RXBBIT", "Raine", "Aleko Lionikis" and "Prince Jonez"
"Abschied"
Official Release: June 11th, 2019
“Abschied” means, “Farewell” in the German language, which is a staple of my family heritage. The album is a representation of me leaving childhood and becoming an adult after years of struggle, loss, and mental health problems.
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Follow these links to hear/purchase the album on SoundCloud/BandCamp now, and immerse yourself...
Please be advised before reading on that some of the information contained in the track information may be sensitive to some audiences.
“Rebirth”
The very beginning of my life; A true introduction to me and the person I seemed to be when I was born. Of course, it’s not easy to determine a person’s fate within a matter of minutes after they’re born, but as far as I could tell, my family thought I was destined for some form of greatness.
“Vivid Memory”
The younger parts of my childhood that I can look back on and enjoy; memories that I can look at with a smile on my face. Although there aren’t very many that I can think of now, they’re still worth talking about when it comes to discussing the things in my life that I’m proud of.
“Broken Dreams of Happiness”
The start of the unhappiness I’ve experienced in my life into play. This song starts to unfold to the listener exactly how I started to feel when I was being bullied for my physical appearance, my weight, my abnormal size in general, and my sexuality (which, at the time, was assumed by my peers but soon proven to be half correct as of 2018).
“Cracks”
This track starts to show the point in my young age where I started to literally and figuratively break apart. This is the point where I learned about harmful ways to solve the problems I had been facing, which included self harm (although I never had an urge to partake in those actions), and the bottling-up of those feelings; I refused to talk to anyone and, all in all, that lead to my surface self expanding and cracking, much like anything that is put under immense pressure.
“Lovesick”
This one is very personal to me, mainly because it reflects the time when I transitioned into high school and started to meet people that were willing to listen to my personal problems; people that were willing to help me. I essentially told them that I faked my happiness all through middle school so people wouldn’t think they were hurting me, and so no one would worry about me. I lied about everything that was bad and never let the truth of the situation ring out. This song also reflects the time when I first approached my significant other, and helped her understand my situation.
“Can You See Me?”
It may seem a little confusing at first to understand, but this is the point where I, even knowing that I didn’t tell anyone, expected everyone to know that there was something wrong with me. I was subconsciously crying for help, but getting no response. The title of track seven is the question I was screaming in my head whenever I saw someone that I thought knew what was wrong, and wondered why they weren’t saying anything.
“A Million Pieces (I Can't Believe It's You)”
The breaking point for me; At the end of my sophomore year of highschool (yes, there’s a big jump in time there, but it was all essentially the same from fourth grade all the way through sophomore year), and leading into the middle of my junior year, I developed the eating disorder Anorexia Nervosa, and started to starve myself; I denied myself food, I kept track of everything I did eat, I exercised excessively, and overall I ended up losing nearly 50 pounds by the end of my junior year. It had to be my lowest point - the point where I, even though I had met a goal (of some sort), I still didn’t feel comfortable with myself. It took the help of my family and closest friends to know that I needed help.
“Where To Turn”
This is a return to the point when I discovered that I needed help for my condition. I learned that I needed to find someone to talk to. Over the summer, I spent a lot of my time focusing on eating more to maintain and gain weight back over a long period of time, and discussed privately with my doctor the circumstances of my condition and the damages it could’ve caused if left untreated. I successfully, by the beginning of senior year, gained enough weight back to consider myself, “normal” for my age.
“Speaking Out (Feat. DED RXBBIT)”
I found myself continuing down the right path with my physical health. The beginning of senior year was exciting and nerve racking, mainly because, well, it was the final year of school for me. I wanted to do a lot and make it worthwhile, so knowing me, I piled on a lot of responsibilities: I joined the JROTC Staff, I took a lot of high-level, rigorous classes, I earned the position of section leader for percussion in our school’s wind symphony, and started to work on college applications. Little did I know that I was making those decisions blindly, not seeing how they would affect me in the long run and only seeing them as right because they made other people happy.
“Figuring Things Out”
This track describes how, before we really got into the swing of things, I spent a few weeks struggling to decide how to lift some of the stress and weight off of my shoulders. I had started to stress over not being able to get things done, I was losing sleep, and there was no way I would have made it to the end of the school year alive on that path. I had to make decisions that would allow me to focus on the important things in my life, and it started with seeing myself as more of a priority.
“Distances (Feat. Belle V)”
Track thirteen, being one of the previously unreleased tracks from the Distances album, reflects not only our relationship and the fact that we were hundreds of miles apart at the time. It also reflects just how far away graduation from high school really was; no matter what changes I made at the time I was struggling to better myself, I would still have to work hard to meet my goals, and that was exactly what I wanted (even though, at this point, I really just wanted to get on with my life and my chosen career path, and the plans I had for my personal life as well).
“Hopes And Dreams (Feat. Aleko Lionikis)”
The specifics of the recovery process are brought out through the emotion heard in track fifteen. We are nearing the end of the album here, and after the recovery process begins the process of refocusing myself on the things I’m passionate about: Music, audio engineering, performing, composing… Just everything about music, as well as a newfound love for my family and friends, those who helped and healed me, and those who broke me. Although they can never be fully forgiven, they can still be remembered as keys to success in my growth as a mature human being.
“Remember”
As my transition into adulthood nears, remembrance of my past self is key in the people that helped me along. Their efforts are clearly reflected in the new me that stands before them today, and remembering both my past and present is crucial to them being proud of themselves for the good they ended up doing.
“~Thank You~”
The final track of the album is a final thank you to everyone for listening to the story, as well as a thank you to everyone that helped me in clearing my future path of destruction; everyone who listened to my struggle through high school, everyone that motivated me to get the help I needed, and even all the people that caused me to have those dark moments. They sparked a period of personal growth, and in my parting from childhood, that was exactly what I needed to step off on the right foot in adulthood.
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