Wedding Tea Ceremonies: Dos and Don’ts

A traditional Chinese wedding comes with many rituals and traditions that can last an entire day. Though some are considered optional, the wedding tea ceremony remains one of the most significant tradition even in the modern times.

The earliest record of tea ceremonies stems back to the Tang Dynasty over 1200 years ago, and has since evolved to the “daughter-in-law’s tea” we are familiar with today.

When does it happen?

The tea ceremony is usually a private affair and happens before or after a wedding banquet. The newly wed serves tea to their parents, in-laws, elders to show respect and gratitude.

What is in the tea?

Red dates – Signifies luck.

Lotus seeds – Symbol of children and grandchildren

Lily – The Chinese name of the flower rhymes with an expression which means marriage longevity.

Dos and Don'ts

#1 DO NOT Wear White

White is the colour for funerals in Chinese traditions. So unless you are ready to receive looks of disapproval from your elders, DO NOT wear white! Although there are no strict rules on what the couple should wear, this is the time when most brides will be donned in the traditional Chinese “Kua”.

#2 DO NOT Serve Tea Without First Addressing Your Elders

Respect is a big thing in Chinese traditions so it is a MUST to address your elders properly before serving them tea. You would typically address them by your relationship while kneeling, e.g. “Mother, please drink the tea.”, before serving them tea with both hands.

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#3 DO NOT Open the Red Packets Immediately

Upon serving tea, the couple receives one red packet each as a symbol of blessing from the elders. DO NOT open the red packets immediately as this is perceived as rudeness or “money-mindedness”. It is customary to thank the elders and keep the red packets, but remember not to open the red packets in the presence of elders.

#4 DO Put On The Jewelries Gifted to You Immediately

Sometimes an elder may present you with a gift (usually in the form of a jewelry) which you are expected to put on immediately upon receiving. Failure to do so may be seen as arrogance, or a display of dislike for the gifts.

#5 DO Serve Tea In Order of Seniority

Again, respect is a big thing in Chinese traditions. You don’t want to be seen serving tea to your cousin before your elderly grandmother. If you are unsure on the seniority of some elders, make sure you check before the tea ceremony as a form of politeness.

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There you have it! The dos and don’ts of a traditional Chinese wedding tea ceremony. Another good tip is to ensure you prepare enough cups to serve all your elders as there will not be time for you to do the washing. Having a close friend around to help you keep your red packets is a good idea as well.

As we see more blends in Chinese and Western cultures in modern times, some families may not be as strict on these dos and don'ts. You should always communicate with your elders first to ensure a smooth tea ceremony on the biggest day of your life! :)