Another 24 hours lost

At least i think that- thats the cost

if im the one wanting the most

i think its time and i should stop

all my friends have drowned in dope

i dont think that there is hope

My personality aint split

its just running on borderlines

do you want another hit?

try reading between these lines

im building my grave

deep in my brain

Its all decay

Dont think ill stay

im building my grave

deep in my brain

Its all decay

this is not okay

this is decay 

its not okay

its not okay...

this is decay-

It is all going to fade away

isn't that the reason that you stay?

i think youve always been a slave

but you never knew how to behave

i think ive done enough

and its not because life gets tough

i think that is Why i like it rough!

My personality aint weird

its just going fast for your eyes

do you ever think youre feared?

try reading between these lies 

im building my grave

deep in my brain

Its all decay

Dont think ill stay

im building my grave

deep in my brain

Its all decay

this is not okay

this is decay 

its not okay

its not okay...

this is decay-

Hey im in decay

Baby i think youre turning gray

(this is not okay)

I... dont think ill stay

is this gonna take it away?

(its causing decay)

Narcoleptic flowers cant stay up

its after hours, its getting dark

(decay<echo>)

terrors, echoes, prayers

you're in decay

will never be the same

Where is my mind?

where is my mind?

My special friends know me best

my "real" friends owe me the rest

so I cut them

I don't love them

too much love

I am gone

I used to care 

now nothing's there

I used to see the world

now I cut the cord

I used to care

Where is my mind?

I used to care

Now you' re not there

I am not there

I see the war

I see the pain

But nothings there

Ahh..

I cant forget 

so im upset

theres nothing left

theres nothing left for me AH!

Im so upset

i cant forget

the three are clouding up my mind and i cant even breathe at night

(yeah)

I wanna take a break so i pop another addie

imma keep on going at it till i forget mine

im so upset

i cant forget

the three are clouding up my mind and i cant even breathe at night!

I cant forget

Grief, Guilt, regret

the hardest feelings to forget

I'm trynna catch a glipse of light

all i loved is suicide

i cant even sleep at night

lost my fucking appetite

i know where I keep my mind

and i call it sewer side

i wish i didn't do that

wish i could undo that 

and i know i did it for you

well i wish i didn't know you

wasn't trying to expose you

I really fucking miss you

i would rather have died for you

{change}

my stomachs in my pain

before i knew fame

all ya bitches are lame

yeah you think its a game

but you always just lose

and you should have improved

like how much should i prove?

im defending myself

and im going through hell

well i put myself there

and i only see where

when im already here

im so upset

i cant forget

the three are clouding up my mind and i cant even breathe at night!

I cant forget

Grief, Guilt, regret

the hardest feelings to forget

So this is fear?

{crying}

IS THIS REALLY FEAR?

AAAAAAAAHH IM FUCKING SCARED! {CRYING}

I'm trying not to be too disturbing

im giving you time

im hoping you dont mind my intruduing

Im reading your mi-i-i-ind

I'm trying not to be too disturbing

im giving you time

im hoping you dont mind my intruduing

Im reading your mind mind mind mind

sometimes i do think im a TV 

white noise only stops when im out- ooout

You were suppost to protect us

you never had to accept us

oh-oh-oh-ohh

we cannot trust you now

we cannot trust you now...

  This time ill watch you die

only then i'll fall in love again

Your promises always lie

I am running out of medicine

I dont know how you feel about it

and honestly i hope ill never know

Throw a tantrum cuz you hate when i say no

I dont get what youre crying for

This time i'll watch as you die

pretend theres nothing i can do cuz I...

You were suppost to protect us

you never had to accept us

oh-oh-oh-ohh

we cannot trust you now

we cannot trust you now...

This time ill watch you die

only then I'll ask for help again

I never learnt to fly

but i learnt falling back to ground

I know that you are selfish

but i knew you cannot help it

you always were so protected

I don't get why you're crying more

This time I'll watch as you die

pretend there's nothing i can do cuz I...

You were supposed to protect us

you never had to accept us

oh-oh-oh-ohh

we cannot trust you now

we cannot trust you now... 

 "you saved my life, I want to know if I did a good deed in helping you in the same way"

I stopped feeling special when people tell me that

"why?"

because they do

i dont see it as much of a good thing either

i burden you with going on

ive made you live on without giving you a solution on how to make it better

its not my responsibility

ive given you a second chance

here i am oh martyr

a god if you will

people come back pleading 

for solutions

when i've already given a gift i didn't owe anyone

prove to me you deserve it

i enjoy happy moments and i want to enjoy more

i don't want to always be happy

its stupid, uneffective

there's a reason we have a range of emotions

if you didn't fear you'd fall off a cliff

if you weren't angry you wouldn't fight

if you weren't happy you wouldn't pursue

if you weren't uncomfortable you wouldn't move

"I wish I was as advanced as you, I don't understand"

as i said you need to have faith in the way things work

if you didn't fear you'd fall off a cliff

if you weren't angry you wouldn't fight

if you weren't happy you wouldn't pursue

if you weren't uncomfortable you wouldn't move

i wished it didn't happen to me 

before i attempted to drown 

i blamed them and i hated them

now i see their point of view

and they're still wrong but is see it

see i've had these realizations a while back and i started putting them in songs

trashy love songs turned to theories and advice

i might have been the same

something else could have happened

unhurt would soon be hurt

maybe worse

but i matter now not then

and i mattered then and not now

and you're far behind because i had the chance

never know how ill spiral

(happy you wouldn't pursue-)

i manipulate 

(comfortable you wouldn't move)

feel power

put myself first

see the opportunity in everything

that's my positivism

"even if you sometimes doubt that you only have what you have because you manipulated it out of them, but of course that's true. its like putting a spell on someone. you caused the feeling. you're not making them do something they don't want, you're making them want it. the whole reason you manipulated them is because they didn't want it. The morality has misconceptions

you're not bad for taking peoples will, the question is whether your judgment for "what's best" is right"

all i do is cry

all i ever do is cry 

{Chanting, spell}

You can take my heart

but I shall keep my soul

I'll keep this body for a while

before it joins the pile

{repeating} (2 solid)

all i do is cry!

im doing everything i can

but i knew nothing of it then

i i dont feel regret

this time this time i cant forget

my friends they dont call me

i wish i knew why

my classmates dont know me

they dont say goodbye

i always run of alone

i think ill cry

im giving my heart away ill tell you why

ive felt enough pain in my mind and my body

for years now on end

and i wish i was sorry

ive heard many people

but i am not sorry

they hurt me the first time 

and i did not worry

cuz i knew its self self-defence

and that its (no offense) the best way to go abput life

when they want to hit me again and again

but im bruised and blue

and i dont wanna do this no more im just tired of all the shitty things youre putting me through...

 I think that I ODd on Oxy

but tell me why i feel so empty

i know no one can protect me

think i am a little foxy

the thing with you is that i dont think

I know no one can forget me

theres just emotions i should let be

I see darkness when i dont blink

-cuz really i dont think im ready

But I'm an Escort

I pass through your life

theres worlds I distort

I'm here for the night

But I'm an Escort

I pass through your life

theres worlds I distort

I'm here for the night

escort escort escort 

nothing more

cant afford

its not the money

its my love

You're blaming me for all your problems

but really I'm the one who solves them

oh whatd you do to all those souls then?

youre claiming them all like your tokens

CHEATER CHEATER

YOU WASNT EVEN WITH HER

you promised to forget your exes

pretending that i dont see texts here

I'm starting to believe youre reckless

thinking i could be next, I.. fear

-cuz really i dont think im steady

But I'm an Escort

I pass through your life

theres worlds I distort

I'm here for the night

But I'm an Escort

I pass through your life

theres worlds I distort

I'm here for the night

escort escort escort 

nothing more

cant afford

its not the money

its my love

its my love

mymymy (dead weight) 

 youre mine mymymy dead weight~

oh mymymymine mymy

youre mine mymymy -my

youre minemineminemineminemine

feels like I've been carrying you my whole life

and I keep saying that it's alright

i always love you, no, I won't lie

but love is something that just must die

BECAUSE YOURE MINE

youre mine~ mymymy~ Dead weight!

i try~ try try tried~ cant wait!

till you die~ die~ tonight~

youre mine~ mymymy~

feels like Ive been living for your nice life

and I dont even care for myself

I start to hate you, no, I wont lie

but hate is something that you cause, right?

BECAUSE YOURE MINE

(youre mymymymy *remix*)

PLEASE DONT BE MINE.

{bridge} (recorded on phone)

Know it ain't even about me anymore

you just want to know you did nothing wrong

counting hours that i spent on my phone

just to make sure you never felt alone

-youre mine my mymy~

youre mine~ mymymy~ Dead weight!

i try~ try try tried~ cant wait!

till you die~ diediedie~ tonight~

youre mine~ mymymy~

(layer on layer)

W̷̭̻̊́͐̔H̴̙̭͊̒Ä̷͈͔̤́T̶̡̢̖̼̀͂Ś̵̲͉̈́͋ ̴̺̬̮͆̄͊̉Ĩ̸̛̗̑N̵̜̫̉̍̍ ̸̝͊̈́̆̆Ḿ̸̻̏Y̷̭̓͝ ̷̪̎̃̂̎B̶͇͓͖͊̌̑̚L̸͉̘̣͎͋̏̄͑O̸̟̜̪͛͌͋O̷̤̍D̴̺̖͇̞̈́̂̾̈

̷̟̾͌͋Ẃ̵͉̗̠͉́Ḧ̴̡̠͓͔́̄̽Ǎ̸͉͉̍͗̑T̵̢̺͚̿͑̉͘S̷̨͇̓͐͝ͅ ̴̭͈͖̆̊I̴̛̳̦̅̇̃N̵̛͈͌͋ ̴͎̪͂̀M̵̭̻̎Y̷̝̪̺͒́̂ ̷̡̱͈̪̓͝B̷̮̭̜̗̿́͌̔L̵͌̊ͅO̷͙̺̳̍̑̚Ŏ̵̦͆Ḏ̷̡͈̄͝

̵̝̃W̵̛̟̠̯̪͐H̴̞͎͛̎̇͝Ã̸̛̠̟̤̪̀T̷͚̜̈̌̿̓S̷̞͙͋̀̄͊ ̵͍̀̋͜I̴̘͙̱͉̒N̶̨̯͐̃̚͠ ̸̡͉̆͒͂M̸͉̫͙͍͑Y̶̗͈̪̼͋̿ ̸̣̫͉̠̌B̸̡̂̑̀̇L̴̡̔̓̀̿Õ̴̩̰̗͊̔Ȯ̸͕̿Ḏ̸̈

̶̣̐W̴̡͑͗H̶͉͆̊̒̓À̶̪̮̦̈́T̷̢̠̜́̋̽Ş̸̤̓̓́ ̷͔̗͑I̵̢͎̳͍͛Ń̶͔͓̮͉̀̕͝ ̷͋́̉͘͜M̶̙̓̉̂͑Ỹ̴̨̧͉̥̓ ̷̼̑͋B̸̢̙̬̪́̿̃̕L̵͈̺̝͛̎͜O̸͔̿̎O̵̮̍̇̽͋D̴͙̺͉̏̍

̸̨̫̹̈́W̴̩̱̚H̶̨͇̥̽A̷̿ͅṪ̴̝͇͜ͅS̵̨͛ ̵̘̎I̶̡͔͌́͜͠Ň̵̫̬̣͛͝ ̴͖̹̯̐M̴͙͎͂̈́Y̷̨̨͔͈͛ ̵͖̻̘̕B̵̖͖̥̽͊L̸̲͂͂̉͒O̸͍͌͑̈́ͅƠ̵̧͂D̸͈̥͔̣̀͝

̵͚̺̎͛̎W̷̟̅̒̑͝H̶̱͚̆Ą̶̪̜̿̈̀̃T̴̢͍̮̱́̈̚S̴͎̒͒̉ ̸̡͎͖̥̅͒I̶̹̙̬͊N̴̥̂̔̀͘ ̶̪͉̩͚̓̾M̷̜͖͐̌͂Y̸͇̘̟̎ͅ ̷̖̇͐B̵̖͋̌̑͠ͅL̷̯̆O̴̡̥̪̽̚O̷̪̺͌D̴͉̣͒̒͘

I Wonder when all the hunger comes and it starts catching up to me

But i never ever tell and I never ever feel when somebody is good to me

and its safe to say that there's nothing right in my soul 

right now, i Know

well I learn that I am not here to trust you, no

I would never trust you tho

I know what i did

there were feelings to ignore

but i really feel nothing now

Id say I was just sixteen

but i wonder what its for

I dont think im ever getting out

AAaaah

Everything is boring again

I wont even try to pretend

im having fun around all my friends

Ah~ 

Im trying to eat, Im trying to walk but I have no energy

Im alone right now and i could grow up, but that means i have to spend money

all my life till now, Ive been getting shut down, for my passions and my lovers names

well i learnt that I am not here to please you, no

and i tried to please you tho

I know what i did

there were feelings to ignore

but i really feel nothing now

Id say I was just sixteen

but i wonder what its for

I dont think im ever getting out

AAaaah

Everything is boring again

I wont even try to pretend

im having fun around all my friends

I-

Im crying on the floor again

I wont even try to pretend

Im crying on the floor once again

the tears are flowing but i feel nothing mother

Now im crying on the floor

and i wonder what its for

cuz i really feel nothing now

there were passions to ignore

and i wonder what its for

cuz i always just throw them out

Now im crying on the floor

and you cant pick me up, no

cuz nobody will come for me

I was just sixteen 

with my mama on the phone

when i realized i cant tell her nothing

i was crying on the floor

and she yelled a little more

cuz she thought that would just help me

i would never say its her fault

but im trying really hard

just to get over her broken dreams

There's a madman in that tunnel

but I keep on coming back

Switching up the different channels

but it's playing the same track

I think im made for killing people

i know you all too well

not everyone is born so equal

and there are some who fell fell fell fell

I think ever since ever since i was little

I was put through Hell

but i came back for the sequel 

Im doing the same spell spell spell spell

I spend my time

killing people

I'm great

the problem is everyone else

I spend my time

killing people

I'm great

the problem is everyone else

There's a madman in that tunnel

but I keep on coming back

Switching up the different channels

but it's playing the same track

My lover told me that were equal

He said hed die for me

Now my heart doesn't feel all

my stomach's dropping low low low low

swear my heart has long now let go

Never knew a safety net

One day just had to say no

Im winning every bet bet bet bet

I spend my time

killing people

I'm great

the problem is everyone else

I spend my time

killing people

I'm great

the problem is everyone else

There's a madman in that tunnel

but I keep on coming back

Switching up the different channels

but it's playing the same track

and i wish that i could settle

But i hold on to dead men

no its never getting better

and i know you knew it then

Suicide on every Tuesday

but im starting to lose count

calling out all night "oh mayday"

but its never loud enough

Im always around

different people

Im great

the problem is that they're all dead

Im always around

different people

Im great

the problem is that I'm not dead

Its easy to have a minimalist room

but my mind expects the doom

I'd just like it to be quiet

by which I mean be honest

I want it to be simple

to understand what's complex

{breathe}

i kill myself for peace and quiet

every day, its why im tired

ah~

its too loud in my head!

violent scenes

I don't forget

there is so much to regret

in life

ah~

why can't I get out?

too loud in my head

there's things I regret now

I like it better when you're quiet

when you speak I think ill riot

just noise, whispers etc

"iM OKAY, IM OKAY

youre okay.. im okay.. its okay... im okay"

I- I think i need some therapy

like something might have rot in me

the reasons are all lost on me

but I'm in love with ecstasy

{Music}

{commence OD}

LOUD (muted voices, ringing)

Hey Hey Hey!

wake up- (quick fade out, shut down)

(immediate return i hear everyone, fade scene to ringing in ears)

"where did you go?"

Pretty lights

haunting sights

you were nice

for a while

thought id cry

until I- 

Dont know why

wasn't I-

I-

I'm I'm I'm a-??

ROAD KILL ROAD KILL

GODS WILL

YOU NEVER WILL

cant deal

I fear

Decay, highway

All i do is cry

and everything is boring cuz IM DEAD

got no head!

YOU FORGET

YOURE A LEECH! MY DEAD WEIGHT!

IM KILLING PEOPLE, ITS TOO LATE

ITS TOO LOUD, IN MY HEAD

USED TO CARE

CANT SAVE MY LIFE

WE CANT TRUST YOU

NOT TONIGHT

IM AN ESCORT 

IN MY BLOOD

I SEE THE THREE

THEY END MY LIFE

UNDER YOUR TIRE

IM A ROAD KILL

am i pretty

when I'm dead?

how can you

you forget?

soft, soft, hands

all my friends

can pretend

they're not there

I don't care

soft, soft, waves

in my veins

I don't care

I think little me 

went to play adult

all my friends are dead

I care but I don't

I wanted to change

wanted to be idol

oh~

now I'm found with some strangers at night

just wanted to be nice

but you never paid me any mind

So now I care for a good time

this situation has gone a bit too far

I want to try some new things for fun

I said I'd never touch it

I think I might just like it

maybe I will start and

maybe I'll go back and

call you on your phoneline

maybe you'll do one line

I never wanted to be kind

now, I found some strangers at night

they wanted to be kind 

but I got ten rounds in my bag

and that I will pull out

and I don't care who's around the mall now

I never said that violence's the answer 

it's just that when nobody's hearing what I answer

Then you can never ever ever ever ever ever know

if I want to go

strangers love me

they might hurt me

but at least I  feels

I wasn't gonna say good

I'm just glad that I feel...

some times...

mmm~

mm~

I think that youre really cool but

i just might be high

thats what i said when i asked you "come over"

but you never asked me why

Now it all has well worn off 

an i still feel the same

I'm tired of chemical love now

I hope you feel the same

I'm glad you are my boy now

I will take care of you

Just like you'd care for me

Promise to never lie

I will wait till July

ah~ Ah~

I am floating above ground

and theres no drug around

i just know i have found you

I want you

I never wrote a love song

without a twist in the end

cuz really nothing lasts 

and its all in the past 

but i am writing now

cuz i love you now

"I love you now"

I have a dream

So strong it hurts

I know it’s wrong

I’m Sick of what I’m told

I dont care at all

I want to be

With all of those i see

They loved me like i need

When no one else cared

No one was there

But let me tell you what 

I’m not just about that

I’ve hurt so much till now

“that I wrote this crying”

Why am I so sad?

I’m so sad

Someone, tell me

I cry about 5 times a day

 I lie about all of the day

But it doesn’t ever make me feel better

Nothing ever

So, I just dream my little dream

You know the thing people do in movies?

I understand it now

Now I know that is how

I stare in the mirror for hours

And what more can I get?

I only hate myself

But let me tell you what 

I’m not just about that

I’ve hurt so much till now

“that I wrote this crying”

Why am I so sad?

I’m so sad

Someone, tell me

I cry about 5 times a day

 I lie about all of the day

But it doesn’t ever make me feel better

Nothing ever

So, I just dream my little dream

(Why am I so sad?

I’m so sad

Why am I so sad?

I’m so sad)

I don’t wanna get up from bed

Outside it’s hard, I can’t handle it all

I don’t want to fall asleep, no

My dreams are scary

And my back will hurt

I could stop but I’m already too deep

“I wrote this crying”

Why am I so sad?

I’m so sad

Someone, tell me

I cry about 5 times a day

 I lie about all of the day

But it doesn’t ever make me feel better

Nothing ever

So, I just dream my little dream

AND SCENE!

(chatter)

{Drastic expression change, walking out of stage

While walking:}

(Maybe it’s because 

I want too much for this world 

Seeing it suffer makes me cry)

{sits on couch}

It’s so hard to describe the feeling 

Don’t know what to say

Spending a hundred hours

In my head

You know that sadness

Wrapped its hands around my throat again

Feeling numb to the point 

Where I don’t care no more

And I’m a prisoner in my own fucking head

I’m dancing in an empty space

It would be convenient if my tears were ink

I‘ll go crazy if I get anymore of your „love“ 

I‘m, so alone I need everyone

And then no one at all

Sometimes I am feeling smaller

Smaller than the drops of the rain (sits up, rests arms on knees)

Falling on my cheeks

N burning my skin

Do you ever feel like your world is burning?

Everything you do is for nothin {looks at crowd}

Everyone looks happy {back at “tv”}

Everyone feels mean

I feel like I’m wasting time {gets up, starts walking around}

I just want to go home {looks around room}

I keep forgetting the consequences 

Of having people round you

You take me to the edge

Just to... start it all again

N I want to worry less

I really need some rest

They say that time heals 

I know that time kills

Maybe I will understand my mind

through my sound

But my heart seems heavy 

My vision is unsteady

Sometimes I am feeling smaller

Smaller than the drops of the rain

Falling on my cheeks

N burning my skin

You got me down on my knees

Saying I let you down 

Don’t you know I died inside 

A hundred years?

Yeah, I drowned in my tears

If I have a lot to give 

Does it mean I have a lot to lose?

Somedays 

Somedays I can’t pick myself off the ground {sits on ground}

Don’t feel like making a sound

Pushed me

Pushed me over my limits

Lost three years 

Mourning over my own body 

But I’m here , makes no sense

Laugh when we say dead inside

No matter the sounds around me

Still silence in my head

Everybody telling me I’ll make it

But I’ve trusted you before

Words! 

Words are as toxic as your smile

And the cuts on my wrist 

Won’t tell you my story

I was fucking right 

and I hate it

don’t ask why

cuz I don‘t have the power to explain 

Sometimes I am feeling smaller

Smaller than the drops of the rain

Falling on my cheeks

N burning my skin

Do you ever feel like your world is burning?

Everything you do is for nothin 

Everyone looks happy 

Everyone feels mean

Hide away {gets up and stumbles}

So they don’t bury me

they’ll do it anyway

Then I get high

Don’t know on what 

Maybe thoughts?

Even if I’m lost here 

it feels better

even if I wake up again 

it’s all here for me

I look at myself in the mirror

And say: “I do this all for you”

For you {smiles, looks at crowd}

"I’m scared one day I’ll get caught

Trying to text and then regretting it

Can i tell you how I feel?

virtual love doesn’t do the thing"

Ah!

I don’t share my music

don’t share my books

don’t share my feelings

don’t share my booze

I don’t share my music

don’t share my books

don’t share my feelings

don’t share my booze

Why would I ever share something with you?

Why would I want to get disqualified by you?

I don’t want anyone to make me cry (cry cry)

I’m, really, alone

I can’t hold on

I need someone to lean on

deleted messages you’ll never see

I will hide until I break

The most important things I said

Are the ones I undid

Please notice me before I delete them

notice me before I delete myself

Delete myself

Delete myseeelf 

Delete myself

sadness got me waking up at 5am

next day 2pm

sleeping after midnight

or before the sun

but I wouldn’t know where’s  the sun is

Getting up, spending time alone

Get back to the low

Ask around 

Don't be found 

what if I do need 

some- One to take the wheel now

I’m alone again

But knowing how it is 

not to be alone

Makes it harder this time

deleted messages you’ll never see

I will hide until I break

The most important things I said

Are the ones I undid

Please notice me before I delete them

notice me before I delete myself

Delete myself

Delete myseeelf 

Delete myself

Relationships are too complicated

I don’t want backstabbing to be expected

I don't want you to know

But someone has to know

No one needs to know

Someone has to know

Before it's too late

These deleted messages you’ll never see

I will hide until I break

The most important things I said

Are the ones I undid

Please notice me before I delete them

notice me before I delete myself [whole chorus with backwards random lyrics]

(Please just let me disappear, Please just let me disappear)[reversed]

Delete myself

Delete myseeelf 

Ah~

Delete myself

(Please just let me disappear, Please just let me disappear) {black paint on face}

Delete myself

(this song is about, asking for help, {grabs mirror, talks to it}

Im under a spell, im not that depressed) {throws mirror to side, not too aggressively}

{lights out}

You forgot to love me{singy} {through darkness speaks}

I forgot you

Theres nowhere else to go {spotlight, laying somewhere “thrown”}

I swear its not to much

Completes my feelings and such

My happy place 

Creativity

My escape

From this world you left here for me

Thought I hate you

But I cant let go

You scratch, I bite 

No blood comes out 

You forgot to love me {singy}

I forgot you

Theres nowhere else to go

I swear its not to much…

Swore you'll have my back

But you killed me {disapointment}

Glass shattered eyes

And the warmth of your body

It’s my last memory 

I should have known I had somebody

After all of this time

I know I’m the one who lost

You got me from lost and found

I was so happy then

But now you’re nowhere to be found

And I’ll never understand, when you left…

I never forget the ones that are gone

Even if it makes me feel alone

I swear on my heart

I won’t fall so easily again

I need to stay sharp

It’s hard to leave 

even if it’s for the best

why can’t you stay with me

forever?

Because I’m sure I love you

Even when you were just a muted video

To me.

To me…

You meant everything

And now I feel so lost

When you’re the one I lost 

Oh, my pain might get harder and harder

But I’m not gonna get darker any darker

Just for you

Glass shattered eyes

And the warmth of your body

It’s my last memory 

I should have known i had somebody

After all of this time

I know I’m the one who lost (lost,lost)

Don’t worry {gets up expressionless}

I got the key to happiness

I just ignore the pain

I keep a happy face

I tell my friends I’m fine {goes downbeat}

I get heartless in time

I fuck up, but it’s all right…

Damn, I wish I didn’t want to die {stares at tv with slight head tilt}

{MORS CODE} {still stares}

Don’t worry {“wakes up”}

I got the key to success {grabs tv}

I just ignore my friends

I keep a happy face {at happy face has put tv on and “looked” at crowd}

I tell myself; I’m fine {goes downbeat} {rest of body moves separately from head “mechanically”, to face crowd too}

I get heartless in time {no movement}

I fuck up, but it’s all right…

Damn, I wish I didn’t want to die {morse code}

Don’t worry {lil choreo}

I found the way 

I just need to die

But I’m a coward

too scared to die 

I tell myself it’s fine {shuts down “dead puppet”}

{intro music, takes off tv, holds like helmet}

I don‘t know why but

I don‘t want to get up

but when I do and I’m alone

Life feels good again

I say I‘ll live one more day

Is there anything I can gain?

So much that I waste

When food has no taste

Again

When anybody speaks to me {holds tv in hands and looks at it like a face}

I wonder 

How can someone love me?

While I think I would, hate me {at “hate me” drop on ground}

So I said :

I don’t wanna live this life

I don’t wanna live this life

You better find someone else

Someone is better than me

I know

So I said :

I don’t wanna live this life

I don’t wanna live this life

You better find someone else

Someone is better than me

I know

What I see is people want some meaning

What if there‘s no meaning

I don‘t think you understand 

when I hear them say

It’s not always bad

But I fall back 

Again

When anybody speaks to me 

I wonder 

How can somebody love me?

While I think I would, hate me

So I said :

I don’t wanna live this life

I don’t wanna live this life

You better find someone else

Someone is better than me

I know

And I repeat 

The same day 

Over and over again

I can’t help but feel the same

In one more day

I get to change

Save me

So I said :

You know what? that is just life

I don’t wanna live this life

You better find someone else

Someone is better than me

I know

So I said :

I will live a better life

It happens and we’ll soon be fine

I feel fine lost until you judge my state

Maybe next time you tell someone they‘re a mess 

think about yourself when you‘re there 

Save me, hold me,

keep me away from this

I’ll live one more day

Aaah 

One. More. Day- {lights dim slowly, I have time to return to the beginning where I was “reciting”, lights on, I act like ive been woken up suddenly}

I see a blooming forest

It’s kinda cold

Birds are flying round now

Everything seems alive 

Things happen so fast

Here I’m observing 

I could hug the world 

I’m lonely, never alone

I don’t belong in here

 that’s what I think

I should just run away

Somewhere further than nowhere 

And shoot up

I want to cover myself in dust

Then wake up within colored clouds

Because you bring the skies a little closer

And all the stars bring you to me

I can take you with me 

And go adrift to infinity  

I’ll meet you when I close my eyes, again

I see the forest burning

It’s getting hot

Fire is spreading ‘round now 

Humans think they’re alive

Things happen so fast 

Here I’m observing

Where has the world gone?

I don’t know, how I have hope

I wish it was so easy

Making piles of pillows

Thinking its somebody 

that I wish to have

and shoot further

I want to cover myself in dust

Then wake up within colored clouds

Because you bring the skies a little closer

And all the stars bring you to me

I can take you with me 

And go adrift to infinity  

I’ll meet you when I close my eyes, again

(again, again)

Shes coming back home

Im so in love

I have never been alone

In your eyes I see the moon

Dark but also bright 

And it’s really beautiful 

I want to cover myself in dust

Then wake up within colored clouds

Because you bring the skies a little closer

And all the stars bring you to me

I can take you with me 

And go adrift to infinity  

I want to cover myself in dust

Then wake up within colored clouds

Because you bring the skies a little closer

And all the stars bring you to me

I can take you with me 

And go adrift to infinity  

I’ll meet you when I close my eyes, again

I have a dream

So strong it hurts

I know it’s wrong

But I’m sick of doing what I’ve been told

I’ve been called ambitious 

But I just want to be there 

And sing with all those people, I love

And I loved, for being there

When no one else cared

No one was there

But let me tell you what 

I’m not just about that

I’ve hurt so much till now

“that I wrote this crying”

Why am I so sad?

I’m so sad

Someone, tell me

I cry about 5 times a day

 I lie about all of the day

But it doesn’t ever make me feel better

Nothing ever

So, I just dream my little dream

You know the thing people do in movies?

I understand it now

Now I know that is how

I stare in the mirror for hours

And what more can I get?

I only hate myself

But let me tell you what 

I’m not just about that

I’ve hurt so much till now

“that I wrote this crying”

Why am I so sad?

I’m so sad

Someone, tell me

I cry about 5 times a day

 I lie about all of the day

But it doesn’t ever make me feel better

Nothing ever

So, I just dream my little dream

(Why am I so sad?

I’m so sad

Why am I so sad?

I’m so sad

Why am I so sad?

I’m so sad)

I don’t wanna get up from bed

Outside it’s hard, I can’t handle it all

I don’t want to fall asleep, no

My dreams are scary

And my back will hurt

I could stop but I’m already too deep

“I wrote this crying”

Why am I so sad?

I’m so sad

Someone, tell me

I cry about 5 times a day

 I lie about all of the day

But it doesn’t ever make me feel better

Nothing ever

So, I just dream my little dream

It’s so hard to describe the feeling 

Don’t know what to say

Spending a hundred hours

In my head

You know that sadness

Wrapped its hands around my throat again

Feeling numb to the point 

Where I don’t care no more

And I’m a prisoner in my own fucking head

I’m dancing in an empty space

It would be convenient if my tears were ink

I‘ll go crazy if I get anymore of your „love“ 

I‘m, so alone I need everyone

And then no one at all

Sometimes I am feeling smaller {whisper}

Smaller than the drops of the rain

Falling on my cheeks

N burning my skin

Do you ever feel your world is burning?

Everything you do is for nothin 

Everyone looks happy 

Everyone feels mean

I feel like I’m wasting time

I just want to go home

I keep forgetting the consequences

Of having people round you

You take me to the edge

Just to... start it all again

N I want to worry less

I really need some rest

They say that time heals 

I know that time kills

Maybe I will understand my mind

through my sound

But my heart seems heavy 

My vision is unsteady

Sometimes I am feeling smaller

Smaller than the drops of the rain

Falling on my cheeks

N burning my skin

You got me down on my knees

Saying I let you down 

Don’t you know I died inside 

A hundred years?

Yeah, I drowned in my tears

If I have a lot to give 

Does it mean I have a lot to lose?

Somedays 

Somedays I can’t pick myself off the ground 

Don’t feel like making a sound

Pushed me

Pushed me over my limits

Lost three years 

Mourning over my own body 

But I’m here , makes no sense

No matter the sounds around me

Still silence in my head

Everybody telling me I’ll make it

But I’ve trusted you before

Words! 

Words are as toxic as your smile

And the cuts on my wrist 

Won’t tell you my story

I was fucking right 

and I hate it

don’t ask why

cuz I don‘t have the power to explain 

Sometimes I am feeling smaller

Smaller than the drops of the rain

Falling on my cheeks

N burning my skin

Do you ever feel your world is burning?

Everything you do is for nothin 

Everyone looks happy 

Everyone feels mean

"I’m scared one day I’ll get caught

Trying to text and then regretting it

Can i tell you how I feel?

virtual love doesn’t do the thing"

Ah!

I don’t share my music

don’t share my books

don’t share my feelings

don’t share my booze

I don’t share my music

don’t share my books

don’t share my feelings

don’t share my booze

Why would I ever share something with you?

Why would I want to get disqualified by you?

I don’t want anyone to make me cry (cry cry)

I’m, really, alone

I can’t hold on

I need someone to lean on

deleted messages you’ll never see

I will hide until I break

The most important things I said

Are the ones I undid

Please notice me before I delete them

notice me before I delete myself

Delete myself

Delete myseeelf 

Delete myself

sadness got me waking up at 5am

next day 2pm

sleeping after midnight

or before the sun

but I wouldn’t know where’s  the sun is

Getting up, spending time alone

Get back to the low

Ask around 

Don't be found 

what if I do need 

some- One to take the wheel now

I’m alone again

But knowing how it is 

not to be alone

Makes it harder this time

deleted messages you’ll never see

I will hide until I break

The most important things I said

Are the ones I undid

Please notice me before I delete them

notice me before I delete myself

Delete myself

Delete myseeelf 

Delete myself

Relationships are too complicated

I don’t want backstabbing to be expected

I don't want you to know

But someone has to know

No one needs to know

Someone has to know

Before it's too late

These deleted messages you’ll never see

I will hide until I break

The most important things I said

Are the ones I undid

Please notice me before I delete them

notice me before I delete myself [whole chorus with backwards random lyrics]

(Please just let me disappear, Please just let me disappear)[reversed]

Delete myself

Delete myseeelf 

Ah~

Delete myself

(Please just let me disappear, Please just let me disappear) {black paint on face}

Delete myself

I'm so tired of this song

and I can't write anymore

I just wanna have control

over what I think is wrong

and I can't go on too long

or I swear I will explode

Head is heavy

might explode

there's no being ready

no cheat code

But I don't know

I don't know anything

and I don't know

well I know nothing

I don't know

How to stand on my feet

I don't know anything

and I don't know

I know nothing

I don't know

How to stand on my feet

It still feels like I am not

good enough for this world

I'm still looking in my heart

but I'm missing every shard

I just wish I could let go

But there's something you should know

Head is heavy

might explode

there's no being ready

no cheat code

But I don't know

I don't know anything

and I don't know

well I know nothing

I don't know

How to stand on my feet

I don't know anything

and I don't know

I know nothing

I don't know

How to stand on my feet

Don't know~

But I don't know

I don't know anything

and I don't know

well I know nothing

I don't know

How to stand on my feet

I don't know anything

and I don't know

I know nothing

I don't know

How to stand on my feet

I don‘t know why but

I don‘t want to get up

but when I do and I’m alone

Life feels good again

I say I‘ll live one more day

Is there anything I can gain?

So much that I waste

When food has no taste

Again

When anybody speaks to me 

I wonder 

How can someone love me?

While I think I would, hate me

So I said :

I don’t wanna live this life

I don’t wanna live this life

You better find someone else

Someone is better than me

I know

So I said :

I don’t wanna live this life

I don’t wanna live this life

You better find someone else

Someone is better than me

I know

What I see is people want some meaning

What if there‘s no meaning

I don‘t think you understand 

when I hear them say

It’s not always bad

But I fall back 

Again

When anybody speaks to me 

I wonder 

How can somebody love me?

While I think I would, hate me

So I said :

I don’t wanna live this life

I don’t wanna live this life

You better find someone else

Someone is better than me

I know

And I repeat 

The same day 

Over and over again

I can’t help but feel the same

In one more day

I get to change

Save me

So I said :

You know what? that is just life

I don’t wanna live this life

You better find someone else

Someone is better than me

I know

So I said :

I will live a better life

It happens and we’ll soon be fine

I feel fine lost until you judge my state

Maybe next time you tell someone they‘re a mess 

think about yourself when you‘re there 

Save me, hold me,

keep me away from this

I’ll live one more day

Aaah 

One. More. Day-

I’m here

Within the prison of my mind

Every day repeats the same

I really used to think I'm sane

At least no regrets

Don’t go forget

No, it doesn’t mean it’s not there

I wish I wasn’t right

I always have a different sight

It’s been easy to cry lately   

And just get tired of your baby

All my life feels bad, just today

I’m sleeping my days away

And days are slipping through my fingers

My dreaming makes me sway

I wanted to be a singer

I’m so tired I can’t even cry

I’m so tired I can’t even smile, yeah

Someone tell me why?

Someone…

Take me away

Please no

Please don’t give me anymore (don’t give me MORE)

It’s really way more than enough 

I don’t want to hurt more

I don’t feel close enough with anybody

(suicide?) Not gonna lie I had it in mind

I don’t give in, so I tell nobody

It’s been easy to cry lately  

And just get tired of your baby

All my life feels bad, just today

I’m sleeping my days away  

And days are slipping through my fingers

My dreaming makes me sway

I wanted to be a singer

I’m so tired I can’t even cry

I’m so tired I can’t even smile, yeah

Someone tell me why?

Someone…

Take me away

I never needed you to notice

I always wanted you but not this

I wish I never saw myself

Back then

I saw it coming

{night crystal solo with vocalizing}

(someone tell me why)

(someone)

Take me away…

I want a friend

Wanna make him a good one

I’m gonna hold him close

Even on his crazy nights

But I can’t hear you,

I don’t see you,

Do you exist?

Are you okay?

A life for a life

what if I give away mine?

I would do anything

To bring you back

It’s hard to leave 

even if it’s for the best

why can’t you stay with me

forever?

Because, I’m sure I love you

Glass shattered eyes

And the warmth of your body

It’s my last memory 

I should have known I had somebody

After all of this time

I know I’m the one who lost

You got me from lost and found

I was so happy then

But now you’re nowhere to be found

And I’ll never understand, when you left…

I never forget the ones that are gone

Even if it makes me feel alone

I swear on my heart

I won’t fall so easily again

I need to stay sharp

Might let go

I don’t know when 

I’ll tell you then

It’s hard to leave 

even if it’s for the best

why can’t you stay with me

forever?

Because I’m sure I love you

Glass shattered eyes

And the warmth of your body

It’s my last memory 

I should have known I had somebody

After all of this time

I know I’m the one who lost (lost,lost)

Even when you were just a muted video

To me.

To me…

You meant everything

And now I feel so lost

When you’re the one I lost 

Oh, my pain might get harder and harder

But I’m not gonna get darker any darker

Just for you

{melancholy music}

Glass shattered eyes

And the warmth of your body

It’s my last memory 

I should have known ii had somebody

After all of this time

I know I’m the one who lost

Glass shattered eyes {with 2nd voice}

And the warmth of your body

It’s my last memory 

I should have known i had somebody

After all of this time

I know I’m the one who lost (lost,lost)